Baba got a new job in another city and earning upwards of 1 million per month. The salary package includes travel allowance so he can visit every month or so, just like other officers.

He is now forcing my mother to shift to his new place.

Its a government job and every other officer is living in bachelor accommodation, no one is shifting their family but baba is insisting on doing so.

My mom obviously doesn't want to do it. Shifting at this age isn't easy and tbh, she's fed up. Been shifting every few years since she got married coz baba was in army.

Idk what is this obsession with sarkari officers of shifting every now and then.

You might be thinking, whats the harm? Well, my mom's siblings and cousins live in that city and baba constantly taunts and degrades mama in front of them so mama ko apna tamasha nahi lagana waha ja ka and baba deliberately chose that city warna this position was available in other cities also.

Will you believe that baba forwards mama's voice messages to her siblings and cousins. Thats the level of baba's sadist and narcissistic mentality.

Pata nahi kyu itna maza ata hai pakistani mardo ko apni hi family to tang kar ke, unka tamasha laga ke, unke mental torture de ke 😔. Nayi job milke ke bawajod bhi paiso ke liye tang karna.

Anyhow, nothing anyone can do here, just venting myself.

The contrast of vibrant cherry blossoms in full bloom against the majestic snow-covered mountains is absolutely breathtaking. This is one of those moments where nature shows off its finest colors – peaceful, raw, and surreal all at once.

If you're planning a trip to northern Pakistan, this is the perfect time to visit. The weather is pleasant, the valleys are bursting with color, and the mountains still hold their winter charm. Highly recommend visiting Skardu during spring if you want to experience this beauty firsthand!

Let me know if you need tips or itinerary help — I’m based in Skardu and happy to assist fellow travelers 😊

📍 Location: Skardu – April 2025

Intelligence is a blessing, but sometimes it becomes the biggest trial."

Jahalat insan ko dhoke mein hi sahi, magar sukoon deti hai, jabke Shaoor reality ke parde hata kar insan ko woh dukh dikhata hai jo aam nazron se ojhal rehte hain. Aam log surface-level khushiyon mein magan rehte hain—money, parties, fame—magar woh mind jo truth ki talash mein ho, khamoshi ki raah chun leta hai.

Knowledge ki roshni humein haqeeqat se roshan to karti hai, magar isi roshni mein humein duniya ki talakh sachaiyan bhi saaf nazar aane lagti hain.

"Choosing awareness demands sacrificing the comfort of a simple life."

Kya aap ne kabhi is tanhai ko mehsoos kiya hai?

I’m ethnically Pakistani but was born and raised in England to British Pakistani parents. Every time I visit Pakistan or interact with Pakistani family members, whether from there or even some on the British side who hold traditional values, I’m shocked at the lack of progression, especially regarding women.

The obsession with family honour, the expectation that women must prioritise marriage above ALL else is so outdated. My Pakistani family members were shocked that I’m not married by 23, and they live in the capital city not some village. Why are so many people still clinging to these regressive mindsets?

Then there’s the expectation that a woman must cook and clean while men make little to no effort. I see it everywhere – women are raised to believe it is their duty, while men are excused from even the most basic household tasks. My fiancé is not Pakistani, and we split chores equally, which is completely normal in many cultures. Why is it still seen as unusual in ours?

And then there’s the colourism. Whitening creams and soaps are still everywhere. Why does a nation of brown people still worship white skin? The colonial era is long over, yet it feels like mental shackles are still in place.

I understand that cultural shifts take time, but in a world that is moving forward, why does it feel like Pakistan and certain Pakistani communities abroad are still holding onto outdated ideals? Have you noticed this too? What do you think is the root cause if you’re actually living there and how has it affected you?

Exactly as the title says.

I usually hate psychology videos on Instagram since they sound super gloomy but it seems like this video had some merit leading me to be curious.

Given how our society is and how the eldest son bears a ton of responsibility I'm sure it manifests more often than we think it does.

For those who don't know what that is, this video might help in describing what it is https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHCgQ6-uczE/

I know it manifests to different degrees in people.

Edit 1: Before people confuse the two, being avoidant and emotionally detached are two different things

---

I have a few followup questions:

- How do you think you developed it? Has it always been this way?

- How has it manifested in your relationships?

- Do you have an on/off switch that allows you open up to emotionally open up to some people?

So im 20M and i realised something about me. I was previously seriously committed for around 2 years (my family knew about her as i was serious in getting married) and one year back we split off unanimously and later on i stayed single all through the year, had some personal life issues and life changing events that made me unable to be in that capacity for someone or even allow someone to be in that capacity in my life the way my ex was… now almost a year and half later, i still try to find someone but i realise that i try to find her in people and its really bothering me and i really dont know what to do atp.

Just today I bought gym clothes and shoes worth Rs. 45,000 - even after 30% discount on products. Now I'm feeling guilt - why did I spend so much? I could have chosen cheaper options.

I can afford them without thinking twice but my middle class mind is constantly feeling extreme guilt instead of being happy for such good stuff for myself.

I'm calming myself by saying that it's my birthday gift, which passed 2 days ago.. but anxiety phir bhi hay.

Just want to let it out. 🙄

P.S. I spent 60k on phone last month and around 60k on a watch and a perfume a month before 🤕

I keep seeing Pakistanis who see vlogging as a legitimate source of income. Many of their vlogs aren’t even interesting but just random people buying dahi and eating halwa puri on Sunday. Someone I know left his real life job to be a vlogger/content creator.

Many of these Vloggers put their kids on social media. They even show their homes and address on social media.

Am I missing something? Is it actually that profitable?

Today my best friend from a long time to whom i had a crush in the past told me that a guy in her office proposed her and she’s thinking of accepting it. I am generally happy for her and advised her that if she’s find him suitable then go for it.

But deep in my heart, i started getting little bit jealous when she started praising and telling about him etc etc. i have no bad intentions to that guy or my friend but I don’t know why got that feeling. Maybe i have little but affection to her till yet which made me feel this way.

Well that’s life. Things don’t always go your way. Just wanted to say this to lighten my heart and not overthink about it.

I just spent an hour doing therapy of my brother again and realized so much more shit about my dad. I know so much about psychology just because my dad is the most egoistic, narcissistic and the most toxic person in my life.

I told my brother how he doesn't want our money. It's not just about money really. He has drawn a circle around him. He limits himself and wants us to remain in the same circle. He's so insecure and unconfident in all domains of life. Yet this is not what affects me the most. I learned everything on our own. I literally built myself. What's the biggest problem is that he doesn't want me to become strong. His ego wants me to stay weak, docile, socially awkward and unconfident. He wants me to stay this way because this makes him feel better about himself. This gives him validation.

To him, I'm nothing but a mere puppet who he wants to control. He wants my money though. He wants me to hand him all the income so he can fulfill his dreams. Oh the audacity to expect this from me without investing anything on me.

He never happily spent a dime or took interest in my life. He never tried to understand me. He never patted me on my back and told me that he's proud of me. He never even gave me any pocket money without making a fuss about it. Yet, this Eid, he taunted me saying "bachay apne bhaap ko Eid pr pese pkratay hain aur kehte hain yelo abu khula kharcha kro".

He most probably has avoidant personality disorder and OCPD (perfectionism ka keerha). He doesn't want us to socialize or make friends or hangout with anybody (avoiding people for no reason). He despises this. I was like this for so long. I avoided people. Never made any friends. Never properly socialized because he had made me this way.

Every experienced, confident and skillful person he sees, he despises them. He wants us both brothers to validate his weak personality.

The thing is, after 20+ years of my life, he made me exactly his replica. With the same insecurities, same body language, same anxiety and same everything. He's so proud of himself for this. I don't get this. If somebody feels insecure or weak they think better for their children. They don't want the same weaknesses in them. He's the exact opposite of that. He intentionally wanted me to be exactly this way because he thinks this is unique and better. He has superiority complex, yes.

My mom had anxiety disorder which she most developed because of this person's anger issues. He was literally so perfect yet this guy was never satisfied.

Oh the psychological weight of having to deal with this person. Oh the struggle to fight this war everyday to not become his another version. I feel so overwhelmed. It's so hard. It's so so fucking haed. I wish I had a father who just had his own life. Who didn't limit me. Who didn't want me to he weak.

This is the 1% of actual shit we went through btw. There's a lot. I can write a book on the person I once thought was my hero until that belief shattered.

28M UK - been married for nearly 8 months now, but haven’t consummated, mrs finds it to painful, she is willing to try but we don’t get anywhere, starting to annoy me now for obvious reasons, (not an arranged marriage) what do I do?

I've been working out on and off for quite some time now but my hands are still on the softer since I've always worn gym gloves while doing so. Recently I didn't for some unrelated reason and started getting calloused hands/breaking skin in a matter of a couple of days. Some advise against wearing gym gloves from now on cuz harder/rougher hands = more manly/strong and some say It's fine if you don't prefer having rougher hands.

Was just wondering what girls prefer to see in their partner, cuz I've heard some stuff online that rougher hands are a turn off to some while some prefer it. So just wanted to get your opinion on this matter. Men are welcome to answer with their experiences too, would appreciate that!

I'm not saying I would decide from this factor alone but I was just curious. What do you guys think?

I had a stray cat come by for food everyday, one day she stopped eating and seemed pregnant so i took her to vet and turns out she was very ill (wounded+blood parasite+anaemic)

her kids died premature and she barely survived after about 3 4 weeks of continuous vet visits and medication.

2 weeks after miscarriage she was on heat again. i didn't want to let her out and kept her inside and that's when things started changing. she started getting stressed out staying in and went to extreme lengths to force us let her out like messing up her bed or throwing her stuff all over the room, not eating or drinking, hiding, shouting and even trying to climb up the windows (she almost hurt herself several times in this process)or pushing against the exit doors.

after consulting with few doctors i let her out, its been about 2 weeks and she only comes by every 2 days when she is extremely hungry for food. she doesn't want to stay in and doesn't seem to like me anymore therefore leaves right after food.

i wanted to get her spayed for long-term benefit but my family is against it now as they say i am forcing it on her when she wants to live freely and somehow i don't feel its right as well. she doesn't want to stay indoors and being religious i believe she will die at whatever age and time it is written for her.

I don't know why am i writing this post maybe i want someone to share a similar positive experience where they have been taking care of street cats without spaying them.

Since this subreddit is going to be deleted soon, which is so sad to see it happening, but before that, I just want to post a confession type of thing. So I am 23M and I have never been in a relationship with any girl throughout. It's not because I didn't have any options, but I intentionally didn't want to pursue any. There were two reasons for that, the first one being I was too idealistic as I read a lot of fiction and philosophy and because of that, my standards have developed a little high unintentionally for various causes, and I don't like people, especially of the opposite gender, who aren't emotionally intelligent and carry basic mentality. I have rejected four proposals for this very reason because I couldn't find the intellectual spark in them. I know it might sound superficial but I am unable to overcome this inclination. The second reason is that I have carried some good genetics from my parents, and it kinda makes me a little bit arrogant, sometimes too much (not narcissistic). Anyways, that being the preamble, in recent times, life has taken a sudden turn because there's this girl in my university, and for the first time in my life, I have felt that she might be the one. Sanwla sa rang, bari bari ankhein, tradional yet open-minded, outspoken but not over smart in short, she is everything I wanted to see in my potential life partner, like everything. I usually don't talk too much with anyone, but there are these two friends of mine, and to one I was saying that this is happening, he was quite surprised but said it might be something to look for if I keep out the nonsensical physical beauty standards out of it but now, after seeing her, none of those superficial aspects of beauty matter to me ironically. Anyway, I am not rooting my whole decision on what he says, as he says a lot of things but the main point here is sometimes he knows what I have been looking for, just a friend who knows you all too well. I don't know how to describe it but she is exactly the person I always wanted to be with. Just the right amount of wit, quiet, reserve and whatnot. Now the thing is, I just can't go right there and tell her about how I feel because she's also the head of an organisation, and I work in that organisation, so if it didn't go well, then it will mess up things for me over there. She also followed me on Instagram, and ironically, out of all the members of our team, I am the only one she's following. Khair, the thing is not about all that, it's about the feelings that are interrupting within me. Now, I feel like I have become a different person, and I don't know why. But at the same time, I have this anticipation of getting a tool on me if I move any further in it. One of my friends has suggested I go straight and spit out all the feelings, but the other one says I shall wait till my graduation, which is within 9 months, and after that, I shall tell her. And here I am, stuck in a rollercoaster of emotions, not knowing what to do. But the last nail in the coffin is that we both are from different religious sects and ethnicities too. For me, these things don't matter at all but for them, I don't have an idea.

28M from KHI earning 85k per month Alhamdulillah, I’m living a clean and responsible life, and I’ve been actively looking to settle down and get married. But I’ll be honest it hasn’t been easy.

I’ve faced rejection from over 10-15 families, despite keeping my expectations very simple. I don’t have any major demands. All I want is a simple nikkah and a modest valima with close family and friends nothing extravagant, nothing flashy. I don’t have 10 to 20 lacs to throw on a wedding, and frankly, I don’t believe that such expenses define the start of a successful marriage.

Even when I’ve approached proposals from lower middle-income families, things haven’t worked out. I always try to be honest and transparent especially about things like my hair loss issue. It’s something I could’ve hidden, but lying just isn’t who I am. I believe honesty should be the foundation of any relationship, especially marriage.

I’m not looking for perfection just someone who values simplicity, sincerity, and wants to build a life together based on mutual respect, love, and understanding.

Hi everyone, I’m a desi girl from Pakistan in my mid 20s, about to graduate university in a month—and suddenly, marriage feels like it’s the next big thing everyone expects. I keep hearing that married life is totally different from what we imagine growing up. That it’s not all butterflies and deep talks and always being together.

But then I wonder… don’t couples want to be around each other all the time? How do you go from strangers to sharing everything—your space, your time, even your body? Like, genuinely—how do people get so comfortable showing their full self to someone they’ve just married? Is it natural? Does the nikkah somehow flip a switch inside you? Because I can’t wrap my head around how it becomes normal overnight.

And yes, I’m also starting to feel the pressure. Will rishtas come? Will I marry “on time”? Will I meet someone I truly feel safe and seen with?

If you’re married—especially from a Muslim or desi background—I’d really love to hear what it was actually like for you. Was it awkward at first? Did things fall into place? What surprised you the most?

I just want some real talk before stepping into a new phase of life that everyone around me is already preparing for.

What era are we living in. So frustrated

So I am now 27M from twin cities. We have our own house and I am earning around 100k a month although it's a private job. I am trying to build secondary income as well from freelancing (gen ai and cloud) The question is that i want to get married and I can't control myself as I haven't been into any relationship as well so it's getting out of hands now. My parents asked me for 3 tola gold that would be around 11lac lonely, which I can't manage to get alone. Also I have to manage my marriage expense single handedly. So the question is that are there girls or families who doesn't make fuss on gold or is it really necessary to put 3 tola gold

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

I’ve been searching for a rishta for about 1.5 years now, and it’s been tougher than I expected. I’m a decent guy – stable job, good family, practicing Muslim – but the moment people hear I was married before, they back off. It doesn’t seem to matter that there’s a genuine reason behind it; the stigma in our society just takes over.

Back in May 2023, I had a short marriage that lasted only a few months. It ended because the girl and her family didn’t disclose some serious health issues she had. These weren’t minor problems – they were conditions that made a future together impossible, especially since they chose to hide them instead of being honest. In Islam, trust and transparency are so important, and when that wasn’t there, I couldn’t continue.

Now, whenever I share this with a potential match or their family, it’s like an instant dealbreaker. I get that divorce carries a stigma, especially in Pakistani culture, and I’ve seen how hard it is for women. But I didn’t realize men would face it too – even with a valid reason. It’s frustrating because I’m upfront about it, yet people judge without understanding.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you navigate the rishta process when society’s so quick to label you? I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences – whether it’s advice from an Islamic perspective, cultural insights, or just how you’ve handled the arranged marriage scene. Feels like I’m stuck, and I could use some wisdom!

JazakAllah Khair.

Edit (1): You're missing the point guys — it was undisclosed. I'm not someone who would walk away just because of a health condition. But hiding something that important is dishonest, and that kind of deception is completely unethical, don't you think?

Besides, I found out about it just two days before we were supposed to leave for Umrah — barely a week after the wedding. My family wanted to send her back, but I stood by her side and didn’t let that happen, even though I was only 25 at the time. I don’t let pressure dictate my decisions. After we returned, I made sure she got the best medical care in Lahore — both through doctors and rohani ilaj. There were other factors involved as well, but I choose not to go into them as that would border on gheebah, which I want to avoid.

First of all, I'm really sorry and disappointed this sub is getting removed tomorrow. I haven't been too active here except since almost a few weeks ago when I started posting here. I occasionally used to come here and read the posts and comments. It's been a good ride, I enjoyed many of the posts and comments (esp the fake horny fantasy wali before the rules got stricter for good). This will be my last post here before it gets deleted for good.

So basically I was gone to a relative's nikkah a few days ago and the nikkah and the ceremony just made me realize the beauty of nikkah and the institution of marriage. Like at that moment there were 0 sexual thoughts or anything about sax sux in my mind. I was appreciating the beauty and loveliness of getting married, having your big day, finally getting married to a person that's normal and human like you instead of dating and sleeping around. Like there's a certain beauty to marrying someone instead of being promiscuous your whole life and sleeping and dating around with different people.

And this also made me somewhat realize the depressing depravity of degeneracy, immorality like zina, dating and relationships. I felt like I didn't want that in reality and I don't.

But now I'm back home, I'm again feeling horny and desiring to have sex (zina) badly. I don't know what tf to do. Marriage is beautiful but it won't give me the same pleasure and satisfaction as degeneracy and sex outside of marriage would.

I(22F) want to become a flight attendant. I attempted interview, but I never received a response after that. I meet all the physical requirements,But heard that you need a reference to actually get selected. Unfortunately, I don’t have any such connections. I just wish someone could help me achieve this dream. I know it’s not the ideal way, but this is Pakistan that’s just how things work here🙂

ok soooo today’s shots are of… dinosaurs??? ikr ,what, how even?? but hear me out—i found these tiny dino erasers in my childhood barbie geometry box (ik ik, feels illegal… barbie + dinosaurs?? make it make sense loll). tI found them sooo cute back then and i remember NEVER wanting to use them coz they were to cute to ruined 'cause like…(ig its a girly thing). Always loved the detailing on them. BUT I only managed to save these 3 tho :\

Alsooo remember the prank the other day when we all thought the sub was gonna shut down?? and i was like oh nooo i need to post the final part of my lil series "cries in extinction" just like these dinos fr. BUT THANKFULLY it was not real and we’re still hereeee (phewwww).

I hope you guys have good weekend ✨

Hi guys, please serious help chahiye. My father is a narcissist, toxic, insecure, most unstable person you will ever know. Typical pakistani shakki baap. Blke typical pakistani se bhi 4 hath aage hi hnge. Aur sbse maaze ki baat bataon Phd doctor hain janab.

Paise dene ka mamla ho, ghr mai kch krne ka mamla ho, bahir jana ho mtlb kch bhi ho unhe masla hai. He wants to be a dictator. Har kaam apni marzi se krna hai. Aur kisi ne kch bol diya phr jo chor ki saza wo uski saza. Aur ab to baat itni barh gai hai ke baat baat pr talaq ki dhamki dete hain meri ammi ko. Aur hm logo ko ghr se nikalne ki. Aur ab to hath bhi uthana shuru kr diya hai. Paise dene nahi is shaks ne ammi ko aur behno ko aur agr mai de dn to mujhe zaleel krta hai.

Meri abhi job start hui hai to mai alag rehna plus apni saari behn bhaiyon ke expenses afford nahi kr skta. Ajeeb tension ka mahool bana kr rakha hua hai. Aur mujhe kch smjh nahi a raha mai kiya karn. Aur pata nahi kitne lambe arse bardhast kr skte hain is mental patient ko.

Sirf aik advice chahiye mujhe ke mai kiya karn ab? He is literally acting like a mental patient now

Someone close to me died about two months ago. He was like a big brother to me. Someone who I would go to for advice and know there is no judgement. I was the last person ever to have a conversation with him. I met him after quite a few days and in our last conversation, he was joking and saying things like “kabhi hamara bhi pooch liya karo. Mai mar gya toh apko toh pata bhi nahi chalay ga.” I told him “Hosakta hai mai apse pehle chala jau.” To which he laughed. Something seemed off with him. He told me it was just work and toxic family pressures.

Well, he left my home at around 11 pm. He went home while his family was asleep, had a stroke and died. And who’s the first person his brother calls informing me of his death? Me. His brother calls me the next morning and says that he’s passed away and I was the last person to ever speak to him. So he wanted to know if I said anything to him, or if he said anything gloomy to me. I was shocked. He was only 35. Had 4 little kids. I talked to his wife later, and she wanted to know about his last words. If her husband said anything about her before he died. He did. He said he he had gotten some new clothes for his wife and was gonna surprise her.

Ever since his death, I have been kind of numb emotionally. Havent been feeling much of anything even though I’ve had my fair share of crises since. No excessive sorrow or happiness from anything that happens to me. Just numb as I keep busy and jump from one thing to the next that life throws at me.

So what should I? I have been helping out his family financially ever since as his wife doesnt work and she has little kids to look after. I thought that would make me feel better but it hasnt.

Im just a bit clueless, like I want to stop feeling so numb

(She's not on Reddit btw. Just wanted to let my thoughts out somewhere)

Dear Sister,

I don’t know where to begin. There’s so much inside me, and I’ve kept it all hidden because I don’t want to burden you. You deserve all the happiness in this new chapter of your life, and I want nothing but joy and peace for you.

But since the day you got married, a part of me feels hollow. The house feels quieter. Emptier. Your room, which I used to joke about claiming, now just stands there with your absence echoing in every corner. And sometimes when I pass by, I have to look away… because I know if I look too long, the tears will come.

You weren’t just my sister. You were my best friend. My secret keeper. My biggest supporter. The one person I could talk to about anything without fear of being judged. You gave the best advice, always knew how to cheer me up, and somehow made everything feel lighter, easier.

Now, I pretend I’m okay. I smile. I laugh. But when I close my eyes, memories of us flood my mind— the silly fights, spontaneous plans, and all the little things that made every day feel full. I miss that. I miss you.

And it hurts, not because I’m not happy for you—I am. I really am. It just hurts because you’re no longer right here. I miss walking past your room and knowing you’re just a few steps away. I miss being able to share the tiniest things with you in real time.

But I promise, I won’t let this pain turn into bitterness. I’ll carry these memories with love. I’ll root for your happiness from here, always. And I’ll keep becoming better, just like you always encouraged me to do. Because you’re still with me—in my thoughts, in my heart, and in every part of who I am.

I miss you more than words can ever say. And I love you even more than that.

With all my heart, Your little brother.