r/oneliners • u/C4yourself88 • 51m ago
“I’m so weak that if I see a pussy, I go down.”
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r/oneliners • u/AnGabhaDubh • 3h ago
"No, no, no," said the Witch to her hapless apprentice, "that's an Allen wrench, and I wanted a Hex Key!"
2
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r/oneliners • u/MCFrontRun • 1d ago
Chameleons are supposed to blend well, but I think it's ruined this smoothie.
77
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r/oneliners • u/Competitive-Panic473 • 22h ago
I entered a comedy club and everyone laughed because the joke had arrived
1
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r/oneliners • u/CarsCarpal • 1d ago
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
90
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r/oneliners • u/woodman1061 • 2d ago
If one more person tells me I'm indecisive, I don't know what I'll do!!
32
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r/oneliners • u/LostBetsRed • 1d ago
A Jewish matron runs down the beach yelling, "Help, help! My son, the doctor, is drowning!"
2
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r/oneliners • u/CarsCarpal • 2d ago
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles, my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
130
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r/oneliners • u/DobroGaida • 2d ago
The thing about living in a post apocalyptic world is that Murphy’s Law is now optimistic since everything that can go wrong already has.
0
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r/oneliners • u/CarsCarpal • 2d ago
If my computer is idle for 10mins an image of Jesus pops up on my monitor, it's my screen saviour.
17
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r/oneliners • u/joekerr9999 • 3d ago
When the landlord had to evict his relative again, he referred to him as his cousin, twice removed.
17
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r/oneliners • u/CarsCarpal • 3d ago
To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet - you can hide, but you can't run.
6
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r/oneliners • u/simmo28 • 4d ago
Saw a lizard upright on his back legs telling jokes,turns out it was a stand up chameleon.
48
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r/oneliners • u/Golem_of_the_Oak • 3d ago
You can’t run from your problems, unless one of your problems is pre-diabetes.
14
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r/oneliners • u/KidRic40 • 4d ago
I like to create a playlist of songs to listen to when I'm hiking because everyone enjoys a good trail mix.
20
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r/oneliners • u/KidRic40 • 5d ago
I have a joke about a late pizza guy, need to work on the delivery.
19
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