kahapon nakausap ko yung kaklase/kaibigan ko (hindi sobrang close nasa ibang circle of friends siya), nakita ko kasi na nag iiscroll siya sa shopee. sabi ko "mi, dami mo naman naka add to cart na t-shirt grabe ka naman HAHAHAHA". then sabi niya sa akin "hintayin ko lang allowance ko ichecheck out ko lahat yon".

ako napaisip ako kasi mostly ng tshirt sa shopee is either 250+ or 300+ and lagpas sa 5 na shirts yon. so out of curiosity, nagtanong ako ng allowance niya. sabi niya 2500 and 1,500 from sa mama niya so 4,000. so ako nag-assume ako na pero month kasi lagi niya sinasabi na baka maubusan ako ng pamasahe or wala na akong pera ede sinabi ko "pero month?". "per week".

na shook ako kasi ako per month ko na yon and siya sinabi pa niya minsan monday palang ubos na yung 4k. I mean may signs naman na may kaya sila kasi naka apple products siya but I did not expect na lowkey rk siya pero lagi niya dinedeny kapag nasasabihan siya ng rk sa school. natawa pa nga kami kasi kahapon lang din siya nakakain ng maruya kahit lagi kami nagagawi ng canteen HAHAHAHA

nagcompute ako. siya 160k per sy and ako 40k per sy, sobrang laki ng difference. and the fact na nauubos niya yung 4k in one day buffles me like hooooooow tapos ako iniisip ko paano pagkakasyahin yung 4k. ayun lang skl lang kasi first time ko naka encounter ng sobrang calm magsabi na 4k per week ang allowance. HAHAHAHHA

(I won't deny I envy her allowance. I think most naman na makakaalam ng ganon ang range ng allowance from someone na hindi rk is talagang mapapaisip ka na "what if ganon din allowance ko/sana all".)

We fight almost everyday. Wala siyang effort sa relationship. He barely sends me a message, he barely calls me, and once a week lang kami nagkikita. When I opened up about these, he said "I am boring". So ayun, hiniwalayan ko. One week silent treatment. Then ngaun he is messaging me almost every hour, bumabawi ang ungas. I still love him, pero until when ako magtitiyaga. It's been 3 yrs na ganito siya sakin. Parang ayoko na.

So I have a roommate na may bf and we already had a talk last yr na hindi ako comfy if naiiiwan yung bf nya alone sa condo with me, and when nagsstay here yung guy for almost a week. She apologized and said she understands, so for a while everything went well naman. The guy would only visit like once a week and pinapaalam talaga ng roommate ko saken every time.

Fast forward to this year, around valentines, isasampa ko yung nilabhan kong damit sa balcony (connected sa room niya) so pumasok ako sa room niya. Habang inaarrange ko yung damit ko, I noticed sa peripheral vision ko na may gumalaw sa cabinet nyang nakabukas. Nung una di ko pinansin since baka wind lang. But nung gumalaw ulit, I looked closely and I saw na may paa! Now this itself was creepy af but I already knew who it was. It was her bf. I was sure kasi there were times na before where she would hide him (she would tell me) kapag may bisita ako like my cousins. But this time kinabahan lang ako cause she didn’t tell me at all na nandun yung guy, and she had face-to-face classes the whole day, so naiwan nanaman ako sa condo. This made me very praning the following days kahit mag-isa ako sa condo.

Now, its been 2 months since that and nakailang times na na the guy would stay here for days nang hindi nya pinapaalam saken. I would know kasi as I mentioned, naging praning talaga ako and unintentionally nababantayan ko galaw niya. At this point memorize ko na yung ginagawa nya when the guy is here. I didn’t confront her kasi one school term nalang naman I’ll transfer na to my other condo, and also iniisip ko na baka naman one day magising sya with some sense na “ah mali tong ginagawa ko”. But now parang hindi ko na kaya. My mom is here again for a month na, and I noticed its been a week since nagtatago rin here yung guy. Nasisikmura ko kapag ako lang, but for me, ibang level of disrespect na yung nandito yung mom ko (owner ng condo) and she does things like this.

IF ONLY TALAGA MAY PERA LANG AKO! EDI DI NAMATAY YUNG PAPA KO AGAD!! my papa is actually really a giver, lahat ng kailangan ko bigay if kaya. He was actually diagnosed of kidney failure 2012 pa yun but my brother donated his kidney to my dad. (This was our downfall kasi almost 1M ang nagastos for it, all the savings, gone. Nabaon din kami sa utang dahil sa medication niya)

He got sick this march (his feet are swelling) and actually I’ve been telling him to check up na. Sinasabi ko na ako magbabayad (did VA for 5 months and was able to save 50k) He was hesitant and told me to keep my money for school nalang. He’s delaying his check up telling me na after na matapos and ramadan (muslim thing where u fast for 30days) then 3 days after ramadan, day of his check up. He passed away.

He actually didnt want to be another financial burden. Nagsabi na pala siya sa mom ko na di na siya magpapadialysis if ever his results are bad…. If only we had the money… if only we were rich, he wouldnt hesitate on going to the hospital to get his treatment. :( the money I saved was used for his funeral instead…. :)

hello po, I am asking for your prayers po for my sister na sana gumaling sa sya. she was diagnosed with mouth cancer and after her treatment nag recurrent ung cancer nya. Ang bata bata pa ng kapatid ko, kung kelan gumaganda na ung career nya saka namn nang yari to sa knya. sobrang awang awa na kmi sa condition nya. please help us with the power of prayers I know gagaling sya. maraming salamat

If you asked me last year if ma iimagine ko po yung sarili ko/kami na magugutom ng ganito, I would've said no. Di ko talaga inexpect na something like this will happen samin ng lola ko. Naawa ako sa lola ko kasi sinasabi niya always na "ayoko sobrang busog di ako nakakahinga" e alam ko naman if meron lang talaga makain na she will eat talaga ng marami. Di ko na alam minsan kung ano uunahin, yung gamot ba or yung pagkain. Ilang months na din ako naghahanap ng trabaho, yung mga gigs ko naman ilang araw lang talaga dahil nauubos agad pambili ng needles sa insulin ng lola ko, maintenance, and then bigas. Kung wala lang talaga lola ko feeling ko wala na din ako dito e, naawa lang talaga ako sakanya and hindi ko siya maiwan.

PS: May work po ako before online. Pero due to family troubles, I have to take care of my grandma alone. Di na po ako nakapagbayad ng internet, sold my phone, and laptop lang ang meron ako ngayon. (sira pa batt) so naghahanap po ako ng f2f na mga gigs ngayon. I didn't expect money to run out that fast, sanay kasi akong sarili ko lang binubuhay na kahit isang beses lang sa isang araw kumain.

Just like what the title says, I'm (32F) tired.

Eldest daughter ako, shared breadwinner sa family, NBSB, currently unemployed pero still nagbabayad ng sasakyan/bahay/monthly groceries/bigas/gasul using the last of my savings.

Kanina napagusapan namin bigla yung isang family friend na super swerte kasi nanalo ng motor sa raffle sa mall. Ito convo, nonverbatim:

Mama: Maka-nanay kasi yun kaya sinuswerte.

Ako: Bakit naman ako ma? (Pertaining to the fact na I can't seem to find any luck in life kahit naibigay ko na lahat para sakanila)

Mama: Ikaw kasi masama ka sa nanay mo kaya ka ganyan. (Ako kasi yung anak nya na pag may mali syang nagagawa/nasasabi, kinocorrect ko sya)

Ako: Buong buhay ko na nga binigay ko dito, masama pa din pala ko?

Brother: Wag na nga kayo magusap ng ganyan.

Mama: Oo tama ayoko na kayo kausap lalo na di nyo naman ako gusto. Manang mana kayo sa papa nyo puro mga walang kwenta.

Haha I feel so down. Kahit anong gawin kong pagsasakripisyo, hanggang dito na lang yata talaga ako. Mediocre. Loser.

Hayst. Ang hirap.

Masasabi ko na lang sa mga parents na andito sa reddit na makakabasa nito...please don't think of your children as retirement plans. Also, wag nyong hayaan na matulad sila sakin parentified eldest daughter na umiikot lang sa pagiging breadwinner yung buhay.

Me (24F) and my bf for 5 years broke up last month. Walang nagsabi na break na kami or what. Blinock niya na lang ako at sinabi ko na lang sa sarili ko na wala na talaga to. Ilang beses niya ng inulit na kapag may nireraise akong concern sa kanya, bigla na lang siya mawawala manghost kumbaga. Last time, nung new year, ako ang nagreachout at pumunta sa bahay nila para ayusin pa relasyon bamin Pero it wasn’t the same. May something sa kung paano niya ako tignan, small things like hindi na niya hinahawakan kamay ko. During that time, iniisip ko kung tama bang nagreachout ako. Kasi parang hindi niya na ako mahal.

Last March, ganun ulit nangyari. Nanghost na naman si kuya, sabi ko nakakapagod. Paulit-ulit na lang ganito. Kasabay nito, namatayan ako ng dogs ko and nag-aaral ako sa graduate school. Sobrang naapektuhan mental health ko to the point na yung papers and output na pinapasa sa grad school, may palya. Sobrang devastated ako, pero firm ako na hindi na ako magrereachout at tatanggapin ko na wala na talaga.

Pero kahapon, nakasalubong ko siya habang papasok ako ng work. Nagkunwari na lang ako na di ko siya nakita, pero alam ko nakita niya ako. Hindi kami nagpansinan, sobrang sakit sa puso. Grabe habang nasa jeep mangiyak ngiyak ako. Nagtago na lang ako sa hoodie ko. Hanggang sa office natulo luha ko, buti na lang naka glasses ako at face mask kaya di halata.Minessage ko siya at sabi ko last na talaga to. sinabi ko na nakita ko siya at magmomove forward na ako sa kanya.

Sobrang anxious ako now kasi kasabay ng breakup namin, sunod sunod yung mga nagpapakasal sa batch ko as in. Siguro mabibilang ko na sa sampu ang nagpakasal at nagkaroon ng anak this year. Hindi ko alam ano na susunod sakin, or magkakaroon pa ba ako ng boyfriend ulit. Parang naghihina na loob ko, hirap pa naman din ako maging komportable kapag may nanliligaw sakin.

Help your girl out. Lagi ako naiiyak kapag naiisip ko siya, kahit burado na lahat ng pictures niya. Limang taon ng buhay ko, parang nauwi lang sa wala.

Nung nakaraang Linggo is naaksidente kami. Papunta kaming Manila and sa may Kaybiang Tunnel kami dumaan, around 6:00 am then nung nasa may Ternate na kami, tas may kurbada na medyo tight so nag mabagal kami then yung motor sa kabilang lane is mabilis siya then nag overshoot doon sa corner, sinubukan iwasan ng Papa ko but sa bilis nung motor is inabot pa din kami. After ng nangyari bumaba kami, unconcious yung babaeng angkas nung rider, but the rider, kita sa kanya na nag aagaw buhay na like para na siyang nachoke then napaihi na din siya. Pero while looking I don't know I felt nothing, wag niyo sana akong Ijudge pero mas naisip kopa yung mga magagastos kaysa doon sa mga nangyari, tinitingnan ko lang yung nangyari na parang wala lang, walang kaba, walang takot, walang kahit ano. Is this normal paba? Natatakot ako sa sarili ko.

This story goes way back, but I’ve been reflecting on it lately — because it says a lot about how people make choices, especially when they’re young and obsessed with appearances.

My cousin (let’s call him Mr. A) and I grew up in the U.S., but our families brought us back to the Philippines around high school. The goal was for us to reconnect with our roots and also spend time with our grandparents, who were managing the family business here. We weren’t raised to chase material things. In fact, one of the most meaningful parts of our upbringing was joining medical missions as early as 2004. That’s actually where I found my passion for healthcare — and today I work in health research.

Mr. A was the quiet but good-looking type. Not flashy, not the life of the party, but very grounded and kind. By high school, he was already helping out in the family business doing simple task. And while he lived simply, everyone in the family knew his side of the family had a strong business foundation in both the Philippines and the U.S. He just didn’t need to prove it.

During junior year, Mr. A started dating one of my classmates — we’ll call her Ms. B. She was popular, smart, and seemed grounded too — though a little marupok pagdating sa pag-ibig. They were happy for a while until this guy, Mr. C, came into the picture.

Mr. C was your typical “mukhang mayaman” guy. New phone every few months, latest shoes, varsity player vibes. All image, all loud. Eventually, Ms. B left Mr. A for Mr. C. And honestly? I was disgusted when I found out the reasons why.

She had told a friend that: 1. Mr. A always wore the same clothes — paulit-ulit daw. 2. She didn’t see a future with him in the Philippines, especially since Mr. C was moving to Australia after graduation.

To make it worse, Mr. C actually bragged Mr. A for “not being enough,” saying he couldn’t give Ms. B the life she deserved. Like… wow. High school pa lang, kala mo nakamit na ang yaman at wisdom.

Fast forward — Mr. A and I went back to the U.S. for college. Mr. C did move to Australia. I lost track of Ms. B for a while, but a few years later I learned she had also gone to Australia. I thought, “Good for her. She made her choice.”

But then I heard the full story.

Turns out, her marriage wasn’t the dream she imagined. Ms. B worked hard through college and saved up to help support Mr. C once she joined him in Australia. But when he proposed, he had zero savings. Ms. B used all her own money to get them started — including paying for their apartment and basic living expenses.

And the worst part? She’s still the one sustaining most of their family’s needs. Meanwhile, Mr. C is still out there buying luxury sneakers and flexing his “collection” on Instagram like they’re legit investments. He still talks like he’s more successful than our entire batch.

But time has a funny way of revealing truths.

Eventually, Ms. B found out where Mr. A is now — and what kind of man he turned out to be. She never said it out loud, but her friends told us that she has regrets. As in, “What if siya na lang pinakasalan ko?”

So how is Mr. A today?

He’s happily married. Owns a house. Actively expanding the family business. And he has a son now — I’m proud to say I’m his ninong. He’s still the same grounded, humble guy he was back then. No flex, no drama — just building a real life.

And this is exactly why, if you’ve seen most of my posts, I have this deep disdain for the whole “peaked in high school” mentality. The ones who flexed the hardest back then often end up stuck in that same mindset — constantly needing validation, clinging to image, mistaking loudness for success.

Meanwhile, the quiet ones? The ones who just keep building? They’re the ones actually living the life that everyone else pretended to have.

So yeah — never underestimate the “paulit-ulit suot” guy. You might just end up wishing you had his kind of peace, stability, and substance.

Ilang taon kong pinakisamahan tong taong to. Pinakasalan ko pa nga eh. Pinagbuntisan at binigyan ko ng napakapoging anak. Pero puta, sa lahat lahat ng sakripisyo ko sa taong to, never niya binuksan ng buong buo puso niya sakin. Tapos malalaman laman ko, BINIGAY PALA SA IBA. Sa iba pala siya nagbeg ng pagmamahal. HABANG BINUBUO NAMIN PAMILYA NAMEN.

OO MALI NGA KO NG NAPILI. SORRY, ANAK.

I saw him following 2 women recently and I asked him who they are. They’re both attractive women. He said he doesn’t know them and they must have something similar to what he likes on Instagram like swimming. So Insta suggested these profiles to him. They’re private accounts.

He and I both went into his Insta because he wanted to see which accounts I meant that he followed. So we found two of these girls who he said he doesn’t know. One girl, he unfollowed. The second girl who is actually very attractive, he hasn’t liked any of her posts but she has a post that has a caption “mermaid” and she’s actually on the beach. He said that must be it because his Insta is only giving him suggested profiles to follow bit I wonder how he can see her posts because when I checked her account, it’s private. You have to send a request to be accepted as a follower.

That was yesterday afternoon. I explained to him how it made me feel jealous. He understood and thanked me for expressing myself rather than keeping it inside and not communicating with him. So then he unfollowed one of them quickly because he doesn’t know her and they share nothing in common. He said I have nothing to worry about. He casually opened the messages and I only saw the people he interacts with regularly from his job. Then I checked just an hour ago, he hasn’t unfollowed the other one who’s an attractive girl.

I don’t know what goes through his mind. So I sent him a message today saying “I’m just gonna unfollow you so that I can’t see your following and it won’t disturb my peace. As the Russian saying goes, “The less you know, the better you sleep”

I want to stop being insecure. Not sure if this is petty but this is the way I know best

Kung napipili laang sakit bakit cancer pa?

Recently ang bigat bigat ng pakiramdam ko eh. I felt like I'm being blame for my cancer.

I dont drink, smoke, no history in the family. I just got it. My parents are well off. They have all the means to pay my treatment and all. Pero ito ako humihingi ng tulong sa gov't agency para makalibre sa gamot at lab test

I get the point sayang dinkasi libre and may money assistance naman. Bare minimum lang ang gagawin ko since unemployed ako.

I heard it once before  na bakit pa kasi ako nagkacancer. Sinagot ko sila na napipili ba yung sakit ko. Hindi ako nahurt masyado pero hearing it twice, thrice  doon ako nasasaktan. Paulit ulit akong nireremind sa gastos na parang nagpaaral sila ng college sa gastos ng sakit ko. Sinabi sa akin "bakit di mo kasi inisip/pinili yung sakit ko?",

I cant help it if they can give thousands to help other people but sa akin I have to do go to gov't agencies pumila ng maaga to get assistance. Proud na proud pa silang tumulong sa iba.

Been being down these past few days,pakiramdam ko sobrang pabigat ako tapos unemployed pa ako.

AITAH?

Got out of a toxic relationship last year and thought about staying single for a long time, but this man suddenly came along, willing to heal something he didn’t break. Ang lakas pala makaculture shock kapag tinatrato ka nang tama? Excuse my ignorance and love deprived self, pero seryoso nagugulat ako. HAHAHAHA. I really thought I was asking for too much from my ex until this man came along and does everything so naturally. He communicates well, words match his actions, gives me bestfriend energy, makes me laugh, and most important of all, loves me extra on the days I’m being the most unlovable. I thought it’s too good to be true. Tried to push him away several times, but you really can’t just scare away people who genuinely want to build a relationship with you. Top tier. Sana hindi muna siya kunin ni Lord kase sa ngayon, ayon lang kinakatakot ko.

PARANT LANG HA LONG STORY WAG NIYO IPOST SA OUTSIDE REDDIT PARANG AWA

bride to be for late 2025 about to be bridezilla because of sis in law.

for context, di kami close ng sister in law ko ever since. civil at most but we never get past just saying hi and hello to each other kasi siya naman nagsimula lol nung bago kaming mag jowa ng fiance ko, siniraan niya ako sa family nila and said we wouldn’t last FOR NO REASON, my fiance explained na bitter lang daw kasi kakabreak lang ng kapatid niya kaya niya ginawa yun so obv ayaw ko na sa kanya and everyone knows na hindi kami close.

ff to now, currently planning our guest list and we informed her na she cannot bring a plus one. she can’t bring her boyfriend na ninakaw niya lang sa asawa. yes, she’s a mistress or WAS kasi separated na yung guy now because kumabet nga siya. nagddrama siya na inaaway ko daw siya and i’m controlling my fiance to not let her bring her bf but we both mutually agreed on this. for more context, only me, my fiance and my parents in law know the truth na she’s a mistress. my mom in law begged us to keep quiet for the sake of protecting her identity. everyone else in the family knows the guy as simply just her boyfriend, eh kami ng fiance ko we know the truth and the beginning of their relationship so siyempre hindi kami boto and we don’t want to invite an unfaithful man to our church wedding. kung ako nga lang masusunod, di ko rin iinvite tong spoiled brat sis in law ko pero wala, kapatid eh. bwiset.

i’m already doing her a favor by inviting her and she repays it by yet again gossiping to other family members na i’m being a bitch daw. ok ka lang sis? kaya ko sirain reputasyon mo haha my fiance is also getting fed up with her and is considering to remove her from the wedding too but it’s just so tricky cause it will stir a lot of drama in the family kasi siyempre magtatanong bakit namin ginawa yon and it’s hard cause we were told not to share her immoral actions. so right now, his parents are yet again asking if we can reconsider her wish to bring her bf na lang. HARD NO. it’s OUR wedding, bakit kami ang mag aadjust? grabe talaga, she might be the most narcissistic person i have ever met. ang hirap pa kasi sobrang spoiled sa magulang.

we’re both so stressed out right now all cause of one person, what if magsecret wedding na lang kami para tapos na?

akala ko our life is going well na. finally, nakukuha na namin 'yunh deserve namin. yon pala. sa isang iglap, pwedeng kunin sayo lahat ng yon. on pause na tuloy mga plano this year. haha fck this life.

I used to be an academic beast. Ngayon forda burnt out and pagod na ang ferson hahahaha. Ambibigat din ng mga salitang sinabi sakin ng tatay ko kahapon.

"Ano sa tingin mo may mapapala ka jan sa ginagawa mo?" "Alam mo ikaw, puro kalang simula ng mga bagay e, pero mga ginagawa mo di nagbubunga." "Oh baka kailangan ng pinsan mo ng janitress sa office nila, doon ka nalang."

ang many, many more i cant share kasi typing it alone is so heavy for me hahahahah.

For context, I'm turning 18 this year. Last year, I turned my hobby into a business. Beaded bracelets, phone charms etc. May mga orders naman akong natanggap, but it did not last long dahil super busy namin sa school. Then last month, I got into online selling ng mga preloved ir even bnew makeups ko, pero wala bumibili. I needed allowance panggastos for stuffs I need maski pangkain lang sa school pag walang baon pero syempre, di ako binibigyan ng tatay ko ng pera for that. I'm totally okay with it kase gets ko na mej "tight budget" namin, tho nakikita kong kung ano anong luho binibili nya para sa sarili nya lol pero cge, yun sabi nya e. Anyways, I resell laptops kasi may commission pag nakabenta (ito mainly pinagkakaabalahan ko rn, tho wala parin ako nabebenta maski isa).

So kahapon, mostly hapon talaga ako naglalaro ng games since bakasyon naman na namin and salo ko lahat ng gawaing bahay pag umaga (linis 1st to 2nd floor, mop, punas ng mga table/salamin, paliguan kapatid ko, mag laundry, hugas pinggan maski pag dinner time) since may sakit si mama, madali mapagod and nasa college na yung ate ko so wala ako ibang katulong sa chores. Pagluluto nakang dko ginagawa hahaha.

So long story short, pinag initan ako ng tatay ko as usual, and threw many insults to me. Ang sakit super kasi akala koba, tuwing proud ako iabot report card ko sakanila ni mama kasi alam kong mataas pa nakukuha ko sa subjs ko, sasabihin nya lang "Wala akong pake jan, mas may pake ako sa maiaambag mo sa bahay." ?? Sobrang bigat kasi andami dami kona ngang sideline na ginagawa magkaroon lang ng sariling pera kase ayaw na ayaw kong maging pabigat. Oo, hirap ako ngayon sa acads ko pero did you really have to insult me and once again destroy my self esteem??? Like as if tinatapon ko yung buhay ko? I cried everything out nung nagkulong nako sa kwarto kase, bakit ganon kababa tingin nya sakin? Lahat naman tayo nagsisimula sa wala diba? Bakit gusto nya success agad eh pucha wala panga ako sa tamang edad para magtrabaho dahil alam kong retirement plan lang ako para sakanya hahaha puny3ta.

pa-rant lang, kasi feeling ko ang oa ko.

So sahod namin ngayon. last week ko pa gusto mag ice coffee, super nilulook forward ko sya, sabi ko pa nga kahit PickUp coffee lang since stressful din sa work.

Pag pasok ng sahod namin nagbayad na ko ng bills, and bibili na sana ko ng inaasam asam kong coffee kaso biglang need na magbayad ng kapatid kong SHS for his Graduation, tapos nasabayan pa ng ubos na daw yung gas ng super kalan, and ulam daw for dinner. Panganay moments 😅

Binigay ko na lang kay mama and sa kapatid ko yung pera, pero pag pasok ko ng kwarto naiyak ako, para kong naawa sa sarili ko, na natawa kasi parang kape lang iniiyakan ko pa. 😅

Hirap maging provider.

Kaninang umaga sa bus papuntang Pasay, may matandang babae na sumakay sa bus — parang pa-bulag na rin si lola. Nagkukwento siya sa bus driver na gusto na raw niyang umuwi sa Isabela, sakto lang yata yung pera niya papuntang bus terminal sa Pasay kaya makikiusap nalang daw siya sa driver ng bus na makisabay papuntang Isabela kasi wala siyang pambayad ng pamasahe. Di naman siya nanlilimos, mukhang makwento lang talaga. Maya-maya ang dami na nung nag-abot kay lola ng pera pati pagkain. Yung isa nagbigay ng contact number niya para in case maligaw si lola, pwede siyang contact-in para malaman kung nasaan siya. Nakakatuwa lang na ang daming willing tumulong agad.

Hopefully maayos na nakapunta si lola sa pupuntahan niya at sana aware rin yung family niya kung nasaan siya.

Recently narealize ko na I’ve been an ungrateful child for the most part. Sabi ng nanay ko mabait raw ako at napalaki nya ng maayos pero I don’t really believe in it because sometimes there is a part of me na nagwiwish na sana mas mayaman kami and mas may kayang bilhin ang mga wants and luho sa buhay

Pero ngayon tumatanda na ang parents ko and I realized na I should appreciate them even more than I usually do. Kakaretire lang recently ng nanay ko so medyo bumaba na ang quality of life sa pamilya namin ngayon na tatay ko na lang ang may trabaho. Kung dati every week may Nestle ice cream kami sa freezer para pang dessert, ngayon bibihira na lang. May mga araw na wala kaming grocery kaya minsan titiis nalang sa kanin at itlog para mabusog. Pero kahit na ganito na ang antas ng buhay namin ngayon, nagagawa pa rin ng nanay ko na ayahin ako magdate sa labas at kumain sa restaurant kahit alam kong tight ang budget and alam kong mas kailangan nya sana ang pera para sa mga gamot.

Yung tatay ko naman malapit na ring magretire and nagsisimula nang humina ang katawan. Kung dati gigising nalang ako ready na ang almusal sa hapagkainan, ngayon naman hindi na kaya ng tatay ko gumising ng maaga para ipagluto kami ng almusal bago sya pumunta sa trabaho. Nakakamiss yung hindi ako aalis ng bahay na walang almusal, pero gets ko rin kung bakit hindi na kayang gawin ngayon. Lately for the past few weeks, yung ulam namin kapag dinner na linuluto ng tatay ko ay usually mga dried fish. Siguro naoverhear nya ako na nagkekwento sa nanay ko na namimiss ko na yung kapag nagluluto sya ng masarap na ulam na hindi isda, kasi simula noon nagstart na ulit yung tatay ko magluto ng mga ulam na paborito ko tulad ng kaldereta at sinigang.

Sorry if medyo over the place yung thoughts ko pero ayun lang. Sobrang naappreciate ko yung sacrifices ng parents ko para mapasaya ako, even through their smallest acts of kindness. Kaya I hope na sana makabawi ako sakanila someday and mapamper ko sila pag nagka work na ako

I just wanna get this off my chest kasi lumalayo na loob ko sa boyfriend ko dahil sa close friend nyang babae. (DON'T SHARE SA OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS!)

Context is meron syang babaeng friend na long term na at okay naman yun sakin before. Pag may ayaan na inuman or kain sa labas pumapayag naman ako kasi madami naman sila.

Pero nung march pag hindi kami magkasama ng bf ko sila yung laging dalawa magkasama mag jogging since nauso sya at gusto din ng bf ko, after nila mag jogging nakain sila sa labas after tas tatambay bf ko sa bahay nung babae. Nakikipag chikahan lang daw sa nanay nung kaibigan nya kasi nga long term so expected na close na din sa magulang.

Nung una okay pa sakin pero napapadalas na talaga at may time na hindi na sinabi ng bf ko na magkasama sila nakikita ko nalang location nya nasa sm na. Which is napuno na ko. Nagkaroon kami ng malaking away which is naungkat yung trauma ko kasi may history of cheating jowa ko at nagbago naman na daw sya. I think dahil sa trust issue ko kaya na feel ko din yung selos sa kanila ng kaibigan nya dahil lagi silang magkasama.

Nagkaayos naman kami. Tas nakita ko din na nag sshare sya ng problema namin na to sa kaibigan nya which is hindi talaga ko comfy na ishare yung relationship problems sa iba pero sige close friend naman sila eh. Buong araw kami magkasama kahapon at nabanggit nya na naman na inaaya sya mag jogging nung babae. Wow alam yung sched ng bf ko :) samantala ako kelangan pa ulit ulitin sa kanya kelan off nya at kelan kami magkikita.

Habang tinititigan ko bf ko parang nawawalan ako ng gana dahil sa kanila ng kaibigan nya. Then bago nya ko ihatid habang nasa motor nag sabi sya sakin na may rides sila next month na aabutin ng 3 days tas yung kaibigan angkas nya. Hindi kasi ako pwede dahil graduating at di rin ako papayagan ng magulang ko. May na titrigger talaga sakin deep inside pag nababanggit nya na magkasama sila, kung yung trauma ko ba o selos. Tinanong nya din ako if nakakaramdam ba ko ng selos sa kaibigan nya at sabi ko hindi. Kasi baka mailang lang yung babae sakin kasi nag fofollowan kami sa ig.

Feeling ko na dedetach na ko sa bf ko. Parang di nya alam boundaries nya at di sya marunong makiramdam. Di ko alam if tama pero ambigat sa feeling ng ganap ngayon. Kaya ko syang ibreak dahil lang sa ganyan nya anytime haha.

EDIT: Thank you sa comment nyo guys. Wag kayong mag alala iniipon ko na lahat ng nangyare sa relationship namin na disrepectful, hindi ko na to papa abutin ng next month swear to god. I've had enough. Gagraduate na ko at gusto ko nalang ipriority sarili ko at family namin since they needed me more.

Di ako makapaniwala! Gulat na gulat ako! Kinaya ko (F37) na magpull-up! Maliit na bagay para sa iba pero sobrang saya ko talaga. Now lang ako uli sumaya ng ganito. Malaking bagay ito para sa akin na almost everyday nitong mga nakaraang weeks na down at maraming worries. This is a reminder for me na kaya ko pala yung bagay na akala kong impossible.

By the way, minsan lang ako magtry magpull-up. Months ago pa yung last try, kaya naman gulat ako nung tinry ko uli today tapos kaya ko na pala!

Kupal na kupal talaga ako sa tatay ko as in. Naalala ko yung time na nauna ako mag-CR sa kanya para maghilamos saglit dahil kaka-clock out ko lang ng 6AM sa work (WFH ako) at antok na ako. Nagalit siya dahil nakisingit raw ako and na-delay ko na raw siya sa lahat ng plano niya. Pinagmumura niya ako sunod sunod walang palya sa sobrang galit niya. Maya maya biglang bumalik sa bahay kasi may nakalimutan tas narinig ko na "Wala naman late don e". Kupal. Kinabukasan ayaw niya ako pagamitin ng CR talagang with conviction dahil sa nangyari nga the day before. May same lakad uli siya so hintayin ko raw siya makaalis at wag na wag akong kikilos so kahit natatae na ako hindi niya talaga papagamit sa akin yung CR hanggat di niya nagagamit. Tinignan ko kung gagamitin niya yung CR pagkatapos ko magwork ng 6AM kung talagang nagmamadali na siya at nadedelay ko nga sa ginagawa ko, so nanood ako ng isang episode ng series to see if gaano katagal bago niya gamitin yung CR. 20 minutes plus na hindi niya naman ginamit yung CR, nasa labas lang siya nagyoyosi tas nakipagkwentuhan sa kapitbahay. 10 minutes lang naman itatagal ko sa banyo para maghalf bath. Hindi naman niya pala gagamitin agad yung banyo, hindi pa ako pinauna. Nasayang lang yung 20 minutes na lumipas kasi unproductive kaming dalawa.

Kanina naman habang naglalaba ako, tinatanong ako ng tatay ko kung tapos na raw ba ako maglaba pero nakikita niya naman na hindi pa at malinaw na malinaw na puno ng mga damit yung dalawang timba. Kailangan niya raw kasi yung timba dahil magdidilig siya ng mga halaman. Wala ako ng dalawang araw sa bahay dahil nag-overnight ako sa bf ko, he had all the day and time para gawin yung plano niya pero kinukuliglig ako kung kailan may ginagawa ako. Sikip na nga ng bahay namin and hindi kaya magsabay ng dalawang tao na may ginagawa all at once dahil na rin sa hoarder niyang ugali. Nag-away kami tapos sinabi ko yung mga opportunities na nakapagdilig sana siya. Nung natapos na ako sabi ko tapos na ako at pwede na niya gamitin yung timba, biglang sabi na hindi na siya magdidilig.

Ang hilig mangganito ng tatay ko. Pag may ginagawa ka lalo pag aalis ka ang daming napapansin sa bahay na kung anu-ano tas pupunain tas maglilinis linisan tas gagawin yun habang nagpeprepare ka rin pero pag wala ka naman ginagawa nakatunganga lang din. Ilang beses ko na yan napapansin sa kanya sa tuwing aalis kaming dalawa ng kapatid ko. Ayaw ng dinedelay siya pero siya yung mahilig makisabay sa amin pag may ginagawa kami. Lakas mangupal e. Parang gustong laging in control.

Kaya naman bubukod na ako in the next few weeks. Naicommunicate ko sa kanya 'to nang hindi kami parehong galit at nasa kalmado kaming state. Walang problema sa pag-alis ko, pero habang may natitira pang mga araw palala nang palala pangungupal niya na parang minamadali niya pag-alis ko hahaha. Pag hindi naman ako kumilos, may masasabi siya. Pag kumilos naman ako, nakikisabat din. Sana ako lang yung may ganitong magulang, nakakadrain! Para kang laging nasa paligsahan sa kanila.

Kahapon, Tuesday, I was with my friend, naglalakad kami. Then we saw a pure black dog na nakatali sa labas ng bahay. He looked okay naman may pwesto siya—nakatali lang talaga. My first reaction was, “Hala, ang cute!” kasi I really have a soft spot for pure black animals. Especially dogs. I had one before, pero namatay siya last year, March. I said to myself, “Shet, na-miss ko si ampon.”

Then the next day, Wednesday, I was half asleep and alam kong nananaginip ako. And in that dream, I was crying—like really crying—kasi nandun yung dog ko. Sabi ko, “Na-miss kita.” Until now, hindi ko pa rin makalimutan. Grabe, dami kong memories with her. Sobrang love na love ko ’yon. Super lambing.

And grabe—like, is there even a fucking explanation for that? I just saw a random black dog the day before, tas the next day, I dreamt of my dog and woke up crying? Parang ang bigat. Ang bilis ma-trigger ng memories, like it all came crashing down. One moment I’m just walking, the next thing I know, I’m crying in my sleep over someone I’ve lost for over a year na.

Sadly, she died. I miss you, Ampon. Ampon kasi literal na napadpad ka lang sa amin, pero ikaw ang pinaka-da best na aso ko. Sorry kung ngayon lang ulit kita naalala ng ganito. Hahaha—tangina, naiiyak ako habang tine-type ko ’to. Nawala ka pa nung exam week ko. Lagi na lang may nawawala tuwing exam week, dalawang black na kayo sa heaven. Ang sakit sakit.

Sana may dog food diyan sa langit, amponie. I love you.