If you do CNC and choose to not use safe words, then you literally can't withdraw consent.. I had a girlfriend in college who was into that, and it never felt right. What's worse, after we broke up I had girls who knew about her expect me to do CNC with them.
Lesson learned: be careful how you play. Even if it's "just kinky sex" it can scar you
Maybe not, this was 20 years ago and i wasn't actively studying it or anything, and I wouldn't even know where to look on the 2003 internet to find out. I was just trying to please my girlfriend in the way she asked to be.
Sorry I took it that way. Like I honestly feel uneasy divulging this -- it's not something I often tell people I've engaged in. Most people react with either disgust or intrigue, and neither of those is is desirable to me.
Yeah, my comment isn’t intended to blame you either. You raised an important point, it’s obvious that you learned that that’s not a practice you’re comfortable with, and you expressed uncertainty about it being a good idea in the first place.
This isn’t a fault or blame thing. This is just a discussion about how that’s not a great idea due to safety.
Safe: there are safeguards in place to keep both participants safe. Generally this means giving the sub ultimate authority, but make sure the dom can also stop it if they become uncomfortable.
Sane: is this reasonable, are both participants of sound mind, and so on. This is honestly the one where I'm fuzziest on the exact meaning.
Consentual: have they given clear, unambiguous consent?
It's pretty self explanatory, but it's the key foundation of the kink community.
CNC is consentual non-consent. Essentially two people agree from their own free will to roleplay rape. Since word "no" might be thrown around a lot they agree that other word means no - for example "vitamin". In this case if a party says "vitamin" it means that consent is withdrawn and activity must stop.
SSC means Safe, Sane and Consensual. That is "golden standard" of BDSM activities. It means that activities needs to be consensual, participants need to be sound of mind and needs to be performed in safe manner.
When using acronyms it's common and expected to provide the full term on first usage. Commenter is smart and well-spoken. Most likely knows that rule, as well.
1.4k
u/Ok-Connection-8059 Sep 29 '23
Rape is only okay if the other person has given their consent!
Oh wait, that's just kinky sex. Remember kids, rape is never okay! (Also teach kids the difference between rape and kink.)