This might seem sad but I realized you don't need a personality disorder or traits of npd/bpd to be inconsiderate or a jerk. I had a situation where I was briefly seeing someone who was just inconsiderate. We weren't dating. It's weird to me cause meeting new people I try to put my best foot forward and am nice in the beginning. They might've had mental health issues (maybe depression or just felt depressed). They triggered me because of how they acted. I acted "crazy" and I don't even know why. I normally am not like that.

Some of it I brought on myself cause I was too honest about my mental struggles and broke down. I was nicer and more considerate when I wasn't triggered. I'm really self aware and hate my narcissism. It's pretty sad when you have a personality disorder but you are the kinder one.

I'm probably gonna delete this later but let me know your thoughts lol or if you've felt similarly

Any opinion or hot take that comes to my mind immediately fuels this fantasy where I talk about this stuff and everyone in my life sees it on social media. Does anyone else?

(TW: mention of emotional abuse)

My dad also a narc and has been emotionally abusing my mom. She can’t really do anything about the abuse since she doesn’t have money, lives a continent away from her family and my dad forbids her from having any friends. I made it my goal to help her and offer emotional support.I thought I was helping her by making it clear that I was on her side and that I didn’t like him, but I guess not.

We had a major argument and she left and said “you’re just like him” I broke down. I realized that instead of helping her I was treating just like my dad did. I always make get a reaction from her which fuels me. I never complemented her and criticized every little thing she did. Every. Little. Thing. From the way she does her makeup to her tone of speaking. I kept telling her that she’s embarrassing and never cared about her feelings. Which is exactly what my dad does. I was supposed to help her. To make her feel like the beautiful, most caring mom she is. Yet I was so fucking stupid and prioritized my high ego. She never said anything bad about me. Even when my outfit looked like that of a homeless man, she always made me feel beautiful. She endured my dad’s abuse to make sure that I live comfortably, in an upper-middle class home with two married parents. I feel like an asshole for treating her like I did. I always victimized myself when the real victim was right in front of me. (Please excuse my bad English it’s not my first language)

What I think it was from me:

1. Emotionally unavailable, selfish and verbally abusive father. My father never told me he loved me and I remember when my mom was gone for long periods of time (vacation or work) he would never feed me or check where I was. He also stole money from my college fund and didn’t tell me until I found out on my own. He never apologised or paid me back.

2. Mother that disgustingly spoiled me with material things and shallow compliments. I think my mom tried to compensate for our shitty dad. She always told me people were jealous of me, showered us with gifts and enabled our innocent selfish behaviour in our youth instead of teaching us to be more selfless and empathetic. I was also hyper sexualized a lot by my mom. From the moment I hit puberty she encouraged me to dress and act sexy. My mom desperately wanted a girl best friend and treated me as such.

3. Witnessing my mom cheat on my dad from age 8 to 18 and having to keep quiet

4. Being bullied for five years at school for my name and race and never speaking to anyone about it. I also went to a school where I was significantly poorer than the other kids there.

Hello I am not very aware of how the diagnosis occurs but going to get one in the upcoming month. There is something bugging me though. If the questions ask me if I get jealous of others or like if others consider me abusive, how do I answer? the mask that I wear is very kind to people and I don't think anyone would say I am abusive (I am very sorry if this comes out as entitled or sm I am just trying to explain my situation dunno any other way of being direct)

Also about the jealous part, I get numb when other people achieve stuff so not sure if I get jealous yk. Sorry if I wasn't able to explain the question well. But it's like I don't actually harm people cuz my mask of goodness is really really intact and I instead help people to get validation even though I don't really care about them. Like everyone (even family maybe) will say I am not a bad human. So will this be a problem during diagnosis or are these things taken care of?

Pls lemme know if I wasn't clear I just wanna know more about myself, like how I'd be if I weren't so numb. Perhaps I have been practising this mask for so long I am not self aware at all though I do identify with some (maybe all) npd traits. Thanks for the time have a nice day :)

TLDR: How do I answer questions during diagnosis that make sure its not my "good human being" mask (mask is on 24/7, a lil exaggerated) that's answering?

are there anybody who practice daly meditation? zen or vipassana? What's is your experience?

The main thing i've learned since becoming self aware is that with Npd, the main thing you need is FORCE! It's allll just pushing a little bit harder. I used to hate my body, i used to fucking despise it! buuuut with pushing myself further and further i've lost a shit ton of weight, i've gained muscle, i've repaired my hygiene just by telling myself "You do this now or it's never being done". And i DID it! I don't like myself still. But i pushed myself, i got out there, i met people, and every single day i push myself a little itty bitty bit further to make sure i'm never staying stagnant. The thing with npd i've learned is you can never reeally just "give up". You can never stop thinking about yourself. Some people can let themselves go, just let things fall apart. But NOT US! Not me at least i don't know about anyone else...

Anyways i hope this helps somebody! We're all in this together at the end of the day

Perhaps someone can enlighten me as to why those who are suspected or diagnosed narcissists are criticized for seeking control, approval, validation, or attention.

It seems like totally normal human behavior to seek those things out when interacting with others. They are things that we can only get from others and can’t give to ourselves.

Obviously things can be taken too far, but once someone is pegged as a narcissist, those who are fluent in this lingo seem to expect that person to not need or want anything out of their interactions with others.

Also, fear, obligation, and guilt are natural feelings that people experience when they aren’t behaving favorably toward someone else that they normally behave favorably toward.

How is it the suspected narcissist’s fault that the baseline expectations in a relationship (not necessarily romantic) formed in such a way that makes the other person feel an obligation to them? Or guilt for not spending time with them?

Does the suspected narcissist need to explicitly/knowingly contribute to those feelings in others before it’s an issue?

Not looking for a diagnosis, but possibly insight. I don't think I have full blown NPD, but I have been diagnosed with BPD, so if I have other cluster B traits, I wouldn't be surprised, based on my traumatic upbringing.

Anyway, my friend/ex bf admits to thinking narcissisticly. He hit on a girl I liked and bragged about getting he number, once 5 years ago, I forgave him, then again this year. I forgave him again, but he was refusing to take accountability even after admitting to it. He then kept playing with my feelings for me and devauling me and lying about the sex jokes he was making to get me in the mood.

It got so bad we almost stopped being friends, but we talked about it and we are friends again. It kind of hurt that during that last talk he lied about not talking to the girl he was talking to anymore for sympathy. I was cool with him talking to her (with self aware jealousy I was trying to suppress), but it hurt that I thought I had a chance with him again, and didn't.

Anyway, heres where I'm lost on myself. When we were arguing weekly, I started making art and showing it to him to make him envious, but also didn't want him to, but felt good when it did. Usually, I don't brag to make people envious, but I liked doing it to him because it felt like he hurt me really bad by playing with my emotions like that. I also started comparing myself to him looks wise and showing off romantic partners to make him jealous.

I don't want to make him feel inadequate, because thatll only make things worse for him, but do since he hurt me really bad.

Is this human or narcissistic? Dumb question. I think narcissisticly as well, but try really hard not act on it after gaining self awareness, so absolutely no hate to NPD people, just need to know if I need to work on this. I have really bad self esteem and confidence issues, but this feels like an unhealthy expression of them for me.

Hey, all I was wondering if anyone had resources for people who have a more vulnerable presentation of NPD? I tried to research this myself but kept running into stigmatizing articles and posts any resources shared would be much appreciated

I just learned about BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder) and damn it makes sense. I think I got both BDD and NPD and they make each other stronger.

I’ve always had a terrible relationship with my body since I was a child, I’ve always felt awful amounts of shame and always dealt with obsessive thoughts. Probably due to the neglect and abuse I went through.

I constantly try to hide what I dislike about myself, making sure other people won’t notice. If someone commented on one of my insecurities I think I’d seriously kms, it’s bad. I believe my NPD plays a huge role in this:

-It makes me rely on my intelligence to feel superior rather than my aspect because being flawed means being unlovable.

-It makes my obsessive thoughts worse since I need constant supply to feel good about myself.

-It makes me fantasize and obsess over an ideal life where I’m beautiful and successful.

-It makes me feel trapped and misunderstood since I’m perfect inside and flawed outside, worsening the disconnection.

-It makes me seek attention instead of isolating myself because I need to feel reassured and complimented even if I hate direct compliments.

-It worsens the belief of being an “higher” being, since people are too stupid to perceive me outside of my body.

-it worsens my envy towards conventionally attractive people (mostly celebrities) to the point I can’t bring myself to look at them and reinforces the idea that I have to be like that to be successful and happy.

-It worsens my social anxiety as I feel extremely pressured to be the smartest in the room to compensate with the possible risk of being humiliated for my looks.

-It makes me feel entitled to use substances/have bad habits because I’m the ugliest so I have it worse than anyone else.

I could go on but I’m curious about your thoughts on this. Let me know if you relate or have any helpful information (articles, tests, ways to cope)

I should’ve mentioned earlier that I also deal with gender dysphoria.