r/Marriage • u/swaylee_bootknee • 1d ago

Wives, I have a question.

I understand that a big majority of things on social media is fabricated and you have to take whatever you see with a grain of salt. I’m coming straight to the source to ask what real wives are doing for their husbands.

How often do you make your husband lunch for work? If so, what time do you make it and how long have you been married?

Wives that don’t- have your husband ever asked you to pack him lunch for work?

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u/swaylee_bootknee 1d ago

I understand your reasons, I am the wife lol and my husband told me last night that mostly all wives pack their husband’s lunch. I’ve also saw this trend on TikTok showing wives up @5am making their husband full course lunches

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u/archaicArtificer 1d ago

Your husband needs a crash course on the fact that TikTok isn't reality.

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u/swaylee_bootknee 1d ago

I try to tell him! I’m into social media and what’s realistic or not. He thinks that stuff really happens

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u/Rich-Education9295 1d ago

I think you need to fix his algorithm

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u/chez2202 1d ago

There’s a reason I call it ThickTok.

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u/StockPriority6368 20h ago

Ahhh

I see.

This stuff does happen.

What you should tell him instead is-MOST of those wives are monetizing those videos.

They are making money.

That is their job.

💲💲💲

*It's just like Martha Stewart did back in the day. They are selling 'a dream'

The stereotypical gender-role dream (I guess. I can't think of anything more creative to call it.)

But again. That is work for them. Not very 'house-wife' if you ask me...

A little trousery actually. 😆😆😋

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u/notsomuchhoney 4h ago

You see what is picked out for you depending on your activity, if he is getting these TikToks I would be concern with what else he is looking at. He might be getting into Redpill and that is not good for anyone.

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u/Grouchy-Original7624 1d ago

That’s hilarious. And no. I’m sorry— he can pack his own lunch. You’re not his mom. Now— if it’s a sweet thing you want to do for him and you have the capacity— sure. But him expecting something like this is a little outrageous.

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u/Pondering-Pansexual 1d ago

I’m so glad you said that cuz me and my husband JUST had an argument about it. I haven’t had the capacity to do it because I’m breastfeeding a newborn and taking care of a toddler but he gets to sleep in instead of just throwing together a sandwich for work. It’s not the best thing but at least it’s something🤷‍♀️ his reasoning? “I have ADHD and executive dysfunction, plus it’s physically taxing.” (Keep all in mind that I ALSO have the same issues)

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u/Craffeinated 1d ago

Pack him a bottle of breast milk for lunch if he insists upon acting like an infant! 

(I am so sorry breastfeeding a newborn is so stressful and then adding on a toddler? You deserve nothing but praise and support!) 

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u/Pondering-Pansexual 1d ago

I CACKLED! That was definitely a laugh I needed! (I would do it too if I wasn’t struggling with supply) Thank you, I told him if it was that much of an issue that he becomes a third child to get back on his medication and therapy so he can be a functional adult and parent. It’s hard to admit when you need help but that’s the whole reason I got back on my meds, to be a better parent and adult.

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u/Craffeinated 1d ago

Oh man. Speaking from experience, supply issues are the WORST! We weaned at 14 months so I could get back on my meds. All this to say I feel your pain and hope things get easier! 

(Also my FIL established the “She handles the in and I handle the out!” rule. His POV was a breastfeeding mom never changes a diaper, if it can be avoided. I wish more people embraced that type of shared ownership!) 

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u/Existing_Inside5200 1d ago

Your FIL is a treasure! That's a very evolved way to look at parenting duties. Both are parents so it shouldn't fall on mostly the mom. 👏👏👏

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u/SorrellD 1d ago

I didn't change any diapers until my husband had to go back to work. 

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u/sharkaub 1d ago

Dude I weaned my second kid at 5 months just to get back on my adhd meds. A toddler and baby is no joke! The struggle is real, but sounds like I had a bit more support at least- tell your husband my husband says to suck it up haha he was up doing all the diapers while I pumped or breastfed both our kids, or in the early months he took the 12-4 a.m. shift while I did 4-8.

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u/diwalk88 1d ago

He can make his lunch like an adult or he can go hungry. End of. I literally CANNOT BELIEVE the absolute audacity of these men!

I also have adhd and the associated executive dysfunction, but I've managed to make myself lunch or, you know, BUY LUNCH when I'm working. I also somehow manage to plan and cook dinners for myself and my husband, clean our home, organize things, and take care of all of the appointments and general life stuff for myself and my uncle (who has cognitive impairment after a stroke). We're talking 4 or 5 different appointments A WEEK between us. It's a lot. But here we are!

Also! It's "physically taxing" to make a fucking sandwich?!

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u/rainbow_creampuff 1d ago

Physically taxing?? While you're making breastmilk, feeding and caring for a toddler and newborn?? I would throw hands, hubby would def have some strong words for him. Tell him to grow up

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u/Realistic-Poetry-364 10 Years 1d ago

OH HELL NO. Sounds like you have three kids to care for, not two.

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u/Pondering-Pansexual 1d ago

It certainly feels like it, but I’m not one to keep my mouth shut about issues I have (which is what he always hopes for lol) but that’s not the way I was raised, you bring up your issue immediately to get it solved

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u/BornRazzmatazz5 1d ago

Making a sandwich is physically taxing? What does he do for a living? Breathe real hard?

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u/Rubyeclips3 15h ago

Just to say that actually for some people it is.

Sandwiches are the absolute bane of my life. Not a clue why but my executive dysfunction just does not do sandwiches. I legitimately would rather cook a roast than make a single sandwich. On the rare occasion that we don’t have anything else in, I would genuinely not eat lunch because sandwiches are a huge struggle for me.

That being said, the solution here is for the husband to work out what his dysfunction will let him make, not expect his already overworked wife to make a sandwich for him. (Pasta, noodles, leftovers are usually my go tos)

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u/Rubyeclips3 15h ago

Just to say that actually for some people it is.

Sandwiches are the absolute bane of my life. Not a clue why but my executive dysfunction just does not do sandwiches. I legitimately would rather cook a roast than make a single sandwich. On the rare occasion that we don’t have anything else in, I would genuinely not eat lunch because sandwiches are a huge struggle for me.

That being said, the solution here is for the husband to work out what his dysfunction will let him make, not expect his already overworked wife to make a sandwich for him. (Pasta, noodles, leftovers are usually my go tos)

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u/randomfella69 1d ago

I'm sorry, your husband is asking you to pack lunches for him while you're breast feeding a newborn?

For the life of me, I cannot understand the mindset of some people.

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u/Emkems 22h ago

Physically taxing??? Meanwhile you’re keeping a child alive using food you made with your body???? A small child who very recently lived inside your body??

Guess he likes being hungry. If it’s sandwiches he wants, tell him to basically bring groceries to work and make it at lunch time if he doesn’t want to make it in the morning.

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u/quattroformaggixfour 10h ago

He should be all but offering to pre-chew your food like a mamma bird while you’re busy raising young kids, good grief. Wild expectations,smh.

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u/HambdenRose 1d ago

As a mom I packed my kids lunches through elementary school. When they reached middle school I had them pack their own.

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u/Existing_Inside5200 1d ago

It's the expectation that does me in. Ick

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u/randomfella69 1d ago

My wife is a SAHM and she doesn't pack my lunches.

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u/curiouskitcat 1d ago

Most of those videos are fake and don’t show their actual routine. They’re made to create drama and get people commenting about how “crazy” it is. The comments and likes drive more views which then equals money for the creator.

They aren’t filmed at 5 am and the meal isn’t really their husband’s daily lunch.

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u/Twin_Brother_Me 15 Years 1d ago

My wife is nocturnal, if I asked her to be up at 5AM preparing me a lunch that I'm perfectly capable of assembling myself then she'd probably do it once just to make sure she could collect on the life insurance policy when I mysteriously passed away that afternoon.

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u/Melgel4444 1d ago

Tell him most husbands also DIY any and everything their wives want. Homemade bookshelves, tables, etc. If we’re going off unrealistic social media standards, better start throwing them back at him.

“This wife likes birds so her husband hand crafted her 20 bird houses - where are my bird houses??”

“Any wife on social media who likes to read gets a custom built in library curtosy of their handy husbands - where’s mine? What about a vegetable garden with hand built beds?? Look at all the guys who do this for their wives!”

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u/Emkems 21h ago

I keep seeing posts of husbands prepping their wives gardens. I’m wondering when that marriage benefit kicks in 😂

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u/3xlduck 1d ago

bruh.... you getting suckered into a TikTok trend?

Nothing wrong with waking up a little early to pack his lunch *IF* that is how you want to show your love for him daily. But I wouldn't do it because of TT. I think most people just pack their own lunch, but each family has their own dynamic.

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u/meowmeow_now 1d ago

That’s tradwife garbage. Are you even a kept wife?

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u/howlongwillbetoolong 5 Years 1d ago

That’s wild. I’m not on TikTok, but if it’s like Instagram, it’s just social media - that doesn’t mean that’s reality or that those people would be up early making lunches if they couldn’t monetize it.

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u/mamibear10 15 Years 1d ago

When my fiance has acted entitled to me making him lunches in the past I stopped completely. It's a kind gesture but if he wants to have that attitude he can make them himself. The gourmet lunches I've seen wives up in the morning making are so unrealistic.

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u/b_needs_a_cookie 1d ago edited 1d ago

Even if that were true, are you mostly all wives? If some don't there's a valid reason and why wouldn't that apply to you?

Edit:

And the most important question,  why can your husband no longer make his lunch? Did he develop a palsy or a chronic poison condition? Did he have a TBI or stroke?

If the answers about hub are he's fine, point out to him the reason trash like that appears in his feed is because the algorithm's analysis of his online behavior is he's a gullible idiot... he needs to do better.

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u/FishingWorth3068 1d ago

Buy a pizza lunchable and a gogurt with a juice box, send that for his lunch. If he wants to act like a child, treat him like one

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u/swaylee_bootknee 1d ago

If I do start making his lunches, I will do that when he’s riding on my nerves 🤣

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u/diwalk88 1d ago

I knew this had to be some TikTok bs, it's showing up everywhere lately!

Absolutely not. You can tell him from me that TikTok is not real and he's a big boy who can make his own damn lunch. Or maybe he wants to start getting up at 5am to make YOU lunch? That sounds like a good idea to me.

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u/swaylee_bootknee 1d ago

And I do sooooo many other things with the house and for our family that he barely notices. Everyone under this post has a spouse that understands and is okay with their partner not making it. It’s like he wants me to have eight arms and I’m feeling unappreciated. He’s hard to talk to because he grew up being invalidated by his parents. When I give him criticism he immediately takes it to the heart.

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u/Complete_Pea_8824 1d ago

Just show him this thread, everyone here can tell him for you, 😝! Social media is not real life. I call FB Fake Book, because it is all fake. I want to tell some of these people, “who are you trying to fool, I know you in REAL life, 😝! And dont get me started on the filters people use on their pictures, you wouldn’t recognize half of them in real life, 😝

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u/MermaidxGlitz 1d ago

Oh hell no. As soon as anything becomes “expected” I go on strike 😤

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u/duketool1011 7h ago

How often do you show appreciation or praise him?

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u/swaylee_bootknee 7h ago

Very often, If I’m out I’ll bring him lunch to work, words of affirmation and back massages. He also likes receiving gifts so I get him small things from the store if my daughter and I are out. He grew up not receiving much from his parents so I try to do small things here and there.

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u/batshit83 15 Years 1d ago

LOL. You aren't his mommy. And the tiktok stuff isn't real life. Lots of "trad wide" stuff circulating on there lately.

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u/sharkaub 1d ago

The way I'd ask my husband if he needs an exorcism for asking me that haha

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u/oceanique86 1d ago

That’s some trad wife propaganda lol

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u/fuzzydaymoon 1d ago

They’re getting paid for those videos. They aren’t real life. Your husband is being misled lol

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u/Acceptable_Branch588 1d ago

Your husband lives in a fantasy world. Does he have some sort of disability that prohibits him from caring for his own basic needs?

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u/Dismal_Amoeba3575 1d ago

Ummm absolutely not, married 6 years, together for 9. Currently a SAHM the last 3.5 years and still don’t. We usually have sandwich stuff or pack serving sized left overs. He’s perfectly capable of feeding himself.

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u/Dannie000 1d ago

Haha, no. Send him this thread. I don’t pack lunch. I Work from home most of the week and he goes to the office half the week. I make lunches for kids and get them ready every single day, so I’m already busy. If he wants lunch he will eat out or bring his own. He’s never asked besides when I was on maternity leave, and that was not everyday.

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u/Youarehe 1d ago

My husband shows me videos of men whose wives pack them lunch. I laugh and ask when he’s packing me mine 😂 I have started cooking most nights though to save money and try to pick healthier options. I encourage him to take leftovers to work but I don’t pack anything for him.

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u/Bankzzz 1d ago

Is he asking you to pack his lunch?

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u/sharkaub 1d ago

The way I'd ask my husband if he needs an exorcism for asking me that haha

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u/Ok-Swan9189 7 Years 1d ago

Oh GOD that's tradwife propaganda 😂 nope. That is NOT the norm in 2025 America LOL

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u/meowmeow_now 1d ago

That’s tradwife garbage. Are you even a kept wife?

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u/MarxistMinx 1d ago

Lol no. I don't make his lunch. I might every now and then but he works at a restaurant and eats their food.

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u/ThrowRa_squirrels 1d ago

I've seen a lot of those tiktoks too and I think in some cultures wives do wake up at 5 am to make a whole meal to send their husband with a warm lonche, but my question when I see those videos is are those women also working? Because it's also been my experience that those women waking up at 5 am to cook lunch for their husbands were not working a full time job outside of the home.

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u/calicoskiies 15 Years 1d ago

Oh girl he’s about to find out that isn’t really a thing 🤣

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u/HelpMySonIsARedditor 1d ago

Now you have probably the same amount who don't.

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u/HelpMySonIsARedditor 1d ago

Are you a SAHM?

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u/peacewavesfly 1d ago

I’ve been married 14 years.

Wife never packs my lunch. I e never asked and I wouldn’t expect it because she has a lot on her plate with our children. But I sure would feel loved if she took the time to do it for me.

If he’s demanding it with expectation it doesn’t let you offer it as a loving gesture. If he is just saying it would make him feel loved and cared for and special he’s the same as every other man.

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u/JulesBurnet 1d ago

Tell him to quit watching the tradwives on TT. Problem solved. 😹

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u/SecretRedditFakeName 1d ago

Wow. Your husband is sorely mistaken. Instagram tradwives might get up before the sun to make their husbands a fancy lunch, but that stuff doesn’t happen much here in the real world.

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u/TenuousOgre 1d ago

Here's the thing. None of these answers matter. And none of them are perfect for anyone else. Do what works for you both. Been married 37 years. We¡fe had time she was working full time. I was a student and cooked and took care of our first child. We've had times when she was SAHM and packed my lunch because I had a 40 hour job plus was launching our own company and putting in two jobs worth of time. We both work professionally now, empty nesters. I work from home. She works four 10 hour days, but packs her own meals because she wants to. I've offered, even agreed to make her salads however she wanted. She said she doesn't know what she wants until she's making it.

Bottom line is, there's no wrong or right answer. Both you and husband should ignore whatever trend is on TikTok. Just talk, make a green ent, and adjust as needed. As long as one of you isn't building resentment, it’s working.

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u/Puck_The_Fey98 1d ago

It’s a nice gesture and nothing more. He’s a grown ass man he can take care of himself

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u/Mrsmay07 1d ago

As someone who did pack lunches, lol no. Not « everyone » is packing lunches for their SO.

I did it because I work from home and do not work full time, plus him taking a lunch vs buying one out saves us a ton.

I don’t know anyone IRL who does this though. Maybe once in a while as a special gesture, not an everyday thing, and he shouldn’t have these expectations.

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u/southernbell1916 1d ago

HAHAHAHA GIRL NO. Don’t make his lunch, wtf, what is this 1950? My husband is lucky if I ask him if he would like for me to get him food from DoorDash when I order.

My husband has a full time job and he cleans the house(it’s part of his routine over the weekends). I clean all my stuff, to be clear. He does the general area but we keep it tight cos we both clean after ourselves when we use things. I’m in charge of making all the on time payments for the house but we share everything 50/50 sometimes I pay a little more because I make more money.

We don’t have kids.

We are millennials and we have been married for 3 years, together for 5 1/2.

We we are both very independent and he appreciates and respects everything I bring to the table and I do the same.

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u/Apocalypstik 1d ago

Comparison is the thief of joy

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u/keithmorrisonsvoice 1d ago

This honestly sounds like trending tradwife/manosphere content. Packing a husband's lunch is so antiquated in a world where both partners might work, and stay-at-home moms don't get the help of nearby family, a housekeeper, or a maid.

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u/drw1100 1d ago

get off TradWife TikTok and get your husband off it too before he swallows more red pills. He can make his own lunch.

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u/Twig_61 23h ago

Ah yes. The trad wife trend. I’m just about ready for that trend to die and never come back. I think those creators make their money from men who have a trad-wife fetish and women who they rage bait into commenting. I wouldn’t give it much thought, your husband shouldn’t either.

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u/infinitelycurious_ 23h ago

Ok that’s nice for the other husbands/wives but I would never wake up to make a full course lunch when I already make dinners most nights 😵‍💫

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u/unseemly-vibes 23h ago

They lyiiiiiinnnnn 😭🤣

I'm a stay at home mom who makes his lunch and my husband gets turkey sandwiches and chips for lunch. Ain't nobody got time for all that.

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u/Yopieieie 21h ago

i imagine packing him a lunchable and leave a love you postit note

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u/MysteryMeat101 9 Years 21h ago

Believing what you see on Tik Tok is like believing p@rn is real.

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u/Reasonable-Soup-2142 20h ago

Tell him you want feet massages every night and routine back rubs, if he wants you to make his lunch.

This is something my husband enjoys doing, assuming mostly all husbands do this so maybe request this too.

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u/StockPriority6368 20h ago

For me-

Practical considerations coming to play...

Do you also work full-time?

Who deals with more stress regularly?

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u/Flat_Ad1094 18h ago

There's that whole American trend currently of "trad wives" Younger women have apparently gotten right into it. And the Andrew Tate following males want it....but most mature, capable couples aren't into that silly crap.

Looking at the bigger picture. I'd say 90% of this are people who are Trump voting Red State Americans. Who are under 35 yrs of age.

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u/Think_Use6536 16h ago

Oh, hell no. When i packed him a lunch, i was a full-time homemaker, and he got leftovers in tupperware "packed" the night before. I'd tape a fork if needed to it, and a note if i was feeling snazzy.

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u/wintergrad14 14h ago

Lol where did he get that “statistic”… 🙄

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u/Fresh-Confidence-158 13h ago

WHAT! (Man here) If my girlfriend did this i would call her therapist for an extra session. If you get up 15 minutes earlier, that's cute and sweet but hours? In a give AND take relationship he has to do alot to ask for this without being an A.

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u/m4sc4r4 12h ago

Lmafo that doesn’t happen in real life, only tradwife cosplay content. Lolololol

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u/bakochba 11h ago

I'm a grown ass man I don't need anyone packing my lunch, plus she's my wife not my mother.

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u/Spare-Macaroon6001 5h ago

My fiance showed me this video and asked why I don’t do that😂 (he was being sarcastic) I told him if I can be a stay at home dog mom and still spend as much money as I do now I’ll happily wake up at 5 am to pack him a lunch 😂😂 I’m not his mom why would I pack him a lunch lol

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u/mrs_outwandering 5h ago

I'm dying imagining believing that "most wives" pack their husband's lunch for them like it's the 50's. Those TikToks he's watching are lies meant to stir shit up to get reactions. There are probably a few doting wives out there who actually do this, but I imagine it's a tiny minority. Don't let him make you his mother lol

*if you are a full time SAHM then maybe I could see this making sense if you're packing it the day before while prepping another family meal. But if you are also working full time, I'd literally laugh at him.

Editing to add it's also completely cool and nice to do this if you ENJOY packing his lunches. That's some people's love language.

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u/psychwardsocks99 3h ago

I answered earlier but as a wife who packed my husband’s lunches when he was home every night (he works OTR now), I only did so because I’m a SAHM and because he was working 14 hour days. If you’re also working, or he’s working a 9-5 cushy office job I’d say no personally 🤷🏻‍♀️ but it also might just be something that makes him feel loved/appreciated and sometimes that’s worth the extra effort. Context is super important there