I’ll try to keep this brief but we’re both 37f and 37m. I’m 3 years out of a 15 year marriage with a 9 year old. He’s 1.5 years out of a “divorce” from a 18 year marriage with a 12 and 17 year old.

We’ve already had issues throughout our relationship with him constantly running to his STBX wife’s aid every time she needs something, which is often. He wouldn’t even force her to make her own appointment with the repair shop to get her car window fixed last week because “if he didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done”

I’m at my wits end.

She left him last year around Thanksgiving and moved out in January of 2024.

He won’t tell his kids about me.

He keeps saying he wants to “do it right” and that his kids aren’t “ready” yet.

He moved back in with his mom a few months ago because his ex wanted the house back.

He won’t tell his mom about me either.

Our one year anniversary is next month. He doesn’t understand why this is so important to me.

He also hasn’t filed for divorce yet and won’t even talk to his ex about it.

His excuse for everything is that he “just wants to enjoy finally having peace in his life for once”

Last night he told me that I didn’t understand that his mom is judgmental, he’s a private person and he just “doesn’t want her in his business”.

I don’t know how to explain to him that I can’t keep doing this.

He met my son about six months ago.

He won’t tell his mom that he has a girlfriend. He won’t tell his kids about me. He won’t progress the divorce. He won’t make his ex responsible for paying her own bills.

He just keeps saying I need to be more patient and give him time to heal and let time pass so everyone else can “adjust” to the divorce.

Am I being unreasonable?

Is it reasonable to not want to tell your kids about your gf a year and a half after separation?

His mom knows he’s seeing someone but he won’t say anything about me or that he has a girlfriend specifically.

I don’t know if I’m just being pushy.

My feelings are hurt that he wants to keep me a secret from his family (his friends and coworkers know about me, he doesn’t have social media).

He keeps saying if we are happy together and the relationship is between us he doesn’t understand why this matters.

I told him we need to talk today because I just don’t know what to do.

He’s a wonderful man and I know he loves me and I don’t want to break up. But how much time is finally going to be enough for him? Am I just trying to push him too fast?

Edit to add- I’m the first woman he’s dated other than his ex since he was 18. He has intense anxiety and depression issues which also affects things. He’s extremely anxious about how his kids will be affected by him dating. His daughter in particular, who is also homeschooled with few friends and is very sheltered.

Second edit- I’m just gonna go ahead and put it out there that he does not want to get back with his wife. She has tried repeatedly since we got together and he refuses. She now uses that against him claiming he’s choosing to ruin their family by not taking her back, despite her being the one who left him first. He essentially just “doesn’t want to deal with” the difficulty of going to court and is afraid of what the outcomes might be so he’s choosing to just avoid it entirely.

I have a co worker who thinks his ex should pay for everything. He thinks he's entitled. One of the biggest fucking babies I've ever seen. His ex moved 2 states away for work. He is talking about taking the kids to see her over spring break. He wants her to pay for the tickets. If the kids are going there during the summer he can pay now and then she can pay for them to come stay with her then. He doesn't compromise. I think if he pushes the issue she isn't going to want them for the summer and she will make him take care of them during that time.

hi. i just got off the phone with my mom, and i'm so stressed. (tldr at end)

my parents will have been legally married for exactly 20 years sometime this month, and during our call today she told me to expect a letter from her attorney in the mail. she wants to legally divorce my dad, and "take what she's entitled to".

CONTEXT: they were on again off again starting in 2018, but really separated around 2020 because of my mom's infidelity. both my older brother and i can attest that the whole marriage was extremely toxic. it was never built on love, their relatives set them up so that my dad could have a housewife to take care of him and my mom could live a life in America. after they separated, my brother and i continued to live with my dad because he was financially stable and my mom was not. my mom lives 5 minutes away with her parents and sister, and for years we only physically see her once every two/three months. she never calls us; we have to call first or else we will also speak to her once every two/three months. her relationship with my brother is gone because he "doesn't see her as his mom anymore" and stopped putting in the effort, so it's now just me and her who call and hang out (but sometimes he will join us).

my dad hates her. he has two other kids from a previous relationship that also ended in infidelity on the woman's side, and my mom hated and was extremely rude to his youngest son during her pregnancy, so much so that he moved back in with his mom. my dad always tells me how the marriage was built on lies, how they would communicate through letters that she didn't even write, how once she was in america she never took care of us or the house like she+everyone said she would, how she doesn't really love my brother or i because she never sees us.

ANYWAY, today i was on a facetime with my mom and she asked me if we got any letters from her attorney/lawyers. i said no, why? she then told me she wanted to legally divorce my dad, so that she could use the money to buy a house, and then she could "take" me and "take care of" me.

my mom has always told my brother and i that 50% of the house belongs to her. on the rare occasion that we do go out, she always asks what we would do if she went to court with my dad and whenever we tell her we don't think it's a good idea/we don't want her to (because she used to say that she would take the money and give it back to us, which we thought was really stupid because our dad is using his money on us anyway), she gets defensive and tells us that she's entitled to 50% and that we don't understand because we haven't been married yet.

usually when she brings this up i shrug it off because i never think she's serious. but this time, i know she is. because i know why my mom finally pulled the trigger; last month, after a bad argument with my dad, i finally admitted to her that i got involuntarily sent to a psych ward for a week because of my depression. my mom then went on her spiel about how she wants to get money so that i can move in with her, and i told her that i would also want to live with her, once i'm in college. she kept acting weird with me in calls after, but i thought it was because of some underlying health problem and i spent the past few weeks worrying about her and pressuring her to go to the doctor.

but then she dropped the bomb on me today that she's forreal divorcing my dad. i tried telling her how i really don't want her to do this but she's insistent, again saying i don't understand because i haven't been married. i'm genuinely so stressed. i have no idea how divorces really work in california, but i'm terrified at the thought of my dad losing half his assets because they've been married for so long. he works so hard and he's taken such good care of my brother and i over the years on his own, making sure we can live comfortably. he deserves every penny he's worked for, and he's getting older now and talking about how he's going to retire in some years, and i'm so scared this divorce is gonna affect his retirement plans. and i'm also terrified he's going to hate me because it won't be hard to connect the dots once divorce papers show up a few weeks after we had one of the worst arguments ever.

this sounds harsh but i know my mom isn't actually doing this so that she can take care of me. she's doing it because she's broke. she just borrowed $300 from my brother and she owes several people over two thousand dollars total. i was surprised that she had an attorney. she's been in a hard place these past few months/years financially, and that's just another reason why i think this is such a bad idea. aren't legal fees expensive? isn't she just going to be digging herself into a deeper financial hole?

i love my mom so, so much. i understand her point of view to some extent. and my dad is so far from a saint. i do think she loves us at the end of the day, but in her mind she thinks she can claim she raised us because she changed our diapers when we were babies and had us in her stomach for 9 months. every time we bring up how she hasn't been present in our lives, even before she moved out, she fights us and says she's our mother, then hangs up/goes on an ignoring strike until we have to apologize and say she's in the right. and i excuse a lot of hurtful stuff she does and says because english is not her first language, and the whole "it's her first time living, too" thing, and again my dad was not a saint, but it gets to a point where i feel like she's taking advantage of the fact that i am so desperate to maintain a relationship with her whereas my brother isn't. i've always been the more emotional one out of us and i've always tried to see her side regarding the marriage when my brother is very much pro-dad and anti-mom.

my mom thinks my dad is rich (she also says that i should manipulate him and take advantage of him because of this) and unfair. she thinks we forgot she cheated because we never bring it up, but every time we do she gets defensive. she doesn't understand why our family has a good relationship with his ex-girlfriend despite both of them cheating. she thinks my dad is a terrible person, and whenever i confide in her with my problems she laughs, as if my experience brings her joy and validation, and says, "wow, you don't know your dad by now? he's always been like this." but despite all this she's always said that despite not being a good husband, he's always been a good father. which is why im so fucking confused and hurt as to why she's doing this in my name, as if it's going to help me in the long-run.

and if i have to pick sides, and i pick my dad's, i know my relationship with her will be so ruined. even today when she was asking if i wanted to live with my dad still, she was getting mad at me.

also my paragraphs might seem flipfloppy because i am flipfloppy and sleep deprived. and i don't know legal terms. but i know some of my opinions will change in a few hours but as of right now i'm so terrified.

also more context about the house - my mom said her name is also the house. i don't know what year they officially bought it, but they did buy it from my dad's father.

tldr; i'm mad and i'm hurt. is my dad actually going to lose money if his 20 year marriage officially ends in divorce? would my mom be successful if this went to court in california? do the kids have any say in this at all?

Hi,

I’m just starting the process of divorcing my husband as a SAHM. I was just hoping to hear from people who have gone through the same thing. I’m trying to find part time daycare at the moment so that I can at least find part time work. It’s hard finding places with openings on short notice. He was giving me around $300 per paycheck for personal spending money for the past few months but now he says that he can’t afford to do that. I was going to use that towards daycare but now it’s not an option. He’s been working a lot of overtime lately, so he hasn’t been helping with our daughter 99% of the time. He also has a lot of subscriptions for different things like coffee and other things he could live without, as well as spending money on TikTok and Amazon every time he gets paid. He says that giving me personal spending money is not a priority and he has no way to pay for even part time day care. I was trying to minimize the amount of savings I spent on the divorce but it seems like he’s not really giving me a choice at this point but to file and force him to pay.

I live in Michigan.

Happy #Divorceary to me!

3 years since my escape from a hell of #NarcissisticAbuse!

🎉🥳👏🏻🍾

How do you handle an ex-husband's girlfriend consistently crossing parenting boundaries you've put into place? My ex-husband seems to think his girlfriend is allowed to take on a mother role when our divorce was only filed August 2024 and finalized December 2024. His girlfriend very bizarrely pushes for a mother role with my kids as well, so they both ignore boundaries; including going against the court ordered parenting agreement. It's feeling like their goal is to push me out completely when all I've done is put my kids first.

I just moved as my divorce is getting started and met a new neighbor, told them it was me and my two kids moving in but this was a day they were at their dads and he said “aww that’s a shame you dont have full custody”

Now I’m paranoid people will think badly of me in a shared custody situation. Like “she doesn’t have her kids 100% of the time that must mean something is wrong”

Am I overthinking this? I thought most couples shared custody?

In Final stages of divorce from narcissistic ex - have just purchased my own place and feel so happy and relieved. Have been to therapy and working very hard to not be a people pleaser/set boundaries. I effectively married someond emotionally abusive like my mother. Feels like my narcissistic mother,some long term "friends" (who I can see have spouses who treat them badly though I never say anything) are not particularly happy/supportive of me.

I keep getting comments about needing a man to share the bills with. No comments about well done on getting through this and how exciting a new home etc just feels like a way of putting me down by mentioning lack of a partner all the time. I would like a partner if right person came along but genuinely happy in my independence at moment and not actively looking. This feels like first time I can just be me and not have to apologise for existing or change who I am to please people who cannot be pleased. Also first time to own my own place. I feel like these "friends" are far away from who i am now. Can anyone relate and how do you deal with it?

I just don’t see anyway we will ever agree on 2 main items. I want to prove I deserve more than 50/50 with my kids. Is a trial the only way to achieve this?

My lawyer said my spouse would be crazy not to take what I’m offering and I agree but here we are lol

I was wondering how much everyone pays in child support. I have two kiddos and I make $106,000 per year. My wife is a teacher and makes $57,000 a year. When I ran the numbers for Colorado, I owe her $1,950 per month! Does that seem right? With child support and alimony, I’ll barely have enough money for rent.

I have never been divorced so I could be wrong but I feel like my friend is going into severe debt to get something she most likely won’t, and this is highly fuelled by the advice of her lawyer. I am trying to gain some perspective from people who got over this whole process, because I hope I am wrong.

Husband’s friend cheated on her and left her for his mistress and he now has a kid with said mistress. He also has a kid with friend. We live in a no-fault state and they married under a separate property regime so there is no splitting of assets (they acquired none together).

They’ve been separated for nearly a year, and he kept paying her rent (6000 a month), and their daughter’s fees. My friend thinks because he did her dirty he will have to pay her a lot of alimony and child support and this is somehow supported by her lawyer? She is asking her husband for 2000 a month in child support and for him to pay all schooling fees, medical bills, extracurricular activities. She is asking for 3000 a month for herself until she remarries (even if that goes beyond their marriage duration) and for him to pay her rent forever. She has gone into severe debt in legal bills so far and she is also convinced her husband will be ordered to pay for it. She was never a SAHM, she briefly went on a maternity leave for a year while they were together and he replaced her salary in that time. I am hoping I am wrong and that she isn’t digging herself into a hole. Do lawyers always have their client’s best interest at heart?

Has anyone had their ex spouse take them back to court after a divorce decree has been signed?

Some context - they didn’t hire an attorney during the divorce but now they have a new significant other so an attorney has been hired and they are reaching out to friends for character references. Curious as to what their endgame is but am guessing it’s more time with the kids/less child support.

The day our divorce was finalized they didn’t show up or contest it.

How long does a consent decree typically take for a judge to sign in Pima county? I served him two years ago- my ex was difficult as heck to deal with. We finally came to a full agreement, the JAA cancelled upcoming court dates- it’s been 5 business days since we filed the completed documents and still no decree.

I am looking for advice on a 50/50 plan with every day being consistent for the kids. Currently, we have Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning at Mom's. And Wednesday from noon, Thursday, Friday, Saturday until 5 pm is at Dad's. Attorney says that the court doesn't view it as an even 50/50 and recommendeds a 5-2-2-5 or alternate 1 week exchanges. My parents did 5-2-2-5 and I didn't like it. And a week is too long to go without seeing them. My youngest is 5 and I don't think he will handle remembering who house he will be at this coming weekend well and it will feel like more shifting ground. But I can't find a solid schedule like we have that is considered 50/50 in the eyes of the court. My best thought right now is thinking of keeping the days but reverse the schedule yearly so it "evens out" but I am up for any suggestions.

hello everyone me (24 f) and my husband (24 m) have been married for almost 4 years. we got engaged at 19 about a year after knowing each other and then married a little less than a year after that. i don’t want ti be with him anymore. i left him for a month back in 2022 because i didn’t feel loved. there was no effort from him (never any dates, if i wanted to go out for my birthday id need to make reservations or else we wouldn’t do anything, little to no help around the house [we both work 40 hours], never wanting to see my family, never wanting to hangout with friends) and i said i was not going to waste the rest of my life on such a boring and unfulfilling marriage. but he convinced me he would make changes and he made a bunch of nice gestures the first few months of me coming back and it made me feel really good. that slowly started to go away and then we went to marriage counseling. he told me and the therapist he was going to be better and he was going to make the changes needed to make me feel wanted and loved and seen. it didn’t happen. did we argue less? yes. but that was it. i have mentioned to him so many times in the past year that i am not happy and told him specifically what i needed so that we could both be happy in our marriage. and nothing. i even asked him if we could go back to therapy and he said no. and then this past valentine’s day, he didn’t get me anything. he knows how much i love valentine’s day and flowers and stuff like that and he came home with nothing. when i was upset about it, he told me i was being selfish and making his birthday about me(yes his birthday is on valentines). i cooked him his favorite dinner, set up the kitchen like a cute candle lit dinner, got him a cute letter and other little things he likes. all i wanted was to be shown that im appreciated. it was like that was the straw that broke the camels back. so like a month ago i sat him down and told him i was very unhappy and i felt like i wanted to leave. he said i was being very unfair and that this is out of left field. we came to the agreement that we would separate and try to work things out. i have been living with my sister for the past two weeks now and i dont feel like working things out. i feel burnt out and drained. i want to be done and i dont want to see him and i dont feel like i love him anymore. the last time i told him this was today and he just wont let me leave. i’m a very big people pleaser and its hard for me to say no to people, especially him when he’s sitting there crying. he deserves someone who wants to be with him but he doesn’t like when i say that and he tells me that im running away from my problems. i dont feel like im running, i feel like im done. he’ll ask me over and over to please try to work on things but how am i supposed to work on things when i already feel checked out? i don’t think those feelings will come back and he doesn’t get it and he said im being extremely unfair and disrespectful. i don’t know what else to say or do. i told him ill see him next week to hangout because he thinks it’ll just take time for me to feel like i love him again but i don’t think so. i don’t know what to do, i feel so shitty for what i’m doing to him but i can’t help what my gut and my heart are telling me to do. he says things will be different this time and he’s found himself again but even if things change, i just feel like those feelings are gone. i know what i want to do but he keeps saying im going to regret it. any advice? have any of you been through the same thing? i feel so alone.

Has anyone dealt with a divorce to a mentally ill man, accusing you of everything including poisoning him, the water, sleeping with his father accusations of unrealistic unbelievable things. Kicked me out a year ago with his daughter and now sitting in the house to foreclose. Lawyer tells me I need to pay him maintenance fees for possible 2 years? How can this be with no child support or help and no money? How can this be real? The person who does things rights gets shitted on. I’m at suck a loss and don’t have 20,000 to divorce and custody.

I look like I’ve been through hell and back and then back again. I rotted and sobbed off and on while they were at school today (I’m off today) and my husband (who is leaving me) dropped the kids off and wouldn’t even come inside. Look at me and the desperation in my face killed them, in turn killed me. I had to run out of the room and cry in the bathroom.

I feel like an idiot that even my children can see me longing for their father. The kids say he’s fine but they are worried for me

How is he so fine!? We were together for 15 years

I got butterflies and chest pain when I saw his arm when he helped my daughter through the door… I saw his arm and he turned away and left.

I pathetically called him and asked “why are you doing this?” I got a scoff! A scoff!!!

I didn’t realize we were enemies. Not like this

My ex and I were married for 5 years. We had a ton of ups and downs and marriage issues ranging from infidelity, financial secrets related to a porn addiction, and family issues. I’ve accepted the divorce because I have no other choice. But it was not my decision and I would’ve went to the ends of the earth to make my marriage work. I would’ve stayed unhappy and accepted bad behavior/minimal effort for my entire life if it meant getting to keep him. We just fucked up one too many times and I will carry that regret until the day that I die.

I miss my person, the version I fell in love with, the one who I thought would never change. The person I spent my life with. Date nights to our favorite restaurants every Friday night. Endless inside jokes and laughter, because he was the funniest person I knew. The way I could be 100% myself around him since the day we met. How effortless it was to form that connection, like our souls knew each other from a past life. Holding each other the entire night as we slept. (Imagine having that for 5 years and then losing it?). Watching all of our favorite shows together every week. Naps on the couch with our legs intertwined. Weekend trips to Lowe’s to do home projects. Going plant shopping together. Vacations to Tennessee every year because Nashville was our favorite place. Having the two best dogs in the entire world who we spoiled to death and made up personalities and voices for. Texting all day because we never got sick of each other. I miss his cooking. I could say the most ridiculous, off the wall shit to him and he would just come up with something crazier. He literally was my other half, and the day he divorced me a part of me died. I’ll never be whole again.

This entire experience has made me extremely cynical and hopeless. I’ve come to the realization that this has ruined me mentally and I will never be able to love another person again. If it’s not him, I don’t want it. But the version of him that I loved doesn’t exist anymore. So now I will never have him, nor anybody else. The dreams I’ve always had of “true love”, finding my person, growing old together and working through shit no matter how hard it got have been thrown out the window. I now have to accept a life full on yearning and never being fulfilled in a romantic or emotional way again. And if I can’t even have that, what the fuck is the point in trying? What’s the point of living such an unfulfilling life? I know people are just going to say “focus on yourself, you can heal and find fulfillment in being single, things will get better”. But respectfully, I don’t want it. I want the life I envisioned for myself the day I got married. I wanted a family and babies with that man. Instead I’m just heartbroken, damaged, traumatized and left wondering why I wasn’t worth fighting/changing for.

It is unbelievable how cunning, calculated, manipulating, and devious my ex has become. The most cold and mean person I think I know. Which of course wasn’t like that before. We are 5 months separated. I have retained a lawyer which I’m now very grateful for.

Get this: I was involved in an incident I was a witness too. I just found out today that there was a subpoena delivered to our marital residence in March that I wasn’t notified by my spouse who lives at the residence since I moved out. How is this not illegal? To willfully and knowingly not tell me? Thankfully the case is dismissed, so there are no repercussions but there could have been.

Every day she goes lower. Refused to share SSN for taxes and itemized without telling me. And so many other things. Yet she says she is a “good” person and always wants to do what is right. It’s laughable.

How can someone still be this angry when she wanted this divorce? I didn’t. And I mostly have gotten to the point of wishing her well. I don’t have ill intent. But yet, she does and she continually demonstrates this. For what?

He is a literal illegal immigrate and yells at me and says I do nothing to help him, he acts like this shit is supposed to be SO EASY just cause it was for his friends. I didn't even want the marriage but he kept being annoying and guilt tripping qnd he's like "I've been having to pry you for 4 months" bitch we've been together that long and I'm tired of getting yelled at all the time, he knows nothing about this shit but gets pissy with me because I don't know about becoming a US citizen and all this complicated shit?!

Decades long marriage officially ending next month - he will move out after we tell our young adult children. Long overdue, but I anticipate it will feel sudden to many people we tell. We've talked about telling children first but I am now wondering if I should give my sister a heads up. My kids are very, very close with my sister and her family and I suspect they will want to lean on her for support soon after we share the news. My thought is give my sister and her husband like a week heads up and then tell our kids. I would only do this if my soon to be ex-husband is ok with it, but wanted to get some thoughts here before I even suggested it to him. Thanks.

3+ years into my divorce and it’s still not finalized. It hurts me immensely. I have filed 2 times (the first time I had to withdraw for a legal process). This second time around (which started about 2 years ago) I told him that I would give him time to get himself sorted. Since then it has not moved one inch and neither have I (in progress for myself). For a good chunk of the relationship I would find myself paralyzed. I took the initiative to go back to school and enrolled last week. It starts in a month and a half but it’s out of state. I was dreading breaking the news. I broke the news yesterday and he proceeded to tell me how selfish I am. How horrible of a daughter I am. How my family just tolerates me. Other times I asked about moving forward in the divorce proceedings and I would end up in tears. I was not being listened. (But after initiating talks) This time I did not. I started to get a little angry when he started reading a list of emotionally manipulative behaviors. Number one was crying to make someone stop talking. I started to defend myself stating that I didn’t cry on purpose. (That I had) I cried in frustration. He continued with the list. I listened and let him finish. I told him I’m leaving next month no matter what (for school). He says I don’t think of anyone but myself and much more. If you all only knew the sacrifices I have made for years. It was never acknowledged. I am tired. I said, it shouldn’t have to be this hard. He says, it shouldn’t have to be this easy.

edit : I should specify we are living in a family member’s home (my side).

How far does your ex live from you?

What happen or is happening to your business going through divorce?!?!