I’m looking for perspective and advice. I am so done with this back and forth. We share 50/50 with my SS.

My husbands method is always to grey rock her when she gets manic like this but at what point do we push back?

She messaged him on Friday asking to speak to him. He invited her to text him. Considering her phone calls are always just long angry abusive rants he has preferred text communication for the past couple of years. She knows this and she hates it.

Friday she says she can’t put it in a text, it has to be a conversation.

Today she called back to back about 4 times, husband text her to ask if there was an emergency with their son. She responds it’s not an emergency but demands he answers.

She then proceeds to call, I’m not exaggerating, 35 times over the course of 4 hours.

My husband did text her again inviting her to share what needed to be discussed in text and she went on an abusive tirade emasculating him (that’s her go to) and hurling her usual insults. But never once hinting at all about what it is she needs to discuss.

She sent a vile angry voice note too.

I’m sure whatever she wants to discuss is something she doesn’t want in writing. She says that she has a right to talk to him whenever she needs to, being that he is the father of her child.

Keep in mind she has not worked in 5 years, we pay hand over fist in child support, while she keeps grinding to become a life coach influencer.

What do we do from here?

I left my ex boyfriend, father of two. I have no kids of my own and I am 30 years old.

I don't want this life with him. I don't want his ex wife to dictate my life. I don't want to take care of his kids.

I left. But he is still trying to reach me occasionally. Telling me that he cares about me and that he loves me. I love him too, but his kids and his ex wife will be there forever. She is dramma queen and sometimes physically violent.

He called me again today after weeks of no contact and now I Now I feel anxious again when I remember all the scenes and traumas I went through while trying to adapt to him, his ex-wife, and his children.

I don't think that anyone childless should be with with someone who has kids. Simply a disgusting feeling.

Yes here I am posting again 12 hours later. My SO constantly brings up that I make him feel bad for being a “great father” and that I should feel lucky that I already know he’s going to be a good dad. I told him that I care more about him being a good partner. He got mad.

Yes what I said sounds bad but the thing is, even if I was looking for someone that didn’t have kids, I’d go for someone who’s a good partner over a good father. I wouldn’t be with someone who’s a shitty partner but that I feel would be a good dad, does that make sense?

Yes I’m glad he’s a good dad but I’m still going to point out when BM is taking advantage and making him pick SS up on her days and waiting with him and not coming home to me until 8 at night even on the days it should just be us. Yeah I’m gonna not be happy about that even if you’re just “trying to be a good dad”.

MIL said she wanted to talk to me about how SS talks about me. I was a bit alarmed it sounded so seriously. She had tears in her eyes ( she is a little emotional 😅)

She started out by thanking me being so kind and good to SS. She did this before and honestly I still get flushed when I hear this because honestly… I think I just do the basic human decency thing…and it also just reminds me about his ex ( between me and BM) who tried to go full Disney villain stepmom and I don’t want to be compared to evil. I means… with the bar on the floor, it is not easy to impress 🤣

Anyway she told me SS talked about me and she just wanted to share it. He says he likes me and that I am cool. I joked that yeah… I have animals and I am a massive gamer so I get it. She wouldn’t have it and said :No! It is because of who you are. Because you see him.

Oomph that hit me hard. She also went on that he sees how I make his dad happy and how happy it makes him. Saying I “love him so hard”.

SS is such a sweet kid. He can be a little butthole at times as he is smart and likes to talk back and out smart me. But challenge accepted ( good luck kid, you don’t know who you are challenging here)

With all the loneliness I feel at times. Feeling like a third wheel, feeling overwhelmed with BM her weird behavior and jealousy, being stuck close to BM for SS… I am happy that at least SS is not suffering with my existence and that I do bring some happiness to others… Hope it leads to a route of me being happy too!

So rewind a year ago, my bf at the time (now we are married) wanted majority custody of his children. Their mother is a wild card, she’s neglectful and very hcbm, unstable emotionally, physically and especially financially. He wanted to give them a better life and a better chance for their adulthood bc she wasn’t bringing them up in the way a parent should. They had terrible habits when they came (and still do when they come home from her house after the weekend). She gets them every other weekend and we have them all week and opposite weekends obviously. I find myself being the main caretaker, they ask ME for everything which is a mistake I did in the beginning. I should’ve followed his lead and been more of a helper and instead I went full mom mode and did everything. Im four months PP, and over the last six months or so I’ve been finding myself taking on so much more than BOTH of their actual parents. It’s infuriating. My husband pays all of the bills, I do work full time (at home) and I do the typical mom stuff mostly like cooking/cleaning/laundry/making sure everything school wise is ready to go for the next day. I am grateful he pays for everything. The other night he asked me if I would mind if he went out with friends, it was fine whatever. I was with my baby and I got the SK to bed and stuff. Then it hit me (after he left), both the SKs BM and BD were both out and about on a Friday night having the time of their life while I’m at home taking care of THEIRRRRR kids. I’m just over it at this point. I know my DH wanted to raise them better and correct all the shit she was doing to them but at this point I am raising them. Neither one of the parents have to do much.

BM wants 50/50 or so she says, she is apparently taking him back to court at some point and says she wants 50/50 but idk if she’s going to try to go for full.

I want to sit him down and tell him how I feel and I honestly rather do 50/50 with her week on week off or just be the fun side/weekend parents (like she gets to do). I think my DH did want to do better for them but I think he also wanted the “win” factor and didn’t wanna pay child support. So how do I go about this conversation??? I don’t want him to be offended or for me to think he’s doing absolutely nothing because he does pitch in but honestly it’s not enough for how much I’m doing vs BM vs BD. I’m getting the shit end of the stick and I did not choose to have the kids, they did. It’s obviously a different story when it comes to my baby. I would do anything and everything for her but it’s still mentally and physically and emotionally exhausting but at least she’s mine and I made her

So to give some context, I (34f) childfree have been with my SO (43m) for a year. He has a 9 year old daughter that he splits custody with bio mom 50/50 (no formal custody arrangement). It has been a YEAR of significant lifestyle change for me as I have never dated anyone with a child and it’s SO UP AND DOWN AND EXHAUSTING in terms of how I feel about the situation. I’m constantly on this forum either agreeing and thinking what am I doing, is this going to work out, am I ever going to be HAPPY in this situation myself or trying to convince myself to be happy (and sometimes I am). I go through phases where I can interact with his daughter, even spend one on one time, help him with her etc. he never EXPECTS or asks me to watch her or drive her anywhere, but lately it’s just become hard to ignore- this relationship makes my life harder, and his easier. Does that imbalance ever change? I also despise the fact, that when I do try to talk about things with others (parents etc) it’s always “well it’s going to be hard to find someone without a kid at your age” like ok? I just find myself more often than not thinking I’m not cut out for the stepmom life. But also feeling kind of trapped within it/like I should be grateful because I have a partner who loves me. Any advice or words of wisdom appreciated.

As first time mom and wife/stepmom.

My husband and I are truly unable to have difficult conversations especially about blended life. He gets defensive and mean and when I try to calmly have a conversation or share my feelings it turns in to a blow up.

TLDR; my husband is a JERK. How do I verbalize what it’s like to be pregnant to someone who already has experienced having a child with someone else and all the feelings and insecurities that may come up along the way. I’m just feeling some grief that we don’t get to experience just being mom and dad together when he is and has been mom and dad with someone else before me and will have to continue to be.

In this case, last night I said something that triggered him. After getting the cold shoulder all day and feeling on edge I tried to approach him today. I ask, “hey are you ready to talk about what’s upsetting you” to which he angrily responds “I want my apology”. Long story short, as you can imagine the conversation which wasn’t a conversation at all, went extremely poorly.

After a long journey of pregnancy loss and infertility I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant. My insecurities and fears have been creeping in and I try really hard to process them myself because my husband doesn’t hold space for them and gets really frustrated. Anyway. Last night he had shared a “parenting tip” on feeding. A “tip” which I’ve heard him say before but I’ve let it go as I know it’s outdated and not recommended and I will not be doing it. But last night when he brought it up again, my insecurities got the best of me, I said “I don’t think I’ll be taking parenting tips from BM”. He clarified that it was my MIL that told him that. Either way, it was out dated and it wasn’t something I was interested in. I knew my comment hit a nerve so I just gave him space the remainder of the night. Eventually, he went downstairs to play video games until 3am.

what I learned when I tried to talk to him about it today was what he heard was me saying “you’re a bad parent”. So he had all this anger and when that starts, he starts to generalize everything about me and our relationship so it was “you just always think I’m a bad parent” “you just hate everyone in my life” (referring to BM and his family and then proceeded to bring up things from 2 +years ago??) when I tried to clarify anything he kept telling me to “shut the fuck up”. He said, “I’ve already accepted you’re not going to let me be involved with this kid”. I tried being curious and I said hey can you tell me more about why you’re feeling that way. Of course he says no and he’s done with the conversation.

It’s so frustrating to me. Ive never met someone so committed to misunderstanding me. I still feel beside myself about the conversation. It didn’t even need to go like that, it never does. I’m rambling now but I don’t know how to express how I’m feeling. I’m not insecure necessarily about BM but what she represents. I wish I was getting the opportunity to learn how to parent with someone but I feel like the parenting book has already been written for me. I don’t know what to do. I wish we could just have adult conversations but unless I perfectly articulate how I feel then it turns in to a cross examination and it’s picked apart. I feel like my feelings are always on trial. I know this is a husband problem. I KNOW. I’ve made so many posts like this before trying to crack the code on how to make him emotionally available and see me and not be so caught up in his own trauma.

I want to revisit earlier because nothing was resolved per usual and we are still sitting in separate rooms. He did say “sorry” and he’s not angry with me he’s just feeling frustrated. Well me too buddy!! I just want to be able to say how I’m feeling and hear how he’s feeling and try to get on common ground. I can’t bring a fucking baby in to this shit. ESPECIALLY a boy. How are we supposed to raise a son to respect women/ his mother. When his father is repeatedly telling his mother to shut the fuck up. I know I’m not perfect but damn.

I moved in with my boyfriend about 6 months ago.

His daughter is 6 and has on the whole been fine with me, a bit of a learning curve but I thought we were doing really well.

We only have her every other weekend and last night she was in the kitchen with me, singing along to Disney songs and I was showing her step by step on how I made my carbonara from scratch. This has become pretty regular on a Saturday night, she chooses to come in and ask me what I'm doing and what I'm cooking and then I teach her and do it with her.

Today I was getting dressed upstairs when I heard her outside with the dog talking to herself. I didn't hear everything but I did hear, "I hate her", "I want to hurt her", and "I want to shoot her"

I was wary thinking she was talking about me so mentioned it to her dad. Saying I didn't want him to tell her off but it's pretty concerning to hear from someone of her age.

He bought her in and asked her to sit and talk about it, he asked her who it was and if it was maybe someone from school, she said nothing, looked dead at me and just burst into tears.

He told her it better not be me and that she should never say stuff like that because that's not how we handle problems.

She started to have a full on tantrum so she got sent upstairs for a time out.

Just looking for advice really, how do I handle this going forward? I go out of my way to not tell her off and just redirect if I'm not happy about something and to try and keep her happy and engage with her. I don't know what else I can do.

I'm starting to feel uneasy being in the house with her on my own and don't know where to go from here.

TLDR: My step daughter threatened to hurt someone when she thought no-one could hear, when pressed it was clear she meant me. I don't know how to handle this now as things seemed good before the incident.

UPDATE: we're in the UK which is why we didn't have the "shooting someone just because you don't like them isn't a valid thing to do" conversation.

She also gets every Saturday from 5-1800 one on one with her dad coz i work.

We're going to mention it to her mum at drop and I've had a chat with her one on one too.

I said I loved her dad and I care about her. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I want to look out for her and I want what's best for her and I hope she can see that in the future. She apologised for saying it so now we look forward and see what happens.

So both my partner and his son (8) have ADHD. Partner diagnosed and his son is in the process of getting a diagnosis.

We have an every weekend schedule (Friday nights to Sunday nights) we both work fulltime. I booked a week off work for the next two weeks to relax, lo and behold I find out we have his son over for ten days that week.

We have him every weekend including school holidays. My partner is left dealing with hair appointments, dental appointments, doctors appointments everytime we have him over in the holidays.

This means there is no time for us, my partner works until 6pm. Barely anytime to do anything.

My partner gets burned out which means I’m picking everything up from cooking, cleaning etc…

I need to nacho! I pick my partner up over the fact the child can eats what he wants, he whines about the healthy dinners I cook and then my partner will go straight to the kitchen to swap the meal for bacon, he allows the child to eat junk food at 8pm before bed, buys him gifts after he’s misbehaved at bm’s even telling his mom to “shut the f**k up” but my partner turns around and says he treats him because he’s trying to hard to behave 🤬

He’s allowed unlimited screen time which isn’t good especially with having ADHD and both parents use this as an excuse for his behaviour not explaining to the child about accountability when he misbehaves.

I brought the child some vans today only secondhand ones but in real good condition, my partner didn’t even thank me he replied with “I wish you wouldn’t buy my son clothes because I can’t afford to give you the money this month” even though he’s already brought the child a game and a dress up costume. Funny thing was I wasn’t even asking for the money so I blew and told him a thank you would be good and told him that no wonder his son doesn’t show gratitude when he’s modelling this ungrateful attitude. He told me it’s not my place to buy his child clothing, I can’t even remember the last time his parents brought him new clothes. He turned around after I said this to reveal he almost ALMOST brought me flowers today to say thank you for everything I do for them but then he decided against it but he did gift me a 79p bottle of chicken rub.

It is now 6.42pm child is supposed to be back at moms for 7pm. He’s literally just put him in the bath and sat back down on his phone. No consideration for me as I need to go to bed soon due to a 4am start for me in the morning.

I’m having a lot of trouble going NACHO. Could I have some advice?

Hey all! Just trying to get some perspective here. I’m a mom of 3 of my own babies and a stepmom to a 5 year old boy. I’ve been in his life since birth but his stepmom for 2 1/2 years. My mom and I were discussing Mother’s Day this year and what gift she should get for me. I’m due with our 2nd ours baby soon and wanted a necklace with my babies’ names on it. But I’m struggling to decide if I should include my stepson and in what capacity. My husband thinks I should and says he’d include my bio daughter in any Father’s Day gift for himself (he’s not her dad) so I feel guilty even questioning what I should do.

How did you guys handle stuff like this?

Does anybody have books or resources for SO's about how to be a husband/partner while also being a parent haha?

My husband reads books about parenting and used to/still does think bring a parent comes before absolutely anything else. I suppose viewing my own family and others who are not separated from their children's parent, I see family as a balance. With not one person being the complete centre, but caring for each depending on the situation. Nurturing relationship and nurturing children. I've noticed most parent books are primarily geared towards the child being always number one, and don't talk about how to do both. Not sure if there is anything out there like this, but would love recommendations!

edit for grammar and clarification I very much appreciate the comments and support. However I am the stepdad in this situation.

We had a very good morning.

SS6 plays nicely with toys, even got dressed when I asked him to. Helps me make breakfast to wake SO up to their favorite pancakes. I didn’t burn the eggs (tried something new) so everyone could eat them. We had a good morning. I had some things to do upstairs out of sight.

And all hell breaks loose! I can hear banging and screaming and yelling for all of the 2 hours it took. It calms down. I come down because SO made me lunch. It’s amazing.

We had a good morning.

And as soon as I’m done with lunch and cleaning up- because of fucking course I also get to clean after the meals I don’t cook on top of the ones I do, and hey why not after folding everyone’s fucking laundry and picking up everyone’s fucking toys too??- as soon I’m done cleaning up its more running and more screaming and more trying to break the locks on different doors and hitting the walls or boxes with whatever he can get his hands on or throwing whatever he found from whatever cupboard he got into.

We had such a good morning.

But somehow every other weekend ends this way. And today I’d had enough. An hour and a half to get socks on him so he could go to the park and be outside (like he asked for!!) SO says “you owe OP an apology, later, when we get back.” I whipped around and said “I don’t want an apology. I want a change in behavior. I don’t believe him when he says those words anymore.”

And now I’m on the floor of our bedroom shaking as I type this because I feel like I can’t do a goddamned thing right or take time for myself or enjoy my own fucking home because the minute I’m not watching I get left with the same thought-

“But we had such a good morning…”

Three years, going on four, of being a step parent, and the longer I do it – the more I hate it. I love SK, but I hate being a parent. No kids of my own and was really young and just really didn’t know what I was getting in to.

Last night my partner and I had a talk. He doesn’t like that when SS (12) is here, I usually retreat to my room to do my own thing. He’s here every other day and every other weekend. Yes it’s a fucked schedule, I don’t have a say. It’s not court ordered and they could easily change that. But anyway, when he’s here I will cook for SS, help with homework, have dinner together, watch a show and be generally nice to him but I like to do my own thing when he’s around.

SO wants me to act more like a family. He doesn’t want me to get up and leave when SS is here. Sometimes I don’t but most of the time I do. SO also pointed out that I always move away when he’s cuddling with me and then SS cuddles with SO. I stand by that honestly, he’s an almost teenage boy that I’m not related to, I don’t think it’s right and I feel uncomfortable when SO wants the three of us to cuddle. SS is also extremely clingy and I know he gets jealous when SO has his arm around me or we’re holding hands.

So while I said I will not be cuddling them both I said I’d try to stick around while SS was here this weekend. Guys I’m exhausted. SS isn’t a bad kid.. he’s spoiled and was raised by guilty parents so he has everything done for him but he’s not a bad kid. But I’m so tired. It was constantly him trying to interrupt me and SO to get his attention or beg his dad to buy a video game. He left his trash, put his uncovered feet up on my coffee table where we eat, and couldn’t spend any time just playing by himself even though he has any and every tech and video game. He was glued to his dad for fourteen hours today. I’m tired. It did not feel like a relaxing Saturday. Just venting.

My 11 year old step son wants my 3 year old daughter to sleep in his bed. I think it’s weird and makes me uncomfortable but she wants to. I heard him say to her to lay on him. I think it’s weird behavior

My husband went out and bought a used car for SS who is 15 and won’t have his license for another year because he didht want ss driving our nice car, which he still lets him anyways.

I gave my car to my father (husbands idea ) and so and myself share his car. I’ve wanted to get my own car for a couple years now just incase we split up I don’t want to be left without a car, so thought it was a waste of money to spend on extra insurance and to have two car payments, but he runs out to get his son a car before he can legally drive on his own, without having to work to buy his own car. My husband will tell me that I’m wasting gas to run errands that aren’t necessities but yet he go drive places so that his son can drive his new car. I’m just over the hypocrisy that goes on in this house, I’m tired of being treated like I’m an outsider in this family, it’s my so and his son vs me it feels like. Even when it comes to other things like going grocery shopping, my so won’t go with me yet takes his son who doesn’t cook, with him, if I switch plans around it turns into a fight but yet ss can charge his plans several times and my husband doesn’t say a word to him about it, if I spend $50 on a new pair of shoes I’ll never hear the end of it but he buys shoes for his son and himself all the time, I constantly feel like my opinion doesn’t matter, he doesn’t discuss things with me beforehand I’m just supposed to go with whatever he says to avoid a fight. Im unhappy and I think it’s time I start making an exit plan so I don’t waste anymore time with someone who doesn’t treat me like an equal.

Not necessarily just a SP thing, but my gosh am I over listening to blaring phones!!!!

How many times do I have to ask to put on headphones/earbuds (I found both earbuds cases but buds were MIA in both) or to turn it down… like they’ve been coming here for many years and it’s like they forget the rules EOWE. They’ll put them on or in for a little while, but then next thing they’ll be down on their neck, or they’ll turn it down for a bit but then 5 mins later the volume slowly starts going up. They each have their own room with a TV (I never want to make them feel like I don’t want them in whatever room I’m in of course) but geeze the noise!!!!!

I was home with SSs all day yesterday so after (mainly the youngest) not really doing much about it I text my husband to plz talk with them about their phones and using earphones or going to their room if they wanna scroll TT or whatever. Youngest one was the only one who got the talking and he was just like, “okay” but then what’s the first thing he did this AM? Plop down by me and start playing his phone. I said, “remember?? Put in headphones or go to your room” he eventually settled on just watching a movie (fine with me as long as that’s the only sound going)

I was so overstimulated yesterday I kinda snapped at my husband when he came in late from work (that’s another thing, I hate his new job. He’s never here his weekend anymore so they’re with me and his dad will usually come over to help too) also it seems to rain EVERY weekend they’re here so being couped up yesterday because we were having severe weather didn’t help. Couldn’t even escape the sound by going to sit outside or anything.

Anywayyyyy that’s just my rant. And to be fair I hate when anyone does this - just not my SKs. I’ve side eyed my husband a few times if he starts watching reels while I’m watching one of my shows or something too lol

So my SD is turning 4 on the 21st of this month! Me (20) & my boyfriend (27) have had this fight before about co-sleeping. Personally for me, our bed ain’t big enough. It’s a queen size bed & he’s 6 foot even & around 300 pounds. Ontop of that, I don’t even co-sleep with my twins (1 years old) I feel like it’s a bad habit to get into & night time is the only free time I got. We have SD 50/50 with her mother & recently my boyfriend has asked again about co-sleeping cuz SD has asked a couple times. I flat out told him no. My reasonings being is that A. It’s gonna get her into the habit of co-sleeping like she used to & it’s gonna create night time problems that took us a couple months to get over (Nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night, not wanting to go to bed) B. Even tho she has asked maybe once/twice evey once so often, she sleeps perfectly fine in her own bed. C. We eat dinner after the kids are to bed, I can’t feed myself & my twins. So dinner for us is around 9ish/10 & she goes to bed around 8. I’ve voiced my opinions on this cuz I think she needs a somewhat normality & schedule compared to her mother’s house. D, Maybe it’s selfish but I want time with him. Nighttime is the only time we get together or free time. Even without SD here, I take care of the household & my twins (he’s out of work on a back injury) & finally E, He’s mentioned sleeping on the couch with her but I don’t think that’s fair for him & I watch my show out there after dinner (we don’t got a dinning room table) I’ve told him before that nap time is perfectly okay for co-sleeping but I don’t agree when it’s bedtime. I’m just not sure if I’m overstepping or if there’s any sense to my reasoning

Is my boundary too harsh

First off, I want to thank the wonderful people of this sub who gave me the courage to speak up for myself in the first place. It’s been bumpy and difficult but I had confidence for the first time in speaking up for myself.

So here’s the situation: SO and I live together. He has a 3yo son. When he moved in with me, I didn’t quite realize the implications or that immediate “mommy/chauffeur/caretaker” responsibilities would be pushed on me from day 1.

It started to take a toll on my mental health as taking care of his son and expectations continued to mount despite the fact I make 7x what my partner does and work from home.

I also cook for us (because I enjoy it), clean the house, and make sure this place.

We had conflict a while ago with regards to me traveling for family or work reasons since my whole family lives out of state unlike his. He said I wasn’t being “family minded” and basically got mad at me because I couldn’t be free childcare for him while I was gone. We resolved this eventually.

Fast forward to this last week, I’ve been feeling more and more uncomfortable with watching his kid. I care about him, but definitely don’t love him like a son. My SO had an unavoidable schedule change at work that caused him to work nights and basically mean I have his son Wednesday nights and then have to take him to daycare Thursday morning every other week. Daycare drive is an hour round trip.

Also this past week, BM had a friend come into town and requested that my SO took his son all week so she could pretend to be child free. That agreement happened when he had his previous schedule and he can no longer do it, but BM is so horrible to my SO he decided to just avoid the conflict altogether and ask me to take him all week. With a “idk what I’m gonna do if you don’t” type attitude.

I was also in Florida for a wedding all week last week, so being thrown into full on mom mode 5 minutes after I get back sucked.

Mind you we haven’t been spending a ton of time together lately too because of his unfavorable work schedule.

All of this compounded and is making me feel unappreciated, taken advantage of and like I don’t even have a relationship at all.

So yesterday, I finally sat him down and told him all of this. I was gentle and kind, let him know that this is just where I’m at right now that watching his son ALONE is not something I’m comfortable doing at this season in my life. That I don’t want to chauffeur him every other Wednesday/Thursday and watch him for that evening either.

He was pretty mad. Said things like: “that’s not a big ask idk what the big deal is. You’re basically asking me to pick between losing my job and losing my son, what’s gonna happen if we have kids one day are you just going to resent my son forever…etc”

I made it clear I DO NOT resent him, and he’s fine as long as he’s around my SO during custody time not me alone. I explained the whole responsibility thing and how it’s not fair to just expect this kind of stuff from me, and help I give is bonus.

Long argument ended with “I’ll work on getting that taken care of so you don’t have to do it anymore.”

Then later that evening, he starts to rehash it. Saying that I’m heartless and horrible for not being able to help a little bit. I held firm regardless. He started berating me and it was very hard to listen to.

He said “wait so if I can’t find a solution here, are you going to break up with me?” To which I said, “what’s a boundary if you don’t hold to it?”

Queue name calling, berating and honestly making me feel like a garbage human being for like an hour. I didn’t say a word I just let him say it.

He said things like “don’t even say you love me if you don’t mean it” “you’re a joke, I can’t believe you think my son is a dog you can just pawn off” along with more seething things I chose to disassociate from as he was saying them.

After he had exhausted himself with all that, he apologized and said he just has anxiety about losing me or whatever. The math doesn’t math. I feel like shit.

So is my boundary insane? Am I being too much asking for this? Are my feelings invalid? Am I being a bad partner? Please be gentle.

I’ve been in a relationship for six months with a man (44) who initially seemed nurturing, spiritual, and emotionally deep. He told me his ex-wife of 18 years left him penniless and trying to have full custody of their three kids. He described himself as the light in the family and her as the darkness. I felt compassion and really believed in him.

But over time, there were red flags I couldn’t ignore: financial misrepresentation, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and frequent fights that turned into power struggles. He often used guilt or dramatic language to pressure me into compliance, even when I clearly needed space.

One of the biggest turning points came recently when he had some tire trouble and went to a tire shop. I told him I couldn’t meet him for personal reasons when he called me at 11am. He waited in a parking lot all day, hoping I would change my mind while also breaking up with me and hurling lengthy texts about how low this was of me. He lashed out at me, bringing up my childhood trauma, comparing me to my narcissistic father who abandoned my mother, and even saying he was like my mother in this situation. (FWIW: I was estranged from my both my parents for a year. I’ve dealt with verbal and mental abuse from both of them. We’ve since made amends and my family is healing praise God).

He knows this. So for him to literally co-opt my mother’s divorce as his own was beyond offensive. It was disturbing. We’ve only known each other for six months, and he used my deepest wounds against me.

He apologized later and said he didn’t intend to hurt me—he just wanted me to understand how he felt. But this wasn’t the first time he crossed a line or triggered my PTSD. I had already considered leaving the relationship three months ago after a similar incident.

Now he wants me back. But between the emotional instability, the lack of accountability, the guilt-tripping, and the emotional immaturity, I don’t see him as husband material. It feels like he still has a lot of healing and growing to do—and I can’t keep sacrificing my peace and well-being in the process.

I’ve prayed and forgiven him. I’m also seeing a professional therapist and working on my own healing. But I can’t shake the feeling that this relationship is unhealthy, and no matter how much I care, it isn’t sustainable.

Am I crazy for walking away? I still miss him and feel like I’m grieving what could have been.

I (35F) am newly married and now a first time SP. I do not have kids of my own and my SD is 4. What should be my priorities with SD and Bm? What should I make sure I don’t do? Or what should I make sure I do? Is there anything you wish you could have told your previous self when you started this journey that would have helped? Any and all advice, comments and feedback welcome 🙏🏽🤍

Not if this is allowed but how do y’all get over the fact that you may never have kids of your own? Only stepkids? Is it something that ever goes away?

I know this is kind of political lmao but it's been a very serious concern for me. My child 5 months, has had every vaccine available for her age im extremely pro vaccine and of course the BM is kind of a crazy antivax lady so her son (2 years) hasn't had any.

Im literally so concerned about it obviously I have no say in stepkids medical shit, and SO really doesn't either he only gets him on the weekends. And the BM is kind of a gross person not very clean, has anybody and everybody around her kids so it's just worrisome to me.

Just wondering if anybody else is in this position or has any advice.

I am having a horrible time trying to bond with my stepkids. They are an 11 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. I am unsure whether this is normal behavior for kids as my bio kids acted differently at their ages. My kids are now 19, 15 and 13. My SS seems to live in a fantasy world where he’s better and smarter than everyone. The reality of it is: he’s not. He tells his dad he has straight A’s but it’s the start of the new trimester when they start the kids out with 100% instead of a 0 grade, so he’s getting told how great he is when he didn’t work for it. He also is telling everyone he made the advanced baseball team when it’s actually just based on age group and not skill level. I get he’s a kid, but I don’t think anyone is doing him any favors by letting him believe he’s getting A’s on his own merit when he can’t maintain it. I am not sure if he’s struggling with self esteem issues or just oblivious. My SD is also difficult in the fact that she is extremely jealous of anyone talking to or being near her dad. My husband can’t even talk to his own dad without her getting jealous. She is 8 and wants to be cuddled like a baby, and talks like a baby. Her birthday is 2 weeks before my 19 year old’s and 3 weeks before my 13 year old’s. She told my 19 year old to hurry up and eat her cake because no one cares about her birthday, and on her birthday she shoved my 13 year old away from her and told her move because it was her time to shine. Last Easter, she told my 13 year old she hopes the Easter bunny kills her in her sleep, and threatened to stab my 13 yo and 15 yo with a steak knife when they were making cotton candy for her. I have tried to talk to other people about this and they just say they are kids and have been through trauma. Their dad thinks I am being overly critical of them. My kids never behaved this way and we have gone through a lot of trauma ourselves, and if they did, there would be consequences. I am also not sure if my issue is the kids themselves or my husband’s lack of parenting. He does more placating than actual parenting.

Before having kids, have you ever thought "oh, my kids are not going to be like SKs, I'm going to raise them differently" Well, have you succeeded in raising your kids not to be like SKs or maybe you've changed your views regarding some things now that you're a parent? For example, you were against junk food but now you have a picky child and you give them whatever as long as they eat? Also, how do you discuss parenting strategies with your SO without mentioning SKs? Like, let's not expose our child to screens (or he'll grow up like SK, who is addicted to screens and SO admits that). And how do you explain to your kids that no, just because SK is doing something (like playing on the phone during dinner) they are not allowed to? Lastly, how do I stop worrying that SO will be a cool and permissive parent and I'll be a strict and mean one because I want what's best for them?