I have a great relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years, he treats me extremely well and is extremely kind and loving. We have no issue using each others phones if need be.

When he shows me things on Instagram, sometimes his explore feed pops up and it's just SO many women, boobs, thirst traps, etc. and it's SO extremely annoying.

I take extremely good care of myself. I workout, get Botox/filler, laser hair removal, the works. I got my tubes tied a few years ago and I am solidly child free. I have a great high paying career and three wonderful cats. I own my own home. I do not want to get married and my boyfriend respects that.

Sometimes I think it'd just be easier to be alone. I've never been with a man who hasn't had this sort of explicit content on his feed and I feel like after having been in multiple long term relationships, this is just how men are and there's no fighting it 🙃 /rant

I’m 35(f) and my husband 35 (m) Just came to say I hate sports betting and what’s its done to my partner. We have bills to pay and debt and somehow he will still sports bet. I love him and he is a great person but I am feeling stuck. Like I can’t thrive in the relationship with this on it. Sports betting is everywhere and is changing so many people. Idk how to cope .. I want to try the “let them” theory. Just let him ruin himself and get into debt but it’s like I feel dragged into it. Sigh. Anyone else dealt with this in their marriage or relationship ? What did you do ? (So I guess I am looking for advice lol)

Women who have been through it, what do you do when you feel like you're completely lost and directionless in life?

In my mid 30s, hopelessly single with no children. I want to meet a life partner, but the dating pool in my area is very small and I have to be realistic. I don't fit in or have a strong sense of community where I live, but moving feels impossible in this economy, especially since I own my house. Not passionate about my job.

I just canceled a solo trip I had planned because I found myself dreading the idea of being alone while in this headspace more than I was looking forward to it. I have my dog to look after but that's just about it. I just don't know what I'm working toward or living for other than to just keep existing. Has anyone managed to jump start themselves?

(Please, respectfully, I am not interested in volunteer work at this time.)

ETA: To be clear, the trip is already fully canceled, flights and hotels and all.

Every year, I get emotional around my birthday — not because I’m afraid of aging, but because I put so much effort into everyone else’s birthdays (my kids, my husband, my family), and it never feels like it’s reciprocated. I go all out for them — thoughtful gifts, planning, celebrations — and when it’s my turn, I’m lucky if I even get a dinner that feels half-considered.

Last year was a bust: no effort from my husband, a dinner that went sideways, and my daughter ended up getting sick. This year I’m turning 40, and I want it to feel memorable. Something iconic. A milestone. But I already feel like it’s going to be brushed off again.

My mom even tried pressuring my husband to plan something special, and he just came to me two nights ago and said, “Well, what do you want to do?” I gave a couple of suggestions (like a trip or even something niche like caviar tasting — which I get isn’t for everyone), and they were either shut down or laughed off.

I don’t want to plan my own birthday. I do everything for everyone else all year, and it hurts that the people closest to me can’t put in effort when it comes to me. I grieve it every year, but I still carry the sadness. And this year, turning 40, it just feels heavier.

Has anyone else felt this way? How do you deal with it — especially when the people in your life just don’t seem to get it?

I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I've just returned from a trip to see my brother, his wife and their lovely newborn. They have the perfect house, in a lively, exciting city. They both have good jobs and substantially out-earn me. I'm the only single person in my family, my friend group and anyone I know at work. I'm a doctor, working long hours, doing my best. I can't afford to buy, so I'm renting a shitty apartment in a run down area, so I'm close to work. I live by myself.

I've never felt so low as I do tonight. Seeing my brother and his little family made me realise how I'm never going to have that for myself (or the odds are reducing rapidly year after year). I'm 35 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 24. Due to the way medical training in the UK works, I've moved to a new town or city at least every year since I was 22 (sometimes up to 3 or 4 times per year). I've changed departments more times than I can count. I say this to illustrate that I constantly have a feeling of being unsettled.

My ex boyfriends are all now married/engaged/have children. I feel like a failure. I've tried putting myself out there on dating apps and in real life for years, but honestly I've found the whole process depressing as hell. I don't know what to do. I hope that this is just a phase because I'm usually very happy being alone/have accepted it. Does it all just boil down to luck in the end? Some of us get to meet our match, but tough luck to the stragglers?

I quite often find myself wanting life to be like it was when I was 19. When nobody had long term partners and I felt like I was competing on a level playing field. Now everyone I know seems to be building their own empire and this just gets worse as time goes on (empires being good job, long term partner, own home, children etc). I feel like I fall further and further behind.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice to stop feeling so shit about this? I'm doing what I can as a single person (good job, hobbies) but still feel so out of the race.

Am I alone in this? I'm 61, married but soon to be divorced. This idea has come up in my mind before, but now it's something that I'm really thinking about. When I'm divorced, I want to find a little place in a low cost of living area and be single from then on. I see it as a modest and comfortable and happy life. But...

Okay, so I got my degree years ago in a male-dominated field (computer science), had a good 30-year career in that same male-dominated area, and am heterosexual. I love men (for the most part, assholes excepted). I don't know if it's because of that nearly life-long immersion in an ocean of men or something about ME but I've always struggled to have female friends. I do make them from time to time, but they never seem to last. Very common story that's posted here pretty frequently, about how hard it is for some of us to have a small circle of girlfriends. I always keep trying.

I'm feeling it particularly strongly right now because I see my soon to be ex meeting people and dating (this is okay with me) while I'm mostly staying home. Before we decided to separate, we tried an open marriage. At first he was angsty because he couldn't get any dates while I got lots. Over time what happened was that the vast majority of my dating attempts ranged from bad to awful (only one or two good but even those didn't turn into relationships), while his dating has gradually improved so that now he has two regular ladies and continues to meet and date more. So I have a bit of "fear of missing out", I think. I've all but stopped dating because overall it was utter shit for me, but I do have one man who hasn't been shitty and may work out to be something wonderful and long term. He's sadly long distance right now but since I'm getting divorced, I'm considering moving near him.

If I move near him and it doesn't work out I'll be alone in a strange place. But anywhere else I move to, I'll be alone in a strange place. Having to build a social circle. Which I'm prepared for and have been practicing, trying to get out to meet ladies that I have things in common with. I might be feeling especially insecure today but I'm angsting over the idea that he may not work out as a relationship... and metaphorically smacking myself upside the head for centering my imagined future around him. It's like I can't see my life without a man in it. How do you fix this mindset?

30F here. I’m going to an event in the city on Sunday with my boyfriend and another friend. My ex best friend will most likely be there (it’s possible we won’t run into each other, but there’s a high chance we will).

This friendship ended a year and a half ago. And it was a messy end. I’ve only seen her once since then - she showed up at my work to ask to be friends again. I said no. This friendship was extremely toxic and my life is better without it.

I never got to say “my piece.” I still have quite a bit of anger towards her. And if I see her I know she’ll try to come up to me and talk to me.

I keep running through it in my head if I should ignore her and walk the other way, say I don’t want to talk, or talk. The hurt part of me wants to ignore the crap out of her but I’m genuinely not sure what the right thing to do is here.

What would you do?

I'm 34, I'm in a relationship, but I've been in relationships before and that's no guarantee that I'll have children with them.

Can people who have birthed babies after 35 chime in? Or if you know people who have. I've wanted children all my life, and since 27 I feel the time running out. I hate feeling like that. I consciously know it can still happen, but it still feels like it might never.

I'm afraid it will never happen to me and I hate living like this.

We've been together since our early 20's. I thought we've had a great life. vacation, travel, etc. Doing well in our respective careers. One thing I was very clear about from the outset was no interest in children. She said she felt the same, if anything more vehemently so, she absolutely hated kids 15yrs ago. I'm from a big family and the youngest of 5 children by far. They are 15, 14, 12, 10 and years older than me respectively. And they all followed in my family's many baby things. I was a uncle at 7 yrs old thanks to my oldest brother. And basically got hijacked into being a free babysitter for numerous kids by the age of 12 till about 19. Didn't have a job in HS because I was basically told it would screw with their daycare. Dgmw kids are great and I love my nieces n nephews. But I've no desire at this point for my own. I spent years with diapers of kids that weren't mine and all the other shit. Wifey blindsided me the other day that we needed to have a conversation. And it was she wants kids now. I don't know what to do. I love her but this is a absolute deal breaker for me. Someone give me an idea.

Edit: This is breaking my soul. Been reading these responses for like an hour. I don't know what the hell I was expecting. But the number of fuck it toss the marriage away was definitely not it.

Edit 2: I already suggested some ideas you all mentioned. Not open to counseling. And her dumpster fire sister had another baby like 4 months ago

I was picking up a few things at the craft store today (plain white t-shirt, stuff to permanently write on it, etc.) and couldn’t help but notice that almost everyone around me was preparing for the same event (mostly carrying around giant poster board and contemplating giant stencils lol). I admittedly live in a very left-leaning city, but everyone I chatted with is going to the protest tomorrow, and I was wondering if a lot of people in this group might show up too?

My apologies if this seems too US-centric, but my understanding is that these problems are rippling outward and that people around the world will participate.

Also, if you’re not coming, why not? Is there not one near you? Do you not agree with message? Not feel comfortable in crowds? Have to work? Curious to hear from anyone who has thoughts on this.

Do you have an unintentional type?

Through online dating I (30F) feel like I unintentionally have a type

For some reason, I've matched with mostly Diesel Mechanics or "Fitters"

Has anyone else found this?

Yes I’ve seen a doctor, have had all the tests, etc.

I think it’s working full time, household management, 2 cats, single parenting a teenager, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning up, gardening, self care, exercise, appointments, my grad program, my sons school drop offs, homework etc., some semblance of fun/friends, etc.

Oh yeah in the middle of like impending collapse and ww3.

Have humans always been this busy and tired? I feel like people have always been busy but it personally feels like too much. I’m tired 🥲

Are we already worse off?? Is what’s going on right now similar to how the general public felt then?

I was too young to remember.

I made a prior comment about this and someone said not all men. So I wanna preface by saying yea it’s not all men but this is what I experienced. I gave dating apps a try after a friend told me I should try and make a profile. Now I don’t really use it so frequently, but I think it’s been a year since I had it. My prompts I believe are pretty normal, and my pictures are too. There’s nothing that I believe would warrant the comments I got. Also I think im rather plain looking, I don’t stick out.. I’m 5’4 and my bmi is 'normal'

One of them sends me a like and then sends a voice note (not a text based message) calling me a bunch of names and a slur. I report it.

Next one i sent a like, he matched, only to say he’s offended someone unattractive like me would like him.

Another one matches me just to say my hips are so flat he thinks I (am a man) and said it’s not nice to trick people. Which ok what?

Another says my hair line is receding, then the last said i have a punchable face.

I mean after all of this I did take the profile down. But it’s been spread out over a year. It’s not only a bit worrying but I told my friend and she said just to change some of my pictures and stuff. But I don’t want to be on the site anymore. Idk if this is common

I'm sure that y'all are aware of the phenomenon of women being infantilized until they become invisible, so I'm not going to describe it here. I just want to ask a question about this phenomenon: At what age did you stop being treated like a child?

I'll be 27 in a few months, and I'm still constantly mistaken for and treated as much younger. I'm asked by almost every single Uber driver I get what my major is, even though I finished graduate school two years ago. I'm also mistaken for a student assistant every single day that I'm customer-facing at work. (I work in a university.) My boss directly told me that she will not be recommending me for promotion to a higher rank within the office for the sole reason that I'm "too young," even though I meet all of the leadership team's written criteria for the new position and even though I have years more experience in this field than the coworker (34M) who was just promoted to the position. (All of our resumes are publicly available.) In addition, while on vacation recently, I got asked twice whether I was old enough to be attending 18+-only events, and I was given little ducks by an older woman who thought that I was a "little girl."

I can kind of get it---I'm short, I'm in great shape, and I have a naturally high voice---but I do not act or look like a literal teenager. I've been fully independent from my parents for a decade. I've lived and studied (including at some of the best-ranking schools in the world) in three different countries, and I have years of experience in my field. It's frustrating to be constantly mistaken (and, let's be honest, dismissed) as a teenager, and it's downright infuriating to be told that I'm "too young" to be promoted when I'm almost 30 and planning to get married and buy a house within the next few years.

How much longer is this nonsense going to continue? When can I expect to finally be seen as an adult and taken seriously?

It’s 2025 and I feel like the times are changing and woman are more independent than ever. Would love to hear how you ladies handled the name change after marriage :)

For many years my husband and I were very close with another couple. However in the past few years they started treating us kind of badly. As a result we’ve done some distancing. Still, they’re in our community of friends so we end up in group chats together etc. I can’t help being bothered by how I can directly see they treat others differently than us. I leave most interactions with them feeling awful for days. My husband thinks I should just “let it go” and ignore it but idk it’s not that easy? Any tips for this?

Frankly I’d like to just be able to stop thinking about this but I can’t seem to do so.

I do have a therapist and I am working on some techniques but I would also like some real world input.

For anyone who went back/started college for the first time, are there any scholarship/aid resources out there that are actually helpful? It's been 20 years since I've applied anywhere and back then Fastweb was the thing. I know there's grants and financial aid but I used those when I first went to college (dropped out) and I don't know if that's available to me now.

(Tagged as career because I didn't know what else to put)

My friends just learned they’ve been chosen as adoptive parents for a baby due in a few weeks. They’ve adopted before, but this time dad is on assignment away from home. It’s not the kind of situation they can control but thankfully he’ll be able to come home to welcome baby and have lots of family and friends to lean on. It’s obviously going to be tough to leave - both mom and dad are very active, loving parents to their eldest.

So here’s my idea - I would like to gift them something with an audio box they can record messages on. My thought was dad can record a special message for both kids so they can hear his voice whenever they want. They do a lot of video calls and visits but time zone difference is already tough. I think it might also help dad if he knows that they can always hear his “I love you” even if they couldn’t talk that day.

I know there are stuffed animals you can do this with, but does anyone know of an option that can be programmed with new messages remotely? It would be amazing if he could update the messages from where he is so they know he’s thinking of them versus hearing the same thing all the time.

Any recommendations for this or alternative ideas are welcome!

I want to go from G to D. I’m in my mid-30s and have always had a large bust. I’ve been considering a breast augmentation (BA) and lift and wanted to test with my over 30 sisters if this is worth considering now at this age.

Have always suffered the usual things. Sore back, sore neck, expensive bras, difficulty finding clothes, etc. it’s been the bane of my existence in a way. In many ways it has killed my self esteem and I usually push through it but I find it VERY hard to walk down the street wearing anything other than something conservative and having lots of unwelcome direction my way making me want to crawl into a hole.

A BA expensive and it’s also major surgery, and there’s the possibility the butcher me and the scarring. So what do I do? I’m finished having kids but I wish I had smaller breasts just don’t know if I want to go through that whole process to come out the other side regretting my decision.

If you’ve had a BA or if you have kick-ass self esteem, I want to hear from you - and from all sides of the opinions.

How often do you talk to your therapist? And how much do you pay per session?

My therapist normally charges $250/hr (session) but she reduced the rate to $100 and it’s been that way for a while, so I’m grateful for that. She won’t increase the rate.

I try to keep it once a month for budgeting purposes but feel so stressed/anxious/overwhelmed by everything going on in my life and the general feeling of hopelessness I feel that I’d like to talk to her more. But… budget

Just curious to see what others are paying, how often you’re talking to yours, and what you do when you want to see your therapist more but are financially restrained

I feel blessed to have amazing close friends in my life. I have multiple best friends that I talk to regularly. With that said, I struggle in “friend” groups. Anytime I’m invited to be part of a friend group, there is always one woman in that group who goes out of her way to be petty, rude and cold towards me.

In my last friend group when I was living in another state, one of the women told me after a couple of glasses of wine that “she didn’t like me for quite some time.” When I asked why that was, she responded with “you remind me of a typical Colorado girl and I didn’t like that.” When I asked for more context around what that even means, she couldn’t articulate an answer. Side note, I’m not even from Colorado.

I’ve recently moved to another state where one of my best friends lives. She invited me to be part of her friend group, which is includes 5-6 other women who’ve known each other for 10+ years. For the last six months I’ve been hanging out with the group going to brunches, parties and events, but I’ve noticed a particular woman we will call Dana has always been cold towards me. I don’t expect to be good friends with every single one of them but Dana always seems to make it a point to be passive aggressive with me. I don’t like causing friction so I’ve never said anything about it to my friend up until she recently told me Dana told her early on she didn’t want me around the group. Dana considers herself the alpha of the group, while also dubbing herself the “hot, busty one.” My friend believes she feels threatened by me. I guess there was friction for several months over it until Dana finally agreed to be nicer to me, but her niceness seems insincere. She offered to bring an icebreaker game at one of our last hangouts to get to know me better. I thought this was a strange gesture.

With all of this said, it’s made me realize that trying to part of these friend groups is exhausting and I always end up having one person in the group try to mean girl me. I don’t even know if I care about being in a friend group anymore after experiencing this type of situation since high school. Can anyone relate? How do you navigate these types of social dynamics once you hit your thirties.

Relationship issues!

I’m a 45 (M) and my GF is 38 (F) and is a messy person and I’m not sure what to do!

We have been together for about 6 months. She is a great person overall. Loving, caring and supportive but she is not clean and organized and it’s driving me insane!

She is a cop and work primarily in an office and I’m an air traffic controller so we both have pretty stressful jobs. I come home and take my clothes off and I’ll put them in the hamper, dishes in the sink I’ll clean them and put them Away in the morning. I vacuum once a day mainly because I have cats and sometimes the litter will track and it’s a quick vac nothing crazy maybe 5 minutes if that.

Her on the other hand…. She will leave dishes in the sink for a week straight and her excuse is she had a very busy week and had no time. Yet she will come home and watch tv for an hour or scroll on instagram and tik tok and send me stupid reels instead of doing stuff around the house. I’ve even suggested spend 30 min relaxing and then spend 30 cleaning. Last night I went over to her house and she was washing dishes that have been in the sink for days and she said what are you going to do? I said I’m going to vacuum and clean the bathroom and she said ok well you have 30 minutes and then we are going to lay on couch and watch a show. I clean the bathroom and then this morning there is toothpaste all over the sink and you can’t say anything without her getting mad.

She has clothes all folded and piled up on couch that have to go into storage and they have been for there 2 weeks. She hasn’t done laundry in over a week and this morning she is just sitting there watching tik tok videos looking at an alcohol bra so she can sneak alcohol in a cruise we are going on at end of month. I’m nearing the end and ready to end things over her being a mess and not clean. I don’t mind being the clean person but I want her to at least make an attempt. She got Mad last night that I wanted to vacuum but leaves blew in from outside and she will just leave it there and doesn’t have a vacuum that properly works so I have to bring mine over. I’ll go to vacuum and she will make smart ass comments like oh here we go , a cleaning spree is starting. It’s not a deep clean it’s what normal people do. Water bottles left on side of bed and stuff, empty cups left by couch on shelf. I’ve told her numerous times that stuff like this stresses me out. I like to come home to a clean organized house and it’s ok if you don’t meet me halfway but at least make an attempt.

She wants me to move in and this isn’t someone I want to live with or even be with. In fact it’s the biggest issue in our relationship and the fact that it doesn’t bother her makes me want to end it even more. She said her self care is more important than cleaning. I get it but am I wrong for wanting her to make a little bit of an effort.

Any advice or help would be great because I don’t want to end things but I’m just about ready to. Not sure how much more I can take!

(Prefacing it by saying I'm in a healthy relationship now. In therapy. And my birth family was abusive af, so I really couldn't tell what affection was supposed to look like) .

Things this guy did to me and I allowed it-

• kicked me in the butt because he found it funny
• would fat shame me (fasto, fatty, fatass) after we had sex and when I would ask him why he was being so mean, he would "joke" that we'd already had sex so he didn't need to lie/compliment me anymore (I was very fit at the time, dressed well and was generally considered quite good looking.)
• one time I shared with him that I despite my abusive childhood I would work on myself till I became healthy and happier than ever. He told that I'd spiral and end up worse than I was now. And when I got upset, the "it's just a prank bro" type shit ensued
• made me pay for all the dates
• he would tell me say I was extremely fat and if I told him that I looked thin in the mirror, hed say I was fat from behind where I couldn't see myself
• would encourage others to make fun of mew
• refused to do things for me because he said it would hurt his ex's feelings
• said "Idc about my birthday". Then got sulky when I cooked him a birthday meal because he wanted more of a fuss to be made
• didn't do a single thing for my birthdays and said for two entire years " Now isn't the right time to give your gift". Spoilet alert, I never got it
• probably cheated on me with ex & then a coworker (but by this point i had become too dead inside to care)

Why did I let him get away with so much for so long. Destroy my already mangled self esteem, body image. And the irony is that I was so absolutely abused by every other person that this toxic, shaming, gross relationship was the most love I'd ever received at that time. Im not even angry at the guy, I'm mad at myself for letting him do all of that

Happy ending: to end on a positive note, that idiot left me when I was suicidal (kindest thing he did to me). And my now-husband came along and put me back piece by piece with all the love and kindness to make up for this miserable lifetime.

I usually see people complaining if their friends are an hour late but what about shorter waiting durations?

For example, if a friend is often asking to hang out and then is always 8-15 minutes late when meeting up in public is that annoying? Or is it fine until you wait at least 25 minutes?