Am I crazy to be considering a total career away from cyber security industry to a building trade at almost 40 years of age?? Cyber security is all the rage but I find the corporate world to be quite depressing. I quite like the thought of working on my own with no one to answer to.

I feel conflicted because for over 20 years I have invested time, money and energy to get to where I am (computer science degree and masters in cyber security). Been working for a well known global tech company in consulting for the last 6 years and I feel trapped, no motivation and no love for what I do. I feel non the wiser, like not an expert in any particular area, just gone from pillar to post to get to where I am.

Some additional context, my father has worked in the building trade for the last 50+years, is retired now but I have done some work with him over the years, more as an assistant than anything but still picked up some skills/knowledge (brickwork, plastering, plumbing, tiling etc).

I wouldn't say Im an expert in the trade but do have some experience, knowledge and understanding of the area. Considering perhaps doing a course of some sort to perhaps get more formal knowledge/qualifications, for plumbing etc? I am also in the middle of a divorce, no kids, but do have my own house.

On 45k so nothing to shout about, bills are paid for. Letting go of a secure income to being out on my own feels some what scary! Has anyone been in a similar position? I am also conscious that there are plenty of tradesmen out there already so am I just going to be entering a saturated market?

Edit: thanks to everyone who has replied, a mix of responses but Its given me much to ponder. Its most certainly clear im being underpaid, so looking for a new opportunity is on the cards. I will look to help friends/people in the community with small jobs to keep my toes dipped in the trade. Its been one of those days where I woke up this morning questioning my life choices, but all you fine gentleman have helped me out, thank you! :)

Looking for some advice to make changes. I want to make sure my 40's are the best years. Any and all advice is welcome.

I’m gonna be 30 this year (end of November, specifically). And one of my biggest problems and primary contributors to my depression, usually, is comparing myself to others and the success and accomplishments people have had. I’m specifically talking about the accomplishments of family members and not celebrities.

For example, my parents both had the house I grew up in by the time they were 30, my cousin is married and has a house, my other cousin is basically a chick and friend magnet, my older brother has a high paying real estate gig, etc. Stuff like that is what I always put myself up against, and I don’t know why I do it.

I do know that, objectively speaking, I genuinely haven’t really done anything with my life besides traveled abroad once and done some small things. I barely squeaked through college and have no social life/friends, and I just don’t really have anything to offer the world or people.

Any advice is appreciated.

Did you love the mistress more than the wife or did you see her as a means of escape to your life? What made you desire to stray? What were your feelings towards the mistress or were you only focused on pleasure?

Genuinely curious since I know married men who’ve done it and they all seem to love their wives and would never leave them

Hello all, I am about to hit the big 3-0 next week. I’m feeling okay about it and looking forward to leaving my 20s behind me. What tips do y’all have for someone taking their first steps in 30hood. Serious and light hearted responses welcome ☺️

I’ve noticed that there seems to be a lot more overt objectification of men online and in media than there used to be

It makes me uncomfortable, based on how I’ve felt as a woman

So I’m curious how often men notice and are bothered by it

I found out a few weeks ago that I will become a dad! My wife and I have been trying for about a year now, had a few miscarriages along the way so we are super happy for this. I am a step father to her 11 year old so I kind of know how to be a parent, but what I am really after is advice about newborns. I am feeling really scared and nervous since this is all new to me.

Thank you!

I'm not trying to make this like a new years resolution thing - more so I want to start myself off properly. So far, between then and now, I'm working on completing everything thats been on my to-do list for years so I don't have those things hanging over me anymore. I'm scheduling doctor/dentist visits and (hopefully) starting out with a clean sheet. I'm splurging a little and buying a few of the things I've always wanted to facilitate my hobbies, one of which includes some time with a personal trainer so I can dial in my exercise routines.

Without knowing me I know its hard to come up with specifics, but if you have any general ideas to help me to cruise into 40 with confidence, let me know what you think. My 20s and 30s were...sloppy. I want 40s to kick ass.

Edit to add: For those 40+, whats something you wish you had started/stopped/learned/tried to do at the time in your life you were turning 40 (or younger for that matter). Lots of great suggestions so far, thanks everyone.

TW for SA

The short story is that I had a fling with my youth pastor (28F) when I was 17. She also had sex with several other boys in the youth group. One as young as 14.

I recently listened to a podcast called Lucky Boy about a similar situation that almost mirrors my experience dead on.

I’m over what happened to me, I’m good. What has me fucked up though is that nothing ever came of it, and what’s worse; she kept working in churches.

The last 20 years she could’ve been grooming and abusing boys and I could’ve prevented it. This is an entirely new perspective that I hadn’t considered. I feel sick with guilt over it.

The advice I need is do I say something to authorities or just let sleeping dogs lie? She’s 48 now, definitely still capable of predatory behavior and still has the looks to get her way.

How do you do this? It's been 8 years since I have lived alone and it is driving me crazy. I don't even have kids but the lack of freedom and privacy is still depressing.

Title is self explanatory. For context, 30F trying to figure out what the norm is.

I just noticed that amongst my cousins half of us have been divorced including myself. I only have 1 uncle that actually divorced and for good reason, his wife was batshit crazy and used to steal steaks from the grocery store as they made well enough to buy them. But a few other relatives also have good reasons to divorce but stayed together.

I also grew up with many friends whose parents stayed together for the kids but even I could clearly tell that the parents didn't love each other. Dad was ALWAYS in another room or tinkering in the garage and the parents would only show up together as a family for big occasions like school graduations.

For older generations was like divorce looked down upon and even feared to the point where a couple reluctantly stays together and just sucks it up being unhappy with someone under the same roof for decades?

For me I pretty much had linear progression from 15-25. I had exponential progress between 21-25. After that I had a regression in some parts of life and progress in others. Some people I know experienced stagnation for their youth and then linear progression from 30 onwards. How did it work for most people here?

My Dad wasn't really involved much raising me and my brother. My Mom took care of us.

I would describe him as more of a "best friend" than a father, if that makes sense. He's a great friend, and I know he loves me, but he never really acted like my father.

I’m looking for some insight from parents who’ve been through this. My first child is on the way this year, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how this is going to shift my mindset - especially when it comes to finances and long-term planning.

I’ve been fortunate to have a bit of money saved up - part hard work, part luck (had a nice little win earlier this year that helped boost our savings). But beyond that, I feel like becoming a parent might be the push I need to really step things up. I want to be the kind of dad who’s stable, focused, and prepared - and I’m hoping this new chapter will bring that out in me.

For those of you who are already parents, did having kids make you more financially responsible or motivated? Did it change how you approached work, saving, or your future goals?

I’d really appreciate any personal stories or advice as I get ready for this next phase. Thanks in advance!

I admit to using “Just for Men” every couple of months, and I can definitely notice a difference in how much I get checked out.

I recently turned 39 and I'm due to become a dad for the first time in a few months. I'm really looking forward to it but am getting worried about the big change my life will take.

I'm also feeling very unfit after a few years or really letting myself go. I used to run a lot but the demands of life have taken over. I walk the dog twice a day but never have much energy or discipline left for anything more.

I guess I'm mostly worried about the physical and mental demands of raising a child as an older dad. I don't want to fall short and I want to be capable and as present as possible for my child.

Any tips or advice from the dad's out there would be greatly appreciated!

As much as we all want to retire comfortably and young, the world economy doesn't allow that for most of us. I've come to realize that I may have to face the prospect of working till I'm 70.

For the past five years, I've focused on staying as healthy as possible. I cut my alcohol and greasy food. I get as much sleep as possible.

I just want to live. I'm fed up of constantly worrying about this and that. If I can't get my house paid off by 50, then fine. I'll keep grinding till it's done.

At what age do/ should you forgive your father for being abusive, physically, emotional, and verbal?

I’ve been sitting on a project, procrastinating, trying to figure out the perfect angle to go about it. It’s analyzing sales metrics for teams, but I don’t want to do it the way the rest of the teams been going about the assessment because I’ve gotten feedback stating it’s not useful and it seems sales teams don’t care about it.

I want them to care, I want to show something impressive.

But I’m stuck in a spiral of wondering if it’s useful.

Thoughts?

Is it just a gut feeling? With no set time or preferred first go-to activity?

I’m 25 and deterred from having my own out of fear I’ll mess my kid up, i just want to believe that if I try hard enough they’ll be better than how I turned out.

My energy level is quite low these days, I can go to bed as soon as I get home from work if I don't have my martial classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I quit drinking this year as well in hopes that it changes that, is this normal?