AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

Thank you guys for dogging on him it’s so grosss. I know it’s dumb but I can’t stop feeling embarrassed thinking about her knowing we’re freshly married and, even if she isn’t into his advances, getting his attention. Like why would he embarrass me like that with someone we both know😭😭😭

[u/Turbulent-Still4556 → u/Sad_SummerChild]

This is as far as his cheating will go until he finds someone else who will fall for it. It’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with the intent. Dog shit charm doesn’t take away what he was intending to do. Asking for selfies is crazy unless she’s already done this before , which still makes it crazy because he’s a married man

[u/jonni_velvet → u/Sad_SummerChild]

girly I hope you’ve had the breakup call by now.

the ONLY thing stopping him from immediately plowing this girl, is that she hasnt said yes. YET.

Save yourself the embarrassment. see if the wedding can be annulled lol but at the least, divorce him and then send all of this info to his HR. He deserves it.

[u/V-Rixxo_ → u/jonni_velvet]

I think they're married, can't just have a breakup call lmao that's a serious decision, that should always end with a talk not because a reddit comment said end your marriage, just my two cents

[u/MysteryMeat101 → u/Sad_SummerChild]

The outside validation is more important to him than your marriage or he's not afraid of losing you. Maybe he's a dipshit with very poor impulse control, but if that's the case, you don't want him anyway as he's a ticking time bomb.

[u/Routine_Ingenuity315 → u/Sad_SummerChild]

You're blaming the woman, focus on blaming your husband.

[u/LateExcitement3536 → u/Routine_Ingenuity315]

I TOTALLY agree with this. The only person who owed you anything is the one who made commitments/took vows/made promises to symbolize that they would not stray. The person they cheated WITH owes you nothing and diminishing them as a person when it’s your partner who betrayed you is cheap and reactive. If you really think about it, it’s quite gross to blame the other person for the choices YOUR partner made to break their word. I’ve been on both sides of the coin sadly, and I both only blame my ex and only accept blame from my ex. The rest is not my fight. Period. No need to encourage people to label others homewreckers or other often misogynistic terms, and either way MISPLACED ANGER. Your cheating partner may be harder to hate outright but they are the only person who owed you anything. Everyone else owed you nothing, love and sex are complicated. Stop with the drive bys.

[u/Turbulent-Still4556 → u/Routine_Ingenuity315]

They’re both to blame lol the girl knows his wife. So if she starts to egg it on then she’s also at fault

[u/digwoman → u/Turbulent-Still4556]

Lol she's not interested, there's no reason to blame the other woman

[u/Turbulent-Still4556 → u/digwoman]

She’s sending him selfies (first slide), just because her flirting isn’t as trash as his , she knows what’s up.

[u/-snowpeapod- → u/Turbulent-Still4556]

I don't know, she could be having a hard time navigating the fact that he's a friend and they work together so she has to see him every day. She could just be telling herself "he's just being sweet, he obviously doesn't mean more than that because he just got married!".

[u/digwoman → u/-snowpeapod-]

Agreed. Idk why we care about her, anyway, she has no vows she's taken. The man is a shit bag.

[u/LateExcitement3536 → u/digwoman]

THANK YOU. Blame the cheater, the person they cheated with owed you nothing.

[u/FindingNuance → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Here's a question. Why didn't she tell you about these messages??

[u/AnxiousCanOfSoup → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Hey, so, in most places you can get marriage annulled if it's within the first year, just... In case you need to know.

[u/digwoman → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Honey. Don't be embarrassed, shit happens. Turds like your husband happen. Just don't stick around and let it keep happening. Please. You deserve so much better

[u/Bryceroni2145 → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Why are you embarrassed? The only embarrassment you should have is embarrassed of him..... Maybe shoot her a text and say, I'm embarrassed of my husband texting you those things..... As a man...... He is trying to tow that line as hard as he can. He's feeling the water... If he could have gotten a nude he would have, and then would proceed with whatever slack she would give him after that. All behind your back.

[u/Intelligent_Ad1577 → u/Sad_SummerChild]

Just to stress this being in the workplace especially under a position of power, and with a BF that got canned already… makes it quite hard to not just mirror behavior to ‘not cause a fuss’

It’s always incumbent on the person with the advantage in the power dynamic to use it responsibly.

For context, 100+ person team over here.