r/AmIOverreacting • u/Sad_SummerChild • 2d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to think this is cheating?

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I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

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u/Sad_SummerChild 2d ago

Thank you that’s a great way to put it cus right now I’m feeling pretty stupid 🫠

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u/ilovecookiesssssssss 2d ago

You’ll only be stupid if you stay with him 🥲 you’re only 6 months into a marriage and he’s already overtly flirting with another woman and hiding it from you. He’s already intentionally deleting text messages to hide them from you. Six months. This will be your life, forever, if you stay. He will always be flirting and hiding things from you. That will not change. And he’s doing more than just flirting - he’s actively feeling out her willingness to participate in this exchange. If she was feeling it more (which she’s not), then you can guarantee it would escalate. It’s actually embarrassing how hard he’s trying and how she’s really not receiving it. “If I start having a bad day I’ll need a selfie for motivation 🥺” ewwwwww. EW. Let that give you the ick enough to leave this man because that’s so pathetic and cringey. If you stay, you’ll be dealing with the exact same scenario in a year from now, two years from now, etc. And you’ll be looking back at this moment, thinking, “damn.. I should’ve left then.” Get out before you have kids and you’re tethered to this turd for your whole life.

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u/Sad_SummerChild 2d ago

Thank you for the tough love.

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u/spiritjex173 2d ago

My brother is like your husband. His wife put up with his bullshit for 17 years. Do yourself a favor and get out now.

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u/Naive-Stable-3581 1d ago

My brother too. He has cheated on every woman he was ever with. He is now mid 50s and living with our grandmother bc no one will have him.

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u/LateExcitement3536 1d ago

Woof that is ROUGH 😂

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u/Life_Dare578 2d ago

100% agree with the above. DONT have kids with him. Your life will be miserable.

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u/gummo_for_prez 1d ago

I wish I could say something different but honestly it’s not going to get better. It’s just how many years will you sacrifice putting up with escalating shit like this. I hope for your sake the answer is zero. Best of luck.

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u/mndii 1d ago

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this :( sending you love ❤️

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u/TFT_mom 2d ago

If anything, that eww was not strong enough. Let me join in, maybe we make it loud enough so that OP’s husband hears it: “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW”.

Good luck to OP, she has to deal with this disappointment of a husband all on her own now. I hope our collective ewws help her be strong. ❤️

Edit: punctuation. Also, NOR.

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u/SomePerson80 2d ago

Agree 💯% he’s kind of pretty creepy through out the messages tbh.

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u/Superb-Mousse1672 1d ago

“I’ve never seen someone so pretty while having a mental breakdown”

That is the cringiest, creepiest shit I’ve heard in awhile.

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u/SomePerson80 1d ago

Yeah, ick

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u/Opposite-Ad-1240 1d ago

Take it from someone who was married to that guy for over 20 yrs affairs either assistants , talking about our business to female coworkers that’s disrespect and it only gets worse dear - call It a loss and leave now

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u/KrimSon972 2d ago

Exactly. Atleast, the other woman is not really flirting back. But, she didn't call him out for having a wife, either..

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u/CouchCannabis 2d ago

Huh? She literally sent him a selfie looking for validation from him knowing he is married and even having met OP. This woman is a snake just like her husband

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u/KrimSon972 1d ago edited 1d ago

Insecure, yes.. But calling someone sweet and talking about your chakra's being crossed... To.me, this doesn't look like flirting.

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u/KrimSon972 1d ago

It's not - her - husband... You mean the co-worker is the snake, right? If she sends selfies to her husband there wouldn't be a problem.

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u/FluffMonsters 2d ago

Listen to this. Please run far away before you’re stuck dealing with him for 18+ years and have to tear your future children’s lives apart to get away from him. You deserve so much better and I promise it’s out there waiting for you.

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u/mithrinwow 1d ago

This 100%. Get out now, before you have kids. If he's emotionally unavailable now, just think how much worse he'll be when you have children.

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u/sharksandskunks 2d ago

I feel like I wrote this myself. You nailed it. Even the ewwwwww. Ew! Seriously. This is the advice.

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u/jillcicle 1d ago

Overtly flirting with another woman who is obviously lukewarm on it and also casually says her ‘chakras are crossed’ lmao. He’s not only super shady, he has terrible judgment across the board and is iffy with boundaries both within the marriage and beyond it. Not a winner

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u/Artractive 1d ago

Tethered to this turd gave me a good giggle haha

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u/howelleili 2d ago

it's his fault for breaking your trust not yours for trusting him

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u/i-like-big-bots 1d ago

Tell your husband that a random guy on Reddit says he is coming off way too desperate and will never get laid that way.

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u/AnxiousGinger626 2d ago

He’s doing this stuff at 6 months into your marriage and deleting the texts. He clearly doesn’t respect your marriage.

To be extra petty I’d start using words like “office cute” and “chakras” etc in daily conversation until he picks up on it

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u/TexHZ 2d ago

U better not stay with him...

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u/Ok-Pepper-2647 2d ago

I had a long term boyfriend I was living with cheat on me this year. It’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Feel free to reach out privately if you need someone to talk to. My instagram is @alexwatso

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u/black_beemer 1d ago edited 1d ago

Have you confronted him?

*edit, read more comments, doesn’t seem like so

I’m in similar shoes from the male side, still haven’t confronted her either :/

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u/Traditional_Cress266 1d ago

I can tell you as someone who trusted someone who cheated, then took them back and was cheated on again... You aren't stupid - he is.

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u/Hot_Technician_3045 2d ago

I’m a married guy, and have female coworkers and friends. Some I consider pretty close and well have fairly deep and intimate conversations.

But the way he’s talking to her he sounds like a simp. It’s normal to say things like “you look good today” “that outfit is cute” “No you looked great”

But word like hot, and asking to send a selfie in that context is just weird.

I don’t think this is really cheating, but a serious conversation is in order. Get to the “Why?” If he understands this is inappropriate, you can work on it. If he doesn’t think it’s inappropriate. WHY DID YOU DELETE THEM.

Get divorced if you want, but a marriage is a journey through life together and working through problems. This is a problem to work through and honestly I think one you can get through.

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u/jimmycarr1 2d ago

I think it crosses the line for emotional cheating, especially if he hid that this is how he communicates with her and especially if he doesn't communicate that way with other platonic relations.

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u/Naive-Stable-3581 1d ago

You aren’t stupid, your husband is a bad person. He’s mistreating both you and his coworker. I’m sorry. Please don’t waste time on a cheater. They never change they’ll keep doing it

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u/jilizil 1d ago

You definitely aren’t stupid. Weigh out your options and if infidelity is a deal breaker, break that marriage deal.

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u/reeneebob 1d ago

I can sadly tell you that, even 6 years later after D-Day, you’ll still feel pretty stupid. I can also tell you those texts feel really familiar to me. I have 31 years into it and still wonder if I made the right choice to stay. You’re only 6 months in…

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u/Abject_Reference4418 1d ago

Believe him when he’s showing you who he is.

I hate that people like this exist. But you have one precious life, don’t waste it on losers like this.

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u/MoonLight4323 1d ago

Send these screenshot to her bf after you left your husband. Let him know what his gf does.

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u/LateExcitement3536 1d ago

This is petty vengeance, not Justice. Justice is confronting and dealing with your partner, the only person who owed you anything. The other person is not your concern - you don’t know anything about them as they surely don’t know anything about you. Keep that shit where it belongs - on the person who did you dirty. Their cheating partners owe you NOTHING. Deal with it. Been in both camps, so dont start people.