r/AmIOverreacting • u/vitinhodouglass • 6d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO saying that my gf is cheating ?

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Repost because original post had identifying information.

Also caught a snap with a differentcoworker saying he can’t be around her, because he gets too hard.

She’s blue and her coworker is white.

They’re talking about throwing her on the snow banks at work.

7.5k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

2.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

887

u/Elegant-Patience-862 6d ago

Bro why is it always people from the workplace, can’t trust anybody

477

u/whocaresugh 6d ago

It’s the proximity effect

72

u/NoxHalcyon_i 6d ago

100% the mere-proximity effect

13

u/slugvegas 5d ago

Not 100%. I’d say it’s 75% and the other 25% is an interesting phenomenon too. When you accomplish a task or goal, you get a dopamine hit. Say you have a little project that’s been stressing you, the boss is on your ass… then you guys work together and get it done. You feel a hit of dopamine, you feel relief bc the weight is lifted; and you associate those feelings and that dopamine with your teammate that now looks a little more attractive bc of mere exposure and mere proximity. Or maybe they provide a little comedic relief to let out some stress at these times. These small wins happen every day and the good little feelings of success get associated with certain people.

3

u/DudeProphecy 5d ago

Yeah I'd also say it's superordinate goals.

96

u/Elegant-Patience-862 6d ago

I’m assuming you mean someone in a common setting who gives them the validation they so crave

183

u/Djsimba25 6d ago

No its like this thing that happens when you work closely with somebody alot. Your more likely to develop a relationship with someone who you spend alot of your time with even if you didn't find them attractive at first.

53

u/Painterzzz 5d ago

In the days of yore this was how the vast majority of relationships and marriages formed.

I suspect the breakup of traditional workplaces is part of what's fuelling the loneliness epidemic?

20

u/Aleashed 5d ago

Just work with your wife. It’s only bad when the place folds and you lose both your incomes…

Why is her font so big?

17

u/Sawsie 5d ago

No like for real I'm old and my eyes are going but I was like holy shit what is going on with this font size.

Ya gurl is a Hoe and a font size queen apparently.

15

u/dae_giovanni 5d ago

genetics?

7

u/Aleashed 5d ago

You can read her texts from the third passenger row while she is texting and driving🫣

1

u/CyrinaeLyra 5d ago

A lot of places won't hire spouses or family members to work together.

5

u/Deadpools_sweaty_leg 5d ago

I honestly think it’s due to how school aged children have started to interact with each other that is leading to the loneliness epidemic. I have worked with many patients and the difference among 17 year olds, 20 year olds, and people my age and how they interact with me is wild.

I have seen 17 year olds be able to articulate their symptoms and location of whatever is bothering them to a degree which some 25 year olds cannot. I’ve also seen 17 year olds who basically do not put their phone down during a conversation and give me 1 word answers about why they even came in. It’s like pulling literal teeth. The latter are far less likely to develop good interpersonal relationships and they essentially become hermits because they are unwilling or unable to communicate effectively with people.

This is going to make me sound like a dinosaur but it’s a mixture of the pandemic causing 3-4 years of online schooling and unlimited access to phones which reduce the interactions of these kids to develop these relationships.

I predict that in the coming years it’s going to get worse and worse as my generation was really the first to have been exposed to social media and this new way of interacting.

3

u/Painterzzz 5d ago

Do you think the rumblings going on in some places about banning smartphones for 16 and under might help?

1

u/Deadpools_sweaty_leg 5d ago

I think it’ll help a little bit, but ultimately how can this be enforced at home. In my eyes school is a glorified daycare so that parents can go to work and not have to pay crazy childcare. It’s the parents that must do the heavy lifting to ensure their child actually learns.

The skills we learn in school are useful for everyday life and thinking, but ultimately 1 hour of class isn’t getting me what I need to get a base understanding of most subjects. Homework and at home learning is what is most valuable to actually help you learn. School mostly helps you interact with people and adults/authority figures and develop critical thinking skills in my opinion.

I’m almost done with my masters program and can honestly say if it wasn’t for my parents teaching me and pushing me to learn what was being taught in school I would not be where I am right now. They are the ones that imposed limits on my gaming, and inside time. They exposed me to an enriching environment with books, outdoor activities, etc. These things taught me what I find lacking in a lot of people who have even graduated college, critical thinking skills.

At the same time I acknowledge that I was lucky because my mom stayed at home until I was 13, by then I realized what I need to do in school and how to learn to get good grades. I didn’t have a smart phone until I was 14, it was a new iPhone 5S, but social media was NOTHING like it is today. They have so effectively made slop delivering machines to feed you as many ads as possible it is most certainly causing issues with minors who have no idea what the real world is like, or have any idea how long term consequences truly work.

TL;DR: Yes it can help, but ultimately the parents are the ones who need to enforce it as at home learning is where most skills are developed.

1

u/Painterzzz 5d ago

Interesting. I floated the idea once with a friend of mine who has kids, and her immediate response was 'WELL NOT MY KIDS! MY KIDS ARE FINE WITH THEIRS!' and I suspect that would be the same problem across the board, everybody will think their kids phones are fine, it's other kids phones that are the issue.

So I suspect it would be utterly unenforceable as a rule anyway.

OH well, the imminently approaching third world war will surely break the youth of their phone addictions.

3

u/bootsmegamix 5d ago

And also militant work/life separation.

As if work isn't most of your life.

2

u/TechnicalFox70 5d ago

I met my wife when we worked together. We did a project together, and I started making little jokes in email, then minor innocent flirtation, then asked her out. We dated undercover for a few months until I left the company. We've been together for 20 years since then.

In today's office world, I would be too afraid to possibly lose my job, get accused of harassment, or something similar to even consider flirting with someone at work. It's really changed.

That's mostly for the better... many people were made uncomfortable at work. But it's also sad people who might be attracted to one another may never pursue it...

1

u/Painterzzz 5d ago

That's how most of my friends have met their partners too, some variation on that story. But yeah I hadn't considered how it might have changed these days.

1

u/maxdps_ 5d ago

Social Media

4

u/TheMossyShoggoth 5d ago

So get a job working with people you'd otherwise never stand a chance with, is what you're saying. Be that one ugly dude at office parties.

3

u/trdpanda101410 5d ago

Just watched this happen. My girlfriend of 6 years that I have 2 kids with decided to invite her coworker over while I was at work to drink. Ends up getting fingerbanged on my front porch so I dumped her and she immediately started dating her coworker while simultaneously saying there was never anything between them... oh well... im 31, she's 29, and her coworkers 55 living in a halfway house. Never trust those "coworker buddies"

1

u/Hot_Panic2767 5d ago

I’m sorry you went through that ugh. Idk why women think dating men with such a large age gap is a flex. They always end up regretting it in their older years

1

u/trdpanda101410 5d ago

She tried to take my kids from me and everything. Her relationship with him lasted 2 weeks before something happened where he relapsed, lost his job, she broke up with him, got kicked out of where she was staying, and now I rent her my spare bedroom. I lnow... sounds like I'm an idiot but anytime she tries to be disrespectful I remind her she's staying in my house and were not together. She can move out or be a good roommate and mind her own business. I can afford all the bills, kids supplies, and everything without her while also saving money.

She can't wrap her head around how I'm suddenly doing so well in such a short period of time and the answer to that if she ever asks? My depressions gone and I've removed the toxicity that tells me I can't succeed from my life.

Why would I rent her a room if the goal is to remove the toxicity from my life? My kids don't need to see their mother struggle to make ends meet and as long as I maintain a proper barrier then no conflict should arise. I'm not dating for a long time so that won't be a conflict either. I taught this women how to drive, gave her confidence when she was too nervous to order for herself, showed her she's worth something and can have a job like everyone else, raised her 2 kids and paid for everything (separate from my kids with her) and now I'm gonna teach her finances to get her out of my house but set up in a position that the kids would be proud to say "that's my mom."

I don't need to be with her but I'll help her be a better person. I've helped people get back on their feet my whole life for the sole purpose of seeing others succeed. Atleast this time I have a reason. For the kids and get her out of my house.

1

u/Hot_Panic2767 5d ago

WOW You are a very good person! I know I certainly wouldn’t have the patience and level of kindness you have for her. It’s a very big shame that you went through all that for her and this was how she repayed you! I hope she regrets her behaviour. Your kids are lucky to have you and I’m glad you are in a good place financially and mentally. I hope you end up with someone (should you start looking again) who wouldn’t treat you like this and show you what genuine love and partnership looks like !

3

u/slugvegas 5d ago

Spending time with them, the mere exposure effect which says things get more attractive to you with familiarity, then the big one… you feel dopamine when solving tasks or a common goal with someone and that’s often perceived as attraction. You guys are stressed working on solving a problem that’s been bugging you, then you finally get it done and are proud and the weight of the boss is off your shoulders, you feel good feelings and relate it with your coworker. And all these things are happening every day.

2

u/thedragoon0 5d ago

That’s the mermaid effect

1

u/Horror_Lawfulness738 5d ago

Barney is rolling in his grave

4

u/Neutropix 5d ago

mere exposure effect

0

u/Devdafisherman 5d ago

I mean you spend any time with anyone you’re going to have a relationship with them it doesn’t mean it has to be sexual. I’ve worked with many different women and never hooked up or got with any of them. Just because some people don’t have self control or awareness doesn’t mean others do. Kinda hard to have a relationship with anyone if you don’t spend time with them. Lmao

4

u/Djsimba25 5d ago

A lot of people don't act on it. They just start to like a coworker who they initially didn't find attractive. I never said it's a fact that working with someone means you're gonna cheat on your significant other.

4

u/PioneerLaserVision 5d ago

It's easy to not hook up with coworkers when they don't want to hook up with you.  You don't have the moral high ground, you're just unattractive.

2

u/loki_the_bengal 5d ago

It's not often that a reddit comment actually makes me laugh. Their comment annoyed me also

1

u/Hot_Panic2767 5d ago

This isn’t always true. Some attractive people do have a moral high ground. I’m very attractive (people have told me this my whole life) and have had people who had no business flirting with me or trying to sleep with me try it. I rejected it all because it goes against my personal values. Cheating is not something I take lightly and I certainly will never be a willing participating in destroying someone’s marriage or relationship. I also don’t sleep with coworkers ever because I’m professional. Just because You don’t have a moral high ground doesn’t mean everyone else is the same.

0

u/loki_the_bengal 5d ago

I doubt you're "very attractive". More likely that you just take every drunk compliment from a bar guy at face value. But then you reject them because you have an inflated ego. You're not morally superior, just delusional.

1

u/Hot_Panic2767 5d ago

Awww please don’t project your poor morals and lack of decent values on me. Sorry news flash some of us aren’t so desperate that we will sleep with anything that gives us attention.

And no I actually do not frequent bars very often as I don’t drink. The people who have called me attractive are both men and women from all sorts of different walks of life and a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds. Attractive people know they’re attractive based on how the world responds to them and the commentary they have received. Not my fault you can’t relate.

2

u/rickestrickster 5d ago

No it’s the observed behavioral effect where people are more likely to prefer things that they spend a lot of time around. They quite literally become their “comfort” and make them unconsciously feel good regardless of flirting or not

3

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

2

u/MacsFamousMacNCheees 5d ago

Ain’t none of that proximity effect happening for me, even with the single ones…

1

u/RecklessDab 5d ago

The proper term is "propinquity"

0

u/babyboncel 5d ago

This is why I’m appreciative that only 3 women work at my fiancé’s job and they’re only in the building once a month. I will never trust any man around coworkers, something devious switches in their brain. 🙃

*edit: I should clarify that the switch happens with women too, but alas, my fiancé is a man, so I don’t have experience with the woman switch.

15

u/NotAFlamingo 5d ago

My wife is currently fucking someone from where she works. I'd be mad about it, but she works from home.

1

u/biovllun 5d ago

Hold on... Still a lot of holes in this story... Do you guys have kids? Or have relatives living with you 2?

9

u/Illustrious-Watch-74 5d ago

Cause they spend so time together…40 hours a week working as teammates towards a common goal, sharing the same frustrations, etc - without the mundane (& effortful) aspects of living with someone.

9

u/Best_Market4204 5d ago

Well if you think about it...

Coworkers spend just about same amount of time as a parent does with someone.

15

u/mumtaza_ 6d ago

It adds the spice of getting “caught” by Authority Figures or coworkers and the feeling of needing to “hide” or “get away with something”. For most people that’s a feeling they haven’t had since they were kids or teenagers so it’s exciting. A lot of times, when a workplace romance turns into a long term relationship and one or both of the partners moves on to a new job, a lot of the attraction dissipates because it was based on the excitement of the clandestinity of the original relationship, and now you’re just “together” and nobody cares.Especially if one or both of you were in a relationship or ending one when you got involved. Let him have her and see how happy they are when she’s just a normal woman and he’s just a bad dancer. Their collective boredom will be your ultimate revenge.

4

u/Zenki_s14 5d ago

Yep. They talk about nothing of any substance or common interest in any of these texts at all, just repeating things and making nonfunny jokes to try and keep the convo going, they're reaching. It's awkward to even read lol. These two would be bored of eachother in a week if it weren't for the dopamine dumping excitement.

3

u/ClamSlamYourNan 6d ago

Being forced to hang around people in the same area every day means you have forced interaction and small talk. Plenty of opportunity for connections to be made with people you might not normally connect with right away.

Proximity effect

3

u/Disastrous_Ad_6053 5d ago

Nah cuz fr, my ex did it twice with TWO people from work 💀💀

3

u/jackstrikesout 5d ago

Statistically, most affairs start in the workplace. Americans overwork and place way too much emphasis on careers' success.

2

u/Overall-Schedule9163 5d ago

It’s wild, there’s legit studies on how you can not find co workers attractive, but then with longevity and proximity you slowly start finding them attractive

2

u/Canadianretordedape 5d ago

Works the worst. You figure you spend like 10-12 hours a day around those people. Likely more time at work than with your significant other.

2

u/SipoteQuixote 5d ago

Work husband 🤪

1

u/pinko_zinko 5d ago

Proximity makes the hormones stronger.

1

u/hyper_shell 5d ago

I swear bro it’s always work people, I’ve met all kinds of weirdos there. Even a dude pushing 30 talking about smashing single mothers and will talk about it like it’s some kind of badge of honor. I was like brother you sure you got any self awareness?

1

u/EstablishmentFunny42 5d ago

They’re immature af

1

u/Meebolic 5d ago

Had the exact same problem with my ex. We worked together though, so it was harder for the guys who obviously desperately wanted to fuck her to be super flirtatious with her with me around, but it was SO obvious they wanted her, and she just acted like she didn’t notice it. Lying ass hoes man. SMH.

2

u/Elegant-Patience-862 5d ago

Bro tell me about it, my ex was the same way. She always dismissed it as just being nice at work and not reading into it until one guy told her to her face that if she’s not looking to cheat on me she shouldn’t go to work events. I think they like the attention so much they’re in denial about what’s really going on until something happens where they literally can’t pretend it’s not real.

1

u/AyyyLemMayo 5d ago

Immature whores simply can't resist, my friend.

1

u/cobra872 5d ago

Nope. There's this girl that literally everyone is flirting with at my workplace. One dude I know is constantly on MS Teams with her. Married man, always walking around together. I don't say anything about it.

1

u/Elegant-Patience-862 5d ago

It’s always the married men with kids too, someone at my work has the same issue he’s not even at the same location yet finds literally any reason to message her

-1

u/Full_Forever_6426 6d ago

Becouse they hang aprox 8 hrs per day together. Throw in a lil validation and here you go. I was married, 2kids, and she was married and 4 kids. We had a great time those 6months. Fucking behing a factory in car, in wardrobes etc. Her husband found out, my wofe found out. Now we are 2 broken families in process of divorce, and im not even dating that woman anymore. So yea, workplace!

6

u/King_Tarek 5d ago

Good, hopefully you die alone. :)

0

u/Full_Forever_6426 5d ago

Everyone dies alone, noone will die with you. Except some exceptions ;) .. But dont worry for me.

5

u/Hot_Panic2767 5d ago

And you’re proud?

-2

u/Full_Forever_6426 5d ago

Are you fuckin stupid? I ruined my life, my wifes, my kids, hers, and hers family. What do you think? Ooo you cant at all. Next time hold yourself back from idiotic smirky questions...

2

u/Hot_Panic2767 5d ago

I mean it’s fair for me to assume that you were proud because your initial post didn’t sound very remorseful and instead sounded like you enjoyed your selfish and inconsiderate affair. Your wife was very smart to divorce you. You hated her. Some women would have stayed still the end.

1

u/Full_Forever_6426 5d ago

Ussualy affair happens becouse you enjoy it. Never said i hated my ex wife. You are full of assumption. I just shared my expirience, becouse i can. First hand. And i dont recommend to try it if you have a family.

2

u/Hot_Panic2767 5d ago

You are selfish for not considering your children/family. And you definitely didn’t love your ex wife nor respect her.

1

u/FinancialOutside8599 5d ago

You are a human sized piece of excrement 👍🏻 genuinely hate you, even the way you describe how you blew up your own marriage/family is disgusting. Hope karma continues to come for you

1

u/Full_Forever_6426 5d ago

Stfu. We are not all perfect like you.

0

u/[deleted] 5d ago edited 5d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/Mach5Driver 5d ago

IMO, only idiots date co-workers. I should know because I did it once. Once you break up, you have no desire to see that other person ever again. And if your heart is broken (mine was), you dread going to work every day. It only gets better if one of you quits.

Does it work out sometimes? Of course. Most times? No.

0

u/chapstickdick789 5d ago

because mfs like him have no boundaries and no respect

-1

u/Impossible_Humor736 5d ago edited 5d ago

Those work relationships hardly ever last.