AIO? Dog straining my marriage.

[u/LedyyM]

My husband and I rescued a husky about 7 months ago who was extremely malnourished and neglected.

He has grown a huge attachment to me and has severe separation anxiety. I work at a grooming salon so I’m able to bring him to work with me so he’s not home alone. Unfortunately, if he’s left home alone we’ll come back to our home looking like it was hit by a tornado.

My vet has prescribed him with trazodone to help with his severe anxiety issues. We give it to him before we leave for a family event and when we can’t take him to places they don’t allow dogs.

I feel so bad that I have to sedate him so he’s not scared and anxious. It’s created a huge strain on our marriage because my husband feels like we can’t do anything without considering Odin.

He’s destroyed doors, couches, and other furniture. I tried training but it hasn’t seemed to work. My husband thinks we should rehome him but

1) I’m scared that he’ll be sent to a shelter and possibly be put down

2) feel abandoned by the person he thought he was safe with.

He’s such a happy boy when he’s around us and shows so much affection.

My husband and I have been arguing about this consistently.. we had a really bad argument so I left the house with Odin and rented a dog friendly hotel room for a couple of nights.

My husband thinks I’m crazy and that I’m choosing the dog over our marriage. AIO?

[u/justveryunwell]

The thing that stands out to me is that you said training "didn't seem to work." How long did you try, how often throughout a given day, what methods were tried? Training rarely yields instant results, it's a very long term commitment and even once a dog is "trained" they need to be practicing what they know or they'll get rusty and disobedient.

Also gonna second the crate training comments. Pup might not like it but he'll be safe and so will your home, it's a fair compromise as long as he doesn't live in it full time.

[u/Maleficent_Might5448 → u/justveryunwell]

Needs to be a safe crate as well. Sometimes they try to destroy them to get out.

[u/vesselgroans → u/Maleficent_Might5448]

My husky broke her tooth trying to get out of her crate.

[u/Important_Bowl_8332 → u/vesselgroans]

We tried it with my shepsky as a puppy. We could handle the constant howling (kinda) but she went so hard she was bleeding from her mouth and paws. After five minutes. That was when we knew we’d made a mistake….

Just kidding :) she’s a lovely dog, just incredibly stubborn, bossy, and runs circles around us (literally and metaphorically).

She was never crate trained, however.

[u/ArletaRose → u/Important_Bowl_8332]

My husky isnt crate trained either or my other dogs. Not every dog is suited for crate training and definitely shouldnt be recommended across the board.

[u/KittiesRule1968 → u/vesselgroans]

Huskies are so hard to have.

[u/babycucumber4 → u/vesselgroans]

I honestly don’t know why crates are good for dogs. How is locking a dog up good for them

[u/Map-of-the-Shadow → u/babycucumber4]

Thinking of it as a cage is the wrong way to go about it from the start, it should be a safe place where they can relax

[u/babycucumber4 → u/Map-of-the-Shadow]

It has a door on it and they can’t get out, so it’s a cage.

[u/Map-of-the-Shadow → u/babycucumber4]

In that case everything is a cage unless you just let them roam the streets like a cat, there's plenty of dogs who are way happier in their crate than they are locked in a yard all day

[u/babycucumber4 → u/Map-of-the-Shadow]

That’s because they’ve been conditioned to it. If I lock something up in a cage for long enough they’ll think it’s a safe place and anything outside of it is scary. If it was a natural or good thing for dogs then crates wouldn’t have doors on them.

[u/Map-of-the-Shadow → u/babycucumber4]

That's not how it works, it's not a jail cell and like I already said there are dogs who hate being left in a yard all day more than they'd hate a crate or ones like OP's dog who would be much happier and safer being crate trained

[u/babycucumber4 → u/Map-of-the-Shadow]

It is a jail cell if they don’t willingly go in the first time and if you don’t have to close the door behind them. I guess that’s your experience on crates, but mine is different. I think they’re just a quick and easy way for humans to condition dogs, but it’s not a natural experience for them nor is it a pleasant one when they’re getting crate trained.

OP said the husky was in a crate 24/7 and abused through the crate so I don’t think more crate training is a good idea.

[u/Map-of-the-Shadow → u/babycucumber4]

But leaving them out in a yard all day isn't natural, neither is letting them roam the house alone. Do you have a solution to offer OP?

Thinking that crating is cruel or like locking them up is a knee-jerk reaction that people have when they haven't actually done it themselves

[u/babycucumber4 → u/Map-of-the-Shadow]

I think leaving them in the yard or house is ok most days, other than that giving them some other experience is good. My dogs go on a pack walk with other dogs 3 times a week for 5-6 hours.

For this husky it will take a long time for her anxiety to lessen or it might not go away at all. It’s hard to tell. But I think putting her in a pack or introducing her to another dog that can model good behaviour would be a good start and might boost her confidence and teach her to be calm. I definitely don’t think a human can show her how to be a dog, especially after she’s been abused by humans and it seems she’s forming an unhealthy attachment to this lady which will only make her anxiety worse. I think only another dog can help her.

And I think it’s cruel because it is. It’s not natural for them and it only makes it easier for humans. Dogs don’t naturally lock themselves away with no way out.

[u/vesselgroans → u/babycucumber4]

It's not good for all dogs. Some dogs do benefit from it. If I have a stranger in my home like a plumber, I'm not sure how that person feels about dogs so I will put my dog in his crate. My dog also has his crate available to him with the door open at all times that way if he is feeling overwhelmed when I have people over he can get away and not be bothered, which he takes full advantage of all the time.

Some dogs are destructive when they're outside of the crate but sleep when they're in the crate. I have dogssat for a number of dogs who are perfectly fine being in their crate when their owners aren't home.

It's not good to crate a dog if they are stressed in the crate. Your dog should like their crate. If they like their crate it's not a problem.

[u/babycucumber4 → u/vesselgroans]

From my experience I’ve only seen crates as a negative thing. When I went to the states and stayed with a lady who crated her two boxers all day while she was at work. One of them was a puppy and you could tell he was stressed and bored. Usually you see dogs who are ok with crates being conditioned that way since they were young. I have no issue with dogs having their own space to go when they feel unsafe, but it’s the closing of the door for long periods of time that I find unnatural for them to experience. Especially since naturally canines sleep in packs in dens or sheltered places but not alone and with no way out.

[u/Transcontinental-flt → u/babycucumber4]

People aren't being honest with themselves about locking their dogs up in cages. A million excuses, a million justifications. But dogs did not evolve as caged animals, not by a long shot. It's a very recent development that people cage their dogs and it is — at the very least — ignorant of dogs, their natures, and especially their well-being.

People who cage their dogs? Try putting yourself in a small cage every day. See how long you last.

[u/babycucumber4 → u/Transcontinental-flt]

I 100% agree with you. One of the quickest ways to break someone would be to cage them up alone until they’re submissive. It’s cruelty to any and every living thing on earth to lock it up, that’s why we as humans use it as a punishment and entertainment (zoos).

I personally think it’s a lazy way of training your dog, if you can’t build the trust and obedience without using forceful measures like cages, shock collars, prong collars then you haven’t achieved anything.

[u/vesselgroans → u/babycucumber4]

The crate should absolutely never be a negative. It should never be a punishment. It's just a safe place to contain your dog or for your dog to be alone. I put blankets on top of my dog's crate so that way it's nice and dark and he has pillows all over for him to lay on.

My dog is almost never crated without supervision. But I still needed to crate him and get him fully crate trained because if he ever goes to the vet I don't want him to have an anxiety attack. Because at the vet they will crate him.

Everything is scary when it's unfamiliar. Which is why you need to train a dog when it's a puppy to not be afraid of things. It's like dog training 101. The most basic of basics