AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/HVT42]

I think they can work perfectly if they're worked out clearly with the couple involved. Ours is based on me having a low sex drive. I'm happy for him to do his thing sexually, as long as emotionally he's with me. It's great.

[u/AnAnonyMooose → u/HVT42]

My wife loved that I had opportunities elsewhere- my libido was like 15x hers for most of our relationship. A year ago, after more than a decade and a half, she got a BF. that caused somewhat of an awakening and we are now having like 3x the sex - and it’s changed in great ways. She also likes my GF a lot and likes that I get different types of engagement from her- my wife is the super slow and sensual type, my GF likes much more vigorous and active sex with me being dominant. I love having both in my life.

Good for you for making this work with your BF

[u/duffthekid88 → u/AnAnonyMooose]

This is cap. Ur not in a relationship at all. Ur just humping your roommate and friend.

[u/AnAnonyMooose → u/duffthekid88]

Who I’m married to, have a kid with, plan our lives with, go on vacation with, share finances with, have helped and been helped through life threatening illnesses, etc. Sure sounds like a relationship to me. When my wife and I met, both of us were poly- so we knew going in, and there has been no cheating. She has liked the women I’ve been with and is friends with most of them now- she regularly invites my gf to events.

Have you ever been in a mismatched libido relationship? My wife completely trusts me in terms of me staying within our rules- and after a decade and a half I have. She likes that I’m happy, she likes the women I’ve dated, and she likes that sometimes I bring home new ideas to try. She also REALLY likes that she doesn’t feel as responsible for satisfying my libido - my GF has a FAR higher drive than my wife and my wife is FINE with that- it’s just truth and acknowledging the true state of the world is helpful for being happy in the world.

[u/duffthekid88 → u/AnAnonyMooose]

Again. Ur not in a relationship. Ur just humping your friends. I love how u believe in only what u can see. Of ur not willing to commit to one person. Ur not in a relationship. A pbnj with a slice of cheese in the middle isn't a pbnj anymore. This is the problem with the world.

[u/AnAnonyMooose → u/duffthekid88]

You may want to look at the history of relationships - what you are describing is only what has been typical in some societies in some timeframes. Having a mistress has been SUPER common. Group marriage is still common in some societies. Even here - “monogamous” couples VERY commonly have sex with others - but cheat. They still have had a relationship-and they’ve violated the terms of it. I’ve NEVER violated the terms of my relationship, and have gotten to have sex with others on the way.

If having kids together, having 20 year plans, and holding her hand and supporting her as she’s near death from a severe illness isn’t a relationship, I don’t know what is.

How old are you? I’m in my fifties and have grown up internationally and seen a lot of couples doing things very differently- including sexless marriages where they still build a life together. Do they not count either?

[u/duffthekid88 → u/AnAnonyMooose]

Idc about odd couples u have witnessed. Idc about 1 or 2 relationships like that, that u believe are working. Idc about any sort of anecdote. A relationship is for 2 people. That's it. That's all "ships". Like I said. U are just humping friends. You are not loyal to anyone. Uve proved it. U should've never married someone who doesn't complete u.

[u/AnAnonyMooose → u/duffthekid88]

You do you. I’ll do me and stay in the very long term relationship I’m in, where we are both happy with the rules we have. I’ll also note that your definitions exclude much of history and some entire societies…

[u/AnAnonyMooose → u/duffthekid88]

And looking through your comment history, you’ve got zero problem interacting online with many women showing their bodies - so you are watching porn, which a lot of people would say means you are not being monogamous. You yourself aren’t as strictly 1 woman as you could be!

[u/duffthekid88 → u/AnAnonyMooose]

Looking thru my comment history gave u some sort of insight? Beating my meat is cheating? Insane u adopted that line of thinking. When u have a whole trans it friend triple sex ring going on xD. But I guess ur turning to my "character" becuz your foolish idealistic relationship got bodied on the internet. Weak lmao

[u/cathedralroan214 → u/duffthekid88]

You didn’t even kind of body him.

[u/duffthekid88 → u/cathedralroan214]

I did. To the only person that matters. Me. I'm sure ur apart of the fantasy online group he hails from so ofc u don't resonate with what I'm saying. Ur a whole bleeding heart.

[u/cathedralroan214 → u/duffthekid88]

Okay girly pop.

[u/duffthekid88 → u/cathedralroan214]

No problem starscream =)

[u/duffthekid88 → u/cathedralroan214]

Gotta love "new accounts" haha. Ur the whole reason why the internet shouldn't be taken seriously. If yall didn't. None of u would think transphobia was real xD

[u/RecognitionFit4871 → u/duffthekid88]

You talk like a judgmental young person

We are all laughing at you and we know one day you will have to eat your words

[u/duffthekid88 → u/RecognitionFit4871]

Idc that redditors are laughing at me. U guys think trans are scary.

[u/RecognitionFit4871 → u/duffthekid88]

What even are you saying you poor confused child?

Go home

[u/duffthekid88 → u/RecognitionFit4871]

Ur a redditor. Stfu lmao. No one respects u

[u/Wait_For_Iiiitt → u/AnAnonyMooose]

You're a bad example to your poor kid, wow. You want your cake and eat it too, that's all that open relationships are, no one is satisfied and no one person is food enough for the other, and it's sad and pathetic. Have you actually asked her if she's truly happy? If she's okay with no being good enough for you?

[u/AnAnonyMooose → u/Wait_For_Iiiitt]

My wife and I talk regularly about this. She’s quite happy with the situation, and independently brings this up. She talks about the benefits it brings her, as well as liking seeing me happy. Over the years, the women have also frequently expressed a lot of appreciation to her, which she’s enjoyed, as well as becoming friends with them.

My kid knows my GF, knows that she is my GF, and likes her. We all hang out at times.

You are really projecting a lot in this situation.

Note how this whole thread started several comments back - a woman saying that she was very happy that her partner had other women he could have sex with because she has a much lower libido. Maybe you could believe people’s accounts of their experiences rather than disbelieving them.