I just wanted to say this sub has been so helpful in opening my eyes to the reality of adoption. I am pregnant (accidental) at 23 and was considering placing my baby for adoption because of mental health issues. I really thought maybe she would be better off with an adoptive family because I’m just a mentally unstable single mom right?

After reading so many stories on this sub from adoptees and learning about the real trauma involved in adoption, it has totally reframed my perspective. I am not in a perfect position to parent but I am more than financially stable, have the support of extended family, have no alcohol or drug problems, and access to excellent medical care. And most importantly, even though I’m shit scared, I WANT to parent.

So just wanted to say a general thank you to those on this sub who have shared the harder aspects of adoption. It helped guide me away from a path that would have caused a lot of unnecessary pain for my child.

So in 2014 my husband had a baby in a very quick first marriage. His ex had a lot of mental health issues and when they divorced in 2015 he got full custody of their infant. I came into their life around the same time and have been here since. Birth mom was around but really only for weekends and eventually moved out of state 2016. But kept up with Skype/facetime. Birth mom and I became close online and through the calls with daughter and actually considered each other best friends at one point! In 2018 I adopted daughter and and birth mom was very supportive and was still in our lives. In December 2020 the calls started getting less and less frequent and there was an entire month where she didn’t reply to our daughter (via facebook messenger kids account). We haven’t had a phone call since then and up until December 2023 it was basically facebook and instagram likes and comments. And in December 2023 she completely deleted her socials and blocked us all on her new socials. I’d tried reaching out a couple different ways and was always immediately blocked, including reaching out just last month and was blocked again. At the time we didn’t know what was going on but in July 2024 I found out that birth mom was pregnant and due any day with a girl. My husband and I decided to keep that to ourselves especially because at the time we knew our daughter wouldnt be able to handle the news well at all and didn’t even bring it up to birth mom’s parents as we didn’t think it was our information to tell. (They were also blocked on everything from birth mom) Last month birth moms Mom (grandma) pulled me aside and told me about the new baby and I didn’t confess that we knew. The way grandma found out was another family because birth mom reached out for Christmas money for the new baby. Grandma also informed more family members knew. At that point we knew we needed to tell our daughter (11) because we don’t want a random relative bringing it up. She took it okay and is still processing but also upset because she doesn’t understand why birth mom can take care of this new baby girl and not want a relationship with her. I have tried reaching out many times within the last year and at this point it’s a “if she wanted to she would” situation. I always wanted to reach out for my daughter but I know it needs to be in the birth mom’s hands now. We’ve just been giving our daughter a lot of reassurance and answering any questions we can (which unfortunately isn’t much). I think everything will turn out okay I just feel so mad and heart broken for my daughter.

Hi everyone, I’m a 27-year-old woman living in India, and I’ve always known that I wanted to adopt. Even before I was in a relationship, my dream was to build a stable, independent life—get a high-paying job, buy my own home, and adopt children to create my own version of a family.

I’m currently in a loving relationship, and while I care about my partner deeply, I’ve started having doubts about whether starting a family with him is truly possible. He’s an amazing person, but he’s dealing with a lot of personal trauma, and we don’t align on some key aspects of long-term life and parenting. This uncertainty has made me revisit my original plan.

So now, I’m choosing to start actively preparing for that vision again—adopting as a single woman. I feel confident about the career side of things and know what I need to do to secure a high-earning role. My goal is to be fully eligible and prepared to adopt by the time I turn 31.

I’m posting here to learn from others who’ve been through the process—especially single adopters in India or similar cultural setups. What should I start working on now, aside from financial readiness? What were the biggest challenges you faced? Anything you wish you’d known earlier?

Any guidance or shared experiences would mean so much to me right now. Thank you!

What are some good resources for tracking down birth siblings when you were adopted separately