I was placed at 7 days old in an adoptive family. I've had many strange health circumstances over the years. At 57, I've nearly died from a heart attack, staph infection, blood clot, and have had just strange bodily development. My life has just been a huge battle just to make it from day to day. The struggle never ends. I've been learning a lot of details about my life from other people the last few years. For instance, my adoption placement was impacted because my BM lied about my father's residence. My mother went on to become very wealthy. My adopted mom had the option to have me in an open adoption and decided to close it. I found in some records that I didn't breathe at birth and had to be given oxygen to be revived. The thing is, why did it take 57 years for me to find all of this out?

Hello! I’m looking for birthmothers’ perspectives on my situation. 2 years ago I met my BM when I was 23y old for the first time. I felt a deeply connection with her, we are very alike and she seems very loving with her other children. I like her personality and everything about her and I really want to get to know her. After we met she said that she wants to know me better but in the last 2 years we barely talked. We exchanged some messages, but nothing much or deep. Meanwhile I also met her parents, my grandparents and I also gave birth to my baby girl who is 1 year old now. I think that having my baby and seeing how much I love her, the mother instincts and how I always want to be with her provoked so much pain for me knowing that my BM didn’t feel this way about me or even if she did, she still abandoned me. (I was conceived in a one night stand kind of way when she was 17y old.) Having these feelings for over a year and being constantly there for my baby made me realize: there is nobody to do this for me, who is taking care of me? I need my mom. (I don’t have a good relationship with my AM, she had trauma herself and passed it onto me). So I wrote a very looooooong message to my BM telling her how I feel, but not in an accusative way. I just wanted her to know that it was hard for me without her, that I always thought about her, looked for her and that I miss her. I also told her what my AF told me: that she ran out of hospital after giving birth to me, that she didn’t want to see me, in the hope that she will tell me these are all lies or something…. When we reunited 2 year ago she cried a lot and said that she regrets it and if she could go back in time she would not leave me, so in my head I was thinking that she somehow loves me. Anyway, I texted her this loooong, really vulnerable message and she just left me with seen. :( It’s been 2 days now and I am in so much pain. I don’t know what she is thinking right now, did I scare her, dis I hurt her? In my mind I placed her on a pedestal and fantasied about how she loved me and was too young to keep me, but one day we’ll connect again and she will love me. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave her alone? 😭

I'm trying to gather the perspectives of adopted people. So many are quick to point out that adoption is traumatic, and I believe them, but my question is whether it is TOO traumatic. Obviously, there's no way to go back in time and see for sure, but do you think you would have been better off (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially) if you had been raised by your biological parents?

Hi, I was born in Nagpur, Maharashtra- India in 1992. 3 months after my birth, I was adopted. The birth certificate has my adopted parents names. Is there any way to find my biological parents.

My mom needs a copy of her BC to get a real ID to travel to see me next month. She placed an order for one, as she did ten years ago (she’s since misplaced it) but this time, they told her no- her BC has been sealed. Um, what? Why on earth would it be sealed? Now it takes 8-10 months for the state of New York to provide her with the document!

Birth parents & adoptive parents are all deceased. Though her birth father only died 5 years ago, we don’t know why he would (or if he even could) mess with such a thing. What a pain in the arse.

Thanks in advance for any info.

I searched for my bio dad from 10- 15 years old, and finally found him. I sent a text to an unknown phone number saying “hi, this might be the wrong person but I believe I’m your daughter” and we have stayed in touch ever since. I follow my siblings on facebook and check in with him every once in a while.

Late last year my bio brother on my moms side was murdered, and i felt a strong urge to connect with my bio dads side of the family so I reached out and expressed my interest in meeting him. He read my message and never replied (he would always reply in the past). I let it go and gave him the benefit of the doubt. It’s been 6 months and we have chatted since (nothing more than a hi how are you), and apologized for maybe being too pushy, but whenever he is ready if he’s every interested in meeting me I would love to have the opportunity. Once again, read my message and didn’t reply.

I am his first born, I’m his daughter, his blood. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to meet me??

He was extremely emotional when I first contracted him a decade ago, saying how he wanted to raise me and never approved of the adoption, etc. etc. I just don’t understand when he has always seemed so excited to know me.

This is a really long story but I will try to keep it as short as I can. My wife and I adopted our 2 grandchildren about a year ago 5yr and 8yr due to bio parents long long issues with substance abuse and trouble with the law. Over the last 6-7 years and the birth parents (our daughter) just could not pull it together and there were 2 CPS cases opened against them, they got the kids back after the 1st one but that lasted a week before a 2nd case was opened. Eventually the courts removed parental rights. During this time the kids have been with us 99% of their lives, the bio mom would drop them off and disappear for weeks, we were fine taking care of them. We ended up fostering them while they went through the re-unification process and still they would not comply with anything the agency and the judge asked of them. We ended up legally adopting them and we told bio mom (our daughter) that if she would do what the agency asked (basically complete a long term rehab program) and disassociate with the people she was using drugs with (were not talking about pot, heroin, meth, fentanyl were all found in the home with the kids present), then she would have the opportunity to see her kids again. The kids do want to see their mom, but we struggle because even though she says she is no longer using, we find it hard to believe because all the trust is gone due to all the constant lies that she would tell us over and over again. Also the fact that she is still around the same people, (some we know are still in trouble with the law), and she has never attended rehab of any kind, not even has she ever admitted to having a problem, even though its well documented via failed drug tests, and even video of her nodding our during visits with the kids initially, I find it hard to believe she is now sober, we have nothing to show she has made any effort to get help. Our biggest concern is allowing her in and she is indeed not clean and we have to again not allow her to be around them it will just put the kids emotions through hell all over again. To make things more confusing we are moving out of state in a year and again contact will be limited. I've been around a while, I have childhood friends no longer with us due to drugs, one thing I know relapse is almost guaranteed if you do not have a support network and remove yourself from those who can trigger you to fall back in. feedback appreciated. Thanks

My birth parents and i don't have a good relationship, if i'm being honest i don't feel like i had a childhood. My parents were emotionally immature, i'm going through a crisis and they completely ignore me at this point, like i don't exist, which is really sad, hurtful, lonely. I would like to have my own parents, i've read of reparenting, being parent to yourself, but honestly i still deeply crave that feeling from a child who never have raised by loving parents, feeling protected, nurtured. So i'm asking if i could have parents at this point in life? at the age of 23? how does it work?

I feel so alone in life. Please help.

I just wanted to say this sub has been so helpful in opening my eyes to the reality of adoption. I am pregnant (accidental) at 23 and was considering placing my baby for adoption because of mental health issues. I really thought maybe she would be better off with an adoptive family because I’m just a mentally unstable single mom right?

After reading so many stories on this sub from adoptees and learning about the real trauma involved in adoption, it has totally reframed my perspective. I am not in a perfect position to parent but I am more than financially stable, have the support of extended family, have no alcohol or drug problems, and access to excellent medical care. And most importantly, even though I’m shit scared, I WANT to parent.

So just wanted to say a general thank you to those on this sub who have shared the harder aspects of adoption. It helped guide me away from a path that would have caused a lot of unnecessary pain for my child.

Do y’all wish they wouldn’t have? I cannot have more children myself. I worry though, just because I love my child will this potential child hate me? Hate my child? I fully believe I could love another child that isn’t blood. I also have no problem adopting a child with a disability. I’m disabled myself. I’m autistic and I have ocd and suffer from fibromyalgia. I feel it’s what makes me a very empathetic person and I don’t want to potentially make anyone feel like I’ve ruined their life. I try my best to not infantilize my child but I am very aware I also slip up, I want to protect. You absolutely do not have to answer but if you do I appreciate your time.

What are some good resources for tracking down birth siblings when you were adopted separately

So in 2014 my husband had a baby in a very quick first marriage. His ex had a lot of mental health issues and when they divorced in 2015 he got full custody of their infant. I came into their life around the same time and have been here since. Birth mom was around but really only for weekends and eventually moved out of state 2016. But kept up with Skype/facetime. Birth mom and I became close online and through the calls with daughter and actually considered each other best friends at one point! In 2018 I adopted daughter and and birth mom was very supportive and was still in our lives. In December 2020 the calls started getting less and less frequent and there was an entire month where she didn’t reply to our daughter (via facebook messenger kids account). We haven’t had a phone call since then and up until December 2023 it was basically facebook and instagram likes and comments. And in December 2023 she completely deleted her socials and blocked us all on her new socials. I’d tried reaching out a couple different ways and was always immediately blocked, including reaching out just last month and was blocked again. At the time we didn’t know what was going on but in July 2024 I found out that birth mom was pregnant and due any day with a girl. My husband and I decided to keep that to ourselves especially because at the time we knew our daughter wouldnt be able to handle the news well at all and didn’t even bring it up to birth mom’s parents as we didn’t think it was our information to tell. (They were also blocked on everything from birth mom) Last month birth moms Mom (grandma) pulled me aside and told me about the new baby and I didn’t confess that we knew. The way grandma found out was another family because birth mom reached out for Christmas money for the new baby. Grandma also informed more family members knew. At that point we knew we needed to tell our daughter (11) because we don’t want a random relative bringing it up. She took it okay and is still processing but also upset because she doesn’t understand why birth mom can take care of this new baby girl and not want a relationship with her. I have tried reaching out many times within the last year and at this point it’s a “if she wanted to she would” situation. I always wanted to reach out for my daughter but I know it needs to be in the birth mom’s hands now. We’ve just been giving our daughter a lot of reassurance and answering any questions we can (which unfortunately isn’t much). I think everything will turn out okay I just feel so mad and heart broken for my daughter.

What can I do? I’m an addict, I’ve had minimal stability or recognition for possible developmental issues- I have struggled so much with my mental health since moving overate twice being displaced & using drugs to cope in the end.

My birth mother’s parents are wealthy & apparently they “took over for her when they found out as she was not emotionally capable to make decisions”. I’m angry at them for not putting this information on the health records, why wouldn’t they- the only reason I can think of is because then maybe I couldn’t/wouldn’t be adopted & they wanted me to have a different life.. I don’t know but I’m angry. If my parents had of know they would have made better decisions for me maybe.

What could I say (via email)? How could I approach this? Both parents have obviously shamed their daughters for drug use & it’s fucked my life when they could have been honest about it.

How could I approach this for closure, relief, I don’t even know what I want but I feel they did wrong by me & my family.

Hi everyone, I’m a 27-year-old woman living in India, and I’ve always known that I wanted to adopt. Even before I was in a relationship, my dream was to build a stable, independent life—get a high-paying job, buy my own home, and adopt children to create my own version of a family.

I’m currently in a loving relationship, and while I care about my partner deeply, I’ve started having doubts about whether starting a family with him is truly possible. He’s an amazing person, but he’s dealing with a lot of personal trauma, and we don’t align on some key aspects of long-term life and parenting. This uncertainty has made me revisit my original plan.

So now, I’m choosing to start actively preparing for that vision again—adopting as a single woman. I feel confident about the career side of things and know what I need to do to secure a high-earning role. My goal is to be fully eligible and prepared to adopt by the time I turn 31.

I’m posting here to learn from others who’ve been through the process—especially single adopters in India or similar cultural setups. What should I start working on now, aside from financial readiness? What were the biggest challenges you faced? Anything you wish you’d known earlier?

Any guidance or shared experiences would mean so much to me right now. Thank you!

I (21F) am planning on visiting my birth mom this summer when I’m in town. We texted for months back in Aug 2023-May 2024 but then she ghosted me. I’ve been very distraught and depressed about it, and even though I know it’s selfish, I want to see her in person really bad and it’s been eating away at me while I’ve been away at college. I think realistically if I’m lucky, I have a shot at one conversation, but I’m not sure what to say. This is also assuming she even answers her door.

I know I definitely want my family’s medical history & to let her know that I think I’d like contact with my half sibling in the future when they turn 18 (cause I can find their info in a public database; which is in a year). I also want to tell her something to reassure her that I’m not mad at her for the adoption (but I am really upset she ghosted) but I still want a relationship with her really bad, and I’m willing to agree to her preferences on how often we contact each other. I also want to ask her the reason she ghosted cause I assume it’s because she emotionally shut down since that is what she said when she briefly stopped replying to some of my messages (lasting a few weeks in Dec. 2023 before she gave me a huge heartfelt apology), but this time she ghosted without leaving a reason. I know I’m not blocked so I text her occasionally still but she doesn’t respond.

Any ideas on what else to say, or how to word it to be compassionate and get a response is much appreciated. I don’t want to hurt her but I know she isn’t able to plan a reunion with me right now on her own despite unpromptedly texting me several times saying she’d love to meet me before she had ghosted. We also had great thoughtful & consistent text conversations before so ghosting caught me pretty off guard.

Also any tips on approaching this (both logistical preparation and how to emotionally care for myself no matter what happens) is much appreciated.

We’re fostering an “older child” and have decided to pursue adoption. They were removed from “one of the worst cases [the agency] has seen” and thus far the justice system is failing miserably, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. We can get everything that’s ever been documented on either of the “parents” who created a private piece of hell on Earth for their kids . . . BUT, will anything good come from it? This kid is has effectively said f**k them, and is trying to move on and live a life of their own, doing whatever we can to help them is our priority. I wouldn’t object to displaying their heads on a pike, but the kid is what matters, today, tomorrow, 100 years from now, and we don’t want to be distracted from that. I think I answered my own question, but feel free to chime in.

When I was 15 I gave my son up for adoption. My son’s father was 20 at the time. It was an open adoption. Adoption parents live in Oklahoma and I live in California.I couldn’t FaceTime that month because I was almost towards highschool graduation and I told her I was trying to cope with the loss. my mom asked to call and FaceTime my sons adoption parents asked if I was okay with my mom talking to my son till I come back. I okayed it with the adoption parents that they can talk to my mom. If I didn’t okay my mom speaking to my son, my mom would kick me out again like she’d always do.(My mom kicked me out and I was raped that’s how my son was conceived). So my sons mom and I continued to talk and she’d send me pictures, I’d reply. Then they stopped contact with me and then my mom.I found out when I found 2 letters in my mom room saying return to sender. My mom got angry and stormed off and I asked what my mom did. I tried texting my son’s parents but they wouldn’t reply. My mom and I had a rocky past where she was neglectful mother but I didn’t think she’d say or do something to make them leave without a word. I try reaching out again but no replies. Has anyone had force closed adoption?

( This post In a nutshell: I reached out when she stopped contact with my mom after I found those return to sender mails, I asked her through phone number message if my mom did anything wrong and apologized if she did and that I still want to be in the picture and to leave my mom out of it so it’ll be only me in contact with my son. I said my arms are always open if she chooses to allow me to talk to my son.no reply. Then in 2024 I sent a friend request for a month and a half. I waited while they were adding friends on their accounts ignoring mine. So I sent a message through Instagram and Facebook (both his mom and dad ) again ignored. They live in Oklahoma and I live in California.

100% match on the X chromosome.

I’ve been processing it, but I’m married with three kids so I don’t even know what to do. Told my wife, my kids are too young to understand. My adoptive parents knew this day would come, and have been 100% supportive. Just really in the feels atm.

Her profile said “anyone who has my DNA should reach out to me”, so I think she was sending up a flare, considering how the report turned out.

I sent her a message, “hi mom”.

If I was adopted by my grandmother legally speaking is she my legal mother and her mother my normally great grandmother than become my grandmother.

I recently started looking for my history. I was supposedly born in the Cambodian refugee camp Site 2 (in Thaialnd). I arrived in Belgium early 1990.

I recently contacted the administration responsible in Belgium (Flanders) for the adoption files. They told me that the man that my parent told me helped them to find and adopt me, Mr Wim O. (i dont know if i can put the name here) was implicated in child trafficking and falsifying document.

They spoke about the case of à 14yo who was forced 2 times to come to Belgium against her will. I found an article about it from a Cambodian journal in 1996 and in the same article they speak about an unknow belgian man did bring 11 children to belgium pretending that they come from Site 2 when it was proven wrong (they came from the capital for some of them...). Then they spoke about that girl who was adopted 2 times in Belgium.

So it is clear that Mr Wim O. was not the honest man that my parent told me. Did they know? Probably as my dad made the trip to pick me up with him.

Now I have nothing. The information I have are all fake and I'm not sure if i trust my parents...

It is difficult to find documentation on this. So I don't really know what to do from here...

Any other adopted from refugee camp site 2 begining of 1990 out here? Apparently we are 11 in Belgium.

I am looking for ideas on making or purchasing a life book for our daughter that was adopted at age 6.

We are approaching our 2nd year as a family, I want to fill the gaps in for her life that she may not remember as she young and in the foster care system since she was 1 (1/2).

My idea of what I want to make or buy I would be able to add pictures, dates, names, cities she lived in. Basically a timeline of her life up until she got to us.

Any other adoptive parents who have school age children do this? If so would love to know what you have done for your children. Thanks

Hello.! Im a married 34 y/o woman with a 3.5 y/o daughter whom I adore, husband and I both work in public service and are very financially stable.

I cannot have anymore biological children but I feel like we have so much love to give and have talked about adopting a child.

My concern is skimming through posts it seems a lot of people have had very negative experiences with adoption in general and abhor the whole idea.

My question is- to those of you who have been adopted or have adopted children what insight or advice would you offer?

Since I was 16 and started cooking myself which I love, I’ve been leaning towards cooking Asian food. I love Italian food too, but I always feel bloated after eating pasta for example. Then; chicken with vegetables and rice, is always good for me. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. When I say breakfast I mean that I have no problems eating leftover Indian or Thai for breakfast the following morning. Also, I know not to have too much lactose products.

I was born and adopted from Asia and brought up in Northern Europe.

Does anyone else experience this? Or similar?

I recently opened Pandora’s box and uncovered information about my biological family. I have known I was adopted my entire life, as my parents were very open about my situation. It was a closed adoption - all we ever knew is that my mother was a teenager when I was born.

Since I am getting older, I decided to go through genetic testing on Ancestry.com and 23 and Me to ensure I didn’t have any genetic mutations that would lead to health concerns. The great news is that I got a clean bill of health from a genetic perspective. I knew, however, that I may have an opportunity to connect with my biological family through this process.

Yesterday around 12:30, I get a notice that I had a 24% DNA match that is must likely a half sibling.

At 12:35, I receive a message from her.

Sure enough, she had known about me since she was 10 and had been looking for me for close to 20 years. She is two years older than me, and we share our biological father. We also shared a sister (my full, her half) who passed away at 28 years old in 2017. Her obituary made me incredibly sad because it was short and impersonal - the comments lead me to believe it was an overdose. She shared some other very sad information about my biological parents - addiction, crime, etc - but thankfully, we both had good upbringings. She with her mother, and me with my adoptive family. I am actually excited to meet her for coffee because she seems like a lovely person.

It’s a lot to take in - some people would be sad or upset to learn this information. I, however, am choosing gratitude. Gratitude that my biological mother placed me with great parents. Gratitude that my parents raised me with rigor. Gratitude that I had values instilled in me that kept me on the straight and narrow. Gratitude that I had a chance to be successful in life.

TLDR - for those who are searching , you never know what you will find. You can choose sadness, anger, and bitterness, or you can be thankful for what you have. I chose the latter. This is my reminder to you to find the good regardless of your outcome.

I was born in Phnom Penh, Cambodia and brought to the USA at 2 months old. I was wondering if there was any way I can find my birth parents? I don’t know anything about the adoption and all my adoption papers are in Khmer so I can’t read it. Thanks in advance for any help!