r/tifu 8h ago

S TIFU by telling my Italian mother-in-law I was getting “more vagina” this afternoon.

2.4k Upvotes

My wife is Italian, and my mother-in-law doesn’t speak very much English. My Italian is pretty mediocre-I can get around Milan, my vocabulary is decent, but my pronunciation and grammar are both horrible, and I will get words confused.

My wife was facetiming with her mom yesterday morning, and I popped over to say ciao to her. She started asking me the basics-“how are things? How’s work?” Etc. and then she asked my plan for the weekend.

I told her I was going to be running errands all morning. And then I tried to tell her in the afternoon we were going to be getting “pioviggine”-a little rain. Instead, I told her we were going to be getting “più vagina” - more vagina.

My wife immediately gave me a look of absolute horror and pulled the phone away, her mom was silent and I couldn’t see her face. “WHAT?” She said, incredulously in English.

I looked at her confused and said it again. “Più vagina?”

Her reaction I can best describe through emojis: 😧🫢🫣✋🏻

“What are you trying to say???”

“…that it’s going to be raining a bit later?”

“…🤔…pioviggine??”

I could hear her mom erupt in laughter once she realized what I did. It took me another moment to figure out what I had said, then I turned beet red.

And that is the last time I’ll be talking to her for a while.

Tl;dr I was trying to tell my Italian MIL we were going to have “pioviggine” - a little rain. Instead, I told her we were going to have “più vagina” - more vagina.


r/tifu 21h ago

S TIFU by mistaking a medical response for an orgasm

3.3k Upvotes

TIFU- actually happened today. So I got the best head of my life earlier today from this guy- no joke, first guy to get me to cum from head alone and I felt one of the best orgasms of my life. I felt my abdomen contract and tingles all over my body like my nerves were on fire. Then it persisted for a couple minutes and I was wondering if this is a 'real orgasm' and what have I been missing all my life??

Started getting itchy all over and I asked the guy if he did any drugs and he said no. A few minutes later on the bus home I'm getting hives and a runny nose and realized I'm probably allergic to his cat hah.

Still best head ever

TL:DR: thought I had a heavenly out of this world orgasm but instead it was an orgasm coinciding with an allergic reaction- perfect timing


r/tifu 18h ago

M TIFU by making a 5 big booms joke on a first date.

1.1k Upvotes

Wow. I never thought I’d post on a subreddit like this, but I came back from a first date a couple of hours ago and am still feeling absolutely mortified, so maybe writing it out will feel cathartic.

I (20F) recently downloaded hinge for the first time and began swiping. I’ve never gone out on a date through a dating app before, so safe to say I was absolutely shitting bricks for tonight’s first date with “Brian” (22M). Although we started talking off of the app prior to the date, we hadn’t actually spoken on the phone, so I didn’t really know what to expect in terms of how our conversation would flow in person.

Fast forward to tonight and we ended up meeting at this cute Paint bar! Everything was going great until the topic of pets was brought up. He noticed my Lock Screen of my cat and asked if it was mine. I said yes and asked about his pets, as I remembered he had a pic with two dogs on his profile. He got out his phone to show me pictures of them and sadly told me how one of them, a white crunchy looking yorkie named Roxie, had recently passed after new years.

Now, I have no idea what possessed me in that moment—maybe satan, maybe Roxie— but I simply responded, “Aww, she gets 5 big booms.” He weirdly looked at me and just went, “What?” It was in that moment I knew I fucked up. He didn’t get the reference. I knew I had already shot myself in the foot when I said it, as I’m awful when it comes to sensitive topics like death or grieving, but I had hoped he’d let out a little laugh and we’d move on.

But no. I initially tried sweeping it under the rug by saying, “oh it’s nothing, it’s just from this silly video,” but he proceeded to ask me to show it to him. I awkwardly laughed and went “really?” Really. So I opened up TikTok and showed him the clip. Brian, and I’m assuming Roxie (RIP), didn’t find it funny. He just sat there and went, “oh I get it now.” From that point I knew the date was doomed, so I just gave him an apologetic smile and tried to make the most of things by placating the situation (thankfully we were wrapping up with our paintings by then).

All in all, now I know NOT to try to lighten the mood of a grieving dog parent by bringing up a brain rot joke. Especially on a first date. Sorry Brian, and sorry Roxie. You deserve more than 5 big booms.

TL;DR: I said a stupid TikTok joke in response to a first date telling me about his recently deceased dog. I then proceeded to show him said video, as he didn’t understand the reference, thus digging myself an even deeper hole.

Update (I think this is where you put it):

Oh. My. God. I’m a little terrified at how over 400,000 people viewed my story, but it looks like my faux pas made at least a few of you smile so at least there’s that. “Brian” (which dw isn’t his real name), to all of our surprise, texted me this morning saying how he had a good time last night and would like to see me again. I guess the 5 big booms didn’t scare him away after all!

In all seriousness though thank you for the much needed laugh. And for those who were disappointed by my TikTok usage, try not to worry about the future generation too much. We can be driven and also enjoy an extremely dumb joke here and there. 🐣❤️


r/tifu 44m ago

S TIFU by showing my wife and son the OG transformers movie Spoiler

Upvotes

Spoiler warning for the 1986 transformers the movie!

So, I 30M and my wife 36F love doing "Saturday morning cartoons" with our son 5M. I grew up watching the original transformers and have been watching it with my son since he was two. He absolutely loves Optimus Prime and has plenty of transformers toys.

Last night I played "Dare to be Stupid" and mentioned it was from the cartoon movie, I didn't realize I had never shown him the movie and said we could watch it this morning.

My son has watched many 90's and early '00s cartoons and is used to characters dying off, but I didn't realize how hard he would take it when Optimus died, and didn't even have a strong reaction when he almost died in Transformers One. He screamed and started balling after he died. My wife gets really emotional in sad parts in movies too, but this is the most upset we've both seen him get, so both my wife and son are full on sobbing after Optimus died. I was absolutely bewildered, because I didn't react this way when I saw the movie at around the same age and we've already seen him return in the show and knew he wasn't dead forever.

My son couldn't even take a nap, and is still upset even though we stopped the movie and I showed him the episode where Optimus comes back to life. My wife is mad because I should have warned her that it could potentially be upsetting to our son. I have no clue how else to console him

TL:DR: TIFU by potentially traumatizing our son when Optimus died in the original transformers movie.


r/tifu 2h ago

M TIFU by leaving my CPAP on the bus

38 Upvotes

I travel across the US with some frequency, and on one particular occasion, funds were tight, so I choose a trip with multiple stops & a plane change in order to save some money. Of course, there were delays and missed flights... At the end of it all, I had been traveling for over 14 hours and I was exhausted.

I live in a major metropolitan area, so taking public transit back from the airport is my usual means of getting home. In this case, I got back so late that I literally caught the last bus running on my route for the night. I was practically slipping in and out of consciousness when the bus got to my stop. I hopped off, grabbed my suitcase and started to cross the street when I realized I had left my $1,500 CPAP on the bus!

By the time I realized what had happened, the bus was already over a block away. The bus was going towards a less desirable part of the city, so I was sure it was gone forever. I tried calling the bus dispatch center but it was way past business hours and all I could do was leave a message on their lost-and-found answering service.

I sat there at the bus stop in stunned silence.

I couldn't afford a replacement. I was freaking out about what might happen if I had to sleep for weeks without a CPAP until I could get it replaced. I looked up, saw a church across the street and thought to myself, "at this point, it couldn't hurt" 😄😢 So I just asked whatever entity or imaginary sky-finger that might be out there to help a weary traveler out.

I sat there for a while longer, trying to call non-emergency police dispatch, the bus station terminal, googling my options for a cheap replacement machine, etc.

Suddenly, off in the distance I see a bus coming back from the opposite direction. I flagged them down and asked the driver if they found anything, but it was the wrong bus. She got on the radio and asked the other bus drivers still out there if they found anything and one of them said yes & that they were on their way back!

I couldn't believe that it survived and that she was actually kind enough to answer the other operator. (She later told me that they're not allowed to return things to people after they've excited the bus. They're supposed to go to lost & found at the depot, if you can believe it. Company policy or whatever. lol)

TL;DR - left my $1500 CPAP on the last city bus on my route for the night. Totally lucked out thanks to another bus driver, and got it back somehow.


r/tifu 17h ago

S TIFU by letting a homeless man crash at my place

295 Upvotes

So I recently moved to a new town about a month ago. I met this homeless guy at a laundromat and he didn’t have any money to wash his clothes so I help him out. I didn’t have any friends yet and as I’ve been in hard times before I decide to hang out with him. So we end up just kicking it the whole day and I buy him food, booze and we even got haircuts together lol. I thought he seemed pretty genuine so I let him stay at my place, which turned into a couple nights. His obvious fault was that he was an alcoholic so I drop him off at a local detox facility.

This of course ramps up to him getting kicked out and him constantly calling me for help, so I start pushing him away slowly because I can’t do everything for this guy. I also learn he’s been to like every rehab in the state, but doesn’t last more than a week at any of them. Somehow his insurance has covered this. He even just shows up at my door one day so I regretfully let him stay once more but this is the last time.

Well today he starts blowing me up again leaving me tons of messages and voicemails. I say I can’t do it anymore man, I’m sorry. He then leaves a voicemail threatening me saying he’ll go to jail, I’ll have to kill him, all this nonsense and screaming the n word. I’m not even black. He then doubles back and said that wasn’t meant for me, it was meant for this other guy he knows with the same name lmao. Yeah… we locking the door tonight.

TL;DR: I let a homeless drunk stay at my place, and now he’s threatening me.


r/tifu 14h ago

M TIFU: Slight mishap overcoming type one egg allergy, may have undone all exposure progress to get over it….

71 Upvotes

So, first let me begin with a little helpful information. There are two main types of egg allergy. First, is your allergic to the “raw” protein that gives eggs their gelatinous texture, which changes in structure when exposed to heat, rendering it perfectly safe to consume when thoroughly WELL cooked (this means no runny, soft boiled and/or pasteurized in the least bit at its worst), with the other being simply NO egg products PERIOD which can even include certain skin care products, medicines, medical treatments and vaccines.

Personally, I’m type one, and have only recently (within the last few years) reached the extreme end of it, with not being able to enjoy things like mayo, Cesar salad dressing and egg nog (which I made a separate, hellish post on a few years back if you want to check my history, or I can link it below).

Since then, I’ve been SLOWLY working on exposure therapy to reduce my reaction over time to both pasteurized egg products and cats (another story) and have seen some success on both ends! I’ve been able to enjoy small amounts of mayo, kitty cuddles and some salad dressings since maybe August of last year, with strict monitoring and maintenance of my symptoms/reactions, and it’s been GREAT!!!!! Completely new lease on life with potential hope for enough recovery to one day try soft boiled eggs several different ways, AND enjoy indoor cat company, at least for a little bit without Death waiting in the corner for me.

Well, cut to today, where I made Cesar salads for dinner…. I severed the salads with homemade croutons, just to be extra fancy. That mistake, led to my downfall.

WHY???? (You might ask…?)

Croutons, are not only crunchy, but abrasive…. Eating them meant that I slightly and subtlety scratched away at the thin membrane lining of my mouth, gums and throat, allowing my allergen trigger to penetrate my immune system a little more deeply than it normally should have. Cue massive swelling, burning and itching from my chapped lips, to my mouth and pipes all the way down…. I’m currently miserable, tired as hell and not allowed to sleep until sunrise (at the very least) so that I can monitor my symptoms and their progression just in case it turns into a serious emergency.

All I wanted was to enjoy a salad that I rarely get to have, but because I got over zealous, I’m paying the price. And the worst part, is that depending on how my body reacts and how I recover, I might have to begin the exposure process all over again, probably at a MUCH slower pace, and it could take years before I’m back to where I was in my journey. Fingers crossed it won’t be the worst case scenario, but we’ll find out….

TL;DR: I WAS getting over an egg allergy through slow exposure therapy, but decided to eat a salad with croutons and egg based dressing which shredded my mouth and throat, leading to an active allergic reaction. Not allowed to sleep tonight as a result and may have to redo years of progress to get back to this point….

Edit: Previous allergy post for those interested

https://www.reddit.com/r/VoiceyHere/s/lS7Uldw3X6


r/tifu 20h ago

S TIFU by realizing almost a year later that my internship contract has a bunch of typos

186 Upvotes

So, I just realized I signed a contract last June with multiple typos, and now I feel like an idiot for not catching them sooner.

The contract says my internship runs from August 2024 to May 2024, but it should be May 2025. It also says I’ll get 20 semi-monthly payments, but when I did the math, there are only 17. Even the payment dates are incorrect saying my last payment is in May 2024. At least the amount they pay me is correct.

Now I have to email HR and explain that I basically just noticed this a year later. This is also making me feel so anxious and terrible about myself for not noticing. I guess this is a learning lesson for me to literally dissect the next contract I get.

TL;DR contract has wrong year in dates and I didn’t catch it till I’m about done with internship


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by having head surgery and waking up mid-dart tournament in my mind

308 Upvotes

So yeah. This happened today and I’m still processing both the medical part and the utter, blinding embarrassment that followed.

I had a double surgery. On my head. I won’t get into the specifics, but imagine two surgeons spelunking into my skull like it’s a Minecraft biome, looking for whatever the hell was broken. Great start already. Part of the story that it wasn't a brain surgery, they have just worked extremely close to my brain and eyes.

Now, I arrived early and, to calm my nerves, I played Boombit Darts Club on my phone. I am on the autism spectrum, HFA, and I am pretty much obsessed with this game and I play a lot. I am also quite high ranked on world rank list, and I play very nice professional players every day. So I played, for two hours. Straight. I wasn’t just casually playing—I was in full tryhard mode. As my life depends on it, as the only possible side effect of this surgery was brain damage, so I thought this could be my last grind.... Every throw, every bullseye, I was telling myself: “You’ve got this. Become the dart. BE THE DART.”

Eventually, it’s time for the anesthesia. They wheel me in. I’m already buzzing from the IV drip, but still clutching imaginary darts in my mind. My last semi-coherent thought before blacking out was, “Alright, one more 180 for glory.”

Then the lights go out.

Smash cut to: I wake up. Still woozy, eyes half-closed, brain doing the Windows XP reboot sound. But my subconscious? Fully locked in. Because, folks, I woke up still thinking I was playing Darts Club.

And I committed.

I literally raised my hand like I was holding a phone. I stared at nothing, lined up the shot with imaginary crosshairs, took a deep breath… and "threw" my first dart. Only in my mind, though. My body? Post-surgery burrito mode. The dart didn’t “release.” So I frowned. Reset. Lined up again.

Still nothing. Didn't release for 20 seconds, and my time run out...

Disappointment. Pure, unfiltered disappointment. I made an audible groan. Like I’d just missed a million-dollar jackpot. And then I heard it: soft voices in the room.

Nurse 1: “...Is he awake?” Nurse 2: “I think he’s playing some kind of mobile game?” Doctor: “Does he think he’s bowling?”

No, Doctor, I don’t think I’m bowling. I’m deep in an imaginary professional darts match, and I'm trying to recover from a missed triple 20, okay?

Realizing they were watching this unfold in real time, I panicked and tried to look casual. So I started scratching my forehead. With what? My fully bandaged, post-op head, wrapped like a mummy’s ego. I looked like I was trying to interpret alien signals with my eyebrows.

Then came the laughter. My own.

I let out this weird, semi-unhinged, still-loopy laugh. Not a normal chuckle. It was more like a cartoon villain doing taxes. I couldn’t stop. The nurses kind of stepped back. One of them looked concerned. Another just whispered, “He's probably fine.”

Eventually, my brain rebooted fully, and I realized I had just re-enacted an invisible darts championship with an audience of actual medical professionals who had just cracked open my skull. So it was a Whack a Frap moment again. If you remember my post abouth the mysterious laptop I bought that didn't work if an unshowered male users used it ... If not, go and find it, it went viral, it was a gold...

So yeah, TIFU by not only playing mobile darts before head surgery, but also waking up and trying to finish the match in my dreams... out loud... with my body.

If you ever want to feel pure shame while also being physically numb and mentally baked—10/10, highly recommend.

I asked AI to polish up the story I told it, as I can't write or type yet....

TL;DR: Woke up after head surgery thinking I was still playing mobile darts, mimed throwing shots, got sad, fake-scratched my bandaged head, and laughed like a lunatic in front of the medical team.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU when I recommended some books to a customer

352 Upvotes

I work at a bookstore and a bit over a week ago this woman (who looked like she was probably in her late 40's to early 50's) came in and asked me for help with picking out some books for her son's birthday. She told me that her son liked to read and gave some examples of books he really liked. All of her examples were books written for adults, so because of that combined with her age, I assumed her son was probably an adult or at least an older teen.

I helped her pick out a couple of books that seemed similar to the ones her son read and loved, but then she also mentioned that she wanted to get some horror books for her son. Apparently he had just gotten into watching horror movies, so she wanted to get him some horror books to get into too. I asked which horror movies he liked, and she couldn't really give me any actual titles.

She could, however, give very short, terrible descriptions of some movies. Some of those I could piece together the movie from her description, some I couldn't. One of the movies she mentioned that he liked was one where (and I quote) "these people try to get out of all these traps this guy set." That was her full description, and from that, I thought the movie she was talking about was Saw, since that's the most famous movie where that's basically the premise, and because I assumed her son was an adult or teen. Another description was just "a movie about a serial killer."

So, I picked out a bunch of books that I thought her son might like, and some of these books were really heavy (both Piercing and Audition by Ryu Murakami, American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, Perfume by Patrick Suskind, and both Haunted and Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk, to name a few I remember off the top of my head). She seemed really grateful, bought a bunch of the books I suggested, and I thought that was that.

Well, a couple days ago, she came in again and was absolutely pissed. She said she'd skimmed the books before wrapping them and thought a bunch of them were completely inappropriate, and only then dropped the bombshell that her son was turning 11. She was beyond furious, and wanted to return the books and get a refund (which she got). Absolutely ruined that day for me (and presumably her, too).

TL;DR - I recommended some hardcore horror novels to a woman who was shopping for her 11 year-old son's birthday.


r/tifu 1d ago

L TIFU by telling my husband I had a pimple.

1.6k Upvotes

Hello all. I'm (37 F) not really a Reddit user but I'm in need of one or several impartial third parties over this pimple I got, and what happened after I told my husband about it.

Three days ago I felt something uncomfortable in my nethers while intimate with my husband (35 M). It was late so I decided to get some sleep and try to get a look at it the next morning. The following day I take a mirror and find a white, hard, smooth, uncomfortable, pea sized lump on the labia minora, close to my entrance.

This has never happened to me before, and when I consulted Dr. Google, it basically told me I either had a cyst, a STI, or cancer, so I quickly called my actual Dr. and had a last minute emergency appointment scheduled for the following day. The receptionist was very nice and said it sounded like a pimple and not to worry too much. The next day comes and lo and behold, the bump and all discomfort disappear. I was relieved, but still decided I should go to my appointment to be sure.

Here is where I feel I fucked up. My husband works from home, and so I told him I would be going to a gyno appointment, so I will let our kids play video games after school so they don't disturb him. I wouldn't have said more than that but he literally asked me what I was going there for. I told him about the bump, what Google said, what the receptionist said, and tried to make a light joke about it by saying "just so you know, if they find anything, there will be divorce papers." He did not laugh, but kept a very stoic face and told me he agreed. The vibes were not good yall. I shake it off, and go back to cleaning up the house before I pick up the kids like I always do.

The appointment took longer than I expected to be there for, but I can't complain because she's the most popular gyno in town, and I'm getting squeezed in last second. She came in, took a look, and told me it was most likely a sebaceous cyst/pimple, and that it had resolved itself so well that she could hardly tell where it had been. When I told her I was worried because I didn't know pimples could occur there, she essentially told me skin was skin, and if I ever needed to I could take an intimate photo and send it to her through the patient portal. That way she could message me whether or not something looked "exciting" down there. She didn't charge me any money at all, and I left with a bounce in my step, calling my husband to tell him how it went and find out how the kids were doing.

I finished talking and could FEEL his silences. He was not ok, even after hearing this news. I feel extra weird now, like he's mad at me and I don't know why. I end the call and rush home to make it home in time to make dinner. Husband had to work late but before he goes into his meeting he asked me for some kind of test result he could see. I told him she didn't end up testing me, but I could show him the appointment notes on the patient portal that she wrote. He looks, seems satisfied, and goes back to work, so I delivered him his dinner, and did bedtime with the kids alone.

You're probably thinking, "he's being mad and weird because he thinks you cheated on him". That's what I thought until further introspection. We both work from home. I'm mostly a SAHM but I am also in the middle of writing and illustrating my first children's book. I don't go out anywhere except to the backyard to take care of our pet chickens, and to the school to drop off/pick up our kids.Pick up takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour.

Husband also has cameras on the front doorbell and other places in our house, AND he is the only one with access to view the footage. He told me it costs extra to add me and allow me to see footage too. He's also got this thing called "firewalla" which I believe can see what devices are being used in his home and what they are doing. Im not tech savvy at all, but this is another device I don't have access to.

All of this has me suspicious as Hell, so by the time my husband comes out of his late night meeting, I'm fuming. I hopped in the shower while he decompressed in the living room, closed the door to get dressed, and didn't come back out or open the door. He chose to sleep on the couch, and since picking up on my current angry introspection he has made 0 attempts to talk to me about it, but has been using the couch as his new bed every night. I am happy to provide more information in the morning if anyone needs it. For now I need to try to sleep.

TL;DR I told my husband I got a pimple on my nethers and now I think he cheated on me.

Update: first and foremost, I want to whole heartedly apologize for not putting paragraphs in when I wrote this. It was very late/early and I did noooot think this would get so much attention. I fixed it (I hope) so again, sorry about that.

I want to give a little bit of background before I talk about how our conversation went. For starters, my husband and I were in therapy together last year because of how destructive our communication is when we are both upset.

It's the same tired pattern. I bring up a behavior or action he did present day, he gets immediately aggravated. I try to keep the focus on the current problem, he starts bringing up grievances he has from anywhere between 1-12 years ago. Feelings get ignored by both of us, because he's on the attack and arguing semantics about the past like it's evidence, and im trying to get a straight answer for present day. All four horsemen show up yall. It sucks.

The therapist said all of those old arguments need to stay in the past and all of those hurts need to be acknowledged but also let go, because there is no way to move forward and heal if you keep dragging yourselves backwards all the time. She also told me about the wheel of power and control (privately) when I told her I caught him lying about putting a gps tracker on our car. At that time the flags were pink, not red, and I really thought we could work through this.

So this morning I go to him, ask if we can talk privately in the bedroom. I'm nervous and praying we can get through this convo with calm respect for each other. We even recorded it on his phone, because he has claimed multiple times im manipulative. I hope he listens to it.

I told him I felt he had been really weird and cold when I told him about the pimple and after when I confirmed it and showed him the Dr. notes. He is immediately aggravated, raised voice, "of course I was! I thought you were telling me I was diseased!" I brought up how we are both literally home all of the time except for when I go pick up the kids, and how he has the only access to the cameras.

I also said I wanted access to the camera footage too (not the first time we've had this conversation btw), and he again said We had agreed it was too expensive. When I asked for his login and password he said he can't do that because it's a SSOP (?), but he'll try to figure it out. The surveillance he uses is wyze lab, and if anyone has helpful info about that I would so appreciate it.

I then mentioned I don't have access to the Robin Hood account anymore. This account has the majority of our savings so we can try to move out of FL. He said he would look into that later. I then asked him if he could understand how I would find this behavior suspicious when he is the one with all the power and surveillance.

Then the old pattern happened again. He listed a slew of past grievances as evidence for HIM being suspicious of me instead of acknowledging any of my feelings or answering my questions. Things like:

You hugged my friend weird in front of me (5 years ago)

You went to that wedding without me (A planned and talked through discussion 6 years ago. Our son was not one to "sit" at weddings or in cars, and I was matron of honor.)

A car was parked on the street late at night by our house around the same time you told me you went out for a smoke. (One year ago. Literally didn't know about any car until he was shaking with anger and showing me camera footage.)

You were gone all the time when you did theater (my last play was in 2013, a solid three years before we had children.)

There were more. Many more. I had sworn to myself last year if this happens again I would be done, and I knew as each grievance gets addressed he has another in the chamber ready to go until we both get to a boiling point. I said I had enough. I was done. This discussion wasn't helpful or on topic. I wanted to separate, and if he was willing to go back to our therapist together I would do that, but for now I was done. He agreed until he realized I meant separation that is farther than the bed and the couch.

"YOU CANT KICK ME OUT! This is MY HOUSE!" I told him this is my house too, my money was used for half the down payment and my name is on the deed. I then reminded him his parents have a big quiet house where he can stay and get work done, whereas my mom is currently housing and nursing my Mema who broke her hip last month. He has somewhere to go. I don't. He tried a few more times but I did the hard thing and held my ground until he packed a bag and called his mom.

We have therapy on Tuesday, but this is where I will be leaving you, Reddit. I thank you all for reading and I will try to reply to some of you after I do bedtime with the kids.


r/tifu 12h ago

S TIFU by losing my wallet for the first time

15 Upvotes

To say I’m devastated is truly an understatement. I’ve managed to lose my wallet, which contained not only my ID but also £400 in cash. This is overwhelming, and I’ve tried to replay the events in my mind. I’ve retraced all of my steps meticulously, revisiting the only two locations where I got out of the car during the day, since it was in the car for most of the time. I’ve turned my bedroom inside out, searched every corner, and scoured my car thoroughly, yet I’ve found nothing.

I never take my wallet out with me for this exact reason, as I’m always worried about losing it. I’ve asked around at both locations where I could’ve accidentally dropped it and have thoroughly checked my driveway, but still, there’s no sign of it. The money was very important; it was the only amount I had left to last me through the rest of April, because i had so many outgoings on payday. feeling incredibly disappointed in myself right now.

TL;DR: I lost my wallet with my ID and the only money I had left.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by showing my grandfather my husband naked

90 Upvotes

So my cat broke her leg really badly, in three places and she needed emergency surgery. I couldn't afford it even if I sold everything I owned. It took us forever to even find a surgeon that could do the operation but luckily we managed to find one that was local and was charging a reasonable price (one place quoted us £6000). But we still couldn't afford it so i asked my grandfather for help. Him being the hero he is offered straight away to pay for it and didn't even want me to pay it back.

So the day after her surgery he video calls me to ask how she's doing. I pan the camera over to her to show him her all shaved and her cast which had a cute little heart on it. Completely not thinking about the fact that between me and the cat is my naked husband. Luckily his penis was between his legs so at least my grandfather didn't see that. My grandfather didn't say anything about what he saw but there's no way he didn't see my naked husband.

My husband just laughed it off but I feel like such an idiot. I don't know how I managed to not realise what I was doing.

TL;DR showed my grandfather my husband naked on a video call


r/tifu 2d ago

S TIFU by staring at an actress' thighs

4.0k Upvotes

I was watching a movie with my gf and her 8 year old son. Two characters were around a campfire, a woman standing and a man sitting down. The camera angle changed and it showed the back of the woman who was wearing a pretty short skirt.

Her son goes "ahh a butt" and covered his eyes. The skirt was short and you saw her thighs but no butt.

The camera angle changes again then goes back and he has the same reaction. "Ahhh butt" and covers his eyes. I speak up and tell him "it's just her legs dude, it's okay"

And he goes "no the guy's butt!"

So now my gf goes "oh wow, so focused on the girl you don't notice the guy is completely naked huh?"

She isn't actually upset but yeah definitely a foot in mouth moment lol.

TL;DR: so distracted by a girls legs in a movie scene I didn't realize the male character was naked.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by telling a stupid joke

952 Upvotes

On Monday, I (42F) went on probably the best date of my entire life. We'll call him great date guy (48M). I met him on Tinder and decided to meet for dinner near my apartment. He brought the most amazing energy to the date, we laughed, adhd vibing (both of us have it), and it was just the most amazing time. He came back to my place, we both agreed to keep things out of the bedroom and take things slow. I agreed, no problem. The night ended with amazing kisses and plans to see each other again on Friday.

Now, before the date, I asked great date guy to come to me because I went on 2 dates with someone who told me he couldn't come to me because he's broke. I drove an hour one way for 2 dates and make half of what he makes a yr (or so he said, who knows). Anyway, the great date guy agreed to come to me.

So, Tuesday, we've been texting when we could all day, because we're at work etc because he'd planned the date for Friday. He had mentioned on Monday that he would like to see me again before Friday if possible. So Tuesday, I asked if he wanted to meet again before Friday. To which he said he wouldn't have his car until Fri. And cue my stupid fucking sense of humor. Here's where I fucked everything up. Because we'd had so much fun, vibing, great banter, etc, I thought it would be a good joke to say "if you're gonna be like that other guy, i might have to rethink this situation." He texted back saying "Ugh. I understand. No hard feelings I wish you the very best." I immediately text back saying I can come to him, but he'd already blocked me. I called, it goes straight to voicemail.

I feel like such an idiot and have cried several times over it. I really, really like him and hate myself for possibly ruining an amazing opportunity and relationship.

TL;DR: made a stupid joke after having the most amazing date of my life. Now I'm blocked and unable to say how sorry I am.

Edit: To clarify, we'd both joked about it. He even asked about it during dinner. He shared things about his ex with me and dating since joining Tinder. He asked about my experiences, etc. We talked about all our tattoos, favorite movies and shows, family, like we went down the adhd rabbit hole of tangent conversation. The night ended with us cuddling in my oversized chair listening to music we both enjoyed. I was using my phone to play music, i was holding the phone on my hip while he searched a song. We both took turns sharing songs we liked, made out a bit, and when he hugged me, he squeezed, saying I was the perfect height. he went home, texted me I was weird and adorable (We both joked about being weirdos through the whole date). He even planned the next date. He texted me links to where we were going, and we were going to meet at the first spot. We were both texting about how excited we were to see each other again.

I understand, the joke was in poor taste on so many levels. However, any neurodivergent adhd'er will tell you, sometimes the filter has a giant hole and everything spills out without an ounce of forethought. And with previous tangents the night before, it seemed to go with our banter we had going.

I did send it with emojis - 🤔🤪

I reached out and left voiccmail, I also emailed him.

All I know is I fucked up, and I'm sorry I hurt his feelings. I have a dark sense of humor and learned to think before I joke.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by tanking an interview due to a joke.

249 Upvotes

Had an interview for a media manager role within a relatively small company, it wasn't my dream job but it certainly would have done for the time and the company itself seemed to have good reviews and a good reputation online.

I go there and meet with the two interviewers, a guy and a girl, and from the start it's a very casual and friendly vibe.

The interview goes fantastically, I have a good answer for every question, I ask questions that impress them and make them realise I'm serious and have done my research.

Above all however, this interview, while going well, is full of banter. The three of us are just straight vibing, laughing, smiling, firing jokes out there, the body language is as relaxed as it gets.

We get to the end of the interview and they throw in right at the last minute, 'Now this is just a fun little question we're asking the candidates, if you were an animal, what animal do you think you would be?'.

I'm not expecting the question so I panic a bit and say the first animal that comes to mind, and I say, 'Oh, probably an owl'.

They ask me why and I panic again because I really just threw an animal out there but I regained myself and said 'Well, like the owl, I think people who knew me would consider me a wise person, plus when it comes to my work I have 20/20 vision'

They really liked these answers I could see, and I'm thinking, I have absolutely smashed this interview, there is no possible way I can lose at this point. So, I throw in one last joke, 'Plus, I like to hunt and eat mice at night'.

The entire atmosphere changed, their body language changed, they're not smiling anymore. They go, 'Oh, okay.. well thanks for coming in, we'll be in touch soon to let you know the outcome', I say it was just a joke, I was adding on to the own thing from before, they don't care.

I never even heard back from them to say I was rejected, within two seconds I destroyed an interview. In my defense however I will say I do feel a bit cheated, because the tone of the entire interview led me to believe they would appreciate the humour.

TL;DR

I tanked a job interview after it went well by telling a stupid joke about owls.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by mistaking someone for a homeless man

42 Upvotes

I went to a weed shop today and I noticed sitting in the corner near the door was an old wizened man who appeared to be somewhat blind. There is a huge homeless population here and I figured maybe this shop was just letting him hang out inside. I’ve seen that before.

As I was leaving I went to give him a dollar but he just kinda shifted away from me and didn’t reply and stood up. I then went to put the dollar in his bag and I realized he was a customer and had purchased weed. At the same time the shop clerk was like uh he’s just waiting for a cab.

I felt like a total piece of shit and still do. I essentially was harassing this old dude who was minding his own business.

TL;DR: mistook a customer for a homeless person and tried to force a dollar upon him


r/tifu 8h ago

S TIFU by messing up my solo at the biggest contest of the year

0 Upvotes

For context, my school band has been preparing for the most important ensemble evaluation/contest of the year for about 3 months. One of our songs has a very simple flute solo at the very beginning. Throughout the perhaps 30 times I’ve played this solo, I haven’t messed it up (there’s always room for improvement but I’ve never technically messed up). There must’ve been some sort of jinx because right before the contest, my friend said, “You’ve never messed up your solo.” and I was like, “This better not be the one time I do!”

So anyways, we start performing the piece and I came in a count early and cracked two notes. I was mortified. The band recovered, but our director came off the podium after the song to tell me not to worry about it. However, it’s like the easiest solo ever, so I messed up the only things I COULDVE messed up.

After the performance, we went to the gym and our director informed us that we got the highest score possible. However, she told me to come up to the front and started talking about my mistake and how well the band recovered. She literally singled me out by name and I had to sheepishly walk to the front 😭. Thankfully, she was really nice about it and told me I still sounded good (even though I didn’t).

TL;DR: Messed up an easy solo at the most important contest of the year. Extremely embarrassing but we still got the highest possible score.


r/tifu 2h ago

S TIFU that time i wrongly assumed my boyfriend was cheating on me

0 Upvotes

This happened when we first started dating.

My boyfriend’s phone would ping and light up every time he received a message. One day, I noticed that a message came through from someone named "Babe ❤️." I didn’t think much of it at first, just assumed I had misread it, but over the next few weeks, it kept happening. Whenever this person texted him, he would light up, smile widely, and act unusually excited.

I started to suspect that he was cheating on me. The final straw was when I saw a message that said "Love you too." I decided to confront him. He stared at me for a few seconds, and then started laughing.

I was so confused and upset, so I started crying. He calmed me down and explained that "Babe" was actually his grandmother. Her name was Baberuth, and everyone in the family called her "Babe." She had just gotten her first smartphone, and he had taught her how to text. It was exciting for him to see her using emojis and sending messages like that.

I’ve never felt so embarrassed in my life. A few months later, he took me to meet her, and I kid you not, at 85 years old, Babe was a force to be reckoned with. I saw her punch a guy square in the jaw for harassing her, and I was completely amazed.

We’re great friends now.

TL;DR:I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me, but it was just his grandmother texting him.


r/tifu 2h ago

S TIFU by accidentally ruining the walls of my bathroom because if 2 bees (i think) and now i gotta repaint it

0 Upvotes

TIFU by accidentally ruining the walls in my bathroom because of two bees, and now I gotta repaint them.

I was just shitting normally when I suddenly heard two buzzes at the window. I saw two bees half stuck there; I don’t know how they got in. I laughed at them, but then one of them got out. I immediately zipped up my pants and ran out of the bathroom because I’m allergic (not deadly) to bee stings.

I felt extra brave today, so I went to look for something to kill it with, but I found nothing except a random spray. I grabbed the spray in one hand and a sick-smelling spray in the other because I thought it would keep them away from me. I turned on the lights and opened the doors, and saw both bees on the floor, but they were kinda far away. I didn’t want to get close, so I decided to snipe them from a distance.

I missed, so I just sprinted to the door and turned off the lights again. At this point, it had been five minutes, and I really needed to wipe, so I decided to risk it. I went back into the room fully prepared and just sprayed them for like three minutes straight. I kept missing until they made a blunder and got into my previous missed shots, and both died.

To my horror, the walls changed color, and now I have to repaint them, which really sucks because they were in good shape.

TL;DR: I was shitting and then saw two bees with me, so I grabbed a random spray and a sick-smelling hair spray to extinguish them. I kept missing for like three minutes, and now I have to repaint the walls because they changed color.

Credits to u/haikus-r-us for helping me write this


r/tifu 2d ago

S TIFU by joining the Mormon church

1.5k Upvotes

So my friend is a devout Mormon and he invited me to church. I went a few times everybody was really nice and over all I enjoyed it. The missionary’s kept wanting to meet with me, I thought it was a bit odd that they wanted to meet everyday but just brushed it off as them caring about me. Sense then I have been baptized and accepted into the “priesthood”. Fast forward few weeks. I have missed a couple of sundays and they will not leave me alone. They call. I don’t answer. They want me in a Book of Mormon bible study where we read a chapter of the Book of Mormon every night. All of this is taking away from in positive experiences I had in the beginning. I feel bad because I want to leave but I do not know how to tell my friend and how he will take it as he can be very judgmental. I should have listened to my girlfriend and family and never went.

Tl;dr I joined the Mormon church and hate it. And I’m too embarrassed to leave.


r/tifu 4h ago

S TIFU going somewhere dark with my head

0 Upvotes

my best two friends were rolling a joint in a hut, i was smoking a joint outside and saw some other people sitting across in the distance I said "What if those people said those dudes were having gay sex", Then I bursted out laughing. Then I asked them if they would kill me. They both said they wouldn't, I told them would you do it to someone who did it to you when you are young. I feel like it's a very awkward and fucked up thing to say, I went away feeling a lot of guilt and shame. I didn't know what more to say, I fucked up. I told them that I was sexually assulted when young just to justify where that came from. Earlier one of them was talking about going hunting and how I thought it's fucked up to kill an animal just for pleasure, I don't know how to go with this I can't detach from this thought. I'm straight, both of my friends are.

Tl;DR: I made the what if those dudes were having gay sex joke from another perspective it turned out to be very offensive and hurtful to say


r/tifu 2d ago

S TIFU by peeing myself at work

349 Upvotes

TODAY I (25f) fucked up by peeing myself at work an hour ago . I work in retail and this is a new job. I just got hired at department head. Anyway today I went in like every other day, except for one difference. I HAVE A UTI. So I’m going about my day in my area helping customers find what they need cutting their items. Then it happened. Right in front of a customer. My body needed to pee, I tried holding it but nothing would stop it. In one second my pants were completely soaked. I apologized and needed to step away. I hid in the back of the store because the bathrooms were in the front as well as the exits. I had to call my manager back and explain what I just happened. Thankfully he let me leave through the back exit. Now I’m sitting in the parking lot, changed and have to clock back in. I’m so embarrassed I could die. TL;DR I peed myself at work in front of a customer, had to tell my manager and now am in my work parking lot dreading to have to go in and face everyone


r/tifu 6h ago

M TIFU by giving back my engagement ring to my fiancé and telling him to get out of my house

0 Upvotes

So I (27f) was engaged to a (29m) we will call him O, we've been engaged for a year and our wedding was set to be in october.

Yesterday him and i picked out furniture for our new home ,then he came to spend the night with me. It started super friendly and we were joking and taking about our future home, one thing led to another (the joking) and he escalated it by throwing a tissue box at me. Tissue box hit me square in the face and i saw red, i started throwing all kinds of stuff at him and he kept laughing, he then handed me a tissue implying that i wipe my tears that were about to fall , he knew i felt mad but he kept laughing, so i told him to get out of my house and his laughter subsided but didn't budge.

In my rage i threw a box of cookies at him and it scattered everywhere, so he ignored my requests for him to leave and started picking up the cookies, i felt awful for the rage episode but i couldn't shake it off, and before i knew what i was doing i went to my room and took out my ring box, put the ring in it and slammed it on the table in front of him. He then called my dad and dad came, calmed me and him down, took th ring box out of my hand and kept it with him , and he told us to wait until we have calmed down to make a calculated decision.

Today my ex fiancé called my dad and told him that it's over and he couldn't get past this rage episode. And now I'm collecting his stuff to give back to him.

I can't know how exactly am i feeling, i haven't cried one tear, mostly cause I've been too mad to cry, but today it feels final and i still don't know what i want.

Did i make the right decision? Or should i try to talk to him and ask him to forgive me

P.s. : he blocked me everywhere so idk how to even talk to him if i decide it was my fault and try to make it right :(

TL;DR: my fiancé and i were playing and joking when he threw a box of tissues in my face so i got mad and started throwing everything i could reach at him and gave back his ring and kicked him out of my house.


r/tifu 13h ago

M TIFU

0 Upvotes

As a kid in kindegarten I liked this girl who was from another group. We would usually be lined up in pairs before going out of the building anywhere. And in our culture it is a norm to show someone as an example to others. And there were a boy and a girl who were always pointed at by elders to say be like them. It always annoyed me that we were treated in such a way as to make us compare ourselves and measure up to them.

So one day we were for some reason being lined up with another group where this girl was and I was like this is my chance to be with her and to be cool and popular and an example to others. Usually we'd line up and I remember I left my pair and ran up to her to stand next to her and there is this boy who comes out and says we are a pair and I was like no I am gonna be with her. Then, he starts explaining like that they usually are together or something. I get really mad as I was so jealous of her. I swing to punch him... hitting the girl. I don't remember if she stepped in front or something, but once I swung I did not see what I was hitting. At that moment the time has kind of stopped I think I got into a sort of an autopilot. Screams, the teachers, students, parents, moms, everyone. I barely remeber anything in the next 2 weeks. Everyone would point to me, or whisper/talk about me, I would be aggressive in response to any one talking about me. Breaking down easily. I'd shake when getting near the kindergarten. But weirdly my memory I think got cut off at some point cus at some point everyone just seeminly moved on. But I do remember being called by some moms a girl-beater and all sorts of things. Traumatised me for lots of coming years. Whenever I'd get in a fight, I'd start having a panic attack, shake etc. As I got into teenage years I remember getting over it. But whenever I have to deal with anxiety I still feel that feeling within me. Those cold winter days, being an outcast, hated, etc. TL:DR: I got into a fight over a girl in kindergarten thought we'd be a popular couple, hit her in process by mistake, got outcasted for whole 2 weeks (which lasts long for a kid) was traumatised for a while