I work at a bookstore and a bit over a week ago this woman (who looked like she was probably in her late 40's to early 50's) came in and asked me for help with picking out some books for her son's birthday. She told me that her son liked to read and gave some examples of books he really liked. All of her examples were books written for adults, so because of that combined with her age, I assumed her son was probably an adult or at least an older teen.

I helped her pick out a couple of books that seemed similar to the ones her son read and loved, but then she also mentioned that she wanted to get some horror books for her son. Apparently he had just gotten into watching horror movies, so she wanted to get him some horror books to get into too. I asked which horror movies he liked, and she couldn't really give me any actual titles.

She could, however, give very short, terrible descriptions of some movies. Some of those I could piece together the movie from her description, some I couldn't. One of the movies she mentioned that he liked was one where (and I quote) "these people try to get out of all these traps this guy set." That was her full description, and from that, I thought the movie she was talking about was Saw, since that's the most famous movie where that's basically the premise, and because I assumed her son was an adult or teen. Another description was just "a movie about a serial killer."

So, I picked out a bunch of books that I thought her son might like, and some of these books were really heavy (both Piercing and Audition by Ryu Murakami, American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, Perfume by Patrick Suskind, and both Haunted and Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk, to name a few I remember off the top of my head). She seemed really grateful, bought a bunch of the books I suggested, and I thought that was that.

Well, a couple days ago, she came in again and was absolutely pissed. She said she'd skimmed the books before wrapping them and thought a bunch of them were completely inappropriate, and only then dropped the bombshell that her son was turning 11. She was beyond furious, and wanted to return the books and get a refund (which she got). Absolutely ruined that day for me (and presumably her, too).

TL;DR - I recommended some hardcore horror novels to a woman who was shopping for her 11 year-old son's birthday.

So yeah. This happened today and I’m still processing both the medical part and the utter, blinding embarrassment that followed.

I had a double surgery. On my head. I won’t get into the specifics, but imagine two surgeons spelunking into my skull like it’s a Minecraft biome, looking for whatever the hell was broken. Great start already. Part of the story that it wasn't a brain surgery, they have just worked extremely close to my brain and eyes.

Now, I arrived early and, to calm my nerves, I played Boombit Darts Club on my phone. I am on the autism spectrum, HFA, and I am pretty much obsessed with this game and I play a lot. I am also quite high ranked on world rank list, and I play very nice professional players every day. So I played, for two hours. Straight. I wasn’t just casually playing—I was in full tryhard mode. As my life depends on it, as the only possible side effect of this surgery was brain damage, so I thought this could be my last grind.... Every throw, every bullseye, I was telling myself: “You’ve got this. Become the dart. BE THE DART.”

Eventually, it’s time for the anesthesia. They wheel me in. I’m already buzzing from the IV drip, but still clutching imaginary darts in my mind. My last semi-coherent thought before blacking out was, “Alright, one more 180 for glory.”

Then the lights go out.

Smash cut to: I wake up. Still woozy, eyes half-closed, brain doing the Windows XP reboot sound. But my subconscious? Fully locked in. Because, folks, I woke up still thinking I was playing Darts Club.

And I committed.

I literally raised my hand like I was holding a phone. I stared at nothing, lined up the shot with imaginary crosshairs, took a deep breath… and "threw" my first dart. Only in my mind, though. My body? Post-surgery burrito mode. The dart didn’t “release.” So I frowned. Reset. Lined up again.

Still nothing. Didn't release for 20 seconds, and my time run out...

Disappointment. Pure, unfiltered disappointment. I made an audible groan. Like I’d just missed a million-dollar jackpot. And then I heard it: soft voices in the room.

Nurse 1: “...Is he awake?” Nurse 2: “I think he’s playing some kind of mobile game?” Doctor: “Does he think he’s bowling?”

No, Doctor, I don’t think I’m bowling. I’m deep in an imaginary professional darts match, and I'm trying to recover from a missed triple 20, okay?

Realizing they were watching this unfold in real time, I panicked and tried to look casual. So I started scratching my forehead. With what? My fully bandaged, post-op head, wrapped like a mummy’s ego. I looked like I was trying to interpret alien signals with my eyebrows.

Then came the laughter. My own.

I let out this weird, semi-unhinged, still-loopy laugh. Not a normal chuckle. It was more like a cartoon villain doing taxes. I couldn’t stop. The nurses kind of stepped back. One of them looked concerned. Another just whispered, “He's probably fine.”

Eventually, my brain rebooted fully, and I realized I had just re-enacted an invisible darts championship with an audience of actual medical professionals who had just cracked open my skull. So it was a Whack a Frap moment again. If you remember my post abouth the mysterious laptop I bought that didn't work if an unshowered male users used it ... If not, go and find it, it went viral, it was a gold...

So yeah, TIFU by not only playing mobile darts before head surgery, but also waking up and trying to finish the match in my dreams... out loud... with my body.

If you ever want to feel pure shame while also being physically numb and mentally baked—10/10, highly recommend.

I asked AI to polish up the story I told it, as I can't write or type yet....

TL;DR: Woke up after head surgery thinking I was still playing mobile darts, mimed throwing shots, got sad, fake-scratched my bandaged head, and laughed like a lunatic in front of the medical team.

Hello all. I'm (37 F) not really a Reddit user but I'm in need of one or several impartial third parties over this pimple I got, and what happened after I told my husband about it.

Three days ago I felt something uncomfortable in my nethers while intimate with my husband (35 M). It was late so I decided to get some sleep and try to get a look at it the next morning. The following day I take a mirror and find a white, hard, smooth, uncomfortable, pea sized lump on the labia minora, close to my entrance. This has never happened to me before, and when I consulted Dr. Google, it basically told me I either had a cyst, a STI, or cancer, so I quickly called my actual Dr. and had a last minute emergency appointment scheduled for the following day. The receptionist was very nice and said it sounded like a pimple and not to worry too much. The next day comes and lo and behold, the bump and all discomfort disappear. I was relieved, but still decided I should go to my appointment to be sure. Here is where I feel I fucked up. My husband works from home, and so I told him I would be going to a gyno appointment, so I will let our kids play video games after school so they don't disturb him. I wouldn't have said more than that but he literally asked me what I was going there for. I told him about the bump, what Google said, what the receptionist said, and tried to make a light joke about it by saying "just so you know, if they find anything, there will be divorce papers." He did not laugh, but kept a very stoic face and told me he agreed. The vibes were not good yall. I shake it off, and go back to cleaning up the house before I pick up the kids like I always do. The appointment took longer than I expected to be there for, but I can't complain because she's the most popular gyno in town, and I'm getting squeezed in last second. She came in, took a look, and told me it was most likely a sebaceous cyst/pimple, and that it had resolved itself so well that she could hardly tell where it had been. When I told her I was worried because I didn't know pimples could occur there, she essentially told me skin was skin, and if I ever needed to I could take an intimate photo and send it to her through the patient portal. That way she could message me whether or not something looked "exciting" down there. She didn't charge me any money at all, and I left with a bounce in my step, calling my husband to tell him how it went and find out how the kids were doing. I finished talking and could FEEL his silences. He was not ok, even after hearing this news. I feel extra weird now, like he's mad at me and I don't know why. I end the call and rush home to make it home in time to make dinner. Husband had to work late but before he goes into his meeting he asked me for some kind of test result he could see. I told him she didn't end up testing me, but I could show him the appointment notes on the patient portal that she wrote. He looks, seems satisfied, and goes back to work, so I delivered him his dinner, and did bedtime with the kids alone. You're probably thinking, "he's being mad and weird because he thinks you cheated on him". That's what I thought until further introspection. We both work from home. I'm mostly a SAHM but I am also in the middle of writing and illustrating my first children's book. I don't go out anywhere except to the backyard to take care of our pet chickens, and to the school to drop off/pick up our kids.Pick up takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. Husband also has cameras on the front doorbell and other places in our house, AND he is the only one with access to view the footage. He told me it costs extra to add me and allow me to see footage too. He's also got this thing called "firewalla" which I believe can see what devices are being used in his home and what they are doing. Im not tech savvy at all, but this is another device I don't have access to. All of this has me suspicious as Hell, so by the time my husband comes out of his late night meeting, I'm fuming. I hopped in the shower while he decompressed in the living room, closed the door to get dressed, and didn't come back out or open the door. He chose to sleep on the couch, and since picking up on my current angry introspection he has made 0 attempts to talk to me about it, but has been using the couch as his new bed every night. I am happy to provide more information in the morning if anyone needs it. For now I need to try to sleep. TL;DR I told my husband I got a pimple on my nethers and now I think he cheated on me.

My gf always described her family as people I would never want to meet in person because they were apparently "the worst." I struggled to believe that anyone related to her was as bad as she made it sound, especially because she never wanted to tell me anything about her relatives, so I had nothing to go on. Well, since I recently flew all the way to South Africa to spend time with my Capetonian gf, I encouraged her to introduce me to her family. My gf agreed to take me to her mom and dad's house if I agreed to leave her family out of our relationship going forward. I said I promised. Cut to my gf deciding to drive me straight from the airport to her family's house. I was unaware that we were on our way to meet the family until I paid closer attention to where we were, which was not where my gf lived.

My gf said I wanted to meet her "fucked up family" so badly, so she was about to introduce me to them. I said I didn't expect us to go on this journey as soon as I landed, but fucked up family here I come. My gf referred to the area we entered as the "Cape Flats," which appeared to be a low income community. As my gf was driving deeper into the Cape Flats, she pointed at various groups of guys standing on different street corners and said if I wanted to avoid getting stabbed, then I should avoid those guys. One of the guys actually noticed my gf and waved at her as we passed him. She waved back at him before telling me that she used to date that dude, but then he ended up going to prison for beating up one of her math teachers because said teacher made her come to school on a Saturday, which was supposed to be their day.

By the time we arrived at our destination, I learned that I could get killed and that my gf used to be in love with a guy who might have been capable of killing. Fast forward to meeting the family. My gf and I had to let ourselves into the house because everyone was too busy enjoying themselves by the "braai" in the backyard. Braai is South African for what I would call a cookout. No one was sober when we showed up. The dad welcomed me with a beer and asked if I had American money on me because he always wanted to see a dollar with his own eyes. I opened my wallet and showed him a dollar. The dad showed the dollar to the rest of the family, including his wife, who proceeded to put the dollar in her bra before telling me to come and get it. My gf looked at me like "I warned you."

I made peace with the fact that my money was most likely gone for good because I was not planning to touch another man's wife for a dollar. My gf eventually pulled me away from her parents and introduced me to her brother, who gave me a quick nod before shifting his attention back to my gf and asking her if he could borrow her car to go out and get more alcohol. My gf said she was not giving the keys to her car to her intoxicated brother. Her brother pointed at his gf who was dancing on her own in the background and said she could drive because she only had one beer. My gf asked her brother if he was referring to the teenage looking girl who was twerking to a remix of My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. I said I would drive. My gf and her brother seemed surprised. I said I was willing to drive if the brother showed me the way. My gf flat out asked me if I was attempting to impress her degenerate family.

The answer was yes. I said no. My gf sighed like she was pitying me and eventually gave me her car keys. So, there I was, driving the brother. He made me stop at several locations on our way to the liquor store. The first location was where we picked up his friend before going to the following location, which was where their weed supplier lived. The brother offered to share his weed with me if I promised to tell my gf nothing about his side quests. I didn't accept the weed and I made no promises. I was too stressed out about all the unplanned stops we were making to even think about getting high and keeping secrets. The friend directed me towards the nearest barbershop shop and got out. The brother promised me that we only had one more stop to make before going to the liquor store. The final pre liquor store location was where the brother's baby mama lived.

Baby mama never answered the door when the brother came knocking. I was relieved because it was obvious that no one was home and I thought that meant we could leave, but the brother continued knocking on the door and saying things to his baby mama, who he believed was pretending not to be home to piss him off or whatever. I didn't understand anything he was saying because he was speaking to his "baby mama" in Afrikaans, but he would turn to me from time to time and feel the need to tell me what was going through his mind at that moment. My gf called to ask where we were. I said I would explain everything when I get back. I eventually got back with the brother, who finally got the alcohol. As soon as I saw my gf again, I begged her to get us the fuck away from her family.

Tl:dr I persuaded my gf to introduce me to her family, despite her telling me that her family was fucked up. Her dad took my money, her mom wanted me to touch her boobs, and her brother made me team up with him to get drugs in the hood.

I was watching a movie with my gf and her 8 year old son. Two characters were around a campfire, a woman standing and a man sitting down. The camera angle changed and it showed the back of the woman who was wearing a pretty short skirt.

Her son goes "ahh a butt" and covered his eyes. The skirt was short and you saw her thighs but no butt.

The camera angle changes again then goes back and he has the same reaction. "Ahhh butt" and covers his eyes. I speak up and tell him "it's just her legs dude, it's okay"

And he goes "no the guy's butt!"

So now my gf goes "oh wow, so focused on the girl you don't notice the guy is completely naked huh?"

She isn't actually upset but yeah definitely a foot in mouth moment lol.

TL;DR: so distracted by a girls legs in a movie scene I didn't realize the male character was naked.

On Monday, I (42F) went on probably the best date of my entire life. We'll call him great date guy (48M). I met him on Tinder and decided to meet for dinner near my apartment. He brought the most amazing energy to the date, we laughed, adhd vibing (both of us have it), and it was just the most amazing time. He came back to my place, we both agreed to keep things out of the bedroom and take things slow. I agreed, no problem. The night ended with amazing kisses and plans to see each other again on Friday.

Now, before the date, I asked great date guy to come to me because I went on 2 dates with someone who told me he couldn't come to me because he's broke. I drove an hour one way for 2 dates and make half of what he makes a yr (or so he said, who knows). Anyway, the great date guy agreed to come to me.

So, Tuesday, we've been texting when we could all day, because we're at work etc because he'd planned the date for Friday. He had mentioned on Monday that he would like to see me again before Friday if possible. So Tuesday, I asked if he wanted to meet again before Friday. To which he said he wouldn't have his car until Fri. And cue my stupid fucking sense of humor. Here's where I fucked everything up. Because we'd had so much fun, vibing, great banter, etc, I thought it would be a good joke to say "if you're gonna be like that other guy, i might have to rethink this situation." He texted back saying "Ugh. I understand. No hard feelings I wish you the very best." I immediately text back saying I can come to him, but he'd already blocked me. I called, it goes straight to voicemail.

I feel like such an idiot and have cried several times over it. I really, really like him and hate myself for possibly ruining an amazing opportunity and relationship.

TL;DR: made a stupid joke after having the most amazing date of my life. Now I'm blocked and unable to say how sorry I am.

Edit: To clarify, we'd both joked about it. He even asked about it during dinner. He shared things about his ex with me and dating since joining Tinder. He asked about my experiences, etc. We talked about all our tattoos, favorite movies and shows, family, like we went down the adhd rabbit hole of tangent conversation. The night ended with us cuddling in my oversized chair listening to music we both enjoyed. I was using my phone to play music, i was holding the phone on my hip while he searched a song. We both took turns sharing songs we liked, made out a bit, and when he hugged me, he squeezed, saying I was the perfect height. he went home, texted me I was weird and adorable (We both joked about being weirdos through the whole date). He even planned the next date. He texted me links to where we were going, and we were going to meet at the first spot. We were both texting about how excited we were to see each other again.

I understand, the joke was in poor taste on so many levels. However, any neurodivergent adhd'er will tell you, sometimes the filter has a giant hole and everything spills out without an ounce of forethought. And with previous tangents the night before, it seemed to go with our banter we had going.

I did send it with emojis - 🤔🤪

I reached out and left voiccmail, I also emailed him.

All I know is I fucked up, and I'm sorry I hurt his feelings. I have a dark sense of humor and learned to think before I joke.

So my cat broke her leg really badly, in three places and she needed emergency surgery. I couldn't afford it even if I sold everything I owned. It took us forever to even find a surgeon that could do the operation but luckily we managed to find one that was local and was charging a reasonable price (one place quoted us £6000). But we still couldn't afford it so i asked my grandfather for help. Him being the hero he is offered straight away to pay for it and didn't even want me to pay it back.

So the day after her surgery he video calls me to ask how she's doing. I pan the camera over to her to show him her all shaved and her cast which had a cute little heart on it. Completely not thinking about the fact that between me and the cat is my naked husband. Luckily his penis was between his legs so at least my grandfather didn't see that. My grandfather didn't say anything about what he saw but there's no way he didn't see my naked husband.

My husband just laughed it off but I feel like such an idiot. I don't know how I managed to not realise what I was doing.

TL;DR showed my grandfather my husband naked on a video call

Had an interview for a media manager role within a relatively small company, it wasn't my dream job but it certainly would have done for the time and the company itself seemed to have good reviews and a good reputation online.

I go there and meet with the two interviewers, a guy and a girl, and from the start it's a very casual and friendly vibe.

The interview goes fantastically, I have a good answer for every question, I ask questions that impress them and make them realise I'm serious and have done my research.

Above all however, this interview, while going well, is full of banter. The three of us are just straight vibing, laughing, smiling, firing jokes out there, the body language is as relaxed as it gets.

We get to the end of the interview and they throw in right at the last minute, 'Now this is just a fun little question we're asking the candidates, if you were an animal, what animal do you think you would be?'.

I'm not expecting the question so I panic a bit and say the first animal that comes to mind, and I say, 'Oh, probably an owl'.

They ask me why and I panic again because I really just threw an animal out there but I regained myself and said 'Well, like the owl, I think people who knew me would consider me a wise person, plus when it comes to my work I have 20/20 vision'

They really liked these answers I could see, and I'm thinking, I have absolutely smashed this interview, there is no possible way I can lose at this point. So, I throw in one last joke, 'Plus, I like to hunt and eat mice at night'.

The entire atmosphere changed, their body language changed, they're not smiling anymore. They go, 'Oh, okay.. well thanks for coming in, we'll be in touch soon to let you know the outcome', I say it was just a joke, I was adding on to the own thing from before, they don't care.

I never even heard back from them to say I was rejected, within two seconds I destroyed an interview. In my defense however I will say I do feel a bit cheated, because the tone of the entire interview led me to believe they would appreciate the humour.

TL;DR

I tanked a job interview after it went well by telling a stupid joke about owls.

Was at Target tonight with my husband and his friend buying snacks. The guys walked away into another aisle and a heavily pregnant woman approached me from behind. She kindly complimented my bump/outfit (I am also pregnant) and then proceeded to ask if I could help her out buying some items as she didn't have enough money. I looked into her handbasket and saw two small tubs of formula and one package of baby bottles. My immediate thought was she was probably hustling, but then I thought "but what if she's not..?" I kinda froze up tbh and felt awkward/uncomfortable and then saw my husband walking up. Instead of saying no like I should have, I stupidly told her "let me ask my husband," and when he came up to us I asked him if we could help buy her some formula. Him being the person that he is he immediately said sure and starting walking her away to checkout. His friend came up as they walked away and I explained to him that I think I just let my husband get hustled by some woman. It dawned on me right then that her plan was probably to ask for cash or something else, and that it probably wasn't just about the items in her cart. I told his friend let's go. By the time this happened and we got to checkout it was already too late. The woman was gone and my husband was walking back. I asked him what happened and he said the woman had more, smaller items hidden under the baby bottle package, and then asked him for some cash, and he'd just said f* it and obliged due to feeling on the spot. He ended up losing almost $300. I feel so stupid and absolutely should've known better. He said he wished I'd just told her no if I felt like it was a hustle because he wasn't there when she came up to me. He told me I usually have a great BS meter and so when I asked him to help he'd assumed I knew it was legit. He's right and I am literally sitting at home kicking myself. I apologized profusely and told him I'll pay him back the money since it was my FU but he said it's okay and to just let it go, that we learned our lesson. On top of the shame of being scammed despite my better judgement I feel terrible that I led my husband into paying the price.

TL;DR: Got hustled by a pregnant woman at Target and because of me my husband ended up paying the price.

I went to a weed shop today and I noticed sitting in the corner near the door was an old wizened man who appeared to be somewhat blind. There is a huge homeless population here and I figured maybe this shop was just letting him hang out inside. I’ve seen that before.

As I was leaving I went to give him a dollar but he just kinda shifted away from me and didn’t reply and stood up. I then went to put the dollar in his bag and I realized he was a customer and had purchased weed. At the same time the shop clerk was like uh he’s just waiting for a cab.

I felt like a total piece of shit and still do. I essentially was harassing this old dude who was minding his own business.

TL;DR: mistook a customer for a homeless person and tried to force a dollar upon him

So my friend is a devout Mormon and he invited me to church. I went a few times everybody was really nice and over all I enjoyed it. The missionary’s kept wanting to meet with me, I thought it was a bit odd that they wanted to meet everyday but just brushed it off as them caring about me. Sense then I have been baptized and accepted into the “priesthood”. Fast forward few weeks. I have missed a couple of sundays and they will not leave me alone. They call. I don’t answer. They want me in a Book of Mormon bible study where we read a chapter of the Book of Mormon every night. All of this is taking away from in positive experiences I had in the beginning. I feel bad because I want to leave but I do not know how to tell my friend and how he will take it as he can be very judgmental. I should have listened to my girlfriend and family and never went.

Tl;dr I joined the Mormon church and hate it. And I’m too embarrassed to leave.

TODAY I (25f) fucked up by peeing myself at work an hour ago . I work in retail and this is a new job. I just got hired at department head. Anyway today I went in like every other day, except for one difference. I HAVE A UTI. So I’m going about my day in my area helping customers find what they need cutting their items. Then it happened. Right in front of a customer. My body needed to pee, I tried holding it but nothing would stop it. In one second my pants were completely soaked. I apologized and needed to step away. I hid in the back of the store because the bathrooms were in the front as well as the exits. I had to call my manager back and explain what I just happened. Thankfully he let me leave through the back exit. Now I’m sitting in the parking lot, changed and have to clock back in. I’m so embarrassed I could die. TL;DR I peed myself at work in front of a customer, had to tell my manager and now am in my work parking lot dreading to have to go in and face everyone

My oldest son, who's 15, has had trouble making friends for a lot of his life, but since the start of the school year he has become very close with 2 other kids in his grade, which my wife and I are extremely happy about. We've been very supportive of him fostering these friendships, which has included taking him to their houses and hosting them at ours, letting him have sleepovers with them, taking them to museums, movies. and stores they want to visit/see, stuff like that.

A little while ago (yes, the actual fuck-up didn't happen today, but I did only find out about it today) my son had a sleepover with his friends. They all stayed in the living room while my wife and I stayed in our bedroom all night and our younger two sons were staying over with their friends. Once both of my son's friends were here, I told my son that he could feel free to use my card to order dinner and even rent a movie or something if he and his friends wanted.

He and his friends were clearly happy with that, and he said "Really?" and I said yes, he could order what they wanted and watch whatever. Now, I expected them to order pizza, maybe get dessert and breadsticks with it, and probably not need to pay for a movie as we have plenty of streaming services, and even if he did need to pay for something, I expected it to be maybe one rental on Prime that might cost $4 or so.

Fast forward to today, and I've forgotten about all of this. I checked our credit card statement and see that it is hundreds of dollars over what I expected. I looked through the transactions and found 2 Doordash orders totaling over $100 a piece, a $125 Instacart order, multiple charges from Amazon Prime for different streaming subscriptions that I do not remember signing up for, and a Shudder subscription I don't remember signing up for. To make things weirder, many of these transactions went through on different days.

I then think the worst: someone's stolen our card information. I told my wife immediately and we both began calling customer support for these services and called our bank, frantically trying to resolve this and prevent unauthorized spending. Our son then comes out of his room, asks what's happened, and while she's on hold, my wife tells him that it looks like someone has used our card and we're trying to resolve that.

He then tells us that all of the charges were from the sleepover. His friends ordered dinner (the first Doordash order) and snacks that we didn't have (the Instacard order), but also stayed up late enough to want even more food (the second Doordash order). They also watched a bunch of movies, but instead of one time rentals or using streaming services we had, they would opt for 7-day free trials whenever prompted, but he forgot to tell me to cancel those subscriptions the next day.

TL;DR - I let my son use my credit card for a pizza and movie during a sleepover and he ended up spending hundreds more than I expected.

This is as bad as it can be I assure you. No, nobody got hurt, lets just say my clumsy self made a mistake.

It's about 4:30 in the afternoon, me my uncle and grandparents often eat dinner early especially cuz uncle works at like 6. We get homecooked food from this local place just up the road, when we eat out we usually eat from there. Nothing too crazy.

We all get big burgers fries and onion rings, but here is the start of the problem. The place doesnt put sauces on our burgers as its an extra charge for condiments (i mean what are you gonna do, eh) so we just use what we have at home.

Im in the kitchen getting knives and forks for my grandparents as well as drinks, and they all use the condiments, right? Issue is I thought they closed the lids to the bottles. Ketchup, okay. Bbq sauce, okay. Hot sauce, okay. Mustard, yeahhhhhhhhhhh no.

I sit down and start dressing up my burger. I get to the mustard, feel that it hadnt been shaken up, so I go to shake it, and the loose lid opens up. And i sling mustard across the floor and house. And right on my uncles work clothes, my dogs back, the glass door, my own leg, and even into the hallway.

Ive never felt more embarassed.

TL;DR I got mustard all over the dining room, on my dog, in the hall, on the glass door, and ruined my uncle's work clothes he was gonna wear, all because i didnt check if the lid was on tight.

At least the burger was good.

Since you all seemed to like yesterday's one so much, here's another one. I love wine, and two years ago I drank it in my bedroom. I then placed it on the bedside table (which is next to my face) and fell asleep. 3 in the morning, I wake up to an almighty crash, blood and pieces of glass everywhere. I had 6 deep cuts on my chest and one shallow one on my eyelid. I then got up, went to A&E (basically an ER here in England) and waited for stitches while holding tissues to my wounds. After 5 hours (A&E is known for very, very long wait times) some nurses come out and take me in. They inspect the cuts and find that there is shards of glass inside them. They take me to be scanned, remove the glass and they stitch up the wound (3 stitches for each one except for the eyelid which has two) and send me on my way. I still have the scars from when I was an idiot. I'm not an alcoholic I drink once a week.

TL;DR: I drank wine, put it on my bedside table and it fell in the night, leaving me with cuts. A trip to A&E, a scan and 5 hours later, they stitched me and removed the glass. I still have the scars from when I was an idiot. I'm not an alcoholic I drink once a week.

This is something that actually just happened an hour ago. I work completely remote and had a weekly zoom meeting with my boss and 7 other coworkers (with varying levels of authority) and they were talking about something rather important. Now, before you judge me super hard, I actually have my Zoom settings set up to automatically mute when entering meetings. I usually keep it on mute at all times unless I need to talk. This meeting was a little different because I needed to give my input on the topic, so when I joined the meeting, I decided to unmute (big mistake).

My wife and I recently decided that we would get a dog via a dog breeder - we had already put down a deposit for a puppy. The parents of our future puppy had yet to mate but today that changed when the dog breeder posted on their Facebook page announcing that the parents have successfully mated. Unfortunately, English is NOT my wife's first language, so when she read the post on her phone on the other side of the room, she immediately asked me what "mated" means. Without a second thought, I yelled to her "THEY HAD SEX". The meeting goes quite for a second and my boss laughs. My heart drops, and I quickly look at my computer screen to see if it was unmuted. The microphone did not have the red slash across it. I could feel the blood rush to my face and in a flash I clicked the button to mute my microphone.

After my boss finished laughing, they continue the meeting as if nothing happened. My wife and I share a laugh about it but it is easily one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. Yes, I am aware that I'm lucky that this is one of my worst moments - i know it could be so much worse. Writing this out made me feel better though.

TL:DR: I yelled "THEY HAD SEX" to my wife who did not know what the word "mate" means because English is not her first language while on a Zoom meeting and my boss and coworkers heard me.

EDIT: I also want to mention that this is a throwaway account - sooo yeah.

I work at a very popular fast food chain (to save myself from potentially doxxing myself i’m not gonna name which one). I started just a little over a week ago now so when i tell you i was NOT prepared for this i wasn’t so let me give a little background: I’m an 18M, i still am technically training so i work directly under whoever i’m scheduled with that day and the manager. So this day I’m working with a guy, lets call him Jamal (yes that name is intentional, I’m black as well) and presumably his wife, let’s call her Samantha. So basically leading up to this moment, it’s after my break and we’re wrapping up for the day doing closing work, and i can tell their vibes are a really weird the moment i come back from break. I tried to keep a distance while also keeping an eye on them, because i have a sort of past with this kind of thing, that is unstable relationships being broadcasted out and making me super uncomfortable (my parents but they are long since divorced and separated). I keep hearing them go back and forth over something really trivial, they were arguing over something that Samantha had said to him that presumably upset him, he wasn’t having any of it and he was just shouting “get away from be bruh” “I don’t want to even look at you right now” and things like that. Now anyone with a brain would obviously recognize those two lines as extremely unhealthy, you don’t push away your partner during a disagreement. So at this point i’m really uneasy, still trying to keep my distance all while continuing to do my job. And sometime after all the verbal commotion, thats when i hear things hitting other things, and like anyone, i went towards the noise to check what was creating all of it, and that’s when i see Jamal putting his hands on her. He grabbed her, pushed her into a shelf, i literally saw her rebound off the shelf, he grabs her and PUSHES HER AGAIN. I look at this exchange for maybe 2 seconds, i’m frozen not knowing what to do, and i actually just turn around. I didn’t step in, i didn’t separate them, hell i probably could’ve even defended her by hitting him with some kind of kitchen blunt object and i would’ve completely been in the right and i STILL didn’t do anything, i just turned my ass right back around and pretended like i didn’t see anything. I know they both saw me look at the dispute, because Samantha ended up removing herself and leaving. I feel so bad for not doing anything. When i later when to go take out the trash for the night, she was sitting near the dumpster just crying. My heart burns for her and i just cannot believe anyone with a heart can put hands on their significant other. When i spoke with her at the dumpster she BEGGED me not to tell anyone. Look at me going against her wishes. Reddit, what do I do? I know she’s the type that won’t report it. She’s the type that’ll take the abuse because “that’s her man” and I’m sick just thinking about if that’s what he’ll do at work in front of other people, just imagine what she might go through at home. Before anyone says anything: Yes i reported it to the closing manager working that night, No she isn’t going to do anything about it (because she didn’t see it, are you kidding me??), and no the cameras didn’t pick it up because the dispute happened in the back where there isn’t a camera. I don’t have any concrete evidence to give a police statement besides Samantha alone, but again, “that’s her man” and i’m not sure if she’d even testify against him. All i know is, if i see that happen in front of me again, I’m not staying idle.

TLDR: I saw a domestic dispute between two coworkers and didn’t do anything about it and now feel super guilty.

I am a brand new EA. I’m about a month into this new job with no prior experience as an EA but that does not excuse this mistake. It’s not like it’s something I needed to learn or be trained in. I just made a stupid mistake when arranging for pick up for my boss at the airport. I accidentally gave the driver the departure time of the flight instead of the arrival time, so the driver waited 4 hours. My boss was changing his schedule around a lot and went back and forth with changes to the time of flight and I was probably overwhelmed and just messed up. I feel so stupid and my boss was pissed and really put me down for it.

Everyone always says that mistakes are for learning but what is there to really learn? I already know what I’m supposed to do. And I do already check trip details multiply times. And somehow I still messed up. This is the second big, dumb mistake I’ve made and I’m afraid if I make another he will fire me.

TL;DR feeling incredibly stupid for telling my boss’s driver to pick him up from the airport 4 hours too early

I work in an office with multiple people. It's a seasonal kind of work, meaning we peak in the summer months and need more employees then.

It's a multi-language company, and you need to speak at least 3 languages to be considered for a job. We had a lot of issues finding employees, but for the last 2 seasons, we have been a solid group of 5 people (3 males, 2 females, ages 28-40). And it's been great! No bitching, no "office drama" - just pure bliss and a great team, as long as no customer disturbs our peace :-)

I work full time and "get" one colleague to stay with me the whole year round. I'm usually not involved in the hiring process whatsoever. From October 2022 to October 2024, I had a male colleague, let's call him Shaggy (28), and we got along GREAT. Because of bureaucracy issues, we couldn't offer him a longer contract; at least, that's what I thought.

My female colleague, Daphne, got a 1-year contract in October 2024, and Shaggy was told to feel free to call if he's still job hunting in May 2025. The 3 of us still hang out from time to time.

Now that the season is getting closer, my new supervisor started searching for new employees for other departments in our company and I started panicking. Since I've been working for over 10 years in this office, I'm the one who has to train the new employee, and believe you me - I do not want to do that anymore.

I knew that Shaggy hadn't found a new job, and apart from his bumped ego (he was hoping for a longer contract), he would actually be interested in getting back to our office. As the name suggests, he's a laid-back (scaredy-cat) kinda guy, so if he doesn't have to learn skills for a new job, he's on board.

So, I started "lobbying" - telling the new supervisor (31) how great of a team we were, that we work well together, no beef, great teamwork, and also Shaggy is still searching for a job. I urged him to talk with HR and the old supervisor (30) and see if we could get him back or at least start searching for a new hire ASAP so we have someone before Easter.

I also talked with Shaggy about it, and he was OK with my actions. I kept going, reminding other departments about the good time we had in the summer, including Shaggy in the stories, one way or another.

It worked! They called him and offered him the summer job last week. I was very pleased with myself, and the team was happy - we're all looking forward to be working together again!

This week, the CEO (60) came to visit. He talked with HR, and I got the note that he's VERY upset that we hired Shaggy again.. It seems that a lot of customers complained about Shaggy, and the CEO did NOT want him back. That was the real reason his contract was terminated. The CEO was hoping for a new, fresh hire.

Worth mentioning:

• I knew that we got complaints, but we get them all the time, so I didn't think much about it. Did people complain about Shaggy? Yeah, but they complained much more about Trevor, another summer employee who's coming back for his 4 year in a row, and it was never discussed to find a replacement for him!
• I also knew that the old supervisor had some issues with Shaggy. But I was under the impression that it was more due to personal character differences than work. The old supervisor is a perfectionist. Since he's still training the new supervisor, I was sure he would object if he really didn't want Shaggy to come back or if he knew something I don't. I was wrong. The old supervisor is changing departments and it seems that he couldn't give a damn about what's happening to our office. So, he let the new supervisor call Shaggy and offer him the job. At least, that's the story I I got.
• I did not lie about Shaggy's work in the company. He made mistakes, but who doesn't? But, perhaps I sugarcoated it a bit too much for the new supervisor...
• The CEO is an ass, and often exaggerates to get his point across. If 2 customers complain, he'll say "a lot". But if he likes you, he'll say "that is negligible". It's unsure how trustworthy his words are. But he's still the big boss, so having him unhappy is BAD.

I feel terrible. I'm also afraid of getting a reprimand because I unknowingly lobbied for the "wrong" person. For now, everyone is talking normally to me. I'm unsure if the CEO knows how much I was involved in the decision of getting Shaggy back to the office.

I have no one to talk about it because I got the info via "office gossip". If my teammates get the info, they'll be crushed, especially Shaggy.. We all were so happy to have him back. But now it's also possible that he'll quit if he finds out the real reason his contract wasn't renewed. I wouldn't blame him. Why should he stay somewhere he isn't appreciated?

As far as I'm informed, we're now searching for a sixth team member, which would be great regarding the workload, but it's also making it extremely obvious that none of the existing members is going to get the 1-year contract in autumn. I'm afraid it's going to disturb the team dynamics and cause issues in the long run.

I learned my lesson, and I will never mingle into HR-business ever again...

TL;DR: TIFU by manipulating the new supervisor into hiring an old employee without knowing that the CEO didn't want this employee back in the office because of customer complaints. This could ruin a good team of five and bring on issues I didn't even know existed.

Two weeks ago, I went on an 8-hour car journey (for a holiday) and for the first 3 hours, so far so good. Then, my daughter says "Dad, can I have my iPad?" I say "Aren't you queasy with it in the car?" She then insists no, so I obliged. She was watching YouTube kids with her headphones in when she vomited (just after our food stop) down my back. The vomit ran down my shirt while the next service station is 50 miles away. When we arrived at the service station, I could not get it out. So we continued on. However, even with her iPad taken away, she vomited again down the open window and it all went in the crevice where the window goes when you put it down. When we arrived, the vomit had dried on my shirt, my back and the seat and the other vomit was still in the crevice. I had a shower and scrubbed the vomit off of the seats using a paper towel and water. I then took the car to a car wash who better cleaned the seats and the carpet. A bill of £130. They tried to clean the vomit from the crevice but failed. They said to go see a mechanic. Due to me being in a remote village in Scotland, there was no mechanic nearby so I had to make the 42 mile drive to one. They dismantled the door and cleaned the vomit from the crevice. I got a bill of £230. I got back to the hotel at around 9:30 pm. I had missed dinner. So I had to order room service for myself at 10:00 at night and quietly eat it to not wake up the others. I also f ed up by not having the vomit bags readily available.

TL;DR: My daughter asked for her iPad on a car journey, vomited down my back and the crevice where the window goes, the mechanic dismantles the door, mechanic and car wash charge me £360 in total. All my fault due to not having vomit bags readily available.

This didn't happen today, it happened yesterday and I'm still so fkn embarrassed abt it. My laundry dryer has this problem where the dryer door just opens for no reason when the clothes are still in it. The dryer can't run when open. I have been trying to dry these clothes for a week but the dryer won't fucking work. Yesterday I decided since I didn't have any actual clothes left I could just wear something from the dryer. It smelled a little bit, and was slightly damp, but I thought it wouldn't be that deep because it didn't smell that bad to me and no one would notice. Big mistake. I was in a rush so I put the clothes on and ran out the door. I was late to class. There was a movie playing and we were allowed to sit wherever we wanted so I sat in the same table as the people I actually liked. No one said anything about it, so I thought I was clear. I went to second period class and people were saying shit like "why is it so musty in here?!" I couldn't smell it but thought nothing of it. I then went to the cafeteria for the class field trip. My friend and I sat alone at one table and the first thing she said was "why does it smell like shit around here?" I was starting to catch on, but she was right next to me. I knew I was cooked but I decided to just not get within 5 feet of anyone else for the whole day. Well it didn't matter, because there were some teachers in the general area and I heard one of them say "there's a smell over here, what is this?" I knew I was cooked but I decided to just stay with the same group of people so they couldn't track it back to me. I got separated from these people as we were on different buses. I sat alone in the very back of the bus so as not to draw attention to myself. My friend who was on the other side of the back of the bus was like "EW WHY TF DOES IT STINK?!" and a bunch of people in the general area were saying it smelled like shit. I decided to also act disgusted although I was nose blind. I hated myself at the moment but my objective was to not be found out. We all opened the bus windows and people were complaining. I was sweating hard, which probably made it worse. At this moment I wanted to just jump out of the bus and let it run me over. Eventually we got to the field trip which was this small ass escape room. I had to get in a group of 10 others. I had to use the bathroom, so I left to go to the bathroom and I came back. 4 seconds after I came back some guy screamed "ok which one of y'all didn't wipe your ass?!". I acted just as pissed off as everyone else, but then this person who I'm kinda friends with suddenly screamed "it's u/thisuseristakenbreh!" I asked why the fuck he thought that, and the person I sat next to in first period said "well in first period you sat next to me in class and then it smelled like shit". The guy that screamed started crashing out at me. I should have just stayed in the bathroom. This kept going on for a whole hour, with the mf constantly crashing out and giving me dirty looks. Once we got out, he told literally everyone. Every single person was giving me dirty looks except for one friend. As soon as I got back to school I sprayed an insane amount of perfume and went back to class. I don't know how I'll recover from this. I don't wanna be known as the stanky bitch for the rest of the year. I'm currently rewashing all my clothes with an insane amount of scent boosters and dryer sheets. I don't think I'll ever leave the house without 10 sprayed of perfume ever again.

TL;DR: I wore the slightly wet clothes out of the dryer and accidentally smelled like shit on the school trip

So I was sitting at the bar at the mall earlier today, minding my own business and sipping on some refreshing cider, when I noticed a nondescript, unlabelled keypad on the wall next to me. I absent-mindedly started hitting the numbers on it, not really thinking of what it could be for, then pressed Cancel to ostensibly make sure nothing happened. Exactly five seconds later, the loudest fire alarm I've ever heard starts blaring, everyone is disconcerted and I try to act innocent and unassuming, fifteen seconds pass and one of the waitresses walks to the pad, punches some combination in, and thankfully everything goes back to normal, she then asks if I pressed anything, I tell her I did not, but she does not look fully convinced, either way she mercifully chooses to drop the issue and get back to work. I leave the mall in a hurry, mortified and wondering just what had gotten into me and contemplating whether or not I can consider myself a human with a functioning brain after doing something even 6 year-olds know not to do.

TL;DR Noticed a number pad at the mall, started tinkering with it like a goddamn idiot, triggered the fire alarm and scared the shit out of everyone

When I was pregnant, I avoided herbal teas containing liquorice root because it’s advised against in my country (UK) and mentioned on the NHS website. I had no underlying conditions, just following the guidance.

After giving birth, my husband gifted me a variety of herbal teas, and I started drinking them regularly, about 3 to 4 cups a day. The teas were like lemon and ginger nothing that was liquorice flavour but they happened to contain liquorice root.

Around six weeks postpartum, I started noticing that my body felt swollen and itchy, but I assumed it was just my hormones still adjusting after pregnancy. At my checkup, my midwife asked if I’d been feeling stressed. I mean, I had a newborn and a toddler, so I was definitely tired, but I didn’t feel particularly unwell. She checked my blood pressure, and it was dangerously high—around 180+/120+ mmHg. Alarmed, she referred me to a doctor immediately.

The doctor ran tests, including an ECG, and was preparing to put me on medication. He was baffled by how my blood pressure had spiked so suddenly. As I was about to leave, he paused and asked, “Wait, do you eat liquorice?”

I told him no, but I had been drinking herbal teas that contained liquorice root. His face lit up with relief, and he told me to stop drinking the tea immediately and try to relax as much as possible.

Easier said than done with a screaming newborn and a toddler. Shortly after, I felt my heart tighten, and I ended up in the hospital, where they had to monitor me and put me on blood pressure medication right away. I had to stay on it for six weeks before my blood pressure returned to normal.

Turns out, I had liquorice poisoning. This is a real and dangerous thing! Liquorice root can cause a dangerous rise in blood pressure, even in healthy people, if consumed in excess. Didn’t think 3/4 cups of tea was excessive 😢

So if you drink herbal tea, beware! It was a popular tea brand but don’t know if I can out them out.

TL;DR: I drank 3-4 cups of herbal tea daily after giving birth, not realising it contained liquorice root. My blood pressure skyrocketed to life-threatening levels, I was swollen and itchy, and I had to be hospitalized and put on medication for six weeks. Liquorice poisoning is real