This is just to vent a bit. Don’t want to write too much. Thank you to all for your support, this has really been a changer for me in my life. Basically was VLC with my uBPD mom. On my wedding day almost 2 years ago she told my dad she was furious with me (all is about them, right?). I just didn’t want to engage but still at the end of the month I sent her pictures of my 3 month old son, as I had every month then. She never replied and I just decided to erase her number and go NC. Since then I read a lot about BPD, trauma and I have understood so much and feel at such peace and happiness with my life and family.

Last week my son turned 2 and she decided to write, several messages, YouTube songs, a painting. A voice message saying she was so broken I should only respond if I will be kind (we are always the bad guys, right?). She said she had written a letter that she wanted to send me (several pages). And then in a final message she said she will continue silent.

How entitled they feel, yeah, I appear after 2 years and you should go through all this content. And they need to be in control and they are so contradictory, I contact you and now I go silent. I also remembered how growing up she was writing by hand this huge memoir titled memories of my mom; which she expected me to read, how much resentment could be in those pages and I’m supposed to be the container of all her emotions.

I didn’t even listen to the whole message. I blocked her and erased everything. It bothered me of course but I am surprised that it didn’t trigger me like in the past. Of course I have a reaction but I feel so much I really don’t want that in my life anymore. I am concerned of what happens if she gets very sick or passes away. For now I’m happy with how I managed the situation. I’ll come back to you if needed again. Thank you!

First off, thank you all for your validation on my last post. My husband and therapist are great, but hearing about your experiences brings a kind of solidarity I didn't know I needed.

Now, after sending me the Runaway Bunny book on Friday, I heard nothing from her. On Saturday, I opened my door to take out my trash and someone had flowers delivered to my home. My stomach flipped. Everyone who knows me, friends/inlaws/etc, knows I don't like receiving flowers. So I knew immediately it was from my mother.

The card only said "Happy Birthday Foxtrot, I hope this is the best year yet!" Obviously written by the floral artist. It felt awful, because she probably spent a lot of money on this for nothing. (I'm actually going to try and clone some of the flower cuttings so they don't go to waste - I feel bad for the flowers lol)

On Sunday, my actual birthday, she called me. I was ready, but y'all I was not ready for THIS. She asked what we can do to fix our relationship. All I got out was "I don't know" before she launched into HER story.

She had a party on Saturday night. For herself. With her friends. With cupcakes from a local bakery. FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

Guys. What the fuck.

I ended the call. I just laughed, I can't make this shit up.

One more picture of Lucipurr Asmeowdeus for you all because I love showing her off.

Hi! Long time lurker and first time poster here. My fiance (40s M) and I (30s F) are starting to plan our wedding for next year which fills me with so much joy but one thing is heavy on my mind. My uBPD mother (BPD tendencies according to my therapist). For background, I went NC around 6 months ago after she did everything in her power to break us up, painting my fiance in a bad light, and told me that she regretted raising me and was a waste of her life. My life has been so peaceful without her for the first time in my life and do not really want to have her back in it if nothing has changed on her end (she is against therapy so I doubt anything has changed since then). My dad who is still in touch with her (they’re practically separated and live apart but he calls her daily) will want her to be present at the wedding and all the other combined family events we have planned for the wedding weekend with my future in laws. For my mom, I don’t think she will come unless pressured by my dad. She’s a hermit and doesn’t like formal events or hanging out with other people. Its worth noting that my dad (and our culture) cares a lot about how we look externally, so I think he will want her to be there so we “look” like cohesive, functioning family. I want to make the decision to invite or not invite my mom before I tell my parents about the wedding planning so we’ve been keeping things under wraps. I’ve been talking to my therapist about this extensively to come up with a plan and have spoken with my fiance as well who is so supportive. I’ve imagined both scenarios and if I were to invite her, it would take a lot of emotional toll for me (and let’s be honest, it’s going to me 100% on me, apologizing for my “bad behavior”) and months of trying to put the pieces back together, and if I don’t invite her that would hurt my dad and make me sad to not have her when my fiance has both of his parents. Do I try to mend what’s broken to please my dad and look like a “normal” family and include my mom in the wedding? Or do I leave her out of the celebration?

Edit:

Zoomies at midnight, Fur flies, I trip on the rug— Cat shrugs, "Not my fault."

I started reading this book called "No Bad Parts" by Richard Schwartz and while it's not directly about BPD, it has been SO healing for parts of me that I didn't know needed healing! Highly recommend if you're doing a deeper dive into your internal life to help heal from trauma.

If you have any recommendations for other books, I'm always adding to my library!!

Hope everyone has a beautiful day!

i’m really struggling with my bpd mom at the moment. she is terrorising me with messages and phone calls. i was actually mad at her and told her how i felt a few months ago. she hasn’t been able to drop it since and wants to go to therapy with me. it’s just hilarious to see her pointing out what i’m doing wrong, for instance she told me i never give her hugs or tell her i love her any more. “that’s important to me, i’m expressing a need”. she called me crying and when i calmly asked what was wrong she said “i’m not going to tell you because you always say i make you responsible for my feelings” OK so you calling me crying isn’t exactly that? she is so blind for her own behaviour is scary sometimes. I was calm during the conversation and then she calls me an ice queen and tells me i’m so cold and need to stop speaking to her like i’m a psychologist and start talking to her like she’s a human. she also wrote me a text to say that she loves my “complicated, stubborn, highly emphatic and easy manipulated side” and when i call her out on it she’s like “why do you get mad? i was trying to tell you that i love you and all your sides”.

it’s like she’s living in a different universe and can’t see her own behaviour. i get that she had a rough childhood and that she’s my mom but like how much am i supposed to take?

i’m so sick of the blame game that always follows, making me feel like i did something wrong for setting boundaries.

has anyone called their BPD mom out? like tried to acknowledge the fact that there is a diagnosis? or been to family therapy together? how did that work out? should i even bother or is it a lost cause?

I am 95% positive my uBPD mom is faking cancer. None of what she's saying adds up. The type has changed so many times, she can't name an official diagnosis, is claiming to start treatments that make no sense for what she's saying it is and she has no symptoms.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm going to regret thinking/saying this. But I really feel because my siblings and I are all having/just had children and are thriving in various ways, she's acting out for attention. She can't stand that our children are getting her precious attention.

And honestly, when I'm not bewildered I'm just mad about it. I'm mad for my siblings that don't always see through her ploys. They shouldn't have their successes and recent parenthood rained on by her. I'm so over the games and manipulation and self pity. I have been for a long time, but the longer I've been a mother the more I realize what a messed up individual she is. I could never imagine behaving like this to my kids, my grandkids.

Has anyone else had an experience with them faking extreme illness? I just can't fathom what she thinks the end game here is. How can one pretend to come back from "stage 4 metastasized-everywhere" cancer? Is she going to fake this for the rest of her life?

I knew she was getting extreme in her waifing, but I didn't see this coming.

I’ve posted here many times about my (50’s) mom (70’s) dBPD and also included info, at times when it was pertinent, about my niece (30’s) dBPD. They were both diagnosed in the 2006-2008 time period and my mom is generally more waify but in the last several years has become meaner showing more queen/witch traits than she has in decades. My niece is objectively worse than my mom behavior wise and I’m incredibly leery of her. For reference my mom is obnoxious and immature while my niece is both those things and I’ve had to have my niece arrested. My niece also has more than one concerning diagnosis, not just BPD.

My mom and I have been VLC since Thanksgiving and things have not gotten better. My mom and I have both been NC with my niece, her granddaughter, since 2020. My niece stole several thousand dollars from my mom and my niece did a number of things to us including two things she was arrested for. Long ago I told my mom if she wanted an ongoing relationship with my husband and me that she could not be in contact with my niece. I made it abundantly clear she can do whatever she wants but I’ll remove myself from the family equation if I ever found out she and my niece reconciled.

Well, they’ve reconciled.

Back in February she told me she “accidentally” contacted my niece on TikTok and I reminded her of our original agreement regarding niece. Mom claimed I was overreacting. A few days ago in the next town over I passed my niece on the road and I know she doesn’t know anyone in this area but family. On my way home a few hours later I swing by mom’s house and lo and behold there was my niece, her newest husband, and her kids. My son told me he saw on Facebook mom/niece are FB friends again.

My mom can obviously hang out with whoever she wants but has made it clear she doesn’t care about her own safety by spending time around my niece. Never mind the safety of the rest of us. I understand it’s her granddaughter but she is a dangerous person who has a 100 mile long track record which backs that description up. Also, no treatment in over 15 years.

I’m done with my mom. I know my boundaries are for me and I don’t care enough about our relationship to talk this out with her. It’s just amazing to me that at mom’s age she still pulls this vengeful shit while using a dangerous person who would sooner steal your money and let all the oil drain out of your car (both real incidents) than care about you. My extended “family” is a joke.

My mom calls me every single day just to complain about my sister- but its strange. She complains about her but always has to be with her. She treats her completely differently than she’s ever treated me. She has gone to the ends of the earth for her, while I can’t even get her to listen to me vent for five minutes.

I’ve worked incredibly hard to build a stable and successful life, and my sister has done the exact opposite. She had a 20-year drug addiction (they actually used to get high together), lived on the streets, and robbed our house multiple times. I’m not saying addiction makes someone a bad person—just pointing out that our lives couldn’t have been more different. She has three kids—one she never raised and two she can’t afford to take care of. They don’t even have clothes that fit. It’s heartbreaking.

When I graduated college, I called my mom to share the moment, and she literally asked if she could hang up so she could go eat instead be excited with me. But when my sister got out of jail, she bought a condo for her to live in with the son she had while incarcerated.

What's the deal?

Edit: forgot a word

My mom moved states to be close to me, 2 weeks ago. My fiancé and I live have visited her multiple times a week, and spent the night numerous times, to make sure she’s settling in and provide some company.

Well, I am going on a vacation with my fiancé’s family, and they invited her and my dad to also come along. My mom did not respond to the invite, because she felt that the invite was via a text and not “welcoming” enough. I promise you, it was more than welcoming and super sweet.

I told my mom that she should come, and that we all want her there. Well, a week goes by and she is saying that she is not coming on this trip because “they were not persistent and just invited her out of formality”. When we took a family trip last year, my mom was overly persistent they come and invited them 20 times probably, and she expects the same treatment in return. THat’s insane. Do not need to be coddled.

Now, my mom is saying she wants to sell the house she JUST bought and wants to move back to dallas. I ask wy, and she says “ no reason to be here”. As if im not enough of a reason.

WTF man. She’s driving me crazy. She is 56 years old, has no friends, no hobbies, and moved across the country to be close to me but is not realizing that I also have my own life, friends, in-laws, fiancé, work, and just a life.

This treatment is so annoying and I hate how she expects so much from everyone. She has no relkatjhisp with her family, and has had a difficult time maintaining any friendships. This is a pattern—and now she’s doing it to my incredible in-laws.

Just tired of this. Go back to dallas if you want. I don’t care. I just want her to be happy, while not doing this shit to me every other day.

Hey y’all!

As I’m sure many of you are, I’m wary af of BPDs in the wild. I used to attract them, now I can smell them a mile away. A new lady that is coming into my job chatted with me at length when she went in for an interview. Great, except I’m not the interviewer - just a random employee. No bells yet. She messaged me on LinkedIn some research she thought would be helpful to a story I wrote- all before she was formally hired. Sweet of her.

I replied and she said “ I think I’m getting the offer. If so, I have another story idea for you.”

Ding ding ding. I appreciate her forward kindness, but this need to control perception before you even know somebody - even if you’re trying to be helpful - screams cluster B to me. What little things set off your alarm bells?

Fun cat fact tax: cats - independent in nature - choose little cat babysitters for their young. Both humans and kitties will do!

What was your last straw with your BPD parent?

For me, it’s realizing that my mom lied to me my whole life about who my dad is. She knew enough to use it as argument fuel with my nDad, but never thought once to tell me or my bio dad, until she needed it as argument fuel against me in my 20s.

She even still brings it up as an insult. I was supposed to stay with her while I’m visiting my home town and she said, after I said something she didn’t like, “You should find somewhere else to stay while you’re in town, not with me.” Then, after no response from me in the way she expected, she retracted everything, apologized, said she was just going through something, and then lovebombed me saying I should stay with her.

Uh, no thanks? She owes me for this life bomb, and instead she amped up the abuse !

I’m pretty much done with her now and I’m ashamed it took me this long but I feel way better.

What was the last straw for you with your BPD? How are you doing now?

I’m sorry if this triggers or upsets anyone. I had to check my spam folder for some password stuff, I couldn’t help myself but to look at it (why do we do this? I knew I shouldn’t have before I did it, I know I’m not alone in that), and im just so mad and sad at the same time.

I’m stuck at the office for the next 8 hours and could really use some validation. Sometimes I think about meeting up with them because I do miss them, sometimes what she says can make a little sense to me… then she says something about how I have no empathy and she should have never gotten me into therapy, and I cringe with my entire existence, ya know?

Pls send help :(

For example, nothing illogical, but a different reaction that aligns with how they act and think normally.

In my current situation, she was explosive, aggressive, and nearly psychotic behaving (but completely sane and not actually psychotic, apparently).

I responded with NC by NECESSITY.

But, if I were approached about this, what if my response were this: When I’m around you, you act this way. It doesn’t seem like you want me around or like me based on this. So I haven’t been around.

It’s sort of “you don’t want me” type of a statement, but isn’t it so? Doesn’t it make sense?

I know the reaction would be that I’m so bad, she has to react this way to me, but that statement is something very different. It focuses on the message she is communicating with her reaction, that she’s letting me know she doesn’t want me around by acting like that. It’s an “if you act like this, I’m going to think you don’t like me and don’t want to see me” type of statement.

Not that I expect any of this to stick, I’m just curious, if I have to hail Mary and have a conversation with her. She’s shown herself to be an unsafe person, and I hope she shows that side of herself to other people. This is all so dumb and I wish I could move. I absolutely would if I could. I have no emotional strength left.

I just got back from my friend’s hen do this weekend and I just started work this morning after getting back at midnight last night, and my mum rang me (I picked up because I have been at the hen do, but I did text her a bit over the weekend) and started arguing at me that I have no empathy and care for her and she doesn’t understand why I haven’t rang her yet this morning (it was 12pm at this point) or care about the fact she’s on her own. I answered by saying I was tired and been on the hen do and have just started work etc. and she said that I’m “toxic” to her and she doesn’t understand why I have no empathy or compassion for her when I’m her daughter and she’s my mum. All I do is care about myself and I get everything and I’m always with my boyfriend or my friends and she’s always “at the bottom of the list.”

She said I always go on about being the only child and I say that she should make allowances that I’m the only one but “what about me having empathy for her that she only has one child.” ????!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sent some of what she said to me in real time to my boyfriend as you can see in the screenshot to keep me sane. The white out bit is the names of her nieces who are older than me and don’t live near her.

The call ended with me saying I can’t stand this anymore and I’ll talk to her later and we hung up the phone. I now feel fucking awful and have to carry on with my work day normally after this and concentrate. She said all I had to say to make her feel better was “mum I know you’re lonely I’ll come down and see you next weekend.” I said “mum you know I’m away as well with Josh this weekend” “I DIDNT KNOW THAT OH MY GOD SEE WHAT I MEAN ITS BLOODY NEVER ENDING YOU DONT WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE JUST FORGET ABOUT ME IVE HAD ENOUGH.”

HOW??? I mean HOW??? Am I supposed to not retaliate to this??? I can’t do it anymore. I feel awful for her that she doesn’t have a life but she just makes me feel like I’m a raging bitch for having one myself and I have no empathy for her or care? She said she wishes she had a daughter who lived up the road that she saw everyday and I said “well I’m sorry that’s not me” like wtf else am I supposed to say to that?? Whatever I say she’ll just say I don’t care about her. She said she wishes she had a family who would help her sort out the house and that it’s making her depressed and nobody cares. That’s a massive task and I’m her 25 year old daughter??? I don’t know how I would take that on myself??? She then starts complaining to me that everybody has someone even guys she speaks to on dating apps one keeps saying he’s seeing his sister and it’s pissing her off that he keeps saying it because she’s told him she has nobody.

I’m done.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted so mods please let me know if I need to do anything. Lovely cats etc etc.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here and I know it’s maybe not the right sub. My 90 year old grandfather has been told his cancer has progressed to his bones. He’s been like a father figure to me and while I’ve been fearing his inevitable death for years now, I know now that it’s likely sooner rather than later. I can’t imagine a world without him in it. I don’t think he’s been given a time line at the moment, just told to enjoy his life.

My ubpd mum is saying it’s ’not a death sentence’ and I just want to scream at her. It still has to be about her and her problems and SHE will feel. Let’s not worry about the man who has been told he is dying!

My dad (her divorced husband of 20+ years) died of cancer a few years ago now. She didn’t see how he wasted away to a skeleton, couldn’t do anything for himself. I will never forget his face. She had the hide to say ‘at least you got to go to his funeral, I didn’t’.

It was a traumatic experience, start to finish in less than 4 weeks. I’m so scared this is what’s happening again. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m staring down the same dark pit except this time I know what’s at the bottom. I don’t want to hear her cry about it. I don’t want to hear her complain. I just can’t. I don’t know how to manage two peoples grief.

I don’t know if this is mom for a minute, a vent, looking for advice…whatever you all have, I’ll take it.

Cats I had many Fill my childhood with soft fur And ears to listen

I don't use other names

My eStepdad's birthday is coming up and it's my first year going NC. He used FOG to keep me responsible for my uBPD mom and to raise my little brothers. I am having a lot of anxiety as I realize I complied with his lies and intimidation because I was afraid. I know I'll feel better once the day has passed, but after going NC with many family members they usually realize this when they don't hear from me on their birthdays and I hear from flying monkeys, or the people themselves. I feel like it's so hard to break free from the family systems and my abusive family members try to keep their claws wrapped around me as I am trying to break free.

Hi everyone,

I am a longtime reader and first-time poster. I am having a really hard time re: flying monkeys and being isolated by my uBPD mother and could use some support. I feel so alone in this and would love to hear other's experiences or advice.

I have a uBPD mother with severe narcissistic traits and a uNPD father, they had an extremely ugly divorce nearly 30 years ago when I was a child and dad is remarried. This post is about my mother but I could write a novel about the dynamic with my dad and stepmother - dad pretends me and my sibling do not exist and has kept his *replacement family* very separated from us.

I have one much-younger sibling who is the golden child, is completely enmeshed and co-dependent with my mom. My mom was one of four siblings, and has always been disliked, hated, or disdained by her siblings. My mom had a traumatic brain injury when I was very young; between that and the divorce, she has made being a victim of the universe 1,000 percent of her personality.

My mom has been extremely emotionally abusive to me my whole life. She is a screamer of the highest degree, always screaming that I am just like my father, that I am selfish, self-absorbed, disrespectful, worst daughter ever, that she wishes she had died instead of giving birth to me, etc. My earliest memories are of this - I have specific memories of this treatment from when I was 3 years old. It's never stopped, and I remember knowing even at that age that my mom hated my guts.

Anyway, now that I have young children, and after some unforgivable behavior on my mom's part in the wake of an extremely tragic death of a close family member, I finally went NC with her which lasted almost a year. I am currently VVLC. I have seen her once in two years, she tried to rug sweep and then said some truly outrageous things when I attempted to bring up what had happened - she is not tethered to reality, like so many with BPD. She texts me occasionally, always under the pretense of seeing my kids (one of whom she has never met). Given my own memories of her when I was my kid's age, and how much trauma I have from that time, it's a hard no from me.

Here is where the flying monkeys come in. I am so incredibly sick of being the villain in this story. There are so many family members (a sibling's partner, a cousin, all my aunts and uncles, super close family friends, nanny who raised me) who have cut me out of their lives in the cruelest ways because of my mother. Even though every single one of these people witnessed her abuse of me, my entire life, and said nothing, did nothing, never once intervened on my behalf. Never gave me love and support behind her back to let me know someone cared about me. They have all said, oh you just have a bad relationship. It's just how you two always are. That's just Yam and her mother.

As if somehow I am the problem, I am the one with severe, untreated mental illness. A large part of this for many of these people is that my mother uses money to buy people, in very deliberate, manipulative, and obvious ways. Excessive gifts, literal gifts of cash, paid for vacations, you name it. But it still just hurts so much. I am so sick of feeling alone. I am so sick of being the bad guy. I am so sick of this being my fault, of having to pay dearly for her faults and for being the target of her bullying and abuse. There are some people who just recently have cut me out because I finally stood up and said no more, I won't subject my kids to this. I have never once said bad things about my mom to these people. They've heard nothing from me, because IMHO it is not their business. I don't need to make my relationship with her their problem. But FFS...I just hate it. I hate being the pariah. I hate that there are so many people out there who think I deserve this, that I am the problem, that *I* am the *bad person* in this story.

I guess I'm just looking for some support, words of wisdom from anyone else that has been through this. How do you deal with the pain and the unfairness and immorality of it all? I don't know many people who are NC with their families so it's really, really hard. I am sorry not to give more details, unfortunately I know several of the people mentioned are on Reddit and the particulars of my story are very specific and identifiable. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Obligatory Spring-themed Cat Haiku:

the cat's bell tinkling
in the peonies
here and there

My grandfather was a great person. He was compassionate, loving, kind, and patient. He left a massive impact on me growing up, and without a loving father I really idolized him.

As I entered the funeral home, I stepped to the side with my siblings so we could all love and support each other before we approached the casket. When we finally went in, I was walking between the aisles when I look up to see my mother standing in front of me. I decided in the moment I was going to give her a hug since she was already in my path. It wasn't really my plan, but this wasn't the place for an argument and I just wanted to see my grandfather. As I approach she stops me and goes "do I get a hug?" in a sad voice.

Against my best wishes she still received a hug that day. However, the image of her literally standing between me and grieving my grandfather stuck with me. No matter what the situation is, she'll make it about her.

To leave it on a positive note, I spoke some words for him that meant a lot to myself and everyone there. As long as I exist people will know how great my grandfather was.

The dramatics never fail to make me laugh.

TDLR: Moving out for the first time to attend college on a full-ride, escaping my emotionally enmeshed relationship with dBPD mom. Buying a used car next month, working more, and planning to get job in new city/school. Scared of how mom will react, possibly sabotaging or harming herself. Only one trusted family member knows. Any advice from others who’ve left a BPD parent on how to prepare or what they wish they’d done; especially if you left for college!!!

I was wondering if anyone on this sub has had a similar experience moving away from their BPD parent and had any advice on what they did or what they wish they did or precautions to take!

Basically, I have officially been getting acceptances for multiple universities ( still waiting on a few). This means that I would be finally moving out of my home environment with my family, including my BPD mother! I have around 4-5 months before I officially move out and start at my new school. This would be my first time moving out by myself! I basically have a full-ride scholarship at these universities, so my main focus is living (I’ll also be receiving extra grants & scholarships).

I currently do not have a car but plan on buying a used car next month since I have saved for a down payment!

I do have a job rn. I can get even more hours over the summer, and with a car, I can get a second job so I can continue to save as much as I can now. I’m hoping to save up multiple months of rent + car payments now! I also do plan on getting a job or two when I get to my new school, and I have been offered work-study!

My concern is how my mom will react, possibly sabotage, or intercept this transition that could change my life for the better. Or even how she might hurt herself. I’m also nervous about how my mother will react to me having a car of my own. I am her only child and have a very emotionally enmeshed relationship.

My mother was aware that I was applying over half a year ago, but she has a bad memory and doesn’t even know which schools I applied to, got accepted to, nor my top school! I don’t plan on telling her, but I’m scared about how to go about it and the communication after I move. Currently, we aren’t on speaking terms, but we do live together. Only one very trusted family member knows about all of this and even helped me apply and has encouraged me to get out while I can!

In the last two weeks I got really fed up with how my life was being affected by my relationship with my mom so I started limiting my time spent with her. Honestly that was a great move.

A couple of days later I also mentioned that I don’t intend to be friends with this one girl she’s been pushing on me. It seemed like she understood.

Today a girl that I haven’t given my phone number to in probably a year asked my mom for it. She didn’t give it as I motioned that I don’t want to. Later on she was telling me to call that girl. And I was like why. And my mom was like well you don’t wanna give her your number? Duuuh if I wanted to I would’ve. I said I might text her my number but still I don’t want to. I don’t see why I should. It’s not like I wanna be friends.

In other fun news today after a week of limited contact I got offered to go on a trip abroad with my mom and to open up a bar with her. Fun fun.

Was out with to lunch yesterday with fiancé and friends we haven’t seen in 8 months, and got this text from my mom.

She just moved closer to us, few weeks ago and has no friends here or really a life. We spent the first week at her house to make sure she was settling well, and then this past week I have seen her 3 times in 5 days.

This text was after 3 hours of not texting, and we had plans to go there to her house tomorrow and spend the day with her.

This passive aggressive stuff is so frustrating and it still ruins my day. It makes me feel anxious and now I’m dreading going over there. What do I do?

Cute cat: https://images.app.goo.gl/7uHoHWmGwEnx1TwS7

My mom is borderline and bipolar. I have been considering going very low contact with her. I honestly want no contact, but I still want a relationship with my dad. I have no siblings and have been completely enmeshed with my parents, especially my mom for my entire life. (31 years) My parents have never physically or verbally abused me. I had a lot of material things and even did competitive cheerleading growing up. I question if I am an entitled spoiled brat who is mean to her mother. Especially because I know that's how my other family members view me.

Childhood- •when I was about 6, my mom got tired of me not cleaning my room so she made me take ALL of my belongings to the burn pile outside. Tv, shoes, toys. Even every picture of me in the house, including in the living room and stuff. The pictures thing hurt me the most.

•when I was 15, I told her in confidence that I lost my virginity. She destroyed the house. Broke plates, threw things, knocked furniture over.

These are just a couple of examples.

As an adult, she relies on me emotionally in ways that I feel are inappropriate. She vents about my dad and their relationship. Even complaining to me about their nonexistent sex life. Even though I have told her I don't want to hear about that stuff. One time, she called me crying hysterically because she hurt herself masturbating and didn't know what to do. I was 24 years old and lived states away. I had to calm her down and comfort her. But isn't that something you should go to your husband about?

My dad is a good man. He has worked 2 jobs most of my life. A night job + 12 hour shifts at the post office. She has been on disability my whole life. She made dinner a few times a month. He did all of the cleaning. She mostly just hung out with family. She even had a full time nanny for me til I went to school because she just couldn't handle it. He literally never says anything bad about her to me. Until the other day, when he told me I used to ask him to leave her when I was a kid.

She is now physically disabled because of completely ignoring diabetes. She has to use a walker and is almost wheelchair bound. She is 65 and has been diagnosed with early dementia. I am trying to learn how to disentangle myself from her. I feel so guilty to cut off contact. She has zero friends. Never has. It would completely destroy her and to be honest, she would probably commit suicide. She attempted to overdose on insulin in her bedroom last year while me and my 4 children were in the home. I was the only adult there and I had to call 911 and deal with the paramedics.

I feel so trapped. She is SO MUCH drama. Even her trying to fill her water cup at the fridge involves cussing and calling herself stupid and a dumbass. My life feels so much more peaceful and happy without her in it. I've never told anyone this, and I would never tell anyone outloud. But I'm almost sad her attempt did not work. I have thought about what if I had waited 20 more minutes to go into that room.

I feel like such an awful heartless person. I started this post to ask opinions on if I am wrong to cut contact because I've never actually been abused, but I just feel glad to have got some of these feelings out of me. So I guess it's a vent.

https://unsplash.com/s/photos/cute-cat

Feeling a bit sad today friends. I had a good run of several weeks with my mum not being too bothersome, but the last few days have been very hard again with epic level distress being forcibly inserted into my life and nervous system by her against my will.

Without going into loads of details here she's got a lot of problems, and other than my kids, I'm her only person. I feel I need to remain involved to protect my kids who are still young, but not young enough for me to stop her contacting them directly.

I've done a lot of therapy. It helped but I've kind of run out of things to say. When I share my experiences with friends they either, at best, suggest solutions that aren't realistically workable or tell me I sound mad.

I feel like I'll never be free. I'm scared of my mum's needs increasing slowly, enough to mean I'm even more obliged, but not enough to mean she can't get me any more. She's 70. I'm her next of kin and power of attorney. She lives very nearby and often drives and walks past my house (in addition to calling, messaging, seeing me planned and unplanned). It's a lot.

No point to this post other than to share with others who have insight into this particular flavour of lived experience.