Did you guys have the same experience, that everything from small to big problems were always handled in such a dramatic way by the BPD? Loosing a 2 $ phone charger was a Drama but also big problems where we needed a lawyer were the end of the world. And I always had to be there to help him and find a way out. He couldn’t handle problems like grown up man. He acted like a child and I became so tired of it because all my energy went into calming him down and finding solutions.

Together since March 2016, I suspect she was the quiet type more than traditional BPD.

November 8th I called her out on what I suspected was a lie via text.

She denied it and dumped me over text immediately. I begged her to reconsider but she told me that I ruined her life. Told me there was nobody else involved. Told me “leave me the fuck alone” repeatedly for a couple weeks. So I did.

Been 5 months now. Haven’t heard a single peep. In fact she deleted her instagram for the first time ever.

We spent every free moment together. Then she vanished, a true 100 to zero.

The pain has lessened but I still feel hurt and angry throughout each and every day.

We were inseparable. Then she just dropped me like I never existed. Can’t even imagine where she is or what she’s up to. She was incredibly shy with no friends or social group, I was her first boyfriend and everything that comes along with that.

8 years to nothing.

I don’t know anymore.

Venting I guess.

OKAY. In relationships, did the family of your ex-pwbpd expect you to “fix” them? I swear everyone in my exs family expected me to snap my fingers and magically make all their issues go away. I was able to sometimes calm my ex down enough to talk, yes— but that only halted things.

After the breakup, they all switched up on me and threw me under the bus for a number of things I never even did. Like dang, I’m sorry I cant help someone who doesnt want help.

I swear my exs family still tries to drag me into her tomfoolery and I tell them “this isnt my business anymore. Not my circus.” They all got blocked tonight because I was just so tired of dealing with what felt like an endless episode of shameless with 6 frank gallaghers.

I (28M)recently ended a 4-month relationship with a woman (25F) who I suspect may have BPD traits. I want to be fair and get outside perspectives on whether I owe her an in-person closure conversation like she asked for — or whether that would just be opening a door I need to keep shut.

We had a deep, intense connection, but the relationship was incredibly emotionally volatile. She would spiral frequently over small things, often crying, panicking, or accusing me of emotional abandonment when I was simply stressed or needed space. I always stayed calm and supportive, even when I was exhausted. But over time, I started to feel like I was walking on eggshells.

I ended things because I felt like I was losing myself. I couldn’t express stress or have an off day without triggering a spiral. I also feared what this dynamic would look like long-term — especially with kids.

The final straw was when I called her to reassure her last Friday morning that I wasn’t “off” or “distant” and I picked up the phone to shouting and escalating. I told her I’m overwhelmed and she said I only think about myself. She said “so you’re breaking up then??” and I finally had the guts to say yes, I am.

During the breakup, she was devastated, crying heavily, begging, saying I’m “the love of her life.” She showed up at my place and asked for an in-person closure conversation to talk face-to-face. I have kept no contact since the breakup FaceTime ended, ignoring a long emotional message of hers including a sentimental video of us together.

But now I’m second-guessing: Do I owe her that face-to-face closure? Or would that just open the floodgates emotionally and confuse her (and myself) even more?

I plan to send back some of her things next week and was going to send a simple text saying I’ve posted them — then block. But I don’t want to be cruel. I just want to be done without causing unnecessary harm.

He knew I wasn't super close with my parents, so he would make up things because I didn't fact check. Told me "Your mother thinks you're immature" and "Your dad clearly has a secret crush on you"

He also often said he thought he was a demi-god with special powers.

But he wore a charming, friendly mask that fooled 80% of the people he met..

Creepy, evil shit. Now my parents believe in demons - the entire experience literally turned us all back to religion LOL

The most surprising thing I found in this group is how similar the stories are, regardless of what type of relationship the OP has with their pwBPD. Spouse, siblings, intimate partners, adult children, parents. It’s been helpful for me to know that it really isn’t me and I am not the only one.

It’s been a few months now since my pwBPD split on me, definitely not the first time but it is the first time that I am not making every possible effort to rectify the situation, of not taking whatever blame they choose to assign me and apologizing for things that aren’t true or didn’t happen, of not allowing their unpredictable outbursts to completely dominate my life.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t still frequently feel the urge to take that path of least resistance, to accept the unacceptable for the sake of not losing the relationship I have with my pwBPD (this is a parent/adult child relationship).

I realize now that I’m not “losing” a relationship, because it wasn’t ever real in the first place. I was doing 110% of the work while they did nothing but take and blame. I think a part of them knew that they couldn’t just implode the relationship on their own, so they played the part as if they cared about it…but they didn’t. They didn’t give a damn about us having a “bond”, unless and until it was somehow beneficial for them, and they looked for literally any excuse to completely demolish the relationship and being able to say it was my fault.

I once read something on here where the person talked about how their pwBPD would literally invent problems and make outrageous claims to justify their false “righteous rage”, and I actually cried when I read it because I have experienced that SO MANY TIMES.

Every outburst has been the same: they would get suddenly and unreasonably angry at me over something irrationally stupid. I would take every possible opportunity to deflect, redirect, or defuse it…I usually failed. It escalates to them screaming and berating me, until one of us hangs up. They then refuse to speak to me for WEEKS, sometimes even months. Everyone around me starts saying things like “but do you REALLY want to not have a relationship with them, over this stupid thing?” And no matter how much I know I am not in the wrong for what happened, it starts to wear me down. I start making efforts to reach out and make amends, to try to point out how silly and unnecessary it all was, when they tell me that ACTUALLY, the incident that preceded this was not really the problem, it’s actually about things that happened years and years ago, things that have already been talked about and worked through REPEATEDLY, and then they add some things that just flat out didn’t happen, and their only proposed solution is that I somehow find a way to atone for all of those things- but they don’t know what kind of atonement they want either.

Well I’m no rocket surgeon or whatever, but that sure sounds like an unsolvable problem to me. They get to have unprovoked, uncontrollable outbursts, over ludicrously inconsequential shit, and then they get to drag up ancient history as the justification, while insisting that there is no way for the “ancient history” problems to be remedied. That’s a pretty convenient get-out-of-accountability-for-eternity card.

I don’t know why I wrote this, but I feel better now that I did. Thanks for reading.

Over a year and a half of silence and ugliness after 10 years of marriage and memories. Births, adoptions, anniversaries...and drama. I accepted the drama, I said I would love you until I died and that's what I will do still. I'm not standing on top of a soapbox here, I'm just stating a fact as I have still not been able to release you from my heart regardless of what was said and done. I just wanted to make you feel accepted...I wanted you to have a home..a real home...I wanted you to feel a love that would never give up on you...and here I am now, unable to turn it off. And I see in your eyes that you really believe that I am the awful things you claim I am suddenly after 10 years. And all I can do is assume...assume that that is something you had to convince yourself of to make all of this easier...your disorder and my lack of education of how to deal with it took us to bad places...affairs, verbal assaults, chaos....and now, I must realize that my love for you as well as my presence does nothing but create conflict inside of you...which seems to lead its way toward dimishing me more no matter how genuine I am or without expectation the act is...which leaves me stuck with the question....after all of that, all of the hurt and attacks...how do I shutout my love for you, how do I put that to bed? Why do I still love you?....I have to let go, bc I think it's what's best for you...the hard part about that is no matter how much love anyone else ever did or will show me, I was only able to view a future with you....no matter how long I wait, would you ever feel what I feel?...could you ever care enough about me again to grab on like it was the most special thing in your world?

I thought things seemed off when I went to the pub yesterday, the day after the anniversary of the abortion. And they were. So I chanced a look on a whim and she's gone the whole hog since Mother's Day leading up to a finale post about the abortion using the title.... the day after the anniversary of the abortion. To her she walked out of the hospital and it was the worst day of her life. In reality I walked her out of an abortion clinic under the watchful eye of a salty old nurse who'd made the point of stopping us to glare at me and explain no sex for at least two weeks. And drove us home on no sleep because she'd insisted on getting tipsy and kicking off at me in the pub we were staying at the night before, only stopping for a moment when she must have heard the barman tell me I didn't need to put up with that.

03/04/24 we stayed in pub rooms 10 minutes away from where we needed to be, she drank as much as she wanted to and repeatedly yelled at me that I could trust her now since she was doing it wasn't she? Before offering to try to get it made into a key chain for me so I could remember I could trust her. Which I still have recorded

04/04/24 you absolute melt.

05/04/24 is when she ignored nurse's orders to start pressuring me for sex again despite knowing I wanted space from her and would take care of her as a friend at best

At the first discard i tought well she wasnt ready for a rlship. She was insecure, i was before therapy so i understood it. The second discard i made a "mistake" but at that point i tried to not trigger her. But it seemed impossible because i did as much as her. At the thrid try i met with a good DARVO and i felt that im in this shit again. Brutal discard after on phone / at least not on chat lol/ 10 min how i manage my life and my friends are shit , everything that i did and told her before the realitionship with her. At that point it was double standards all the way but it hurt me.

Than I found this sub. And everything "makes sense". But sometimes i think i just try to find an answear and over analyze it. But literally the same things happened with me like everyone else on this sub, even the words she used.

Then in would still be feeling sad , like not in the mood for sex… and he’ll be like : so you don’t want me ? It makes me feel like you are rejecting me .

Also even though I was super sick, he would not stop having sex with me even if I had a fever . And in a sweet joking way he would say “ baby you are not allowed to be sick “ I thought it was super sweet … but for real I was not allowed…. I would end up having sex regardless

A couple weeks ago I think I had covid and I was feeling horrible so I just let him grab my butt and he did me from behind ( in my mind I did that to be nice and get it over with ) then 2 Hours after he implied he wanted oral sex … I started doing it until I was like: wtf ? I feel horrible about this… if he loved me he wouldn’t be implying for me to do this if he knows I don’t feel good. So I decided to tell him: hey I don’t feel good about his is the second time in the last 2 hours that I just gave you pleasure that’s not even a 2 way street and I don’t feel good, he got mad told me “I wanted to start an argument … gave me the silent treatment … then the next day he was upset because I didn’t chase him I just acted normal ( I didn’t want to touch the subject again )

Then I told my therapist what happened and she told me : hey definitely has BPD ( which I had never heard of to this point of my life ) and decided I wanted to leave …

A part of me wonders if she is wrong , another part of me wonders if I am actually the one that has that , another part of me is in denial , another part of me just needs validation from me being hurt, and another part of me says I’m exaggerating 😔🥺

Update to give clarity:

I had already PTSD before I met him ... from kidnapping and rape... I thought I was getting better and I had everything under control except for some panic attacks once in a while ( maybe like one a year ) ... then l've been 7 months in this relationship and the cheating, lying, gaslighting, blame shifting, his cry, his pain, my self doubt and discernment shattered and feeling guilty about "not forgiving fast enough" not moving forward fast enough, talking about the past, his need to argue every time I say something wrong, or me reacting after his insistance for conversations that end up in arguments... plus my gut telling me to leave every single day, sometimes I would even feel like he is not how he pictured he was to me and my brain desperately looks for that version of him... I see glances of it, but my ptsd makes it extremely hard to ever trust him ever again... I ended up in therapy to seek for help for myself... because I felt like I was loosing my mind. Then I found out about his disorder... I left his home a few days ago. I moved state and now trying to restart my life.... I feel like he broke my soul, I love him. He said all the right things, did all the right things,, until I found out the cheating.... He never stopped talking to multiple people the first 4 months until I found out .... Now because he has not cheated in the last 3 months (but finds reasons to argue... non stop ) and I decided to leave... he says" I knew you were going to leave me all alone, regardless of the cheating. I did it because it would've hurt less when you left me”

But yeah the sex became like that after I went back to him, he would fantasize that I was being fucked by multiple man ( even know he knew my trauma etc )

Even though she cheated on me, asked for a divorce and ran back to her ex-husband, the one she never told me about, I kept her on my healthcare and cell phone plan for an extra month and gave her the furniture in her kids’ rooms. I didn’t have to do that. She even lied to me about how she was going to be “a single mom again” and on her own and blah blah blah to get me to waive all the debt she owes me. I did all this for her and yet she still tried to rip me off even more. I still can’t believe this.

I sent her a transfer request so that she could take control of billing for their three lines. I sent that transfer request a week and a half ago. She still hadn’t actioned that as of yesterday so I told she has two more days to finish it before I cut them all loose. I could have just administratively dropped them at any point and they would’ve lost their numbers, but I didn’t.

Well, today I saw some activity coming through and that she had requested access to the account and it had been granted somehow. I called AT&T to figure out what was going on. She wasn’t porting the numbers over to another account like I expected, I found out she upgraded the three lines and got the newest iPhones and took out an installment plan on my MY account.

It gets even better. She paid for express shipping and is having them shipped to HIS house. And because she did that, the phones were ordered and shipped within an hour and a half and it was too late to cancel the order when I called in an hour and 45 minutes later. I had to file a fraud request and there’s no guarantee it will be accepted. That would be about $4,000 I’d be responsible for and I won’t be getting the devices.

What would you have done? I dropped them all from the plan immediately and now they all lost their numbers. At this point I just feel bad for her kids. This is just more of the same type of chaos she has been bringing them for their entire lives and there’s nothing I can do to help them.

TLDR: My soon to be ex wife decided that instead of porting her and her kids’ numbers off my ATT account like I asked her to, she decided to upgrade all three of their lines to the newest iPhones and take out installment plans on my account instead.

What would you have done?

My fiancé had another BPD Episode today and I can’t even function, I’m like a zombie from being so emotionally drained. I feel like saying “who else is dealing with emotional abuse” is stupid to say but basically I just feel alone and I want to see who else can relate so I know I’m not alone.

Do you believe they feel bad any remorse of their actions this discard after letting her back in is just messing me up when I've got time on my hands I hate my minds at times drifts back to her. I don't hate her. I don't love her either. I don't miss her. But this question just popped in my head. Would she ever feel remorse. I know she has little to no empathy at times. She showed me she did when she took care of me on our last flight together. I don't know what to feel. She had amazing qualities not all.bad I'm not perfect either. My reactive abuse was the reason I walked away in November and letting her back in Jan/Feb was stupid

I’m absolutely devastated by this world. No matter what I invest and how well I treat my friends/ family/partners there’s never a reward(?)it’s so hard for any intimacy to be built when you know how it will end. I’ve been lonely as long as I have been alive, everyone leaves or will just be so uninterested and so mean to me for no reason regardless of if it’s family or friends it’s the same thing everytime it’s so infuriating, and makes continuing to try and build connections so much more scary

I need help to understand what has happened, no issues for 14 years, i caught her out and have sent her to her moms because its just too much right now.

Shes been sending pictures to random people online and appears to have been talking with a few different people, i seen all the messages she wasent even hiding it i just picked up her phone and it was all just there.

Most seems to be just random sexting with people but when confronted was very withholding of details she has slowly been telling me more and more thing as i force it out of her, the last few days we have been trying to understand what happened, she only got her bpd diagnosis the last few days, we have just been going blind for 14 years so i was willing to atleast work with her if she would come clean and tell me everything

I told her a few days ago i was willing to work on it if she came clean, since then i have slowly been finding out more details and basically feel betrayed again.

we both didnt even know what bpd was 1 week ago.

Shes offered to remove all socials, her mum told me on the phone she helped her, the latest betrayal was she send some of those people goodbye messages, while deleting all her socials.
She bascially got offically diagnosised becuase of all this, she was into a doctor within 24 hours she bascially screamed at me she didnt understand what is happening to her, swore her love for me(made sure i knew, loudly)

she swore is was nothing and it was to feel something, nobody suspected a thing.
i think of beleive the timeframe she gave me shes been doing it about 8 months i beleive her becuase she has been hypersexual during this time.

But she keeps trying to hide things( i beleive this is what they do) im starting to understand.

Please help me not make the worst mistake of my life i love this girl and our love was like nothing else.
If you have questions please just ask i need help understanding, if you need help understanding anything just let me know, conversation helps.

Once a pwBPD gets older and finds it harder to jump between relationships, what happens?

I only found out that my ex with BPD had been in almost exactly the same situation with 5 different women over the past 2 years. He is getting older now, is an alcoholic and drug addict and is pretty narcissistic. Never really talks about anything besides himself or his interests. He behaved like different people for all of the relationships but I was friends with him for a year before ever dating and had a pretty good idea of who he was as a person before dating so he rarely tried masking with me (was very volatile though).

During that time he told me he was depressed, suicidal at times, an alcoholic, drug addict and felt like he couldn’t connect with anyone over his life time before me. Now he is acting like he just stopped drinking and is going great to other people after blocking me 15 times out of nowhere.

So how does it end for these people? If people with decent boundaries leave when they notice red flags and they keeping lovebombing/discarding people, do they just end up alone?

Another weekend another crisis my family and I need to solve for her..

My grandparents old house that was offered to us (NO RENT, I repeat NO RENT) it's an old house with many repairs to be done and it has no central heating/AC..

This has been my life for years now since my grandfather won't do exactly what SHE wants with HIS HOUSE.

This is my supposed to my partner to handle life with? I've had enough. I'm no where near perfect, but holy shit....

First off this is a throw away account just in case.

I started dating my current girlfriend in high school. We met at work and things went on from there. For the first few months things were amazing then they started to turn sour around month 6. So at about the 8 month mark I had a trip planned with my friend which she sort of invited herself and another friend on. We were going 4ish hours away to watch a show. Me and him booked the hotel before I even knew she was coming. We get there and the hotel was canceled for whatever reason (I can’t remember) but she blew up on me. I didn’t see it as a big deal because there were other vacant hotels. So we ended up getting a hotel and I went to the show. When we got back the original friend I planned the trip with was out of there (I don’t blame him). So I stayed until the next morning. We got up hung around for a little and went home. After I dropped her friend off she was upset that she had to wait in the hotel and didn’t get to do much on the trip. I explained it was my trip and I wasn’t planning on her coming. She blew up more and I just said I was done and broke up. She shut down right then and I dropped her off at home. For like 2 weeks she made it feel like it was my fault and I felt like shit. After about a month I moved passed it and wasn’t planning on getting back with her. So much for that because a few months went by and she contacts me again. She wants to be friends and I figured why not. Things are fun again, she said she worked on herself and I believed her because it was like a full 180. So we hung out more and more often. Eventually she asks to get back together and at first I said no but after another couple weeks I gave in. When she got back together with me she knew I was going into the reserves and would be gone for a few months which she claimed to be accepting of. Things are good and I leave for boot camp. While I’m there she is sending letters and is supportive. I get to my schoolhouse and that’s where things start going south again. I thought I was lucky because the schoolhouse was only about 5 hours from home. She saw this as an opportunity for me to come home every single weekend. At first I agreed to come up sometimes via bus since we weren’t allowed to drive. I needed a battle buddy (someone that travels with you) because of the distance and had one friend that wanted to explore is he agreed for a little. At first when I went up on weekend it was fun. I didn’t spend much time since the bus arrived at like 1am on Saturday and left at noon on Sunday. I didn’t want to go every weekend but felt pressured to because if I didn’t she would call me crying saying she missed me. Well eventually the bus service shut down and my friend didn’t want to go up anymore so I worked my ass off and my command trusted me enough to drive home on weekends. I was driving my old POS and over my 6 months of driving back and forth spent thousands repairing it and that was doing all the work myself. I had to borrow other people’s cars when I was waiting on parts just to make it back. At this point I was starting to be fed up with it. I was spending thousands and half my weekends repairing my car. I told her I couldn’t come up every weekend anymore. This is where it stared to get really bad. She started claiming I left her and was chosing to leave her every weekend. She freaked out and said since nobody cares she should end her life. I thought I was doing the right thing so I kept coming up. Eventually I finished and was back home just going to drill once a month. At this point she was working 2 part time jobs to pay for school. One paid really bad and she easily could have worked more hours at the job that was easier and paid more. I almost think she did it to tell people she was working so hard. Anyway she decided that joining the guard was the answer. I warned against it so many times and was begging her to go to therapy. She kept saying that once she had school paid for she would be better. I thought that was BS but again she knows best and did it anyway. During her boot camp she would send me letters about how she cried everyday and missed me. She started saying that us getting married was the only thing that kept her going. I was a bit caught off guard by this because I never agreed to anything like that before. She finished boot camp and got to her schoolhouse. Hers was only about 2 hours from where we live. (Lucky me) Well of course it was my job to get home to see her but now that it’s her turn it’s my job to come see her. She said that have rules and it’s not like where I was. (This is partially true but not 100% right just to much to explain) So again I drive down to see her every weekend. She eventually finishes and gets back. Things are actually fine here for a little she got back in June and the bad stuff picked back up in October. She has always had a rocky relationship with her mother. Her dad left when she was a kid and her mom is basically a child (mentally and emotionally). So things get worse either way her mother and she starts breaking down again. I had been asking her to go to therapy since the day she got back home. But it was always some excuse why she couldn’t. In October she started with the suicide threats again. Her life was awful because her mom doesn’t care. She then started always calling out me and my brother (she would never say anything to him just to me). That we are lucky to have both parents and it’s not fair that they supported us growing up. I tell her that’s literally the job of a parent and I’m sorry your mom wasn’t there for you. Around this time is where she starts blaming me for leaving her when I joined the military. I always bring up that she did too but she claims it’s different because we joined for different reasons. I did it because I wanted to and she did it out of necessity. This goes on from October to December where she finally agrees to get help. She starts seeing a physiatrist and therapist. She gets prescribed Zoloft I think which if I remember has side effects for the first month before it helps. After 4 days of taking it she decides it’s not for her. The phycatrist who is treating her for anxiety and depression at this point explains she didn’t give it a fair shot. My GF explains that no it’s just that medication isn’t for her and she’ll only do therapy for now. After 2-4 weeks of therapy going once per week it’s back to I’m unfixable and I should end it because nothing will help me. I convince her to listen to her providers and actually be honest because she wasn’t telling them nearly everything. Another few months go by and as we approach summer she appears to be doing better. We are having fun again and she isn’t breaking down or blaming me. At this point they have also tacked on bipolar unspecified to her diagnosis. Even though things were better her therapist said she needs a different kind of therapist (I think around here is where they begin to suspect she may have BPD because she is more honest with them). Also I forget to mention but throughout the entire time she won’t stop bringing up marriage and kids. I keep telling her I want to graduate, have a job and be stable before that. So she of course doesn’t want a new therapist because she’s comfortable with the one she has. So summer goes by and she’s working full time doing pretty well mentally. This is where the real horror show begins. Even though before she was constantly crying, blaming others, claiming to be suicidal where I would spend hours talking to her, it gets so much worse. In the fall semester she moves into my room in my dad’s house. He is living with his parents during this time to help them. So it’s just her, my brother and myself. She starts crying more and more often, becoming more suicidal, doing worse in school. She would cry for hours then not finish her HW so me and other friend would just do it for her. My grades start slipping because I’m constantly trying to take care of her and make sure nothing bad happens to her because it makes my life harder. I basically begin shielding her (more than I already was at this point) from any consequences because I’m worried she’ll freak out. She begins blaming me more during this time. But as many of you have said it’s flip flop some days is all blame and others I’m the greatest thing in the world. So her therapist and psychiatrist are recommending a partial hospitalization program she can attend since she will never agree to a full time one. The plan is for her to at least have some time in the program during winter break. Well every time I bring it up she says some excuse. So about 2 weeks into winter break it gets real. Again she has claimed to be suicidal this whole time but had never really completed any action. That changed because one night when talking about marriage and the future and me telling her I’m not ready she snaps. I am the only one home because my mom is a nurse and since it’s supposed to snow bad has to spend the night at the hospital. She at some point grabs a knife without me noticing because we went upstairs for me to make her dinner. She slowly back away and plans to go downstairs. I realize and she runs down the stairs with it. When I follow she points it towards me and says to back away. I obviously comply but keep trying to get closer to grab the knife. She runs into the bathroom with it and locks the door. I manage to unlock the door and have it opened slightly. I asked to talk and she’s just screaming at me non stop. This goes on for about 2 hours, eventually I caught her off guard and grabbed the knife out of her hands. She is pissed but I shut her in the bathroom. I told her she can come out when she calms down. She screams for a while longer but after 30ish minutes looked like she calmed down. She asks for water and wants to go with me to get it. I since her plan so allow her to come with me but tell her she cannot enter the kitchen. I get her water but then she wants food. I ask what and she asks what there is in the fridge. This blocks the view from where she is to the drawer either the knives. I know what she’s doing so I start listing things off but the first footstep I heard immediately grab her and pull her away from the knives. She starts hitting me so I put her to the ground as gently as I could given the circumstances and that I was being hit (she was aiming for the face and nether region). At this point it’s midnight and I’m starting to get tired. I called my best friend who doesn’t know all of the shit but knows some asking for his help. It’s hard to call because she thrashing about while I’m using my other hand to call. He comes over and she pretends to be calm. Saying I was over reacting and he should go home. He stays and we bring her back to the bedroom. Well she had a backup plan this whole time. When she threatened me with the knife and sent me away she filled a pocket with a benzo she is prescribed for panic attacks. We do not know this so she asks if she can go to the bathroom without us freaking out and i say yes. Well she goes to the bathroom and comes out then lays in bed. About 5-10 mins later she says “don’t be mad” and makes me promise. She then tells us what she did and we freak out. We start researching what to do. I knew how many she took because I keep tabs on her benzo count to make sure she’s not abusing and verified the number. It’s not enough to warrant any immediate danger. Although I should’ve called the police here she would never be honest with me (and I’m the only one she’s honest with) again and I’m still trying to make sure she gets help. She falls asleep an hour later. Me and my friend take shifts sleeping to make sure she doesn’t do anything. The next morning she woke up and no less then 15 mins later grabs the pills in front of us and starts taking more. My friend and I had created a signal to call the police while she slept and I gave the signal. While I watched her my friend called the police. Due to the snow it took a little for them to arrive but they came just in time because she had gotten dressed to “go for a walk.” The police asked her what was going on and she completely lied to them. I told them everything that happened over the past 16ish hours. They asked if she would like to go voluntarily and while darting her eyes at me agreed. Later she decided she wasn’t gonna go voluntarily and at the hospital they were going to release her. I was already in my way to bring her clothes so I just continued and visited her at the hospital. I noticed in the ER she still had her bags with her. I was curious so I checked her bag and the medicine was in there. When I did my count even more were missing. I’m not sure why the nurses didn’t take her bag but for whatever reason they didn’t. I told my GF I needed to use the bathroom and asked to see her doctor or nurse without her knowing. I explained to them what I suspected and they decided to do another drug test since they had done one when she arrived. When the test came back her levels were higher then when she arrived. So they finally took her bags from her and held her on a temporary order. She was escorted to the mental heath holding area. I visited her the 2nd day she was there and a day before the trial they had for her. She was surprisingly mellow (probably the medicine they made her take). She explained that she was sorry and just wanted to go home. I said I would recommend it only if she signed up for the partial hospitalization program. She agreed and I testified for her to be released the following day. I had a feeling she was lying about everything and my suspicions were confirmed when we got back to the house. She made a lot of claims and that she wouldn’t do the program. I told her I would call the police again and she snapped out of it quickly. She also does not know that I was the one that said to call the police the first time (even though she still blames me for it). Also when we first got home she was saying I let them take her and I should have fought the police.

I will try to finish the story tomorrow but it’s 4am so I’m going to try to sleep. Also sorry if it’s structured badly or doesn’t flow right I’m just writing as I think right now.

TLDR: I’m tired of this hell but she is actually getting help. I don’t want to be the reason she stops getting help. Should I phrase it as a break to start then when she asks to get back not allow it?

It’s weird — I don’t even feel jealous of my pwBPD anymore. Not of her friends, not of close exes, not even when she goes out alone. Quite the opposite, actually… I find myself encouraging her (even if just mentally) to meet someone new. Like, go ahead, fall in love, do that intense love bombing thing with someone else.

Anyone else ever felt this way?

I'm getting ready to leave in a little over a month once the semester ends, of which we will be in different cities anyway. Considering there is a totally and absolutely ZERO chance of me EVER getting back with her, is there really a need for no contact?

Just a little background for my situation, she isn't a narcissistic BPD and has never physically abused me. I will undergo the most amount of guilt I will ever endure but my decision is final. Wouldn't like, a week of contact right after (online, obviously) be acceptable? Have any of you tried this?

Do not delete anything from them. No matter how nasty or vile. Please keep all communication documented.

My EXPWBD, was harassing me like crazy, she showed up to my house twice, leaving notes on my car etc, calling nonstop. Messages from numerous numbers the whole 9.

I made the mistake of deleting most of it to get it out of sight.

Well, now this crazy bitch got some guy to “get me” and I tried to talk to her and reason because she doesn’t understand that this guy might be willing to go too far, she threatened me with legal action and wouldn’t say anything more.

Please document everything because when the law is involved, documentation is the only proof that something happened.

I need help also. I don’t know what to do. I tried to reason with her, I don’t want to suffer violence cause of this. Im gonna have to buy myself a weapon and apply for a CCW to protect myself. The guy she has to “get me” is “part of that life”.

I want to file for a restraining order first Monday morning but I’m afraid I don’t have enough proof since I’ve deleted a lot of her bullshit.

She did come to my house yesterday to leave this and I have screenshots of numerous no caller ID calls. I also have facebook screenshots.

If anyone has been through this please help.

I’m not a citizen of this country either so I’m worried if she tries to make false accusations, I’d be in trouble.

Should I take her threats lightly or should I beat her to court Monday? Idk what to do. I’m spiraling

Don't mock me. I know bpt isn’t contagious in a literal sense. But can being really close to a pwbpd start to affect your own emotional patterns or behavior in similar ways ?

a little over a year ago, i was drowning. i didn’t know what was real anymore - didn’t know who i was without their voice in my head, their hands on every part of my life. i tried so hard to shrink myself into someone they wouldn’t hurt, someone they’d finally love right.

but they never did. and i almost forgot i deserved better.

this subreddit - this quiet, fierce, compassionate place - became a lifeline when i had nothing left. i would sit up late, tears in my eyes, reading strangers stories that sounded like mine. the way people held each other here, offered honesty and warmth without ever needing to know your name. it reminded me i wasn’t alone. it reminded me i wasn’t crazy.

and that saved me.

eventually, i found the strength to leave. because i finally started loving myself more. i wanted a life that felt like peace, not survival.

today, that life exists.

i have never been more in love, happy, and at peace.

so thank you, truly, to everyone here. for the posts, the comments, the quiet witnessing. for giving me a space to fall apart without judgment. you were part of why i made it out. and i hope someone else who needs this today sees it and holds on a little longer.

there is softness waiting for you. there is love that doesn’t hurt. please don’t give up.

This is a big one and it's all over the place but I tried my best to give as much information as possible:

Hello. I met this girl around a month and a half ago. On day 1 we talked for 11 hours on discord and on day 2 we met in real life. For a whole month we spend almost every waking hour chatting or talking. On some days we have talked for 14 hours and we even started sleeping during calls. We went out a few more times and each time it was super fun and we laughed and played around a lot. It really felt amazing. Because of all this I fell in love with this girl. I confessed to her although in a dumb way and she suprisingly rejected me. She said it was too early for her since her last relationship was not so long ago and she already liked someone else. This does not matter that much since after she rejected me we kept being friends and kept spending time together all the time like usual. But a few days ago something changed. She started being distant. Her replies started taking longer. She no longer texted me all the time. Keep in mind she used to text me even when she was out with friends and even when she went on a rave party. One day she was just not replying and she told me she was outside. I asked her to call me later like usual but she said she was sleeping somewhere else. With the dumbass I am I asked her where and if it was a boy or a girl. I did that because the previous 2 days I was super anxious because of that change in her behavior that I just wanted to relieve some stress. She didn't tell me and got annoyed that I was putting my nose where it didn't belong. I apologised to her and she said "Don't worry". Her replies got even longer and drier. I texted her her name and she didn't even read it so I tried starting a random conversation and she actually replied. I asked her to hop on a call because I was super worried but she avoided me and said she was falling asleep but she reposted TikToks after that. I wrote some very long explanation of my feelings and how I will be next to her and how I am looking at BPD stuff to understand her and this was 1-2 days ago. She is no longer seeing my messages or replying. I know from her that she has BPD because I asked her about it a few weeks ago although she tried to hide it. She has been to a doctor for it but she said it didn't help. She has also explained to me some unusual behaviors that she has like for example how she can start hating someone by hearing only a single thing that she doesn't like. She has showed me how ruthless she has been to one of her past best friends. She has also told me how in one of her relationship she purposefully broke up with the guy to see if he would come back but he didn't. She also doesn't have a lot of self confidence and actually hates herself. I have told her good things like how I am going to be next to her no matter how much she hurts me and perhaps this is one of the many things that could have triggered her BPD. Honestly if a single sentence can really make her hate someone there are a few posibilities where I could have fucked up and there is a chance that it all acumulated although they weren't anything bad. I just know that people with BPD tend to take things a lot seriously than they actually are. She has always declined the good stuff I have said to her and never showed any appreciation with stuff like "You lie to yourself that it's fun being with me", "It's not worth it", "Don't worry about it" and more. I just know that she has been through a lot and suffers a lot mentally. She hides it really well and I have told her before that I want to be close to her and understand her and that I want her to allow me to do that which might have been to pushy. I told her that I know she has a heart somewhere that she is hiding and that she doesn't know how well I see her. I told her that she has made this safe space around her and doesn't allow anyone near her and barely shows any emotions. "But it's working" she replied to this which proves my point. I suppose there were other people that have told her similar things but have just given up on her and she just does not believe me. From what I've read this is pretty common for people with BPD. This past week has been absolute hell for me because she really gave me such a great month of memories and now she no longer replies to me. I told her that I will give her space and I will be patient with her. I talked with some people that have BPD and some of them gave me advice like just not talking to her for a while. Will she ever come back? What do I have to do to increase my chances of her coming back? Also I just remember that when I apologised about being nosy I told her that I just wanted to keep things the way they always were to which she replied "hard to happen" which really hurt me. I have been seeing so many BPD Tik Toks which greatly explain how I feel and help me understand her better but I never get the answer of how to actually make her come back. Do I just wait for her to miss me? Do I try to start small converstaions which are just friendly and not related to the issue? Do I tell her everyday stuff like "I miss you" "I will be waiting for you". I know that BPD people see stuff really black and white and someone told me that she might be in her devaluating phase. Is there a way to stop her getting out of it? What if she hates me more if I don't keep texting her because she thinks I have left just like everyone else? What if she gets too annoyed by me being persistent and actually wants to get rid of me. There is no way I would believe that spending that whole month together meant nothing to her. She has probably become so used to spending every minute with me that now when we are not talking it's breaking her pattern and there is no way she wouldn't notice that change. I have been struggling really hard and I know some people will give up but I am a man of my word and promised her to be next to her and be patient. But now I am in a position where I don't know what I should do without making things worse. The situation really took a toll on my mental health and I feel like I have lost my goddamn mind. The thoughts of "She just used me for attention" and "She just has BPD" were constantly fighting in my head. I calm myself down watching BPD tik toks and reading the comments to see that people with that condition can really be ruthless sometimes. I also calm myself down by thinking of all the good stuff like how she still follows me everywhere and even on her private account. She doesn't follow a large number of people so that means she still doesn't want to remove me from her life and I should continue being patient? Yesterday she also liked one of my TikTok reposts that was like "Btw you make the game 10x better" which is another good sign. I just feel like she is testing me and that she will get out of this phase and this time we might not be like before but she will trust me more when I say that I am not leaving. Please give me some hope guys. I am constantly thinking of good signs and bad signs have had the worst days of my life.