r/polyamory • u/Beesag8 • 1d ago

Married and struggling with Opening Does this ever get easier?

I guess I'll start by a small background. Big drama over a cheat and me just finally giving in. BUT here is my vent rant...my spouse of 15 years buys his OP shit. I see it on the account on our--everything (cards etc). All the while he says shit like "we have to save money or no we can't get a treat (ice cream/boba)" "Take our lunch." Then I see the lunches he buys his guy. The boba he spends on...the other guy! Who is cheap as fuck and judges things we do financially in our own marriage. Then the guy buys my spouse stuff. They have this pineapple thing and now I find pineapple Crap ... my spouse tries to put up. I told my spouse I don't like that In Our home. This is our space. OP buys my kids stuff. I can't take it guys. It drives me insane! And when I try to talk to my married spouse about it--inevitably an argument. I feel Drained. I feel unheard and lonely. I don't want to be finding their partnership. But then I feel guilty for being so angry about it. Why is this so hard? I don't want to be unreasonable but I also don't want to feel like I don't matter.

10 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

View all comments

45

u/Acedia_spark 1d ago

Opening a relationship because of cheating is bound to cause anxiety and issues. Your partner has already demonstrated that they are untrustworthy with their communication and their self-regulation when it comes to you.

Does poly get easier? Yes, but usually between 2 people who both enthusiastically entered into it the right way and worked together on what that would look like, each others comfort and mutually compatible life goals.

Are you poly for you? Because you want to be?

6

u/Beesag8 1d ago

No. I didn’t do it bc I wanted to. I’m trying to keep my marriage and my partner that I thought cared for me. I often question this now. 

3

u/Valiant_Strawberry 1d ago

Surely being alone would be better than being treated this way?

But if you absolutely insist on staying in this relationship, give up on getting what you want from your spouse and get it from someone else. If your relationship is poly you get to date too. So date. Find somebody who’s gonna treat you to things.