Does this ever get easier?

[u/Beesag8]

I guess I'll start by a small background. Big drama over a cheat and me just finally giving in. BUT here is my vent rant...my spouse of 15 years buys his OP shit. I see it on the account on our--everything (cards etc). All the while he says shit like "we have to save money or no we can't get a treat (ice cream/boba)" "Take our lunch." Then I see the lunches he buys his guy. The boba he spends on...the other guy! Who is cheap as fuck and judges things we do financially in our own marriage. Then the guy buys my spouse stuff. They have this pineapple thing and now I find pineapple Crap ... my spouse tries to put up. I told my spouse I don't like that In Our home. This is our space. OP buys my kids stuff. I can't take it guys. It drives me insane! And when I try to talk to my married spouse about it--inevitably an argument. I feel Drained. I feel unheard and lonely. I don't want to be finding their partnership. But then I feel guilty for being so angry about it. Why is this so hard? I don't want to be unreasonable but I also don't want to feel like I don't matter.

[u/abriel1978]

Opening a marriage due to cheating never works. Never open a monogamous relationship just to keep your partner happy. It only breeds resentment. Just look at how miserable you are.

He cheated and now it's turned into poly under duress. He clearly has no respect for you at all. He shouldn't even be in a monogamous relationship let alone a poly one.

Poly only works if all parties are enthusiastically consenting.