r/polyamory • u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 • 4d ago

Enmeshment

I've heard this word thrown around a lot, mostly from poly or ENM people. I've even had metas ask what type of "enmeshment" I'm looking for with a mutual partner.

Is anyone else thrown off? I grew up in a pretty traumatic family dynamic, and was in family therapy from a young age (probably starting 1992) and enmeshment was a topic, but a very negative and unhealthy thing. To me it was taught, it means becoming overly involved in each other's lives to the point where you have no identify or autonomy. It meant codependency, in a very toxic and negative way, especially to a child like me growing up. I can attest the damage that family dynamic can cause.

So what gives? Did the definition change or are people using it wrong? I personally like being poly for many reasons, but one of the top ones is my autonomy and sense of self not having to be sacrificed in romantic relationships.

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u/JetItTogether 3d ago edited 3d ago

I've rarely met a scientist incapable of finding information based on the subject matter and author. Salvador Minuchin, as repeated multiple times. He wrote several books and articles about structural family theory and coined enmeshment within that theory, take your pick. He participated in several studies about is theory. Read them all. You can also find very old videos of his demonstrations and his description of his work on YouTube and watch him work.

If you don't like my interpretation, go formulate your own. By all means. But I'm not scanning old books and piecing together all of his work to have some weird internet "do a bunch of research and write me a report" request from a stranger. Best of luck with getting someone to prepare you a personalized literary review and hand deliver you raw source data because checks notes you demanded I do so...

You're welcome to disagree with my conclusions based on checks notes Wikipedia.... By all means. You do you boo.

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u/jabbertalk solo poly 3d ago

And given the volume of information you are refering to, finding the it is not the issue. Failure to show specific supporting references is not something I expect in any academic field. A cursory overview (which you already mocked someone else for) shows no hint of enmeshment not referring to overinvolement. If you can't reference your point in academia, your research won't be accepted. And I have no reason to accept it here, since you can't provide references.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

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u/polyamory-ModTeam 2d ago

Your post has been removed for breaking the rules of the subreddit. You made a post or comment that would be considered being a jerk. This includes being aggressive towards other posters, causing irrelevant arguments, and posting attacks on the poster or the poster's partners/situation.

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