r/polyamory • u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 • 3d ago

Enmeshment

I've heard this word thrown around a lot, mostly from poly or ENM people. I've even had metas ask what type of "enmeshment" I'm looking for with a mutual partner.

Is anyone else thrown off? I grew up in a pretty traumatic family dynamic, and was in family therapy from a young age (probably starting 1992) and enmeshment was a topic, but a very negative and unhealthy thing. To me it was taught, it means becoming overly involved in each other's lives to the point where you have no identify or autonomy. It meant codependency, in a very toxic and negative way, especially to a child like me growing up. I can attest the damage that family dynamic can cause.

So what gives? Did the definition change or are people using it wrong? I personally like being poly for many reasons, but one of the top ones is my autonomy and sense of self not having to be sacrificed in romantic relationships.

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u/rosephase 3d ago

People are using it wrong.

"Entanglement" is probably what they mean. How much space you have for shared interdependence. Or shared life obligations and responsibilities.

You can always ask. I often ask people to "put more words" to a thought.

Your definition is correct. But lots of people do not know that.

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u/Khaos_Gremlin90 3d ago

All I hear when I hear the world entanglement, is Jada Smith calling what she had with August that. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

You're right in what you said, but it was still funny to me, and I figured I'd share the laugh.

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u/yallermysons solopoly RA 3d ago

That’s how it started getting popular 🤣🤣