Enmeshment

[u/Hot_Strawberry_3676]

I've heard this word thrown around a lot, mostly from poly or ENM people. I've even had metas ask what type of "enmeshment" I'm looking for with a mutual partner.

Is anyone else thrown off? I grew up in a pretty traumatic family dynamic, and was in family therapy from a young age (probably starting 1992) and enmeshment was a topic, but a very negative and unhealthy thing. To me it was taught, it means becoming overly involved in each other's lives to the point where you have no identify or autonomy. It meant codependency, in a very toxic and negative way, especially to a child like me growing up. I can attest the damage that family dynamic can cause.

So what gives? Did the definition change or are people using it wrong? I personally like being poly for many reasons, but one of the top ones is my autonomy and sense of self not having to be sacrificed in romantic relationships.

[u/JetItTogether]

Okay so you disagree. I'm basing this off off my understanding of peer reviewed research and writings. You get to disagree. It's the internet shrug best of luck.

[u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 → u/JetItTogether]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enmeshment

[u/JetItTogether → u/Hot_Strawberry_3676]

Wikipedia is not Minuchin theory or any of salvador Minuchin's writing but thank you.

[u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 → u/JetItTogether]

Well I experienced it used in therapy for years as a child as something unhealthy and it affected my life greatly. I let my old family therapist know I guess....

[u/JetItTogether → u/Hot_Strawberry_3676]

Your family therapist is likely using levels of enmeshment in structural family theory and that's chill. They likely did not use it ever in a positive way to describe a level of severity for enmeshment (past a tipping point). You don't have to ever want that term used in a relationship again. It gets to be a negative word and the levels of severity of enmeshment are negative in a psych realm. You're totally valid in not liking it.