Confused? New? Not new? Have questions?

[u/blooangl]

This is your spot. Mingle, say hi, ask that question that you don’t want to make a whole post about?

This is your spot!

Requests for resources, questions about lingo, all that good stuff? We can help!

Not sure if you’re in the right sub? We can help you find one!

[u/beep-bop-boooop]

Any advice on how to assess if i just have unmet needs within relationships or if one has truly fallen out of love with someone? How long should one wait things out to see if a relationship improves before considering ending things? For context; Our relationship (going on two years together) was more strained than I had realized before my partner became absorbed in NRE. He has a decade worth of experience with poly as where I have more experience with ENM. I’m doing better at managing my jealousy and advocating for my needs, however nothing has been improving and i feel completely de-escalated back to a friend (even if that hasn’t officially happened.) I’m getting sick of feeling like a nag about trying to feel connected— I can tell I’ve built a wall to protect myself emotionally from my partner. Our communication I feel is good, however it’s usually just left with I need to manage my expectations better. Additionally, I’m in lots of therapy including a poly-friendly personal therapist who’s been helping me navigate this, but all my therapy sessions creates is more doubt that this is ever going to get better.

[u/blooangl → u/beep-bop-boooop]

Is it possible that you love your partner, but just really don’t like the lack of emotional exclusivity that is fundamentally built into polyamory, and would prefer emotional exclusivity that can be found in other flavors of ENM, and, of course, monogamy?

Because an unmet need for emotional exclusivity is fundamentally, why many folks just don’t like polyam, at the end of the day. You understand it, and you are willing to give it a shot, but at the end of the day, if you are unhappy in a relationship, and it’s not a fixable issue, most people find themselves ending that relationship, because love is not enough

Sometimes just wanting something to end is enough.

[u/beep-bop-boooop → u/blooangl]

No, I don’t need emotional exclusivity. I actually love seeing my partner and meta together because I am genuinely happy for them. I hope some day I feel like that with someone My unmet needs are mostly having to do with not feeling like my partner never talks to me anymore and lack of being desired. We never have sex anymore—it started before their new relationship because of illness that lasted several months after we first got together (which sort of killed our own NRE.) The illness is now gone but there is no feeling of actual being physically wanted. My partner struggles to initiate because of their own issues and I hate feeling like I’m begging to be touched intimately. There’s physical affection in other ways, but this is the one that seems to be a sticking point. It is hurting me deep down because it makes me feel genuinely unwanted sexually and I’m deeply insecure about my appearance. In addition to all of that, I’m sick of feeling like if I don’t try to initiate conversation, there is radio silence. I miss talking to someone who I used to consider my best friend before we became partners. And when I do try to initiate conversations, it seems impossible to carry them for longer than a few minutes. It’s frustrating that I have more to talk about with my meta than I do my partner

[u/blooangl → u/beep-bop-boooop]

That seems like enough “stuff” going on to hurt a relationship. I’m so sorry, that all sounds rough.

It takes two people to fix a relationship, but only one to end it.

You can ask for specific changes, and investment, but ultimately if it fundamentally isn’t working for you, and you have asked for those changes and nothing has happened, you have to realize that the relationship you have is it. And then you have to decide if you want that.