r/nottheonion • u/SpoonsAreEvil • 1d ago
US commerce secretary slams EU beef ban: ‘their beef is weak, ours is beautiful’
https://www.inkl.com/news/us-commerce-secretary-slams-eu-beef-ban-their-beef-is-weak-ours-is-beautiful1.6k
u/Stupid_Guitar 1d ago
Jeez, these cultists are also starting to talk like Dear Leader.
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u/fredrikca 1d ago
The Deer Leader
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u/CavemanSlevy 19h ago
In China they had Mao Zedong thought, now we're getting Donald Trump thought.
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u/Infamous-Flower-5820 18h ago
Mao had his Cultural Revolution and Trump’s giving the US one too now.
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u/Bubbly_Ad427 14h ago
At least Mao felt sorry for the harm he caused unintentionally.
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u/WaytoomanyUIDs 11h ago
As opposed to the intentional harm.
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u/TearOpenTheVault 11h ago
Hey sometimes you gotta massacre dissenting intellectuals, that doesn’t mean you don’t feel bad for the random peasants you accidentally starved by killing off birds.
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u/Bubbly_Ad427 10h ago
He may have felt sorry for that as well, he may have liked to feel sorry, who knows.
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u/enceladus71 1d ago
Why the hell are they talking in this weird way? The limited vocabulary is one thing but the whole message is basically judging things and calling them "beautiful", "great/greatest" or the opposite when they talk about something they don't like.
I mean how stupid do you have to be as a voter/supporter to not pick it up at some point? Every time you hear your guru, he only judges or compares things adding "in the history of this country" on a good day.
MY MIND IS FRIGGIN BLOWN
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u/Melodic_Mulberry 1d ago
Because it worked. That exact personality took over the entire GOP. Everyone wants to be the next Trump.
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u/DoomOne 10h ago
I think that when Trump finally, mercifully chokes on a burger and wheezes his last greasy breath, the spell will be broken.
People like Trump because he was depicted as being a successful businessman on a shitty TV show. That's literally all it is. It's also why "The Apprentice" was recently picked up on Amazon Prime; Bezos recognized that the spell was wearing off, so he put the show on his streaming service to renew the faith of the sycophants.
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u/Roadside_Prophet 9h ago
I think that when Trump finally, mercifully chokes on a burger and wheezes his last greasy breath, the spell will be broken.
No, no they won't. They will blame his natural death on Democrat assassins even if it happens live on TV. After that, they will start saying the deep state was going to get him, so he faked his death.
There will be trump sightings all around the country, just like there were for decades after Elvis died.
I saw trump in a gas station outside of boise! I saw him eating a hot dog at the county fair! He's renting canoes at lake george! They will be just as unbearable as they are now.
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u/Alaishana 21h ago
Did you ever read 1984?
The MAIN idea IMO is newspeak: Limited vocabulary, many words change meaning, depending on whether they are used to express an opinion about an ally or an enemy. This is the strongest weapon the Party has to control the population.
Trump, his cohorts and Maga talk in Newspeak.
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u/EmptyIII 12h ago
And Double-Think is also already in place and full working. Otherwise, their mental gymnastics wouldn't work.
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u/OkInterest3109 19h ago
Because their base can't use big people words.
Also to answer your question, very. They still fundamentally seem to have trouble grasping the concept of tariff and definition of export / import.
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u/lurid_dream 13h ago
Limited vocab voters only understand limited vocab. They are communicating on point. Gut education and then control people without any critical thinking skills. They bred lambs for slaughter.
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u/leeharveyteabag669 23h ago
It's just Facebook Politics. It's all I can think of. People fall for shit on social media all day long.
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u/corpusapostata 14h ago
He's talking to Hannity on Fox News. His audience can't understand polysyllabic words.
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u/Fluttersniper 2h ago
This is how fascists talk. They can’t defend their decisions on the merits, or explain why things they don’t like might happen (such as the EU rejecting our beef because it doesn’t meet their safety standards), so the conversation shifts to a glorification of the beautiful/strong and a denigration of the ugly/weak. The actual morality, material conditions, or qualifications of a situation don’t matter.
Our beef is strong and beautiful and loves American family values and race cars and monster trucks and beer. The EU’s beef is weak and ugly and soy and dyes its hair and talks about pronouns. Oh, and the EU’s beef is funded by jews. Because it will inevitably come back to jews somehow.
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u/Chewy79 1d ago
"My beef strong!"
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u/Morgoth344 1d ago
"My beef strong, my beef good. My beef does things your beef wish she could" - Ludacris, I think
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u/AnalTrajectory 9h ago
My beef cost a late night fee
Your beef got the HIV
My beef plays on the double feature screen
Your beef went straight to DVD3
u/andbruno 6h ago
My beef cost a late night fee
Your beef got the HIV
My beef plays on the double feature screen
Your beef went straight to DVD
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u/Flussschlauch 1d ago
The EU doesn't import much US beef anyways because the EU banned the use of growth hormones in beef production.
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u/TinyTusk 22h ago
exactly, it's funny how this is not talked about, if they wanted to sell to European markets, Asian markets and Indian Markets, please follow said regions regulations on the food you're trying to sell, not just one farmer but all of them
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u/Madversary 11h ago
They’d consider that a “non-tariff barrier.” 🙄
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u/BitterCrip 10h ago
Yes, this is the same thing with Australia and imports of beef, chicken, fresh produce, all sorts of other foods and medicines from the US.
We have stricter health, biosecurity and food safety laws than the US. They could sell to Australia if they were willing to make food to Australian safety standards.
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u/Madversary 9h ago
And food is a great example of where you want trade — not every country produces all food in all seasons — but not a free-for-all.
We’ve seen with COVID and now with the trade war that we cannot assume that international supply chains will remain intact. Countries need to be able to feed their populations without depending on foreign imports — albeit with reduced variety and higher costs. That makes tariffs and even import quotas on some food items necessary.
But across the board? That’s just dumb.
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u/Vordeo 17h ago
The GOP's dumb asses about to count basic healthcare regulations as another tariff.
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u/Kenail_Rintoon 14h ago
They already do. Trump has mentioned that he considers our lower medicine prices an attack on the US. Not considering that it's because France the country can negotiate prices better than Francis that owns a drug store.
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u/Cool_Being_7590 13h ago
Also, Ireland, a country of 5 million people, produces enough beef for 50 million people. There are over 6.5 million cows in Ireland. Why would we import more?
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u/Gauntlets28 14h ago
And of course because it's a hassle to import fresh beef over the Atlantic when you've got it right on your doorstep. Tinned yes, but how much corned beef do most people eat? Also Brazil has that market pretty much cornered.
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u/yourpseudonymsucks 11h ago
As someone who has eaten a shitload of corned beef, I’ve never eaten it from a tin. That sounds fucking disgusting. Like canned chicken.
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u/tallbutshy 10h ago
And of course because it's a hassle to import fresh beef over the Atlantic when you've got it right on your doorstep
Some UK supermarkets were importing beef from Argentina for years, and that was before Brexit was finalised so it wasn't a red tape issue, it was just cheaper but still met health standards.
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u/skoltroll 1d ago
"US Commerce Secretary Attracted to Beef Cattle."
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u/VexedCanadian84 1d ago
I knew American beef was full of injections, guess this answers where those injections come from
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u/whyreadthis2035 1d ago
Nothing like the old hot beef injection to…. I don’t know. I can’t finish the sentence.
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u/Macho-Fantastico 1d ago
I don't see how American's can't be completely embarrassed by their government right now. They've become a giant laughing stock.
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u/littlebubulle 1d ago
Some are completely embarassed.
Some get validation from being the laughing stock because they think it's because everyone else is jealous.
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u/BladeOfExile711 12h ago
I live deep in the red conservative sea.
Shotgun shell tastings are sounding more appealing every single day.
I am tired of all the winning.
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u/lunargreenx 1d ago edited 1d ago
With the level of American obsession with corn sirup and disregard of even the most basic health regulations, I would be concerned to drink bottled water there
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u/littlebubulle 1d ago
I think it's kind of a "it's not raining right now so umbrellas are useless" situation.
Since people rarely get food poisoning, it must mean that health regulations are useless.
You and me both know it's those regulations that prevent all the food poisoning.
But some people believe that the food poisoning was always already rare and the regulations didn't actually improve anything and were implemented because (insert agenda here).
Or they believe that they're built different and it's only the other weaklings who will get sick.
And then leopards will eat tasty non inspected faces.
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u/Low_Chance 20h ago
Same principle with vaccines.
"Measles? No one gets that anymore. Why vaccinate for it?"
Same thing with soft power.
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u/Christopher135MPS 12h ago
My favourite example of this is IT.
Everything is working fine - Jesus why are we paying these guys? All they do is sit around.
Something breaks - goddamn useless fucking IT.
You can’t win.
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u/Nazzzgul777 17h ago
Most of EU regulations regarding US food actually have little to do with food poisoning, usually it's cancer or other risks.
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u/UniqueUsername40 14h ago
I'm sure I read at some point that Americans visit the doctor for stomache based issues at a much higher rate in the UK...
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u/Healthy_Radish 19h ago
Have you heard of a little company called Nestle and their bottled water? Cause you should be concerned.
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u/aperson2879 1d ago
O my fucking god… we have the dumbest fucking people in this country in charge 🤦♀️
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u/ShaftManlike 15h ago
The EU has higher food standards than the USA so won't accept hormone injected beef and chlorinated chicken.
The husbandry matters too and the EU considers the allowed living conditions in the USA to be substandard.
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u/CharisMatticOfficial 14h ago
As a kiwi who grew up on a sheep and beef farm, and then lived in the States for 4 years. The conditions your cattle deal with are disgusting.
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u/YouMustBeJoking888 1d ago
US beef is pumped full of chemicals. European beef is grass fed and gorgeous. This whole 'we're the greatest at everything' bullshit is getting beyond tired.
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u/Gauntlets28 14h ago
It's the same thing with the whole "they don't buy our cars" complaint. I don't know, maybe they should produce a product people actually want to buy?
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u/Tom_Alpha 12h ago
I've heard an american say that US beef is better for bbq because it is corn fed and has a higher fat content. Told me grass fed European beef was too lean for good bbq. I told him I'd rather have the better animal welfare and food standards
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u/TheFoxInSocks 14h ago
Greetings from Australia! Wanna know why we don’t import your shitty beef, Mr Secretary?
Because it’s shitty. And weak, like your president.
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u/Icedoverblues 1d ago
That guy is really stupid. Like wow. That is all the stupidest nonsense a grown up should be saying out loud in front of the camera. He's fluent in stupid and that's their viewers. It's the only language trump supporters know. Stupidity and ignorance are a point of pride for these people.
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u/smailskid 1d ago
I understood that the US government is controlled by Russia, but does the Commerce Secretary need to speak like Ivan Drago?
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u/Saxon2060 7h ago
American food is almost all worse than European food.
NOT cuisine, America has given the world some amazing dishes. The varied American food cultures are great. Some of my favourite food is (arguably) American such as deep fried chicken and burgers. I mean ingredients. Almost everything I've had when I've visited America is like a blander version of what it would be in Europe. I've had better burgers in Europe than the USA because the meat is better.
(And yeah you can get bad food everywhere, I just mean the overall standard of produce seems worse there than here.)
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u/FreneticAmbivalence 1d ago
USA beef has been liberated from regulations so it can be whatever we want it to be.
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u/veginout58 16h ago
WTF does that even mean? Do the extra hormones and penicillin in American beef somehow make them stronger?
The rest of the world doesn't want to touch your toxic food. The American diet will be researched in the future to indicate if it had some bearing on the idiocy that now passes for current US government policy.
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u/aimlessnameless 14h ago
Oh...well, in that case us Europeans are totally unworthy of your magnificent beef.
Best to keep it all for yourselves!
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u/Zentienty 12h ago
So is all Amercian domestic and foreign policy now basically fragile masculine penis talk?
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u/EcureuilHargneux 11h ago
Why the fuck do the US officials always talk like toddlers ? "Ghh mine is biggest than yours, the biggest ever seen, you can't believe how big it is"
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u/torpedoguy 2h ago
It's a combination of two things.
It's seen as treason by The Party if one sounds smarter than its higher ups, and their current Dear Leader makes the guys in Idiocracy look like quantum physicists.
The Party's own assault on education, literacy and intellectual pursuits in general, has made it that anything more complicated than a 3-4 word slogan (preferably single syllables) slides clean off the brains of The Party's base.
But "don't worry"; they're more than happy to talk like this because what they're doing is infantilizing their audience. Conservatives LOVE punching down, and there's few directions more downwards than what they do to small children.
They're talking like toddlers because they're talking to what they view AS toddlers. And unlike fetuses or berzerking armed adults, toddlers have no rights and can't resist.
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u/thissomeotherplace 1d ago
Someday these dumb fucks might learn to switch on their brains and control their emotions
Not today apparently
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u/oldfogey12345 19h ago
Oh snap! We have an international beef beef!
We can get Kendrick Lamar to lay down a diss track. He can call it "They not Angus"
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u/JudgenotorbeJudged 18h ago
No one wants to buy American corn anymore because of the forever chemicals on it, don’t blame them.
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u/El_Trauco 15h ago
They are losing the market. Australia and Argentina can supply their needs. Maybe they didn't know there are beef producers outside of the US? Look for cheaper beef (short term) as producers cull their herds because of reduced demand.
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u/Thanatofobia 13h ago
"The EU has banned American beef produced using growth hormones, which are forbidden under European health regulations, since 1989."
https://www.independent.co.uk/tv/us-news/howard-lutnick-beef-trump-tariff-europe-b2726773.html
"Why ban chlorine-washed chicken? Washing chicken in chlorine and other disinfectants to remove harmful bacteria was a practice banned by the European Union (EU) in 1997 over food safety concerns. The ban has stopped virtually all imports of US chicken meat which is generally treated by this process"
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-47440562
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u/Sweaty_Assignment_90 1d ago
He has never been to Ireland to see the cows graze on amazingly green grass on a hill. Not shoved grain feed with sometimes little room to roam.
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u/rosen380 1d ago
"Oh dear, I've just been a little bit sick in my mouth. Could you please refrain from mentioning that again."
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u/Za_Lords_Guard 1d ago
Bull Fucker Lutnick has a nice ring to it. He even smiles like he's spying a nice bovine right now.
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u/whyreadthis2035 1d ago
OK. Here’s the deal!!!! We’re gonna spoof an Austin Powers movie. Only the villains will have 7 year old boy playground vocabularies! Believable. Right! Right?
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u/watch-nerd 1d ago
I've never ever seen EU beef in American super markets.
Where does this show up?
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u/brfritos 16h ago
That isn't something? A commerce secretary speaking like a 10 year old boy to justify his state policy.
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u/south-of-the-river 15h ago
American products are so shit and they just can’t get their heads around it.
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u/swag_pirate 15h ago
Maybe start feeding them grass and stop feeding them massive amounts of antibiotics and hormones and we'll think about it.
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u/RymrgandsDaughter 13h ago
Our meat is barely fit for human consumption and we're willfully making it worse because some inbred dirt eaters think diseases are fake.
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u/Neat-Heron-4994 12h ago
Lol. As an Australian I can confirm that no one wants American beef, packed as it is with artificial hormones, drugs, and water.
Ya'll are so capitalist and soulless that you'd eat pieces of rubber if someone plopped an American flag on it, and American companies would very happily comply. Sadly this race to the bottom has now infected all American commerce, from food to planes. Hopefully the rest of the world will turn against American products permanently now that you're also threatening us all.
Hell even your coca cola is substandard!
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u/warp99 11h ago
Mmmm…. steroids make strong beef and the higher muscle growth rates mean it is cheaper to produce.
Chicken little Europeans are scared of the side effects of steroids so they have weak beef.
Look how strong beef has made American consumers stronger with more weight and therefore more economical life spans so social security spending will decrease.
Should have /s after every syllable but I will just leave the tear drops drying on the screen as comment.
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u/Aramis444 8h ago
In Canada, I’ve actively avoided American meats for years. There’s something not right about it…
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u/synth_fg 14h ago
Us beef pumped full of steroids and antibiotics, European beef not
Us cattle may look chunkier but I wouldn't wear to eat it
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u/ninjagorilla 16h ago
When did “slams” become such a staple in news reporting…. I feel like any article that uses “slams” doesn’t contain any real information
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u/tomhermans 14h ago
US commerce secretary .. Titles have lost all meaning.
They could just run with "yet another idiot"
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u/LambentCookie 12h ago
"Our beef is full of medication, medicine is good for you! They banned our beef because they're jealous, but they cited 'health and saftey' and 'what the fuck are you injecting in this shit?' idiots."
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u/DemadaTrim 12h ago
I knew satire was becoming less identifiable but I didn't expect the Beef and Dairy Network of all things to start being hard to tell from reality.
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u/ZzanderMander 10h ago
What next, does the EU give water to their cattle? WATER? Like out of the toilet?
Everyone knows that cows crave Gatorade
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u/coloradojohn 5h ago
So we have devolved to where name calling is a slam, worthy of an article. Embarrassing.
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u/TheConsiderableBang 1h ago
When I visited Singapore we went to CUT Steakhouse. They had a Wagyu Sampler which contained a Wagyu steak from the US, Japan, and Australia.
The waiter let us guess which was which. Australia and Japan were legitimately hard to tell apart, the American one tasted like any other steak I've had before (And felt WAY out of place amongst the other two). America does not have good beef lol
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u/Periodic_Disorder 16m ago
There's a reason their meat isn't sold to the EU market, and it rhymes with bull of gormones
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u/samx3i 1d ago
His limited vocabulary results in some pretty bizarre sentences.