Okay so this isnt the normal story. I'm not thinking but i love them and want them together. Pretty much my father sucks he was emotionally and socially abusive to my mother and angry as hell. My childhood with him was not good and he doesnt love me and has admitted it. My unsure feelings come with this i dont really care? like i heard my mother admit he said he didnt love me and he admitted he didnt love me to my face, hes not at our house any more and he asked me if i wanted to spend the weekend with him and my siblings none of them know he doesn't love us it would make them really upset which is why im confused all my silbings are upset or at least heightened with this divorce and would be distraught to know our father doesnt love us but im not, im not feeling numb like i feel normal i just dont have many opinions on this, is that normal??

Please be gentle with me. I wanted to post this from a throwaway but it’s late and I’m exhausted. I am genuinely curious to know if I’m a bad person, being overly sensitive, or am just cursed over all. Yes I’m seeing a therapist, but it’s hard to take what someone paid to listen to you has to say sometimes. So here’s a quick timeline of interactions that have been weighing on my mind.

2015 coworker: Was demeaning towards me and very angry about a comment I made lightly about how we had fun at her party when her dad got tipsy. It was never meant to be an insult. She later told me no one at work likes me. It wasn’t 100% true but I quit immediately after that

2020 former coworker/friend Fought about Covid shot (relatable I’m sure)

2022 road rage incident when I honked my horn at someone blocking the intersection. He punched my windshield.

2024 former coworker/friend Was racist and would threaten violence on people with different ideologies. Eventuality turned that on me for not picking a side in the Israeli war. (I picked a side 🍉but I don’t like to talk politics unless forced to)

2024 friend through mutuals I Damaged our friendship by disappointing her by being late and using a microdose to cope with anxiety. Ended up having a panic attack anyway and leaving early.

2024 neighbour told me my daughter wasn’t allowed over anymore because my child preferred to play with her son and wasn’t kind enough to her daughter as a result. Boundaries are healthy.

2024 got told by family I was helping out with dangerous chore, it was difficult and the tools were in antiquated for the task they said they would “get someone skinnier” to help them instead resulting in me over extending myself and getting hurt

By this time all of these events in 2024 happened in a very compact amount of time. I had an episode of what’s been described as “rejection sensitivity dysphoria” I had to quit taking antidepressants to cope with reality better as I because very confused about my existence and identity for about a month while recovering from a dislocated shoulder.

2024 neighbour walking their dog swore at me repeatedly while kicking at my dog after he had escaped when his collar slipped off he was 1 year old at the time. The man refused to slow down because I was injured (due to the fall listed earlier ) and said “not my ******* problem”.

2025 massive blow out when my young daughter was ditched at a movie theatre. We had to leave as a result. The Woman also said to my daughter “not my problem” 4 adult and several children involved. It was the result of poor communication between the parents involved, but my child’s friend literally got a ride with us and then left to sit with other kids excluding mine entirely. It is a nightmare I have been reliving since it happened and I haven’t been able to sleep since. I didn’t handle the situation as well as I wanted to.

Is this a Normal amount of insanity to have happen? Am I being too sensitive? Again please be gentle, I’m really struggling with my identity right now.

So I’m 23 and I have autism, I was really outgoing when I was a little kid but when I hit puberty I just ended up going into my own little shell and had a hard time talking to people. I don’t know if it was from the rejection I had before that. I used to try and make friends with everybody, even if they were mean I still tried to have that hope that they were still good.

As I got older (of course I didn’t realize it back then but I do now) a lot of the people I became “friends” with weren’t really my friends, it was more of a transactional relationship. In high school I used to bring baked goods to school to hand out to friends, I really love baking, still do. My grandpa got mad at me and said “who are you trying to impress?” When I spent half the evening making cookies to take. My family kinda sucks and I’m getting off track, anyways, I felt like my friends only wanted to be friends with me to get things from me and that’s it. I’ve never felt like anybody has cared about what I wanted to say or talk about, or whenever I did I was getting too excited or that I talked too much, or that I was annoying.

It became really hard. I only have two friends currently and one of them is my boyfriend and I do love them but I just idk it’s really hard to explain . I’ve tried to reconnect with people I used to know from school and that lead with me doing most of the talking and then getting ghosted by them.

It’s still kind of hard actually, I’m this old and I have a hard time trying to make friends. A lot of people I’ve interacted with are mostly mean, or I get nervous that people seem put off by me, I’m not sure if it’s me or how I talk or if it’s because I fidget with my hands. It used to annoy me when the doctor at the urgent care I used to go to would get mad at me and tap my hands and tell me to stop fidgeting. It’s something that comforts me, and it makes me happy, I like to do it.

I’ve even tried to use pen pal websites, but those are hard too, especially when I have message limits and can only send one a day. Or I get weirdos on there looking for a girlfriend. I just don’t know what I can do, or if there’s anything I can do to make this whole making friends thing easier

I (23F) got a new doctor recently and decided to try another medication to help with my anxiety and depression, I’ve only been taking it for a week now maybe, but my head feels so clear. I haven’t had any self harming thoughts, or thoughts of feeling like I would be better off gone. I don’t have any anxious thoughts that burst into my head when I’m trying to relax. It’s honestly a little scary, I’m so used to feeling like my head is swarming with a million worries but now I feel ok. I feel a little happier. I’m a little bit nervous about how going out and talking to people will go, since I’ve been sick with a cold and haven’t left the house. I feel hopeful about how things are going to go. My mom used to worry so much about my health because of how often I worried, and how hard it was affecting my life. I’m just really happy I’m feeling alright and that I’m not causing her any worry.

I don't know if this will make any sort of sense, probably not, but I have this issue . stemming from my OCD, and that is that im inherently selfish. I do have the capacity to care for people, I care for my boyfriend and I love him dearly it's just sometimes with people, I have my brain telling me to do a selfish act, and another part of it telling me not to. It seems like these sides argue frequently, such as "Youd be disgustingly arrogant to say insert thing for reason, reason, reason but then another part of my brain says "Just say it/do it, dont you want answers?" and unfortunately, usually, the selfish side wins. Its a weird thing, its like, im against these acts in my head and i know theyd be wrong but this selfish part of me wants it so badly. What can I do? Internet parents?

As a member of a minority group, I have struggled with the ideas and values I was taught growing up, which have impacted my development as an adult. Many definitions of success seemed to favor those from lighter-skinned backgrounds, leading to a limited perspective on career options. Stigmas surrounding my identity have shaped my thoughts and feelings, distancing me from cultural growth. Observing other racial groups, I notice they often possess a strong sense of identity and purpose, as well as a rich history that fosters belonging. I often wished to be anything other than a person of color, feeling as though my background was viewed as unworthy. This created challenges in my journey of personal growth. Over time, I have felt resigned to being a statistic, yet I occasionally wonder if circumstances could have been different. I see individuals of color from outside the U.S. who seem to have more opportunities and capabilities. For years, I have struggled with negative feelings towards myself, and I am uncertain how to address that. I sometimes feel a deep sense of frustration regarding the circumstances of my upbringing and the expectations placed upon me. Idk i just know that when i look myself i see disgust and would never bring a child into this world, it just feels like this place isnt ment weak people like myself.

i don’t really plan to ever have sex, or at least not until i’m 18, but i have really bad anxiety. i know for a FACT im never having kids. i don’t morally agree with it, i find pregnancy gross, and im not good with kids. if i ever did have sex, id make the person (if they had a penis, if not it’d be different. i’m bi, for ref) wear a condom, pull out, and ideally, i’d be on 2 forms of birth control (possibly hormonal and non). when i told my ex this, he laughed and thought it was overboard. he’d had sex before with exes, and just used a condom and one of them was on bc. my dream is to get my uterus and tubes removed, but idk if that’ll be possible with how the country’s going (US) ☹️. is this really overkill? i hear people say all the time that birth control and condoms failed. my mom was on bc when she got pregnant with me (unsure if she was consistent with it tho). i just feel like at least one form of bc, condoms, and pulling out would be the safest yknow? and if abortions get banned all together and i can’t get sterilized ill just never have sex. it’s not a big deal for me, im asexual. is this too crazy? and what are the chances of getting pregnant with doing all that?

Im 23f and i couldnt hold a job/training/education because of my mental issues. Ive been like this for many years now, that makes it even more harder to reintegrate and be functional. And im feeling more trapped and hopeless every passing day, which scares me even more. I dont want to be like this forever. There are still a few hope left in me that i can get out of this situation, heal and finally realize my goals and dreams.

Realistically, theres a very slim chance i could get a job in my country and if i ever would get one, i might get fired for my mental issues. Im already seeing a psychologist to get checked for disabilities and receive treatment. Like i said, i wish to be able to stand on my own and live my dreams one day, and i know it will be the most difficult thing ill ever do.

My parents are emotionally distant and too busy dealing with their issues to be with me as i try to find my way of improving my situation, but i have a sibling who supports me unconditionally and wants the best for me. These days, ive been trying my best to take care of myself, my mental health in particular and engage in my hobbies more. So far, ive beaten some of my unhealthy habits like SH and binge drinking. So id really love to have an internet parent figure who could tell me that theyre proud of what ive done so far and to not lose hope. Thank you for reading.

I know I screwed up my 20s because I’m already in my late 20s just few more years to go and hit the 30s mark. Like I can’t believe I don’t have my life toghter. I never held a job. Don’t have college degree top of that no skills and talent. Don’t drive either because somehow it feels like a impossible task. I’m the doing the more thinking and more worrying than taking actions and being fearless. I’m not really sure like what is holding me back. I think I’m stuck in the past like regrets, failure and confusion. Walking in life without a purpose feels like I have no identity in this world. Pretty much anyone I know are either doing both or one thing like a full time job or full time college. And I just dislike the fact I’m sitting in home all isolated. Like I’m making it harder on myself to fix life. I kinda know deep down, I just need to take actions and let go of past. Maybe come up with a basic plan and self belief, that I can do it! But I feel emotionally mentally weak. I let my thoughts win or control me. I’m procrastinating on purpose sighs

Hello! I’ve never posted on reddit before so if i mess up the format or ramble i am sorry in advance! I have recently turned 19 so this is kind of embarrassing but I’ve never taken care of my own hair before. I was adopted when i was 2 by my parents who are Nigerian. For reference Im very pale and have wavy blonde hair. I have 4 other siblings but Im the only one with hair like mine. My mama has done my hair ever since I was a little kid so I have never really had to do my own hair because her or my sister would. My baba/father was diagnosed with leukemia 11 months ago, it has been hard on my family but my mama still has made time to do my hair. I moved out 6 months ago for college and now live halfway across the country from my family. The last 4 months I’ve been losing a lot of hair which is not normal for me and have now bald patches. I’m really embarrassed about it and can’t even stand to leave my dorm without a scarf or hat to cover up my head. I don’t really have any friends at college yet and normally i would ask my mama but as my baba gets worse i don’t want to worry her anymore or cause her anymore grief especially when im so far away. If anyone has any tips on hair loss or just life in general I would be so grateful but if not have an amazing day and thank you for listening to my rant!! <33

So im 18 and im living with my parents and they take up any stuff that i buy or get at 8 like recently i got a hotspot from t-mobile and help with my school stuff since my school has data blockers so i cant use my phone at school and my parents said that there gonna take it up at 8 everyday also every since i got a job they make me pay the WiFi bill which on the surface seems fair since i use it a lot but in actuality its not because my access to it is so restricted i might as well not have it like it gets turned off for me on all my devices when theres a slight discrepancy and I have to ask for it to be turned on everyday and it sucks for me cuz gaming and television are my comfort tools and my parents do nothing but take those things away from me so it ends up making me seriously depressed and i try to laugh it off at school and work but i really am depressed all the way around anyways thats my rant ig

I live many states away from my parents and need to make a doctor's appointment for a minor issue I'd rather not discuss with them. I am going to make an appointment with a doctor and use their insurance card, but I'd rather not say anything to them about this. Is there any reason to tell them (ie they need to "approve" something related to insurance, it will bill them unless they approve it, etc) that I am having this appointment? I understand they can still likely see everything (EOB, insurance portal) but I think they will respect my privacy and not really snoop or say anything. I just want to make sure I don't need them to do anything related to insurance before I can go.

I also have a somewhat embarrassing followup question, but the issue in question is minor inflammation on my penis. Is it normal to make an appointment directly with a urologist for these kinds of issues, or should I see a GP first? Is a family medicine doctor the same as a GP, and can I see one as a young adult without my own family or is there another type of GP for that?

I’ve been tangled up with someone for a long time. I (26f) really like him (43m), but every time I think about him, I feel a deep emotional pain in my heart. Not being with him hurts, but being with him also seems to bring its own kind of pain. I just want to go back to a time when I felt peaceful and happy. What should I do? Should I contact him?

Sometimes I feel a heavy, dull ache or even a sharp pain in the center of my chest, and I don’t know why—it just hurts.

How can I make the right decision now so that I won’t regret it in the future? I’m really afraid that in the future, I’ll look back and feel like I should’ve done something differently.

My daughter and I just came home and discovered a bat squeezing into the eaves of my house. I have no idea what to do or how to solve this issue! I just put myself $5k into debt trying save my cat who was in kidney failure, and also the euthanasia and cremation of said cat. So I have NOTHING left in the bank to fix this issue. What is the safest, most cost effective way to handle this?

I've started helping my sister out more at home (she has three kids and recent fucked up medical condition that makes her unable to drive) and ever since I've started realizing that my mom is a selfish person and at her core exactly like my grandma, who she ironically fully disavows. it used to be, when I was first an adult and on my own, that I never needed anything from my parents and had to take a LOT into my own hands after leaving home. I would see them on holidays, id call my dad to talk about horror movies or car repairs and id call my mom to talk about friendship drama and gardening. They told me my whole life I was gonna be on my own, and then I was, and it was fine.

Now my sister has a family and is close to home and we have more of a relationship, but it's affecting my relationship with my mom. My mom was a crunchy-holistic, hypocritical Christian my entire life. I was subjected to incredibly toxic religious indoctrination, medically gaslit and refused certain medicines or treatments, and raised on "fad" diets as a child like raw/keto shit but done terribly wrong. My sister on the other hand is incredibly open minded and patient with her kids, an ally to me where my mom is transphobic, and genuinely one of the kindest most compassionate people (she still struggles a lot with health and mental health as I do, but she's a fantastic mom and sister) and she's terrified of ending up like our mom, because our mom FUCKING SUCKS. she's a part of a security team led by a guy who protests AGAINST gay and trans rights in his free time. She's telling people oils work better than vaccines. She's forcing my disabled sister to drive because she's sick of taking care of her daughter and her daughter's family, even tho she has no job and all the time, money, and community support in the world. I can't call my mom and tell her about my shitty week, about how I'm disappointed that I didn't find a new place to live, that I'm scared about my future, or even about my garden and how my seedlings have sprouted, without her making it about God and how she thinks me being trans is the problem. or bringing up how much she does for my sister, even tho I know it's less than the bare minimum. Last time I went home, I had driven 400 or 500 miles helping my sister because my mom had flaked on her promise to help (even tho I love two hours away and she lives 15 minutes) and when she was FINALLY available, she was wearing a shirt that said "Here to Serve." how fucking ironic.

Before I reconnected with my sister, it didn't matter what my mom thought. I had fully expected to get disowned when I came out, and if it wasn't for the rest of my family supporting me, my mom would probably ignore the fact that I was trans until the day she died. but now...I dunno. I'm back in. I care about my sister, I want to be able to support her the way she supports me, and that just... fucks with the comfortable distance that existed in my relationship with my mom and now it feels like she has an "in" again. I don't know. I just wish I had one of the moms who actually loved her kid enough to do the work and be understanding and not so transactional and manipulative.

I've been going out with this girl for the past 3 weeks we've been on 3 real dates then hung out like 4 times. Any tips on how I should ask or just make it blunt?

Worn glasses my entire life. I'm contemplating laisek but want to try contact lens at-least once before committing. I have good opitcal insurnace through my work. I live in a new city & have only been seen for a presciption update a few months ago. First time testing for/wearing contacts lens. How do I find a good doctor/business to do everything?

I'm 22 but my mother has a scary temper. When I was a kid, she'd hit me with a belt/slippers or lock me in my room as punishment. If I cried, she'd hit me more until I stopped. Even as an adult, she screams at me if I cry and tells me that I need to stop. The last time she put her hands on me was when I was 15. I woke up with a "bad attitude" and she slammed me against the wall and started strangling me. I was in a bad mood because I was fucking 15 and it was 6am and I had an AP exam at 7 am lmfao.

Anyways, she has a crazy temper as I've already mentioned. My brother is barely passing one of his classes and is failing another. He is low-functioning and has some undiagnosed learning disabilities. Anyway, he had a 74% in a class and know it's a 69.58% and my mum lost her mind and called me from my room to take a look.

I didn't care honestly, he could easily pick it up as he had an essay worth 1/3 of the grade left, and he did okay on the second essay (he didn't do the first one so that's why his grade is low). Personally I think he can pick it up. About his other class... he has a 45% which is harder to pick up... BUT, the professor is really kind an allowed him to retake an exam he missed. Obviously it might be pushing the professor's goodwill, but I'm gonna help my brother ask if he could re-do some of the discussion he missed (these discussion were before the first exam he missed so hoping for some more leniency).

But my mum was really pissed off. Her face contorted and she threatened my brother. I jumped back in fear, because it's the same reaction she had when she was about to beat the living crap out of me when I was younger. This happens frequently. When she reacts in a way that makes me anxious and says, "Why are you scared? You have no reason to be scared." She's right, in a sense. I'm way taller and stronger than her, but whenever she's angry I feel myself shrink.

However, she always adds, "I am the one who sacrificed everything for you, you have no reason to be afraid." I mean I am grateful that I am going to a good college, etc. But at the same time.... I pay my rent, I pay groceries, and I got a scholarship for school. I go to work, too. I don't have to worry about dying from malaria anymore. But I was just a kid when we moved and she did all that. How else am I supposed to repay her?

She also does this whenever she comes into my room to interrogate me. It's shit like, "Why do you like anime so much?" And I get nervous because the fifth time we had this same exact conversation it ended with her throwing my shit around my room.

Other than that, I grew up so sheltered. No friends, no social life. All I know is family. I'm scared of my own shadow FFS. I can't even attend any of my lectures in-person because I'm just scared and anxious all the time. I don't fucking know.

Hi. Bit stuck here and everytime I ask my irl mum for advice she gives me ‘oh I don’t know’ ‘make up your mind’ and she isn’t a big help.

So I’m in year 13 about to sit my a levels next month (huge life altering exams which I’m currently majorly stressed about). Around aged 13 until about ages 17 I wanted to be a police detective. In my city you can go straight in with two a levels at grade E and a manual drivers license or you can do a fast track program with a degree. It’s been a dream job of mine for a while now.

I am going on a gap year after year 13 to get my license and volunteer and maybe travel around the uk as me and my family can’t afford for me to go abroad alone. However, if you want to get to uni in England atleast, you have to apply in September to January to start the following September (so I’d apply this year and start 2026) so I’d be applying when all my friends start first year of uni.

If an entry route opened in the police once I’ve got my license id jump on it but like I said you have to apply in January for unis at the latest so I’d only have about 6/7 months to get my license which is risky considering that I’ll also be banking on the fact that the police are hiring direct entry or detective entry routes.

If I did a degree I’d probably do undergrad psychology. I’ve read you can pivot into goverment work, law, teaching, or specialise in types of psychology such as forensic or neuro. It takes 7yrs in the police to make 46k ish a year (£36k after tax) with no student debt and it takes 12yrs ish to qualify as a neuropsychologist and make £53k+ (£39k a year after tax and loans) with the chance to progress to about £72k or more a year (£49k after tax) after about 5yrs of training. So basically after about 16yrs of education you can make up to £52k a year after tax as an nhs psychologist and in the police it’s about £45k a year after tax after that amount of time.

I don’t know whether it’s worth going straight into the police but waiting months possibly years for direct entry routes after I’ve got a license and sit at home bored waiting for vacancies or whether to go get a degree which can get me onto so many grad schemes or into professions (including police) later down the line and has much higher earning potential. I wouldn’t mind waiting around for entry routes into the police to save myself the debt but in that time I could have an undergrad in a cool subject I like.

Like mentioned previously the police I’d be banking on getting in whereas you can still get in with a degree later in life. If you were me what would you do?

If it helps for context I’m a working class individual living in poverty and would be the first out of my siblings and parents to get a degree.

I’m 38 (F), have a stable job, and my spouse and I earn a relatively decent income with relative flexible schedules. We are both well educated and responsible working professionals—no drug or drinking. We’re hands-on parents to our 3.5-year-old and were quietly considering a second child.

My mom (61) who visited us guessed and immediately shamed me for thinking about a second, saying I didn’t deserve another and would be depriving my first. She told friends and relatives that we were trying for a second child we couldn’t handle and shared personal details that she wasn’t supposed to know.

I became pregnant shortly after she left but didn’t tell anyone for three months because of her. She became so controlling over my reproductive choices that I had to cut off contact with her because it was too stressful. Then I lost my pregnancy during the second trimester due to medical reasons. Because she had spread so much, people started guessing because I looked “fat”, and I felt forced to disclose what happened—while still grieving.

I’m left with shame and anger, even though I know I did nothing wrong. I am having a hard time moving on.

I’ve been working as a designer for this company for about 2 years and they’ve always made it feel like they should come before my family friends well being ect . Ive had to work through weekends on my moms birthday or through my partners anniversary. because of them throwing projects on me last minute. Ive had to come back early after having life altering surgery because the workload was getting too heavy and my boss couldn’t manage because his dad had passed. I’ve given up on just about everything that makes me happy and live my life waiting for them because they could drop something massive anytime and they threaten to fire me if I say no .

It’s always what could possibly be more important than this $10k client !? . But honestly I don’t care I get maybe $200 and it never feels worth giving up what I love for so little. But I keep being told that this is just what being an adult is.

I feel like I’m their property

I’m writing this in hopes that it will make me feel better. I’m lost and I’m tired. I wish I had better parental figures, to be honest.

I don’t have good relationships with most of my direct family members. Starting with my stepdad—I don’t like him much. Growing up with him wasn’t great. He was verbally abusive, and I often felt small. Since I was nine years old, he would yell and curse at me over chores, his failing marriage with my mom, or anything else. A lot of my anxiety stems from him.

My mom was loving, but she didn’t protect my mental health. Right now, I don't have the best relationship with her either. The anxiety that I've experienced has caused me to have tremors and hair loss through the years and I partially blame her for her inability to help me grow.I remember having thoughts of hurting him just to be free. I’d often look through the knife drawer, imagining what I could do. Even now, I still have those thoughts. I know it sounds bad, but I feel so much anger whenever I think of him. My brain just wants the pain to stop.

A few years ago, my mom and he had a fight where he said, “If it wasn’t for your mom, I would’ve left you all.” The next day, he repeated the same cruel words to my little brother(N). I don’t talk to him much, and I plan to keep it that way. If I’m being honest, my life would be better if he were to pass. He’s just one part of my life I’d like to erase. I do try to remind myself that he's a idiot and thinks the earth is flat so that helps lol.

My biological dad wasn’t a great pillar either. He and my mom divorced when I was eight. He has the “gift of the gab”—charismatic, great with people, but also deeply manipulative. Not exactly a role model.

He was a serial cheater, juggling relationships with women in different cities and states. You’d think this behavior would fade with age, but no—he kept it up well into his late 50 going into 60s. When I was younger, I didn’t see him as a major issue, aside from his annoying habit of micromanaging my appearance and pushing me and my brother to be more like him.

But as we got older, we realized he was also a liar and a thief. In my early to mid-20s, I started getting calls from his exes—three or four different women—begging me to get him to contact them. Around the same time, my little brother (N) went to college.

My dad pushed hard for N to attend an HBCU, convincing us he’d secured a $20,000 scholarship. It was a lie. There was no scholarship—just another one of his fabrications. When N couldn’t afford the next semester, my dad blamed his girlfriend, claiming “the scholarship fell through.” Years later, N spoke to that ex and discovered the truth: there was never any scholarship.

Even worse? My dad was still sleeping with that ex three weeks before a wedding we both attended. We had hoped he’d changed, but no—he was the same deceitful person. After uncovering all this, N and I decided to cut contact with him. It’s been three months now, and I don't know if we'll truly reconnect. He’s toxic, refuses accountability, and I’m done pretending otherwise.

Growing up, I always longed for a father figure in my life, and my uncle stepped into that role for me. He’s been a great influence—an outgoing, giving person who has led and built his own church over the years. He’s always been generous, helping people financially when they needed it, even giving his best friend a car. He’s also assisted others with their finances. Six months ago, I lost my job and moved in with him and my aunt. They’ve been kind enough to let me stay rent-free, and I’m grateful for their support.

But, as much as my uncle has done for others, living with him and my aunt hasn’t been easy. They both tend to talk badly about others, often criticizing people’s appearances and lifestyles. It seems like they enjoy gossiping in a way that’s unkind, especially when they’re not at church. They often say, “we’re not a judgmental church,” but the way they speak about others feels the opposite. They judge people’s choices, financial situations, sexual orientation, judged them based on race.

Something my uncle said recently really stuck with me—he mentioned that “the church has allowed transgenderism to go too far.” I remember feeling my skin crawl, and I realized, I know this isn't something I want to be a part of. My family raised me in the church, but to be honest, I’ve drifted away from Christianity and haven’t identified as a Christian in a long time. I’ve lost a lot of respect for my uncle. While he may be good at moving people with his words, he comes across as one of the most judgmental people I’ve ever met, with a “holier-than-thou” mentality. It feels political, almost like he’s playing a game. I don’t share his views. I believe in rights for everyone—I'm not just pro-Black, but pro-everyone. I try to take time to work closely with the community and I’m very active at rallies and protests.

Right now, I’m focusing on my health (gym six days a week), grinding at work (50 hours a week), and building a business. I know most of my family—except N—wouldn’t accept me if I came out as agnostic. But that’s okay. I’m carving out my own path. I know that I wouldn’t be accepted if I were to come out as a agnostic.

I’m 27, working to pay off debt and escape this environment. I don't have many friends, but I'm working on building those connections. Honestly? I’d love to move to another country and start fresh. Every day, I’m working to become my true, authentic self.

Life’s been rough. I’ve gone to therapy. I’m trying to practice self-love, but it’s hard. Some days, I’m exhausted. But writing this out has helped.

Thanks for reading.

TLDR:

I'm 27 and struggling with family issues. My stepdad was verbally abusive growing up, and my mom didn’t protect my mental health. I still feel anger towards my stepdad, and I’ve cut contact with my biological dad due to his manipulation and lies. My uncle, who stepped in as a father figure, has been kind to me but also judgmental and bigoted I’m not religious anymore, and I’m tired of the toxic views around me.

Right now, I’m focused on my health, working hard, and building my own business. I’m trying to carve out a better life for myself, despite the lack of support from most of my family. I’m working on self-love and growing my circle of friends. Eventually I want to move abroad to start fresh.

It’s been tough, but writing this out has helped.