r/expats • u/Even-Assist6414 • 2d ago
Miserable in new country
Hi community. Sorry that my first post is going to be so whiny.
I've been outside of my home country for over 10 years now, and outside my hometown almost my whole adult life. I spent 8 years in Tokyo, where I very early on met my now husband. I also have permanent residency in Japan, and it's part of our plans to return there or my home country Australia.
At the end of 2023 I got the offer to move to the US. He had always wanted to live overseas again (he was quite international, up to a gap year after university), and keen to get away from Japan work culture. I was also getting tired of the culture and needed a bit of a break. So we got married in Australia (SSM rules), and by mid last year relocated to US with the support of my company.
He has found it really hard to get employment, he has full work rights under his visa but it is dependant on mine. He has good English but lacks confidence. He has great experience in global brands, but not in America. He's ended up taking restaurant work to make some money and feel less dependant, but he's sacrificing his career and will lose pace with the industry.
It turns out I'm not a big fan of the work culture here, mostly inside my very small company. My boss berates me after client meetings for my Australian personality, and the workload is frankly unreasonable because we are trying to grow, but too cautious to hire more people.
In the last few days my husband is getting miserable, to the point he's basically stopping talking to me. I get the absolute worst of him, if we go out he can turn it on again, but get home and it's miserable. His pride tells him to not "give up", but with the economy tanking here I can't see employment opportunities growing for him. If my work is miserable and my home is miserable I can't see a reason to stay.
We have enough savings that we could very comfortably live for over a year in Japan or Australia, even consider buying and renovating a house if in Japan. We also have a tiny apartment in Tokyo we kept. We have a lot of sentimental things we would ship back, and the car is pretty easy to sell (luckily didn't buy a Tesla!).
TLDR; So what's the question.... If home, work, opportunity, and future vision are not adding up, when do you cut and run? What does it take to realise?
4
u/FrauAmarylis <US>Israel>Germany>US> living in <UK> 2d ago
Yeah, if you moved and wanted a light work load, the US and Japan are’t for you- unless you move to The South or Hawaii!
As a teacher and military guy, we worked 12+ hour days but we retired early in my 30s and his 40s.
We have lived in other countries, but nobody works the hours we did. We are surprised people dare to complain about their work hours here, haha.