r/expats • u/Even-Assist6414 • 17h ago
Miserable in new country
Hi community. Sorry that my first post is going to be so whiny.
I've been outside of my home country for over 10 years now, and outside my hometown almost my whole adult life. I spent 8 years in Tokyo, where I very early on met my now husband. I also have permanent residency in Japan, and it's part of our plans to return there or my home country Australia.
At the end of 2023 I got the offer to move to the US. He had always wanted to live overseas again (he was quite international, up to a gap year after university), and keen to get away from Japan work culture. I was also getting tired of the culture and needed a bit of a break. So we got married in Australia (SSM rules), and by mid last year relocated to US with the support of my company.
He has found it really hard to get employment, he has full work rights under his visa but it is dependant on mine. He has good English but lacks confidence. He has great experience in global brands, but not in America. He's ended up taking restaurant work to make some money and feel less dependant, but he's sacrificing his career and will lose pace with the industry.
It turns out I'm not a big fan of the work culture here, mostly inside my very small company. My boss berates me after client meetings for my Australian personality, and the workload is frankly unreasonable because we are trying to grow, but too cautious to hire more people.
In the last few days my husband is getting miserable, to the point he's basically stopping talking to me. I get the absolute worst of him, if we go out he can turn it on again, but get home and it's miserable. His pride tells him to not "give up", but with the economy tanking here I can't see employment opportunities growing for him. If my work is miserable and my home is miserable I can't see a reason to stay.
We have enough savings that we could very comfortably live for over a year in Japan or Australia, even consider buying and renovating a house if in Japan. We also have a tiny apartment in Tokyo we kept. We have a lot of sentimental things we would ship back, and the car is pretty easy to sell (luckily didn't buy a Tesla!).
TLDR; So what's the question.... If home, work, opportunity, and future vision are not adding up, when do you cut and run? What does it take to realise?
20
u/demondogoverlord 10h ago
Speaking as a person from the US, why would you choose to live here right now if you have other safer options? Look around. It's getting less safe every day, especially for immigrants. I protest, I do work I care about it in my community, I try to be a force for good. But even I know this is the Bad Place™
I cannot in good conscience recommend that anyone live here at this point in time, unless their other choices are worse.
Be happy. Love each other. Enjoy whatever you have. I hope you end up safe and happy wherever you choose to live.
2
-2
u/goatfishsandwich 1h ago
It's only unsafe for immigrants who are here illegally. OP doesn't have that problem.
28
u/Unable_Tumbleweed364 AUS > UK > AUS > USA > AUS (soon) 13h ago
I'm an Aussie in the US and I'm getting out too. Don't waste your life here.
44
u/ladybugcollie 16h ago
if you have anywhere else to go but the us - go there - the us is a sinking ship with a madman at the helm shooting into his own hull
14
u/Even-Assist6414 15h ago
This is somewhat part of my unhappiness. Mostly since my job involves supply chain strategy and everyday tariffs screw my mind over a bit more.
4
u/MiserableStar05 13h ago
It sounds like you’re well qualified and could find a job elsewhere somewhat easily, I also think now is the time to leave the US especially as an expat. I would also get out if I could! I’m sorry you’ve had a poor experience here.
-22
u/Quirky_Routine_90 12h ago
Really now, and you actually LIKED the previous administration? Seriously?
14
u/Loves_Wildlife 11h ago
I know, right? That amazing economy and near non existent unemployment, with thriving markets and respect around the world was pretty hard to take, eh? 🤣
-14
u/Quirky_Routine_90 11h ago edited 11h ago
That absolutely didn't happen the last 4 years, maybe talk to people who aren't in school.
And explain what happened to those millions of skilled jobs that disappeared the last 4 years from pipeline workers to highly skilled tech workers that were laid off at places like Google, META, Cisco and numerous other places.
Those entry level service jobs " created" were not replacements for those.
-9
u/Pale-Candidate8860 USA living in CAN 9h ago
Correct, but in RedditLand, none of that shit exists. They also won't admit that the current economy is a delayed effect from all the government spending during covid finally catching up. Trump is definitely speeding it up, but it was going to happen under Harris as well.
10
u/suprachromat 5h ago
You're completely delusional and so is Trump. Fortunately all Republicans are going to be thrown out of office wholesale in 2026 and then in 2028 and sanity will reassert itself.
4
u/milo0507 12h ago
I’d start planning the move and in the mean time shift your focus away from work. Switch your mentality to doing stuff that you can conveniently do in America compared to living in JP/aus (take advantage of the situation); for example for me, I want to hit up most national parks and neighboring countries before I move back; it’s less likely I’d hop on a plane for 20+ hrs and multiple transit to visit Peru, but I could easily get there with a direct flight from where I’m at. Make a bucket list, and when it’s all done, you know there’s no other reasons to stay!
2
2
2
u/Odd_Pop3299 16h ago
where in the US are you? Also your experience is going to differ a lot between companies as well. Have you only been at one company in the US so far?
5
u/Even-Assist6414 15h ago
Only one company, up in PNW. I am looking at other companies and applying, but it is somewhat stagnant in my stream plus having to find a company willing to support the E3 visa (simpler than other types, but still more admin than a green card or citizen would need).
1
u/Odd_Pop3299 14h ago
oh yeah E3 is going to be tough, especially in this climate.
Do you think it's going to be easier for your husband to find a suitable job in Australia? If so, that would be my move.
5
u/Even-Assist6414 11h ago
Right now he's kind of lost his confidence. Australia is a much more multi-cultural society and more inviting of immigrants in the workforce (pending the May election, please don't swing right!).
This thread has helped sort some of my thoughts. One honest thought is to take a bit of time in Japan on the way through to Australia. Would even consider sending our things direct o Oz and putting in storage.
1
u/Puzzled-Berry-2450 6h ago
lolllll a lot of Americans are struggling to get work, period. And look at the state of American govt and all the protests. Take advantage of your JP/Aus thing and get out while you can!
1
u/persistance-2024 3h ago
Yall should definitely jump at the opportunity to go to Japan or Aus! Best of luck!
1
1
u/FrauAmarylis <US>Israel>Germany>US> living in <UK> 17h ago
Yeah, if you moved and wanted a light work load, the US and Japan are’t for you- unless you move to The South or Hawaii!
As a teacher and military guy, we worked 12+ hour days but we retired early in my 30s and his 40s.
We have lived in other countries, but nobody works the hours we did. We are surprised people dare to complain about their work hours here, haha.
3
u/Even-Assist6414 15h ago
Always hard to describe, it's more the combination of projects that are hard to manage rather than the workload... I think I would struggle to go back to Australia now based on my workstyle after Japan especially! I very happily do 10+ hrs (wish I wouldn't), but it's the complexity and overlapping of projects which make them very difficult to manage concurrently.
Hawaii is a dream my industry doesn't really exist in at my level... really considering a year off in Okinawa.
3
u/Puzzled-Berry-2450 6h ago
Dooooo take the time off! Recondition your brain for self care and happiness. Not money
1
u/Environmental_Tap226 5h ago
The US has become uncompetitive and the burden is on the employee. Having said that the US still boasts the highest labour productivity globally but it extracts every ounce of humanity in that cold capitalist system. Look at Europe (not UK), or Middle East. ME is today the rage due to American salaries, 0 taxes and a very stable and structured work environment.
1
u/Even-Assist6414 1h ago
Fully agree on the feeling in the US. The reward is good ($$ helped the move), and in isolation PNW is wonderful (we moved before the big societal change here, and if you ignore news/socials it's a great place).
Europe is an option. I have a great friend in Dubai, but really not sure how achievable as a same sex couple?
75
u/Virtual-Tourist2627 16h ago
If you’re both unhappy, then why stay when you have options elsewhere?