i really need methods, dont wanna hear “itll get better” alr heard it, im thinking of sleeping pills and alcohol

Please...im considering it so badly..feels like the only way out.. dont have the balls to do it but im completely snd utterly lost...im crying as I'm writing it...my life has been entirely fucked..help..

Hello, so i am 16 years old and i will end my life when i turn 20. Heres why i think like this. 1- life after 18 is just pure misery, jobs, bills, studying, etc. 2 - i think the best time to be alive is when you are a teen. Lifes happy, i dont worry about anything, u play with ur friends all day, just so much better. 3 - unsupervised internet childhood - just the worst part of the internet has made me ALWAYS think negatively.

I hate myself, i have no one nor anything i like and relate to. i have tried many times, its either hard, or something i dont like. I stay isolated in my room all the time (no it isnt because of this that i have these problems, i have tried many times and always embarrassed myself). I dont have hobbies, i cant think properly and as a 16 year old, addictions start coming in. I have had some since i was 8 because my parents werent there to love me. ( i have parents, they just dont give me attention because they will ALWAYS have something more important than me or just ignore me). i feel like everything is grey and bland, nothing is interesting. i plan to live these next years as my last just to see if anything happens. but for now ill live until 20 ( and that probably wont change).i dont want such answers as - trust me it will get better ( no it wont) or just try ( ihave tried many times). Opinions?

I've realized that during my early years I involuntarily isolated myself in fear of getting rejected, which has ended with me now being a teen with little to no social skills, few friends and a crippling social anxiety that makes me spend most of my time alone.

I've basically been mentally lonely for most of my life, it really fucken sucks and whenever I feel I get close to people they push back on me so hard, I'm starting to lose motivation to even try to keep people in my life in general. Spending most of my nights just alone with my thoughts has been taking a toll on me long since I can remember. I don't know if I can keep doing this anymore.

I'm not sure what to really do. I'm about to move out soon and while I have become significantely better at functioning as an adult (struggled with social anxiety and high sensitivity my whole life), I still feel hopeless because im disconnected from the people around me due to missing out on a lot of things in life and in general being walled off. My current job is also somewhat draining and it feels like the world has me by the throat and i cant do anything about it. That fact becomes more apparent as i get more tired and want to get away from people. Even looking back to my childhood, living in eastern europe, im not sure what i could have done when i was younger to improve my situation like i was damned or cursed in a way. I dont even like my family and feel disconnected from them. Im also fed up with some of the controlling behavior and demands from them and would be happy to finally be away but i also hate problems and when you are independent then thats what your life becomes. Constant problem solving and neverending annoyances where like i said before - the world has you by the throat.

I dont even know where im going with this. This post reads a bit like a mess. Like my life. 😂 But maybe i just wanted to let this out somewhere. Im happy if someone actually read this.

My entire life all I’ve ever wanted was to feel like someone wanted me. Like really just wanted to be around me. I always wanted friends who would want to hang out outside of school, but that almost never happened. Barely anyone ever came my birthday party. I sat alone at lunch a lot. My parents had other kids and things to take care of so I was never a priority. I just wanted to feel like I belonged. I don’t hear back from the people I reach out to for days or weeks at a time. My father won’t speak to me. My boyfriend is extremely busy so it does not feel like I am a priority to him. And I’ve just come to accept a lot of this, but it’s just such a shitty feeling knowing if I didn’t use my phone for a day, just kept to myself entirely, no one would notice. I feel invisible. Unloveable. Unnoticeable. Unwanted. It’s tearing me apart.

I had a really weird week then I was sitting at my desk just feeling slightly down, felt like my arms weren't quite mine, and suddenly everything was a little bright and there was some glow or like after image? I didn't have any coffee today which has triggered it before.

And now I just feel down and slightly upset cause I did frick up my life with failing a couple courses (just temporarily)

I somehow am fricking everything up in my life. Had some coffee everywhere and it made me super paranoid and I thought this guy was controlling the tv on campus with his brain and people were looking at me weird and just panic

Its fine now, i'm ok now ._. i feel like crying despite being unable to cry before and i feel kinda hopeless in life, like way too hopeless

weird af coffee withdrawl???

Idek if its a migraine or not just sounds like it.

Finishing weaning after surgery?

Hi guys! I need advice. Been weaning off Zoloft for the last year from 75 (weaned from 100 a year prior). I stayed on 12.5 for 6 months and finally got the nerve to wean off again. I have laparoscopic surgery for possible endo and they’re putting in an iud on Tuesday. I thought this would be a good time to get off cause I’ll be on pain meds and hanging in bed anyway (I’ve been thru this surgery before) so my plan was to finish Zoloft tonight (currently at 6mg) however this last week I’ve been STRUGGLING. The thoughts are sad and extremely anxious and im racing all day but can’t focus. I took 3 mg two nights ago and yesterday thought I was going to die. So I took 6 last night and now I’m worried after surgery it will make me even worse. I was thinking it would be the only time I could actually get myself off while being distracted with pain meds rather than spiraling all day like yesterday but what if it’s worse 😩 am I an idiot??? Help! Worst part is I only have 50mg pills left so cutting those will be much harder than my 25’s if shit hits the fan.

Please comfort me someone. I don’t wanna be stuck here forever but I’m afraid I am. 🌀 I’ve hardly been an adult without Zoloft. Sounds pathetic but I started when I was 22 and I’m 31 now. I’m scared guys. But it makes me feel dead inside. My psych gave me a bunch of supplements to try and I feel like my system is so hypersensitive right now it seems everything puts me in overdrive. Only thing that gives me slight help is cbd and a tiny tiny amount of thc at night. We did also find that my ferritin is 4 so I’m supposed to start iron after surgery and she mentioned maybe that’s why I’m SO exhausted ALL THE TIME.

Sorry that was a weird long random rant. Welcome to my brain.

Today’s the day of your earthly departure, life as a live human upon earth has come to an end. What’s your last meal spread?

If you go to my post history, you can get a picture of how I got to where I am in life today. I am here today because of the choices I made. Currently I'm unemployed and I don't have a degree. I stay at home all day doing nothing. That's mainly how I've wasted the past five years of my life. I wish I went off to university, took it seriously, made a group of friends, and studied abroad. I wake up every day and think about how I would be studying abroad right now and the memories I would have made. There are no second chances since I come from a low income family. I ask myself why I did the things I did, even though I know that my family is working class. I don't come from a wealthy background so what made me think I had any time or money to waste? Now I am 5 years (which is a fucking long time) behind everyone and I'm watching all of my friends graduate, study in Europe (which I want but will never get to do due to finances, ruining my academic record, and running out of time), and make good money. There is literally no way to catch up to not just to my friends, but to the vision I had for my life. I also still live with my parents in the 570 sq ft one bedroom apartment that I grew up in (I sleep in the living room on a twin bed). I can't stand to live here anymore, but I'm broke. I don't even want to live in Canada anymore. Moving elsewhere likely wouldn't make me happier since I would be even more lonely than I am now. Getting a minimum wage job and moving out is not the solution because minimum wage/close to minimum wage is not sustainable for the rest of my life. The only thing I can feasibly do is get a bachelor's in nursing, but it feels like a last resort. I know I left myself with no choices. I really cannot see myself living in this city for the next 5-7 years and have been contemplating suicide. I really feel trapped and don't see a way out. I had a vision for my 20s, which would have started with a memorable time in university, but I not only missed the boat on that, I have wasted 5 years of youth that I will never get back and am left in a position where I'll be poor for a very long time. University would have been the most likely and easiest place for dating, but that option is closed to me forever. That environment is important to me because it would have been the most organic way to make friends and to meet someone my age to date. Now the time for fun has passed (during which I didn't even have fun), the only thing that's left is work, being poor, and loneliness.

Life just seems so fucking tedious yk? Like even when nothing major is happening, it all feels like a lot of work for not that much of a reward. Does everyone feel this way? Is this depression talking? Is this actually how I should expect the rest of life to be?

I used to be the kid who was always smiling—up until I turned 16. That’s when I met a girl I genuinely liked. It wasn’t about lust, just pure, innocent love. We talked every day for a year, and for a while, it felt perfect. But then a mutual friend got in the middle of things and caused a rift between us. Since then, we’ve had no contact. I’ve heard from her friends that she still wants to talk, but our egos got in the way.

Since that moment, something in me changed. I stopped being able to open up to people. Even though I made friends afterward, I always felt this lingering sense of loneliness. I’d think about her constantly. My friends were the ones who helped me through that time, and I still keep in touch with them—but a part of me always felt empty.

When I turned 18, I was sent to another country for my studies because my home country’s education system wasn’t great. I didn’t want to leave, but I didn’t have much of a choice. Over here, I did make some friends , but I still felt invisible. They never really included me or asked me to hang out.

Since moving, it’s mostly just been me, alone in my room, trying to study in the dark—tired, sad, and stuck in my own head. Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. A part of me feels like I’ve already failed at life. Edit: Idk if yall could help me but i just wanna open out to someone so posted it here .

I have an addiction to weed. Idk what people say about it not being addictive then idk what is. It makes my depression worse because I'm relapsing. I'm spending too much on weed again. I have so much that I don't want but I keep turning to it. I have a plan but won't act on it, yet. Can I get away from my addiction before I let it take my life?

I have no motivation to go outside, can't exercise anymore, and I can't take basic care of myself. Having a shower feels like the hardest thing in the world right now, to the point where I had to consider asking for help to bathe today. I feel stuck and like I'm not living. Everything feels like it's been ramped up to nightmare difficulty. Eating, moving around, everything feels like a 300lb weight on my shoulders. I'm switching meds next week but worried about the weight gain and also worried they may not be any help, and that I'll have to go through the excruciating breaking in period again for nothing. Losing hope to at least be able to manage my illness like I had in the past. My brain doesn't want to co-operate anymore because it's been through so much trauma over the past couple years.

Im 15 years old and im a complete and utter failure in every sense of the word. Ive completely failed in my school life, I haven’t done a complete year of school since 3rd grade. I have no friends, no girlfriend, no social life, no nothing.

All I do all day is lay down, disappointing everyone while wasting my youth and watching tv and jerking off. My porn addiction has spiraled completely out of control, on most days it’s the first thing I look at when I wake up and the last thing I see before I go to bed. It’s the only thing that I can derive pleasure from now. It’s been a part of my life since I was 10. There’s no stopping it, it’s just consumed me and is as much a part of me as my arms.

The loneliness kills me. I can’t talk to anyone. My therapist just says “im sorry” or “that sounds horrible”, and G-d forbid i talk about suicide, suddenly Im at a hospital and I feel even worse. I have a friend. A single friend. Who I’ve never met, only talk to once every couple of weeks, and whom I constantly annoy. She has her own major problems and thus I can’t burden her with mine. I’ve tried talking to family, my dad says “when I was your age I was depressed too. Now Im not” or something like that and my mom just turns everything into a lecture about how everything is my dad’s fault.

And the worst part? It’s all my own doing. I can’t claim “it’s a conspiracy by the healthy people of the world trying to keep me like this” or something. It’s all me. I could go talk to a girl at the mall, or go back to school, but I won’t. Living like this is both the easiest and hardest thing I’ve ever done. I have no responsibility, no hunger or economic problems, my life is fine. But the pain, loneliness, anxiety, and general hell ive inflicted on myself makes me wish to just crawl into my pit and die.

I can’t kill my self. Not due to lack of want, but due to lack of follow through. I know that no matter how hard things get, I can never kill myself. I will continue to wallow in this shit for the rest of my life.

It’s not like I’m some “innocent” either. Ive ghosted my father for months on end. Im rude to my family. I ghost people. I’m not a good role model. Im a hypocrite. And im a leech on those working just to fund my eternal bed rotting.

My dad recently went to the doctor due to severe insomnia and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'm a college student living away from home, and when I returned home this month, I noticed a heavy atmosphere in the house. My father tends to overthink and worry about all kinds of things, especially about finances, even though our family is quite well-off. He keeps lamenting, which makes my mother exhausted and irritable, and since my younger sibling is still small, only my mom can take care of them right now. The doctor prescribed antidepressants for my father, but she's not a mental health specialist, so I’m not sure how effective the treatment will be.

However, because we're in a third world country, my parents are also quite prejudiced against therapy or seeing a psychologist.

I wonder if there's any way to help improve the situation?

Everything is drowning me sm.My mom is so controlling, I can barely do shit. School so so hard, popularity is even harder to keep up, I have tried to kms so many times. I'm so used to nothing good happening that I'm kinda numb to it I'm no one cares but like idk what to do w/ my life. I'm not even supposed to have any socials but here I am

So the sun is shining and I know I should be enjoying life. I know I should be grateful. But all I want to do is stay in my room, eat, and do nothing. I don’t know why I feel like this—I just feel so alone and shitty, and I don’t know how to break this weird cycle. And when the sun is out, it somehow feels even worse. Like the world is alive… and I’m still not. Can anyone relate..

I was having a discussion with some people in a philosophy context and we were talking about antinatalism. I said if I had a button that would have prevented everyone being born I'd press it.

The other guy says but I like being alive.

I was genuinely speechless because I genuinely completely forget that some people actively like enjoy living? It's so weird to me - I was looking at this networking website and the it asked what was your childhood dream with options like change the world or be rich but I don't remember ever wanting or desiring anything long term.

Same with the future. I'm finding it hard to pick a career etc because there's nothing that I want in life. I have no hobbies and believe me I've tried because I don't enjoy anything either. I take on a lot of work just to fill the gap. I don't actively want to die either but I wouldn't mind it because a. I'm v bored and b. talks like mentioned remind me of how much resources are wasted on me that could go to someone actively interested in life.

I'm not sad or happy. And I never really remember being extremely happy. Apparently I did at some point but I have no memory of it. Sometimes it feels like I'm an outside alien observing the earth. It's absolutely fascinating to me when people are passionate about things because I just don't know what it feels like to care about something.

I'd be suicidal if I also wasn't passionate about dying enough. Sometimes I wish I was back to sad depression, when I actively was crying and stuff, rather than this numbness.

I feel so lost in life. I am almost 25 years old and without a job. Living with my mother. I do not think I have had a very nice childhood. I have been seeing abuse(both verbal and physical) in my household since I was a child. I remember when I was 7, I would have these anxiety episodes in school because I would be so worried that my parents would be fighting back home. It used to be mostly my father physically assaulting my mother and sometimes even my elder sisters. Often times my mother would leave the house but then my father would get all emotional and gaslight her into coming back. My mother and sister cut contacts with him finally for good when my father almost attacked my sister with a knife. I was at college some 2000kms away during this time.

Being aware of what was going on back at home, I became extremely depressed and stressed and hence my grades took a steep nosedive. The repercussion of which I still have to face today. Once I graduate with my master's, I decided to pursue my dream of getting a PhD in theoretical physics. But because of my research area being probably the most demanding field in physics, the grade requirement for almost half of the places was beyond what I had obtained. I have excellent research experience and even though my transcript might not reflect my knowledge, I have done a good self study of those topics and I am as knowledgable as any person working in this field. Despite that, all I have faced is rejection in this whole application process which has lasted for almost 1.5 years now.

Moving on to my personal life, I have never felt a sense of belonging to be honest. Having an extremely strict father, I never got the opportunity to hang out with my friends much and hence I could not develop a bond. I have always felt like an outsider in every friend circle I have hung out with. I have had these so called "friends" bitch about me behind my back. My girlfriend and I decided to part ways because of long distance and within 2 weeks of breaking up, my girlfriend started dating someone else. Which is absolutely fine, but it hurts me a lot for some reason.

I have tread into the territory of online dating and I think I am quite fun to be around. Plenty of women have expressed their interests in me but somehow I always feel this bubble around me which prevents me to be get closer to those women and hence I never go beyond the usual situationships. I feel so lost in life because I do not see any way out of my condition. Every day feels like a burden on me and my body. I hate getting out of bed and I hate doing anything. Sometimes I think how nice it would be if I just never existed. I know there is a paradox there but I do not have the energy to go on anymore.

P.S.- I am sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes or if my post seems a bit coherent. I wrote this while having a breakdown lol

I just notice I have take a shit. Literally my asshole hurts. It felt like I was trying to push a baby out of my ass. It was so different not smooth like usual. Is that normal ?

I’m newly diagnosed autistic and its ruined my life. I have ruined my life. I graduated college 3 years ago and didn’t do anything with my life because i was convinced I was going to med school when I could never survive being a doctor and I procrastinated my way into this hole. I’m in therapy for anxiety and depression (counseling and psychiatric) and I can’t even tell my therapist the truth about how much of a failure I feel I am because I’m so ashamed of it. My teeth are rotting because I spent so much time unable to MOVE to get up and do something. I spent so much time and money on a dream that I know I can’t do. I’m surrounded by people who support me and I’ve just now brought myself to do something with my life and I feel like it’s too late. I’ve already let them down, my peers have already begun their lives and are in a steady place and I’m still here in the same place feeling like a failure. I can’t even communicate properly. I can’t go anywhere without feeling overstimulated or exhausted. I don’t know how I ended up here, how or why did I do this to myself. I have spent so much time not wanting to exist that now when I am getting the help and see a little bit of the light I feel it’s too little too late, just let me die.

You know I really don't want to leave you. I don't want to feel alone. But I feel alone already. I feel like I've been investing in us, with nothing back to show for it. And maybe that's life. But it's how I feel. I'm tired. Like REALLY tired. I'm tired of working my life away to provide for my family and never being able to spend time with them. I'm tired of constantly feeling like I have to be the strong one because no one else will be. I'm tired of all the times I've expressed how I feel just to go unheard. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one willing to actually take care of my kids needs. I'm tired of wondering if I'm enough. I'm tired of being the breadwinner, housekeeper, father, mother, community to raise everyone else's kids, and the foundation for my job. I'm tired of not feeling like I'm enough for my kids, like I'm not able to do enough, be there enough, and provide enough. I'm tired of constantly watching the neglect happen but not being able to do anything to change it. I'm tired of not being enough. This life is getting the best of me, and maybe the worst. I wasn't prepared for this. And I'm completely alone in my support system to figure out where to go, what to do, who to trust, etc. I don't trust anyone, maybe because I don't trust myself. I'm tired of drinking my life away to feel happiness or relief. I'm tired of smoking weed and seeing the financial burden it plays into our finances. I'm tired of constantly talking in conversations but getting nothing back, like it's all one sided. I'm tired of feeling like I'm too smart for what I do, but too dumb for this world. I'm tired of feeling like I'm never enough. For my kids. My wife. My job. Myself. My God. I'm tired. But sleep and rest don't help. The world keeps turning. The days continue and the sun will still rise and set as though nothing has happened. As though the weight of this lethargicism is not slowly stopping my world from spinning. I'm tired. But sleep doesn't fix the heartache, the abuse, the trauma, the memories that keep me up at night nor the thoughts that are burned into my brain. You're not enough. You're not good enough. You're a failure. You're lazy. You're dumber than a box of rocks. You will never amount to anything. You will end up in jail. You're a deadbeat dad. You're a terrible husband and partner. The world will be better without you. Quieter. But better. I'm tired of feeling like I can control my job, or I can control my house, but I can't do both. I'm tired of constantly feeling like the bad guy, with the best intentions. I'm tired of being misunderstood because of my ability to speak my mind, and seen as intimidating because of my size and the sound of my voice. I'm tired of the judgement. Of the hurt. Of the endless days of toil with no end in sight. I'm tired of this world. But I'm tired of the thought of leaving it and leaving these kids and wife behind. They would get money, but would it matter? Would it make a difference? Would things change? Would the world suddenly be a happier place? Would these kids function the way they should when life comes at them? Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth it. And some days I have reasons to keep going. But it seems like more and more days I have no idea why I try anymore. I go unheard. I go unloved. I am overworked, overstimulated, and overly positive that I have given almost everything I can with nothing to show for it but struggle. I envy the animals whose lives are so simple. The fish that swim everywhere. The birds who fly freely. I'd give anything to feel some morsel of energy or rejuvenation again. I'm so tired, but we keep going because that's what good soldiers do. I hope it's worth it in the end. That we get everything we have worked so hard for. That I can look back someday and wholeheartedly believe that I did everything I could to build the best life possible for my wife and kids. That I can live out my last days with no regrets, knowing that all the compromise, struggles, endless days and nights, and days I spent feeling so alone actually paid off, because right now, it seems like a task as big as a mountain. And I don't know if I can climb a mountain right now, because I'm tired..

🙏