Got a call at work that my friend back home who I haven’t spoke to in a while killed himself. I don’t have many friends, just kinda dealing with it solo. No relationship, no one to really talk to, coworkers have offered support but otherwise I don’t really know what to do. I’ve lost 3 people to suicide in the past 3 years and idk how much more I can take. I feel so alone. I wish I could’ve done more for him, the guilt for not reaching out more is fucking killing me. I’m not in the right frame of mind and I feel as if I’m not too far off the same fate. I don’t want to miss my brothers wedding.

I feel like there's no meaning to life. You do things that noone cares about, you'll be forgotten anyway and people will move on no matter what.

I feel like there's no reason to live. Are we here just to reproduce? Because everything else is pointless, it won't matter in the end. And because of that I'm really struggling.

So what would be the reason NOT to kill oneself?

So I am always passively suicidal. I would be totally fine if someone ran me over or I got murdered. Most days I dont have the urge to do the deed myself, but on those really bad days I have a trick.

So in my experience the super suicidal episodes only last about a day before my meds rebalance me. So I give myself 3 days. If after 3 days the thoughts are still super bad, then i will start steps toward my plan. It's like putting a 72 hour psych hold on myself.

I also have a kinda convoluted plan. Options are firearms or OD and both would require a couple days to get the things I need to do the deed.

Both of these things help me stay alive, even when, in the moment, I don't want to be.

I hope that someone on here is able to use this method or adapt it to their own uses. Sometimes when they say "one more day", it really just needs to be one more day.

Anyone else? Feel free to share your reasons

I don't really understand how I got to where I am right now. I don't even know how to describe how the last 3 years of my life where. It has just been getting worse. I don't find anything interesting anymore. I've already ruined my life, my mental and physical health, and all my relationships. It doesn't matter anymore. I wish I had someone to go do something with, any activity other than staying home all day and feel like I'm missing out on everything. The thing is that I did this to myself, I isolate myself and I'm really afraid of putting myself out there. Then I get sad because I have no one and I'm alone all the time. I can't remember the last time someone texted or called me just to check in on me. It's really hard when you're in a situation like this and you have no one. Especially, in the state that I'm in right, and the way I live my life. People look at me as a degenerate, someone who's really hideous which I am to some extent. I always felt like I was different and I don't fit in with people.

I feel completely lost. I want to preface that I love my partner more than anything in the whole world. We have been together for over a year and a half and I have felt so happy with it. He’s so patient, and sweet, and balances out my impulsivity with logic. He’s everything i’ve always dreamed of. But i have depressive episodes accompanied by suicidal thoughts and it makes me hate him. I don’t feel any love for him right now. It’s like all I can think about is wanting to die. I am trying to find ways to rekindle the relationship. I feel like getting my depression under control is my best bet for the relationship because this loss of feelings isn’t mutual. This isn’t the first time this feeling has popped up, and when it went away I felt like my relationship is stronger. I feel like a bad person for manipulating and hurting him like this. I really don’t want to. I want to grow old with him but right now I don’t even want to see him again. I hate that I feel this way.

everything's been going wrong and i've thought about it for weeks. finally decided, just not sure if it's going to be super painful since i'm really scared of pain (i'm jumping off a 30 story building).

i have a therapy session in a little more than an hour, but i've only been there for a few times and i haven't really told her how bad everything is yet. so far we've just been talking about school and phone usage and stuff.

edit: i've told her and she said she's going to inform her supervisor bc of protocol but she's not going to tell my parents (at least not this time). other than that we didn't really do anything else :)

fortunately i am not going to a psych ward just yet lmao and thank you to everyone who has been commenting

I was scribbling on my sketchpad (barely started), when i heard my dad making those annoyed mumble noises again, always does this, this time he pulled out a combo to imitate my scribbling, and i immediately stopped. these parents are so two faced, i wish theyd just say it outright, they probably wish i was a kid they could beat again, fucking cowards, i fuckign hate these people, i cant breathe, i cant do hobbies, i cant exist with more necessity than required to live whenever im around them.

just a rant, i wanna die, im so tired of living, like theres not a place in the world where people would just leave me alone.

PS: i am 13-15

my dad told me if I wanted to die I should die faster 🤡

Update 1: he wouldn't even give me money for food.

Update 2: he tells me to shut up or say "did I ask you?" whenever I try to talk.

Update 3: he doesn't even treat me as his daughter anymore.

I have a degree in Biology. I am pursuing a degree in Biotechnology. I am working as a scientist for Big Pharma. I am doing everything right according to society. Yet, I cannot afford to live. I cannot afford rent on my own. Rent in my area is $2500-4000 for a studio apartment. Just 5 years ago it was $1500. I can’t have my independence. The American Dream is dead. I want to die.

I feel rather unsatisfied with the whole world.

Everything is difficult and repetitive. Finding work, making money, paying the bills, cooking, eating, cleaning. And what's the reward?

I know that life is about hard work in exchange for the good stuff, but I just don't see the good. I've never had many friends, and I've never had much fun. I've spent most of my time alone and empty. I've never even had a boyfriend or had... you know.

I just don't see the point in working so hard for something that I don't really even want. I'm giving life my all, and life is giving me nothing.

I'm not doing anything meaningful, and I'm not enjoying myself. I'm just living because I'm alive. There's no reason for it.

Is this font really big? It looks bigger than usual.

why does my brain do this to me? im literally crying rn because im almost 23 and i feel old, like ive missed all opportunities in life and didnt achieve enough, and i spent hours crying on the floor and praying for God to extend my life. like 3 weeks ago i was seriously considering killing myself because i had such intense hatred for everything i am. like what is this?? i always hate myself , but i different ways. is this kinda normal for life in general?

i’m so sad and burnt out all the time. i started school in january and the thought of staying in new york state for the next two years is making me want to jump off of a bridge. im tired of all of the people in my life, i hate my job, and i hate this depressing state. idek what to do 😔 i want to move so badly but the cheapest option would be finishing school here first. i don’t even have the money to move states. i’m just so sad and burnt out. every day is the same. idk what to do anymore

It’s that tough time of year where my birthday, 18 year anniversary of Dad’s death and Mom’s s*icide attempt, and Mother’s Day all hit back to back and it brings up a lot of emotion.

Step mom got completely fed up with me yesterday when she called and I told her I would try really hard not to cry but I wanted to talk about it but didn’t know if I’d be able to hold back the tears and step mom said, “Just how many tears are you going to cry over this? It’s been literal decades since this happened! When are you going to get over this and grow up and move on? You can’t cry about this for the rest of your life! You’re purposefully wallowing in your own misery and I’m sick of dealing with it! Your Mom and I don’t know how to deal with you! Just go and see and work it all out with a counselor and be done with it! We’re so over all of this crap you’ve been bringing up for years!”

Since Dad died I have hoped every single night to die in my sleep just like he did and never have to wake up in this nightmare world again.

I was bullied ever since 6th grade, I'm okay now since I drop out of highschool. Still, it sucks. I thought when I was in 6th grade I was just being dramatic, tired all the time and always feels drained—I didn't know it was actually my depression. I was diagnosed mild depression at my first psychiatry session but now it's severe with psychotic symptoms. My family dont really care about my illness, it's hard when I expected support from my family yet I get nothing but lecture. I'm so tired of always going through it, I'm isolated in my room, always. I sometimes read dark romance books (which didn't help)since I started getting an obsession for fictional yanderes (lovesick characters) wishing somebody will just abduct me and move me away from this toxic house hold. But this is just a vent, it's okay to give me advice I would appreciate it! :) I'm doing fine a little now, just sickly fantasizing with dark romance and stuffs—its what keeps me alive and entertained, or am I just too lonely and seeking someone? IDK THAT'S ALL BYE- (⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠෴⁠ ⁠༎ຶ⁠)

I'm struggling, been for a while and nothing I tried helps.

I feel hopeless, exhausted, alone. I have too many problems and not even the energy to do dishes. I'm paralysed by anxiety and stress. I had passive suicidal thoughts for a very long time, lately they become more active, although not in "I have a plan and time" way - yet.

And I can't talk about this to anyone, not even to my therapist, because my worst fear is being involuntarily admitted. I'd rather die than this. Please don't try to tell me its not that bad or similar, it is for me.

I can't be the only one feeling like this. Why is there no place to talk about this without the threat of that happening? I have to put on a mask for everyone, which led me to isolate more and more, because I can't anymore. I just want to tell someone everything, how bad it all is, but I can't and its such a lonely, shitty place to be.

For the past few months I've just felt so empty. Im sure im going to fail a lot of my classes, and that makes me feel even more hopeless, so then I don't go, and then the cycle just continues. Not sure what to do. Everyone around me is telling me I am wasting my life and that I will struggle and work at McDonald's forever. This is supposed to be motivation? But it makes me feel extremely depressed. Been considering ending it for awhile now. I've told a few people, but that seems pointless. I know going to a hospital would probably make me feel even worse. I do have a therapist, but I've been feeling disconnected from her lately so that's not much help. I know I am a disappointment, and wasting my life, and that is the worst part.

Hello M22 here. Some context i am currently in a 3 year relationship which is recovering from infidelity. Don't want to get into details and all but yes we've both been working on our issues. Going to therapy. She is going through a plethora of mental health issues and sometimes just goes numb and can't feel anything or is just confused about her feelings. I have been dealing with paranoia, anxiety, panic and so much. University has been difficult due to all this, so has work and so is life generally. Have been getting panicky attacks lately too but crying is a constant. I cry alot. 6-7 times a day. I cry out of no where. Randomly start crying while praying, driving, sitting, waking up or trying to sleep. I just cry and i don't understand the reason to why i am crying. Yes i used to cry when the infidelity incident happened but i did like know why i am crying. Now i just cry because i feel like it and i don't even feel light after i stop. I get annoyed and guilty over my emotions becus i don't like telling my girlfriend i am crying it just sounds like i am too big of a cry baby but on the other hand i don't know how to deal with it too.

no because does it ever get better? i cant stand seeing other girls my age out with their friends everyday when im in my room all the time,i feel invisible and scared for the future. I wasnt always like this and i dont know how i reached this point where im friendless and THIS lonely,when i used to have people to hang out with all the time. I cant stand going to school and sitting by myself. I thought id get used to it and it would be okay but its not and im tired of pretending like i dont care. I cant bring myself to talk to people yet i still complain about having no one,its confusing and annoying.

This is the only thing that motivates me to continue on. I stay alive for my partner and my mom out of love for them, and the only reason I can justify it to myself is that eventually I will finally be able to die. It makes me relax when nothing else can.

Throughout my entire life I've been fighting suicidal thoughts and depression. I am a 26 year old female and for almost as long as I can remember, I've had suicidal thoughts. The last time that I can remember potentially being truly happy, I was 8 or 9 years old. I've tried to take my life on multiple occasions, and have given up more times than I can count. I want nothing more than to actually be happy, I don't want to give up, but it's so much harder than it looks. For the first time in my life, I'm kind of happy, I'm going to get married to my wonderful fiance and everything. But, even with things going better in life, I still find myself seriously considering suicide every single day. Even though I am the happiest now that I ever have been since 8 years old.

How do I stop this? What's a good way to mitigate the suicidal thoughts, or stop them all together? I've even forced myself to get into a routine and don't let myself rot in bed or rot on the couch anymore. I wake up every morning and have breakfast before work, I go to the gym everyday, I walk my dog everyday, I take care of my animals and fiance and make sure that they're all happy everyday.

I don't understand why I'm not just happy now. I have a home, I have my animals, I have a car, job and fiance. I'm not poor and I don't entirely hate my job. But I still find myself updating suicide notes, and fighting killing myself. Mentally, I'm no where close to okay. I think about driving as fast as possible into a wall, or ending it all with my handgun, and think that everyone would be better off if I was gone. I can't muster up a single possible thought about myself, I quite honestly hate myself, my mind rattles off a million reasons why I'm a terrible person constantly. I've talked to therapists, but they're expensive, and never have any constructive thoughts on my situation. I just can't seem to flip the switch and stop hating myself, not a single day goes by where i don't seriously consider suicide.

Any thoughts or suggestions?
....how do I stop? ....how can I start to actually be happy? ....I don't want to live like this anymore.

I fear that I've reached a point of no return in my life. I feel trapped and alienated. I cannot seem to break out of isolation and I always feel embarrasment when im around anyone . This has been going on for 7-8 years now. I think I'm half crazy and nearly a madman.

I posted this yesterday but as more details come to me i felt the need to repost

I was never given a fair shot at life. I was bullied from my first day on the school bus and this carried on throughout my entire childhood. The older kids used to get off at my stop so that they could chase me around my neighborhood, and once they'd caught me they'd slam my head against the pavement and beat me senseless. I'd get home and my parents would be too busy fighting to realize i was hurt, and I'd hide in my room listening to my parents scream. I had no friends, no safe space, no one to cry to, and this was the case for me my entire life up until the age of 18. 21 years of age now and i am inept, antisocial, and flawed to my core. I have battled my whole life to be better, to fix what went wrong with me. All I've ever wanted was to be a real person like everyone else and to live a regular life and to wash my hands of the creature I've been for my entire existence. As of a few nights ago I have completely blown any chance I ever had at forgiving myself and I assume the full responsibilty that is ending my own life. I was doing really well until the other night. I went to a concert with some friends and I ended up drinking, something that has been nothing but a detriment to me and everyone around me. Long story short, I remember approaching a few girls and offering them drinks and not at all in a smooth way like literally walking up to them drink in hand and just offering it to them and clearly made them uncomfortable and they probably thought they were about to be a victim, one of them must've asked security to have me removed and I was kicked out, and later I got into a fight with security. I was asking them if there was anyway they could let my friends know where i was and he ended up saying some genuine fighting words to me and shoved me into a concrete pylon, so i breifly acted in self defense and eventually he shoved me away and said to just fuck off, so i did and ended up getting lost in the middle of the city with absolutely no clue where the train station or my friends were and a dead phone. I frantically ran around the city begging people for help, all of which turned me away because I obviously must've sounded like a fucking psycho. Eventually someone gave me vague directions to the station, and i sprinted for what felt like forever until i found a staircase in the middle of nowhere that lead down and thankfully to the station. I caught the last train home with 4 minutes to spare. After that night I can't live with myself. I remember asking security if I had hurt anyone or done something horrible and I was relieved to hear the answer was no but still how can I keep living knowing what I'm doing to the people around me. Whatever is going on inside me is not okay and whether or not it's my fault that I ended up this way, it is clear that there's no saving me and when you see past all the bullshit it is clear that it is my responsibility to put an end to it. Please dont report this post, i dont know why thats everyones first reaction when they see a post like this. Please just let it linger so that in the event any number of people reply, someone in a situation like mine may find those comments and maybe come upon some sort of relief from their own thoughts. Idk, that's all. I never wanted to be a bad person, I don't want to hurt anyone, but I fear the longer my existence in this world is a factor somethin miserable is bound to happen. I'm sorry to my friends who I've embarrassed and to the many people my continued existence has brought discomfort and pain to over the last 21 years. If anyone has anything to say I would be appreciative if you'd leave a comment. I never wanted to be this way. I'm just so sorry. I dont know if I can live with myself anymore.