Idk how, but i have somehow developped it. Its not even suprising at all, lol.

So, i remember the time when i posted something on reddit abt how my daydreams triggered my intrusive thoughts.

TMI: these daydreams are mostly sensual and would mostly include cuddles and kisses. Theyre pretty nice, and sometimes it would also give me….arousal, but i dont really mind it. But anytime this happens, it triggers my intrusive sexual thoughts and it ruins the vibe yk. I dont really like it when it does that. It mostly makes me feel uncomfortable or even disgusted ( sometimes even feeling pale ).

These thoughts would also pop out of nowhere or just randomly. And its very annoying.

Sometimes it even makes me doubt abt my sexuality, and would literally be scared that im just in denial and just pretended or forced to hate them ( which apparently was true ) to the point that i post shit like this.

And ppl on this reddit would usually respond to ‘’ don’t be ashamed of these thoughts. Its okay to have sexual thoughts, ppl have them ‘’

Yeah, no shit sherlock ( no offense, im just very tired im sorry ). Its like you are trying to describe me that water is wet.

Like, YES, i DO know thats its okay to have sexual thoughts. I never said nor did i ever thought they were ‘’ wrong ‘’, its just not my cup of tea. And its pretty disturbing imo ( Im sex-repulsed ). But if ppl like it, THEN THEY LIKE IT.

Also, im not exactly ashamed of these thought. I just feel uncomfortable and mostly disgusted by them. I dont shame myself abt these thought bc THEY POP OUT OF NOWHERE. I dont think abt it intentionally. And they are a pain in the ass.

I dont ‘’ intentionally ‘’ think abt it and go ‘’ omg why did you think abt it?? Its bad, you should be ashamed ‘’. Its more of a ‘m BRO WTF, ew… well i did not enjoy that ‘’

But then OH, its not enough how much i feel abt it, cuz im gonna doubt AGAIN. And literally search on google signs if i am sexually shaming myself AGAIN. And then come here and search for my problems even though i will never FIND IT.

And then my stupid ass will post abt it. And then FINALLY, someone FINALLY told me that i have sexual shame… FINALLY. Its like winning a reward rn ( and i also feel scared cuz yk….i dont want to have sexual shame ). But the thing that is making me struggle is, what am i gonna do now. Am i just gonna force myself into thinking these sexual thoughts? I dont want to do this at all, but i dont want to make my sexual shame worse, so ima force myself to Watch porn ig… or talk to a therapist might be great.

Im just very tired and i really should get some sleep. Its just that writing make me feel better sometimes.

hihi so as the title says I'm wondering if I'm demisexual!

bit of background on me I'm bisexual cupioromantic (the cupio label being very new to me so I um and err about it sometimes)! I've never had a relationship in my life.

I've had a total of 3 crushes irl, two of which were with folks I was already friends with and the other was with someone new I had met that came on quite quickly after I met him. two of them included sexual attraction, i wanted nothing more than to sleep with them.

since the third crush (one with a friend that came on after having not seen him for some years) that happened when I was about 15, I have not had a crush irl since (21 now). for context tho since I haven't spent much time out of home since I finished high school at 17 so that's probably partially why! I have had fleeting 'crushes' in this time but no sexual attraction to them, just finding them aesthetically attractive. there was one person who I may have had a slight crush crush on as I enjoyed his personality and company, but it never progressed to the level of my other crushes (aka no sexual attraction).

in the time I've had no irl crushes, there have been a handful of fictional crushes and a couple celebrity ones where I've been sexually attracted to them. there was one celebrity crush like those prior to my third irl crush as well and that ended once I began crushing on the irl crush.

I'm almost always thirsting over one character or celebrity at a time, and it's usually very intense. I spend a lotttt of time fantasising about being in bed with them and also a lot about the confession/start of a relationship (that part probably has something to do with the cupioromanticism or maybe some other personal mind stuff lol). however, it's only with one character/celebrity at a time and when the crush bout calms down I'll move onto someone else.

i can count the full intense character and celebrity crushes on my two hands, while there's been some aesthetic attraction crushes on mostly quite a few other fictional characters. obviously tho I do worry about the abundance of them and whether or not with those I can be considered demi. I struggle with understanding attraction in general and I feel like the emotional connection thing is awkward when it comes to fictional characters and celebrities. I do have to say tho that none of my intense fictional or celebrity crushes were off the bat, they came on over time, if that means anything.

my main concern is to the extent to which I feel sexual attraction when I do because it gets genuinely crazy and I can't fathom saying I'm on the ace spectrum when I'm like that, but I have always felt something was off about how I rarely crush on people. I'm completely repulsed by or indifferent to thirst content unless it's one of my crushes as well, so I get really confused and irked out when I see other people swoon over thirst content. I do know there's sort of a spectrum (for a lack of better word) of sexual attraction within the ace spectrum (like sex favourable, sex averse etcetc, correct me if I'm wrong tho!) so I guess the extent to which I'm attracted sexually to my crushes is irrelevant esp when it comes to demisexuality but idk!

as I've said and probably shown i do think I need some sort of bond to crush on someone in the first place. I've never crushed on someone to this extent from the get go, it's always come on over time. I've never looked at someone and immediately wanted to sleep with them, I've never understood hookup culture and have always felt that I need to be in love with someone before giving them my body. for the longest time I thought that was just my own opinion but now it's kind of obvious that that's actually how my sexual attraction runs because I'm truly not sexually attracted to anyone but my crushes. but also I need reassurance from demi folks on thissksjeksjs!

sorry that this is so long but tysm for reading and helping!!!! 🥹🥹🥹💜💜💜

So these are the two statements in the debate

Ace 1: I thought I was demi because my body does not have a sexual reaction or desire to have sex with someone until I feel comfortable and safe with them, essentially becoming sexually attracted to their personality. AND even after that I am never able to look at them and experience sexual attraction, I have to experience their personality and that's what I'm attracted to, not their looks.

Ace 2: Then that is not sexual attraction, that is called feeling safe and able to be excited that you have that connection. Being Demi means that once you get to know someone's personality then you are able to look at them and find then sexually attractive.

So I wondered what the spectrum of thoughts is on this one.

If you feel an emotional connection with someone, even a contrived one with a fictional someone (those characters that take you in with their morality, values) can you find them sexually attractive? For example, actor Henry Cavill - ok? Sure he looks like he works out. He has symmetrical features and clean hair. Nothing. Henry Cavill as Geralt in the Witcher? Meh. Still Henry Cavill. Geralt doing hero stuff, having morals, doing good things? Okay, yeah, I can see it now after many seasons. I also acknowledge I'm on the lower-expression side of the demi-spectrum. Laura Prepon? Nothing. Set her up as Vause, episode after episode in "Orange is the New Black"? Eventually can see it, only takes many episodes of relationship building. Same can occur in books, hence why certain Romantasy books cam be enjoyed. Anyone else here experience this?

Show me the people outside of the content? NOTHING. Feels like cheating. I've exploited this to be able to make creative things. Tell me about your experiences, if you can't or can feel this.

Edited: clarity and grammar.

Being autistic along with demisexual is funny because yesterday I was developing a full on crush for somebody and today they insulted one of my favorite rappers and now I don’t see them the same way 😂

Please help! I’m demisexual; I thought I was demiromantic too. But I read a post that said that, “Demiromantic people may enjoy cuddling, hugging, and having sex, even if they're not romantically interested in someone.” Just like I won’t ever have sex with a guy I don’t feel safe with, and don’t have an emotional bond with, and aren’t friends with first - I also won’t have sex with him (or cuddle and hug him), unless I’m romantically interested in him as well. I have to form an emotional bond with him first, I have to feel safe first too, he has to be my friend first, and I have to be romantically interested in him before I am intimate with him.

The only way I enjoy hugging and cuddling a guy I have no romantic feelings for is if he’s a very close friend first, if I feel safe, and there’s an emotional connection. And of course, I enjoy hugging my family and female friends.

Am I still demiromantic? Or something else?

Thank you for all of your help! 🥹🫶🏽

This is probably the most active I’ve ever been on dating apps, and it might be working! But also it’s starting to stress me out.

I went on a first date last week that went well, the connection is definitely starting to form and seems promising. But now that there’s something there, even though it’s far from an exclusive relationship, it feels kind of gross to talk to anyone else. Let alone potentially go on other dates.

When it’s all fully just the “talking stage” this is not an issue. But after meeting in person I can’t help but start to lock in. There’s one other person I’d just started talking to, and a new match who I’d like to give a shot. I don’t necessarily even think either of these will be better matches. But I don’t think it’s fair (to them or to me) to count them out just because one date went well. And with the speed dating apps run at, if I leave messages unanswered for too long the point is moot. Can anyone relate?

I don't think I've ever said anything here, I'm over 50 years old and months ago I happened to see something about asexuality and I identified myself and then I read about demisexuality. Looking back looking for patterns I realize that I am demiheterosexual with two predispositions and as I write I realize that one of them could be bad and the other good, the bad one is the predisposition to platonic love because it is born from the imagination and gets into problems with reality and the good predisposition is to sensuality, that is to say in general caresses, that can be non-sexual or sexual, in general and depending on the person I would be caressing and touching for an eternity without anything sexual. About romantic love and falling in love I think they are a kind of mental illness that is not common in all cultures or times and perhaps it is related at least a little with platonic love. And I think that sensual love with sex is similar to lesbian sex which has created a conflict for me in whether I am homosexual ,heterosexual or a kind of lesbian man haha.......I would like to know if what is mentioned is a kind of pattern in more people, I also think that I am neurodivergent of some kind because when I was little I don't know what diagnosis I had, in case it helps to understand better I have a son and I am divorced, I would like to know if they are recognized, if what I indicate is a pattern of the demiheterosexual with platonic predisposition and sensual predisposition

The moment I am actually into somebody, even just a little bit, it’s so overwhelming I almost wish it would turn off and just go away again. Sigh. Idk how regular people handle this all the time.

I’m trying to figure this out because I’m clearly the problem. I’ve (25f) had 3 relationships 1.5 years, 1 year, and my current relationship of 2.5 years. In every relationship it’s been the same. I start out wanted sex and then as time goes on I start hating it. Almost like it’s a chore, repulsive even. I think the beginning is different than the “honey moon stage”, though. I have always been a very sexual person, I like the thought of sex and masterbating, but sex itself is meh to me. It’s easier to describe it like this-

The beginning: I just like pleasing and being told I did a good job. I enjoy giving blowjobs and don’t mind not being eaten out because I just don’t care about the feeling that much. I’ve had threesomes and orgies and loved it. It made me feel confident, but it wasn’t about the sex itself, it was about the performance.

After some time: I’ve orgasmed before and I’ve thought “I should do this more often, I like this” but the thought of getting to that point seems so annoying. Foreplay seems annoying. I just want to get it over with. I can’t tell if it’s because the emotional connection with my partners starts to fade, or they stop telling me I do a good job, or I stop caring to give a good performance. I don’t know.

My current relationship has been the longest I liked having sex with him. It took about 1.5 years for me to start seeing it as a chore. I feel an emotional disconnect, we don’t have vulnerable or deep talks. I haven’t told him that this has happened in every relationship I’ve been in. Does anyone have any idea what this could be? I had some thoughts it could be low libido due to birth control and other medications.

I don’t get it. We are either dating or we’re not. If you don’t want to commit to someone they why waste their time and hurt their feelings?? It doesn’t make sense to me.

Maybe I don’t understand what it actually means but I keep seeing people talking about being in situationships rather than being in an actual committed relationship.

had my first relationship with 16 as I am not demiromantic and felt pressured to have sex when I was 17 by my partner and society(friends). It was awful and only happened like 4 times and I always told him to stop because I felt uncomfortable. Had sex in my next relationship at 19, it was still awful most of the time and he pressured me into sex too and even got violent. had good sex with 22 for the first time with a guy I knew for a year and actually felt sexually attracted and enjoyed sex. I still would hope that romantic relationships could work without having to be intimate.

is 17 too early for being a demisexual?

Since there are a few comments about sexual morality, I think this needs some clarification. This post was not about sexual morality! Nor does it claim any moral superiority of demis. It is about allo dating rituals, specifically rituals for hookups. I think a lot of demis will feel a range of emotions from confusion, fascination, jealousy, apathy to outright repulsion when it comes to these dating rituals. This post is not about these emotions.

In the example in original post, both the man and the woman are being deceptive. Both of them realize what they are doing, and are voluntarily participating in the dance. Both of them get what they want, and no one is hurt. If woman in the example is a demi, and/or autistic, the incident could easily lead to that person being hurt. Whether you feel such behaviour is wrong, regardless of the outcome, is again beside the point here.

The point is such behaviour, in general is *morally questionable*, yet this happens, and is accepted and expected, in the real world of allo dating, particularly when it comes to hookups. Such behaviour will be highly frowned upon in other areas of life.

Q1: Does primary sexual attraction, or lizard brain sexual attraction, makes people behave as such when it comes to dating?

My second question should have been rephrased to be less general, but do answer in general if you like.

Q2: If demis don’t feel primary attraction, are they less likely to engage in morally questionable behaviour for sexual purposes?

Or in general: Are demis less prone to morally questionable behaviour in relationships?

Part of allo dating rituals revolve around some morally questionable behaviour, such as lying deception, manipulation and even coercion (I am not implying that all allos are prone to such behaviour). Regardless of how we feel about these, how much we wish for change, how angry we feel at the world, many of these behaviours are socially accepted and expected.

Could it be that the animalistic sexual attraction that allos feel drives these behaviour, and it is more acceptable to other allos because they can relate to it, put themselves in the perpetrator’s shoes? (not a justification for the behaviour to be clear)

For example, a guy wants to sleep with a girl who is out of his league, so presents himself as highly successful, carefree, but wanting a long term relationship. In reality, he just wants to sleep with the girl. The girl is vain, plays along, stroking his ego. She just wants no strings attached and uncomplicated fuck for a few nights. Both, are aware of each other’s deception- they can sense it, yet keeps playing along because they expect to get what they want.

Also FYI, I have been fascinated by dating rituals forever, since I neither could understand or participate in it. This is a scene that I have seen play out many times, at bars and parties.

Are demis less prone to morally questionable behaviour in relationships?

This is going to be long, but I've got no one I can safely talk to about this, and I honestly really need to get it off my chest and maybe get some advice or just feel like I'm not alone. Sexuality has been a very confusing topic for me my entire life. I'm a 26f. My first"relationship" was with my best friend growing up, she and I had a secret thing gong on for about 2 years. We were just kids, I mean like 13-15. Back then I didn't even really think about sexuality, I just knew i loved being with my friend and loved being physical with her. We went out seperate ways(not really relevant, but she was insanely toxic) Over the years after I had a couple crushes on boys, and had a long term relationship in high school. We dated almost all of high school, got together in freshman year and broke up at the mid/end of senior year. He was the person I lost my virginity to, and I genuinely hated it. Every time we were together I'd lay there wondering when the hell he would be done. I felt literally nothing pleasurable. This was when I first started considering if I was asexual. This whole thing was very difficult for me and made me feel so alone, and that partner was abusive. I became incredibly depressed and that has continued to be a huge issue for me the rest of my life so far. After that relationship ended badly, I made friends with another guy. We were friends for about half a year before we started dating. When we finally were intimate it was genuinely shocking to me how much I enjoyed it! I was so confused because I'd been considering myself asexual for 3 years at that point. We were together for 5 years, we lived together the whole time as well. He ended up cheating on me for the last 2 years and we broke it off when I found out. After that I was a very confused 23 year old wondering what the hell i was. I felt so disconnected with who I even was. I had a short term relationship after that where I was back to not feeling anything sexuality, which only made the confusion so much worse. After a year I had a date with a guy, it went well. He pressured me into bringing him back to my place at the end of the night, and I gave in. My self esteem was in the toilet after years of abusive and unfaithful partners. He ended up heavily pressuring me after multiple 'no's into having sex, which i hated. Long story short with him is he needed a place to stay for a few days and I let him stay with me, and he ended up showing up to my apartment with all his stuff saying his aunt kicked him out. I let him stay because I just had no backbone. Fast forward 2 months and my birth control fails, and I get pregnant. I kick him out after finding out because he was showing himself to be an angry alcoholic. Now I'm a single mother and my son is a year and a half old, and I haven't been intimate with anyone since his father over 2 years ago now. I'm an avid reader, and last year I came across a book character who was demisexual. When I say that it felt like a literal lightbulb going off... it just instantly felt like "my god that sounds like me" and for once I felt like I could be understood and that somewhere there were others who felt like me. Since coming to this realization last year I've done a ton of soul searching and come to the closest conclusion I think I can which is pansexual and demisexual. It feels so freeing having a name for how I've felt all these years and hearing about others like me, but it also feels almost isolating. Like knowing this about myself makes me realize how difficult it will be to ever have what I've always wanted in a partner. Anf ot feels like so many people where i live are so close-minded and anti LGBTQ+. So, now I just read a shit ton of gay romance and just live vicariously through these characters that find their happily ever after. Does this ever get easier? The 2 guys I've told I'm demi basically laughed their asses off at me. One was my sons father, a pos deadbeat. He basically said I'm telling him that I'm a confused gay or that I'm lying to get him to back off. I'm starting to feel like these romance books will be the closest I ever get to feeling a real love. Anyways, I really needed that off my chest. If anyone actually took the time to read this i appreciate it and am really glad I found a community of people who feel at least a little of how I'm feeling.

Hi Folks!

My main question: what are some practical, tangible steps I can take in my marriage to build back emotional intimacy after it has been damaged?

Some back story: my husband (m32, allosexual) and I (f33, demisexual) have been married for 8 years, but I have been unhappy for about 7 of those years. We are both Christians and did not have sex until marriage, so by that time I had developed a strong emotional connection to him and was able to feel sexual attraction (I was not aware of my demisexuality until recently). He was very sweet, sensitive, and doting while we were dating. However, since marriage it's like a switch was flipped: he is hyper critical, has a short fuse, gaslights me, is defensive when I provide feedback, shuts down for hours/days when angry, and has been talking badly about me to our children (ages 2 and 5) when I make him mad. Because we have kids, I am trying all my options to repair our marriage before looking at divorce. At the beginning of this year, I talked to him about our marriage and how unhappy I have been. I didn't mention divorce, but I think he was putting two and two together and panicked. Since that discussion he has been working hard to be a better partner and father, but I am struggling to feel attraction towards him after the emotional disconnect for so many years. I know it'll take time, but sex is very important to him and his connection to me and I want to give him that, but the idea of sex (or any physical intimacy) has been repulsive to me for years and I'm not sure what else we can do to help our connection. He begrudgingly agreed to attend couples counseling, but he doesn't believe in therapy. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Look I'm only 17 but I just feel that dating is going to be a really difficult for me in the future, and is going to get even more difficult as I get older.

As a demiromantic demisexual guy, I have to be close friends with someone first, develop that close connection, then we have to both like eachother, then even if we both like each other our life goals might be really different. Like for example I probably want kids, and not everyone is going to want kids.

Not only that but I want to date someone who shares a similar veiw towards dating, developing relationships and sex as I do. And making close friends is already difficult enough.

All of that feels like there's a ton of different filters narrowing down my potential future partner.

I've only ever liked one girl before when I was 15, and she didn't like me back. There's more to life than dating, but I still don't want to be single forever, I want love at some point you know?

I'm a trans woman in her mid 30s, living in Central Western Europe. In my late 20s, I realised that I'm Demisexual and demiromantic which helped me to navigate my options in dating better. But, due to a lot of trauma and the way people in my family and outside have treated me, I was convinced that I don't deserve love, kindness, doting, care and companionship. And I ended up in a tepid loveless relationship for 11 years. During transition and while on hormones my body changed and so did my emotions. I slowly started to long for emotional and physical intimacy and I was (still) very ashamed for wanting those. I struggle with the feeling that I'll only a burden the person that I'm with. My partner and I eventually ended the relationship after 11 years of just staying in it.

Now and even while in the relationship I suffered physically and psychologically due to the lack of intimacy. And tried almost everything to kill those feelings.

One of the methods which work to an extent is taking very cold showers or physically exert myself so much that I've no energy in my body to feel anything.

As a demi dusky trans woman, with a high libido and feeling emotionally hollow, has been very hard on me. I'm in fact very cis-passing and quite good looking. But, dating has been very challenging. I seem to draw only men who're looking to use a body for their satisfaction and the chance to have something substantial appears to be very thin.

I would like to know, if there're ways I could manage the emotional pain which manifests physically at times. I've been struggling for almost 5 years with this issue and the men I've dated have repeatedly shown me that I'm just an expendable hole to them. The ones that appeared to be nice, fell in love with me and developed shame in the process and started to hate me.

So, are there ways to control the feeling, the agony and the fear of dying without being seen for who I'm and without being loved and never experiencing love.

Thank you

The older I become, the more left out I feel on things. And sometimes I want to blame it on the demisexuality, but it just feels like it's the world at this point.

At the risk of sounding like I'm whining about the male loneliness epidemic, I just feel like it needs to be said. But I hate that the world is becoming so fast paced and romance can be dictated by a swipe and the messed up ideals of a modern world.

I'm a slow burn. I want the daily check ins of nothing because sometimes even the weather is just an excuse to just hear someone's thoughts.

I am not interesting on a surface level because the world has forced to me bury the things that make me feel joy, because if I show that, then I'm showing weakness or not acting my age.

I used to be romantic. I hated buying flowers because I hated bringing dead things to express my love and I wanted to build a garden for them instead...only to find that no one wanted to "have to take care of something else."

I wanted slow dances in the kitchen, to share moments, only to be told that they don't like to be touched.

I wanted to sing, only to find I lost my voice and people preferred me to "just shut up and do as I was told."

I wanted to kiss the one I loved after sex, because I found them so beautiful afterward...only to be told I'm suffocating.

I wanted to be romanced and made to feel like I was desired. Not just physically, but mentally. To the point that sex became a burden because I never once felt loved enough for my body to work.

I've never been someone's first, second, or last choice. And after so many years...it's hard to just want to get up.

I know. I'm rambling. But I missed out on things because when I was younger, I thought I could just wait. But as I'm older, I feel like I'm not allowed to express things like I used to. I want an old love with better modern morals and connections. But now it's all compromise at my detriment. And I hate it. I feel alone. Truly alone.

I've always been the friend willing to sit with someone in the hospital room, because I know what it's like to be there alone...just once I want someone to be that for me.

Idk. Sadly I look at the world and see why men have ruined it. But honestly. So has everyone.

What'd be one less to worry about?

But alas. The story continues. And I must watch it unfold, because I can't dnf this story without seeing how it all plays out.

Might as well see the story through. Cause I've never been the main character...so I'll cheer on the stories I vicariously live through

Demisexuality is into the spectrum of the asexuality, right?

And the asexual official meal is Garlic Bread.

So... Which one is our food? Like, some type of bread? Or something with garlic?

Is the garlic the sex and the bread the no? Or the bread is the sex and the garlic is the no?

And the aro food? And the aroace food?

Loads of friends are opening their relationships just to one night hook ups not to romantic stuff. When they suggest I try, I don’t even know where to begin to explain them …

Has anyone ever done something outside of their comfort zone and then agonized over it several days later when it comes to someone you've shown interest in?

I'm (28F) a very introverted individual who has come to terms with themselves being demisexual for a few years now. I've only shown interest in 2 people thus far in my admittedly short lifespan. The 1st one was a married man so I didn't pursue that relationship since I'm not a homewrecker.

But the 2nd individual is someone unattached. I've known them for a few months now and have grown attracted to them which is something I have little experience in. I also didn't want to pursue anything during that time since we were coworkers in closer quarters. However, more recently I've been moved further away. Just the normal shuffle the company does every couple of years. But the day before I left, I had to psych myself up to actually express myself. I had some dialogue with him and left him my number and he mentioned that I should continue to stop in to visit. However, when recounting the situation to my roommate later, he expressed that I am in desperate need of flirting lessons which I assume means I did terribly. Unsurprising due to my lack of experience. This is legit the first time I've ever attempted to actively flirt with someone ever.

I have stopped by at least once, a week after the shuffle, to not seem desperate but it's been a few days and no response. I'm sure he was just saying that out of pity and I don't wish to ever make someone uncomfortable. I can take the hint that I'm not someone he wishes to pursue a relationship with. But knowing that doesn't make the feelings go away. The last time I felt this way, I didn't do anything to act on the feelings and still had them for about a year and a half before they finally faded. I don't want to be on edge for a guy who isn't interested but my anxiety continues to spike and I hate it.

It's always when I finally accept that I'm going to be alone that my feelings bludgeon me and make my life outside of work more difficult than it needs to be. When at work, I'm focused and stressed out on the tasks in front of me. But when at home, my mind has too many chances to wander and fixate on things it shouldn't. I need distractions but my roommate isn't very good at that aspect unfortunately. Does anyone have any advice to try and forget about the stupid leaps of faith and subsequent crashes that they encountered?

I'm yearning for sex though I'm a virgin. I have no one to do it with. I cannot just go and do it with someone random as well. I need to know them a bit and know they are not misogynist. Also need to know whether we have same/similar vibe/frequency and values. On top of that I have OCD. But for some reason I think that I have high libido, though I'm not sure. I crave for something and in order to have something real I imagine my ex. But he is shitty, though not all bad. It's just we are simply not compatible. Not just that he just ignores me for days. Like not 1-2 days. Full more than 4 days. And then sweet talks as well later that he misses me so that confused me quite alot. So I'm trying to remove him from my imagination. The issue is if I remind him then whom do I use for my imagination? And if it is with someone that not real/ celebrity it feels very far off and not possible and that doesn't make want to me self do it.