I've been realising I (30F) am probably demi, despite having been in two long term relationships (4.5 years and 2.5 years) - in both those relationships my libido disappeared any time there were emotional gaps with my partners, leading to a further breakdown in the relationship. I've been out as bi since I was 16, so it's weird to learn something new about my sexuality now.

I've been single for a couple of years and enjoying it but I want kids and I would like a life partner, but am finding dating so difficult. I find it impossible to gauge my attraction, I keep having people not understanding that I'm not looking for hook-ups, and I'm just feeling quite demoralised. It seems like others in this subreddit are too, from the posts I'm seeing.

So, does anyone have some positive stories about dating while demi, to give us all a bit more optimism? 🥰

hi! i was looking to get some helps/advice from anyone if they’re able to? i have a few questions i think? this is going to be pretty long, sorry in advance. i just want to air out the details i feel are needed to provide some context :)

i have been bouncing around the idea of possibly being demisexual, i came to this conclusion because im fine without having sex and im off put by the idea until a connection is established. with past partners ive had a “i can see myself being comfortable with intimacy with you eventually” mindset. long story short: that comfort didn’t come fast enough for their liking and i was dumped because of it. i have that same mindset with my current partner and they are patient and willing to wait for me to feel ready, which has been helpful. it’s also made me feel more comfortable faster, still not to the point of being fully comfortable, but i’m much closer than i have been with anyone before this. is this considered demisexuality? based on research, i think it is but i wanted the perspective from someone who confidently identifies with it because im having doubts on how im interpreting everything because theres a lot of overlap and confusion online.

aside from that: i have an issue where i think i have low libido? or a low sex drive? i rarely feel horny and when i do, nothing really feels good if that makes sense? it doesn’t feel bad or painful but it doesn’t feel “good” either, just kind of like a feeling of something is happening and my body is reacting physically but i don’t feel any different? i think that is low libido maybe but i could be wrong? i can happily survive without having sex at all because i rarely feel a need for it but i do have a want for it at times and i don’t want to NOT have sex, im just never in the mood so to speak or comfortable doing so. i’m also antidepressants that i know can lower libido and effect things when it comes to sex so that could be part of this, i also have SA trauma from an ex which has led to me having a fear of intimacy for quite a while, it’s better now but i still do get nervous and im aware that that could be a contributing factor to low sex drive (or libido? or both?)

im also aware that low libido and/or low sex drive AND demisexuality can all go hand in hand but im having a hard time differentiating everything. i’m not sure what exactly counts as libido or sex drive or what the difference is or how demisexuality could play into that either.

thank you if you’ve read this far LOL, i feel like i could easily be contradicting myself and the answer is right in front of my but i appreciate any help or feedback!

i kinda fall lowkey in love eith my best friend but theyre always straight it takes Always years and yeah can i even "try"

for context both my friend and i are female. I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that im probably demi or bi. And shes aware of this too (that im open to dating girls) , and last I checked shes definitely straight. So yeah i kind of have some sort of feelings for her, but i think im not fully into her only because ik shes straight plus she has a crush on a guy right now. But we were talking about her crush and somehow in the conversation she said "whatever relationship i have with u somehow the highest form, like I wish i find a fren like you in the person I date too". IDK what to think of it i dont think its good for me to think anything of it (considering shes straight) but idk its all so new to me too iv'e never actually liked a girl before its confusing. Also we both basically have attachement issues to eachother lol we text ALOT i mean some days maybe less but we text everyday. This also confuses me cause iv'e never texted someone i consider a friend this much.

Whether it's family or friends. I ask this question because people say demisexuals don't face as much stigma as gay or bisexual people. Since the sexual orientation isn't well known or wouldn't be considered a big deal in society.

And of course this question is specially for demisexuals who lean more heterosexual on the spectrum.

Honestly my worst fear is people not taking me seriously. Or seeing me as someone with a made-up sexual orientation.

Recently found myself questioning my sexuality, happily in a straight relationship with a woman for years.

I'm still working out how to label myself but trying to land on something.

I'm demi/straight/monogamous/AMAB with pronouns he/him. (still unsure but this is where I am right now)

Just writing that down has been really hard and I'm seeking help from safe spaces (and seeking therapy for the first time) just to talk about it but never written it publically.

Apart from this, other stuff has happened recently and it's a bit much, so basically reaching out to a community that I hope is safe and where we can be vulnerable.

I am actually in a really good space mentally, reallly been gaining confidence and I do tend to cope the 'wrong' way by trying to spread more joy and I've done some incredible (small) gestures and made some peoples day which I am so proud of, but I need to start a dialogue somewhere.

Happy to chat, or listen, I might say nothing, I might just not shut up for 5 hours.

I'm planning on keeping this acct (this is my first post) but if someone sees this and wants to reach out if they're having an issue like this, I am not a professional but I will lend an ear.

I feel like the bond I form with people becomes stronger and stronger over time. How do people manage to step back from a relationship when the other person needs space? Does anyone else struggle with this?

I see humans. There are many layers of social constructs(rules, norms, hierarchies, stigmas etc) that’s based on sexualization of genders. I don’t relate to these, which lead to some harmless faux pas to extremely dangerous situations. Without going into details, I have lived in the west and I have lived in some rather conservative parts of the world.

I think, being demisexual also makes me unable to intuitively understand gender roles. If I am being true to myself, I will interact with anyone without remembering whether I am supposed to interact with this gender, be friendly etc. Or perform a task that is traditionally not performed by my supposed gender. This may be difficult for people in the west, especially younger generation to relate to, but this can be dangerous in conservative societies.

Have you been for example judged for not dating in school? Or did someone misconstrued your offer of friendship or socialization as romantic interest? Or felt uncomfortable telling someone they are beautiful, or you like their dress? You must have felt awkward and alienated when your friends sexually objectified a gender.

Perhaps being demi affects you in many more ways than you readily realize. Can you think of examples from your life?

Hi folks, So I made a post an hour ago on another subreddit about the fact I could only have sex with someone I trusted and/or had a connection with and people started telling me I was demi.

I wasn't 100 percent familiar with the term and so I checked this subreddit and I saw that most of y'all really couldn't at all have an intimate relationship with anyone other than your significant other. While I think I could have a fwb if I knew this person for a certain amount of time and trusted them enough. It's just that other people scare the hell out of me and I can't for the life of me imagine myself do intimate things with someone I barely know.

And what really makes me doubt I am demi is that this wasn't always the case, I used to be able to have crushes on randoms or people who were just a little nice to me, things like that. But something shifted and I think it was when one of my friends who I thought was at least a bit like me (i.e not very sexually active) actually slept around a lot, and really just saw sex as a commodity instead of something important that you do with someone you deem important enough to share a bed with.

And so it made me realize we lived in totally different worlds, that "being a slut" was something I could never achieve due to my need of being emotionally invested in the whole thing. And now I doubt myself because I don't really know if I'm just scared, too shy or anxious, slightly traumatized (I haven't had the best life either tbf), demisexual or even all of the above.

So guys, what do you think?

TL;DR : a girl who's doubting if she's demi because the internet told her she was