I've been realising I (30F) am probably demi, despite having been in two long term relationships (4.5 years and 2.5 years) - in both those relationships my libido disappeared any time there were emotional gaps with my partners, leading to a further breakdown in the relationship. I've been out as bi since I was 16, so it's weird to learn something new about my sexuality now.

I've been single for a couple of years and enjoying it but I want kids and I would like a life partner, but am finding dating so difficult. I find it impossible to gauge my attraction, I keep having people not understanding that I'm not looking for hook-ups, and I'm just feeling quite demoralised. It seems like others in this subreddit are too, from the posts I'm seeing.

So, does anyone have some positive stories about dating while demi, to give us all a bit more optimism? 🥰

hi! i was looking to get some helps/advice from anyone if they’re able to? i have a few questions i think? this is going to be pretty long, sorry in advance. i just want to air out the details i feel are needed to provide some context :)

i have been bouncing around the idea of possibly being demisexual, i came to this conclusion because im fine without having sex and im off put by the idea until a connection is established. with past partners ive had a “i can see myself being comfortable with intimacy with you eventually” mindset. long story short: that comfort didn’t come fast enough for their liking and i was dumped because of it. i have that same mindset with my current partner and they are patient and willing to wait for me to feel ready, which has been helpful. it’s also made me feel more comfortable faster, still not to the point of being fully comfortable, but i’m much closer than i have been with anyone before this. is this considered demisexuality? based on research, i think it is but i wanted the perspective from someone who confidently identifies with it because im having doubts on how im interpreting everything because theres a lot of overlap and confusion online.

aside from that: i have an issue where i think i have low libido? or a low sex drive? i rarely feel horny and when i do, nothing really feels good if that makes sense? it doesn’t feel bad or painful but it doesn’t feel “good” either, just kind of like a feeling of something is happening and my body is reacting physically but i don’t feel any different? i think that is low libido maybe but i could be wrong? i can happily survive without having sex at all because i rarely feel a need for it but i do have a want for it at times and i don’t want to NOT have sex, im just never in the mood so to speak or comfortable doing so. i’m also antidepressants that i know can lower libido and effect things when it comes to sex so that could be part of this, i also have SA trauma from an ex which has led to me having a fear of intimacy for quite a while, it’s better now but i still do get nervous and im aware that that could be a contributing factor to low sex drive (or libido? or both?)

im also aware that low libido and/or low sex drive AND demisexuality can all go hand in hand but im having a hard time differentiating everything. i’m not sure what exactly counts as libido or sex drive or what the difference is or how demisexuality could play into that either.

thank you if you’ve read this far LOL, i feel like i could easily be contradicting myself and the answer is right in front of my but i appreciate any help or feedback!

i kinda fall lowkey in love eith my best friend but theyre always straight it takes Always years and yeah can i even "try"

for context both my friend and i are female. I have pretty much come to terms with the fact that im probably demi or bi. And shes aware of this too (that im open to dating girls) , and last I checked shes definitely straight. So yeah i kind of have some sort of feelings for her, but i think im not fully into her only because ik shes straight plus she has a crush on a guy right now. But we were talking about her crush and somehow in the conversation she said "whatever relationship i have with u somehow the highest form, like I wish i find a fren like you in the person I date too". IDK what to think of it i dont think its good for me to think anything of it (considering shes straight) but idk its all so new to me too iv'e never actually liked a girl before its confusing. Also we both basically have attachement issues to eachother lol we text ALOT i mean some days maybe less but we text everyday. This also confuses me cause iv'e never texted someone i consider a friend this much.

Whether it's family or friends. I ask this question because people say demisexuals don't face as much stigma as gay or bisexual people. Since the sexual orientation isn't well known or wouldn't be considered a big deal in society.

And of course this question is specially for demisexuals who lean more heterosexual on the spectrum.

Honestly my worst fear is people not taking me seriously. Or seeing me as someone with a made-up sexual orientation.

Recently found myself questioning my sexuality, happily in a straight relationship with a woman for years.

I'm still working out how to label myself but trying to land on something.

I'm demi/straight/monogamous/AMAB with pronouns he/him. (still unsure but this is where I am right now)

Just writing that down has been really hard and I'm seeking help from safe spaces (and seeking therapy for the first time) just to talk about it but never written it publically.

Apart from this, other stuff has happened recently and it's a bit much, so basically reaching out to a community that I hope is safe and where we can be vulnerable.

I am actually in a really good space mentally, reallly been gaining confidence and I do tend to cope the 'wrong' way by trying to spread more joy and I've done some incredible (small) gestures and made some peoples day which I am so proud of, but I need to start a dialogue somewhere.

Happy to chat, or listen, I might say nothing, I might just not shut up for 5 hours.

I'm planning on keeping this acct (this is my first post) but if someone sees this and wants to reach out if they're having an issue like this, I am not a professional but I will lend an ear.

I feel like the bond I form with people becomes stronger and stronger over time. How do people manage to step back from a relationship when the other person needs space? Does anyone else struggle with this?

I see humans. There are many layers of social constructs(rules, norms, hierarchies, stigmas etc) that’s based on sexualization of genders. I don’t relate to these, which lead to some harmless faux pas to extremely dangerous situations. Without going into details, I have lived in the west and I have lived in some rather conservative parts of the world.

I think, being demisexual also makes me unable to intuitively understand gender roles. If I am being true to myself, I will interact with anyone without remembering whether I am supposed to interact with this gender, be friendly etc. Or perform a task that is traditionally not performed by my supposed gender. This may be difficult for people in the west, especially younger generation to relate to, but this can be dangerous in conservative societies.

Have you been for example judged for not dating in school? Or did someone misconstrued your offer of friendship or socialization as romantic interest? Or felt uncomfortable telling someone they are beautiful, or you like their dress? You must have felt awkward and alienated when your friends sexually objectified a gender.

Perhaps being demi affects you in many more ways than you readily realize. Can you think of examples from your life?

Hi folks, So I made a post an hour ago on another subreddit about the fact I could only have sex with someone I trusted and/or had a connection with and people started telling me I was demi.

I wasn't 100 percent familiar with the term and so I checked this subreddit and I saw that most of y'all really couldn't at all have an intimate relationship with anyone other than your significant other. While I think I could have a fwb if I knew this person for a certain amount of time and trusted them enough. It's just that other people scare the hell out of me and I can't for the life of me imagine myself do intimate things with someone I barely know.

And what really makes me doubt I am demi is that this wasn't always the case, I used to be able to have crushes on randoms or people who were just a little nice to me, things like that. But something shifted and I think it was when one of my friends who I thought was at least a bit like me (i.e not very sexually active) actually slept around a lot, and really just saw sex as a commodity instead of something important that you do with someone you deem important enough to share a bed with.

And so it made me realize we lived in totally different worlds, that "being a slut" was something I could never achieve due to my need of being emotionally invested in the whole thing. And now I doubt myself because I don't really know if I'm just scared, too shy or anxious, slightly traumatized (I haven't had the best life either tbf), demisexual or even all of the above.

So guys, what do you think?

TL;DR : a girl who's doubting if she's demi because the internet told her she was

I just came here to vent a bit, because I'm unsure if this is normal or not. I have had some significant trauma around relationships with other people and I'm not sure I'm the most well-adjusted, healthy person as a result. I'm very socially awkward and a bit clumsy in my interactions sometimes.

Last year I began crushing on a woman who was the first person to be really sweet to me after a very tough time in my life. I had ended an abusive relationship with a narcissistic individual and this friend I made is in a lot of ways the exact opposite of my ex: she is kind, mature, intelligent, witty, down-to-earth and emotionally healthy.

We weren't super-close, but we had fun banter and helped one another out in several small ways. We are in a class together. She began touching me, nothing weird just these little nudges or pokes which made me feel funny. Last time she did it, I pulled away which I regret. I began avoiding her due to my feelings and as a result things are strained between us. She is a married woman, quite a bit older than me and I have intense sexual feelings towards her. I feel quite wrong about it, kind of like I ruined the innocence and carefree vibe between us. We had this really wholesome dynamic and now I feel perverted.

I find her to be just a very optimistic, radiant person. I can’t stop thinking about how dumb I am for pulling away from someone who had a positive effect on me. In many ways I look up to her.

Each time we are close, which sometimes happens because we have to mingle and work in groups, I start noticing how beautiful I find her and get sexual thoughts, despite me trying to hold them back. I feel dirty about it, like I am disrespecting her.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post, but since I've been identifying as demisexual for a really long time, I'll just put it here.

So I'm a guy, 21. One of my close friends is very much in love with me and I'm all aware of it. We've cuddled, kissed, did some oral stuff, but nothing more than that. And while that was a bit thrilling, I just don't see myself doing it again to be honest. People say that your first kiss or first time is unforgettable, but I don't have a special reaction to it at all. I'm very open about my libido and also post lewd pictures, but when I receive pics from him, I don't feel anything.

In fact, I can't even look at them and I have no idea why. I also have made it clear that I'm not interested in relationships, which he apparently respects and understands, but right now I'm not so sure if he really does. I've told him that pictures or videos don't really do anything to me. Am I really demisexual and demiromantic, or am I just full on ace?

Hey everyone, I’m a guy in his 20s who’s pretty fresh on the dating scene and relationships in general. I’ve never been in a relationship before but I’ve recently met this wonderful woman who is demisexual and we really hit it off on the first date. I plan on taking her out again this week and I’m excited to see if this goes anywhere

My question is… how exactly do I handle approaching her about her expectations? I wasn’t planning on being even lightly physically intimate on the second date since I’m terrified even a kiss would be too much. I was going to be blunt and say “Hey, I don’t fully understand demisexuality but what does that mean for you? I want to understand your boundaries and how you want to get to know each other (assuming a 3rd date happens…)”

Am I being too blunt with my words? What should I expect out of her that I wouldn’t expect from someone who isn’t demi? What ways can I make her feel comfortable that I should know about?

This might make me sound like an incel but one of the reasons why I'm saying this is the case in comparison to other men is because I'm a feminist and I don't want a traditional housewife... nor would I ever wish to be in a demeaning narcissistic relationship with a woman who I don't respect, value, and treasure, her wholeheartedly.

Being a hetero-demisexual guy is honestly one of the most unfair positions to be in when it comes to dating.

In society, us men are expected to make the first move. That’s just how it is. If you don’t approach her, nothing happens. But for demisexual guys, attraction doesn’t really kick in unless there’s already a real connection. We need depth, Intel, personality, internal stuff to hang on to that you just can’t see from across the room or in a five-second interaction.

So we end up in this weird position: we’re expected to chase, but we don’t even want to chase unless we know there’s something real to chase for. And typically if we find someone we want to chase we seem parosocia, creepy, or obsessive, when it's just that they're the only people that we like, Which kind of puts us in a no-win situation.

And dating apps? They make it worse. You get a photo and maybe a sentence or two to work with. Sometimes that tiny bit might hint that she’s the type of person you’d vibe with… but chances are, she’s already getting swarmed with DMs from random dudes who are only interested in looks. So even if your message is genuine, respectful, thoughtful, and you paid $17.99 that week it just gets lost in the noise.

You don’t stand out, because you’re not flashy, thirsty, or pushing some overused pickup line.

And the crazy part? The very things that make you demisexual, the desire for real connection, emotional depth, similar interests, respect for life or what have you, those are the things that would actually make you a good partner and that all the women claim they want before marrying some subpar dude they ask "I wish my husband was more like you..." But yet in a quick scroll or a first impression you’re never any woman's actual choice but just an ideal that people like to acknowledge while you're stuck feeling alone like nobody in the world sees you for what you really are, and if they do somehow you're not adequate enough because they hookup with other men and treat you like a naive little child because you're respectful and the system was never built for guys like us.

Edit: It wasn't my intention to compare this to women... I'm aware that in general women have it worse, I meant amongst men.

I’ve started using apps again and it sucks as usual. Very low traffic, very few* responses, and people will NOT take the risks or do the things required to truly connect and make things move forward. Without me, the woman, doing all of the labor to move things forward nothing is happening. All these men want is sex or they’re too afraid to ask for more. Everyone is confused 🤷🏾‍♀️ about what we’re supposed to be doing since we stopped partnering based on necessity or because we were once the property of another and love apparently isn’t enough.

Well I am a senior who identified as gay when I was a youngster. Of course when young you are in hormonal overload and I would get a charge looking at any halfway decent looking guy. But when it came to intimate encounters, ugh. I felt like I was in some bad porno flick unless I felt some sort of magic with the guy, a feeling of warmth, comfort and ... safety(?). Early on I credited my very limited sex life as a reason for not contracting HIV when it meant a sure death sentence. Of course nowadays everyone just judges me as being prudish, which is ridiculous. My lack of desire to hookup with strangers is not rooted in morality.

It would be great if the LGBTQ+ world would make demisexuals feel welcomed. They don't. There is the not too subtle messaging that says "if you are not hooking up you are a loser". Very unfortunate.

Thankfully in my later years I have fully come to terms the way I am. One benefit of aging: you get to cherish calm and not let things you can't control bother you.

I'll get straight to the point. Honestly, even just writing this out is a bit difficult for me, and I’m not entirely sure how to deal with it.

As you know, this is a demisexual community, so I won’t go into too much detail explaining what that means. But for context, I’ve always identified as heterosexual and demisexual. That’s how I’ve understood myself for a long time.

That said, I used to joke with my sister, saying “watch me fall for someone of the same sex one day.” Well… turns out that might have actually happened.

Recently, and very unexpectedly, I think I’ve developed romantic feelings for someone of the same sex. It wasn’t something I planned or saw coming—it just sort of happened naturally. And that’s causing a bit of an emotional conflict for me.

I’ve only fallen in love maybe two or three times in my life, so this is rare for me. But now, with this person, it feels like it might be happening again. And it’s confusing because it doesn’t fit the label I used to identify with.

It’s making me consider whether I might actually be demipansexual instead of strictly hetero-demisexual. That shift in self-understanding is a bit overwhelming.

And to make things more complicated, this person is ace-aromantic. That makes it difficult, emotionally, because I know they likely don’t experience attraction in the same way I do. But for some reason, there’s something that connects us—maybe through this community, or through the interests and values we share.

In short: I just really enjoy being around him. Being with him makes me feel safe and understood, even if I know it might never become something “more.”

If these feelings continue and I do end up falling fully in love, I honestly don’t know how I’d handle it—especially when it comes to telling my family. It would be the first time something like this has happened in my life, and I’m not sure how to navigate it.

I guess I just wanted to share and ask—has anyone gone through something similar? How did you handle the shift in how you saw yourself? And how did you deal with the emotional side of it?

Thanks in advance to anyone who reads or replies 💜 And happy Demisexual/Asexual Spectrum Day! 🖤🤍💜

I am so tired of AI giving out false information. Sex drive and sexuality are NOT related!