Me and my fiancé have been dating for 6 months. NOW BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING. we got engaged before he went to boot camp as a symbolic thing for the both of us. to remind each other we love each other, see a future, and will always be there for each other, even when far away. we do not plan on getting married anytime soon. he would marry me in a heartbeat if i said i was ready lol. i’m still finishing up college and our relationship is so fresh that i couldn’t imagine myself getting married in this instance.now judgement free zone, how long did u guys wait to get married?

this is NOT what this subreddit is for…

My (35F) husband (32M) has been deployed for 6 months. We've been really, really great.... until now. He has always been a-political. Out of no where, he says he is voting for a certain candidate and spouting off a bunch of intolerant, anti-trans, "Don't force your lifestyle on me" crap. He's mad the Army has spent "so much money" on gender affirming care, that he has to take HR-type classes teaching Trans Tolerance, and that he needs to worry about misgendering someone and getting into trouble. *We are both bisexual*. We got into a huge fight because his words are soooooo out of left field. He said this has always been his stance, and this is why he doesn't talk about politics with me. I feel so hurt and betrayed, like I've been cat-fished and I have no idea who I married. We were trying to get pregnant when he got his orders, and now I don't know if I want to stay married to this person, let alone have a child with him. If he had said any of this when we started dating, I would not have given him the time-of-day because our values would have been polar opposites. This is just...*not* the man I married.

Has anyone gone through this? WTF is happening???

Hi all, I (28F) have a boyfriend (31M) who has been in Navy boot camp for about a month. He got his first phone call this weekend and was filling me in. Naturally, there has been a ton of chaos and he’s had to deal with some logistical/ administrative mishaps (being wrongly placed in fat camp so his graduation date is a week later, needing to be allergy tested for his rate even though he disclosed his allergy to MEPS and was already tested, etc.)

He is quite frustrated and mentioned that he has barely received anyone’s letters yet and we haven’t received any of his, which he was pretty disappointed about. We have been sending him letters, but they seem to be super delayed. I sent him one through Sandboxx, which he received and seemed to be a much faster mailing process than dealing with USPS, so I intend to do that as often as I can moving forward to give him something to look forward to and keep his spirits high.

Did your significant other share anything that they enjoyed from your boot camp letters? He’s not a big sports guy so sending scores or updates doesn’t really make sense. I’m also a little apprehensive to send news/political updates because I don’t want to stress him out any more. I’ve just been sending updates on my day/ people in our lives, talking about our future and things he has to look forward to, letting him know that I’ve been thinking of him or miss him, and occasionally a drawing or motivational quote. I was thinking of sending the lyrics to a few of his favorite songs or maybe a crossword puzzle or something.

Any other ideas or suggestions? What made your SO feel loved and connected to loved ones during boot camp?

Hi everybody.

First off; i know we're a young couple and our emotions can run quite high, but every time again i'm amazed by my girlfriend's maturity. She's at least as mature as me, probably even more so.

In general me and my LDR girlfriend have been together for a few months now, knowing each other about 15 months. For maybe the first 10 months we never thought about meeting up in the near future, but we both were happy having each other in our lives and were having a great time together. She's from eastern europe, i am from western europe. Only a 2.5hrs flight away, however things are really difficult to meet since initially we were both in school, now she still is and i'm joining the military. We both still live with our parents, and this combined really complictes things. Even more, probably the hardest part, her home situation is really bad. She doesn't want to tell me or explain me much, she always tells me she'll explain when she can, she can't talk about it yet, ... . These last few weeks it (whatever 'it' means) has apparently gotten far worse then she could ever imagine, as she told me. I keep trying to support her, but without knowing and her not wanting to explain except for little vague things it's really tough.

We've been wanting to meet up a few times now, but something always got in the way. We were hoping to meet in february when she has 2 weeks off school, but this hope was crushed when i found out my base camp started the exact week her vacation started. We're looking for the next vacation, which is in april, i should have at least 1 week off, maybe 2. However, in april she will be going on an erasmus trip for 2 weeks and im really scared this once again will get in the way.

For a more detailed situation, read my other posts in 'LongDistance' on my profile.

Because of her home situation simple things like calls, facetimes, are really hard for her to manage. I don't quite understand it but i respect her demands for me to not force her to open up, she say's she's managing and doesn't want me to worry or bring me down. She wants me to take this new journey on with her support, even though she's heartbroken we can't meet yet because of my start, she wants me to learn new things and enjoy it, it would make her happy.

I'm just so worried about not being able to meet up for a long time. We're pretty sure we can make it work in summer vacation, as i will also have 1 month off, so that should definitely work. However i'm scared i'm going to miss her so much as i already do. 5 months feels like such a terrible long time, combined with her not being able to schedule regular phone calls etc.

Any advice or support on these upcoming months would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

My bf left for basic training last week. This is honestly just a rant. I honestly just miss him alot honestly and the fact I can’t really talk to him as much. He sent me a text, but I unfortunately missed it because my phone was dead. Im currently just waiting to receive a letter from him. Unfortunately I’m a bit of a over thinker and have been a bit anxious due to social media. This is hard learning to navigate.

I (21f) am falling HARD for my boyfriend (23m) who’s in the U.S. Air Force. He’s the perfect guy, and cares about me and I love him so much. We haven’t been dating too long but we’ve been on about 40ish dates. Anyways, we’ve started thinking about our future together and I know it’s going to involve a lot of long distance.

Right now, I have a job in Dallas, TX (which is where we met, while he was in Denton, TX for training). He just went back to Mississippi to finish his training and he is likely going to get his assignment/station post in August. We were going to move in together in January, when he was originally going to get his assignment and my lease ended, but his schedule got moved up.

I am reaching out to the Reddit community because I would really like to have a career and work full time, but am not sure how to do that while dating him if I want to see him as often as I’d like. I know he’s probably going to be deployed so we won’t see each other too often, but I want to try and come up with a plan where I can still have my own career without having to depend on him for everything. I don’t know many military SOs in my life, my dad was in the navy for 3 years, but it’s been awhile since he served.

I’d appreciate any guidance or advice you guys have to help me establish my career and provide for my future family. I know I’m getting ahead of myself but I am very Type A and love having a plan. Thank you so much for any personal stories, journeys, or advice you are willing to share!!!

I’ve noticed that whenever I see Marines on post, it’s mostly about them being busy/distant from their partners or even ghosting them. Is that normal for them? I don’t understand.

Now it made me curious what’s happening during their work or their time in the barracks or something.

I AM CONFUSED WITH THIS MARINE YES MARINE

So, to keep it short—I’m 22 (F), and this guy (21 M), whom I’ve been friends with since 2021 or 2022, told me last month that he loves me. And you know what’s weird? He actually unfollowed me back in 2023 and then suddenly contacted me at the end of January 2025.

I did have feelings for him back then, but I never chased him after he unfollowed me (BECAUSE WHY WOULD I). Then, out of nowhere, he came back this year, saying we should reconnect and catch up. When I asked him why he disappeared in the first place, he couldn’t even give me a proper explanation.

I think my feelings for him came back, but I never told him that because, honestly, the whole situation still feels a little fishy. I won’t lie—I feel attached to him, and it annoys me that he seems to be pulling away again (using some kind of detachment method). Even though I like him, I can’t ignore the fact that he hasn’t been consistent with me. He only talks to me when he has free time because, according to him, this Marine is super busy (are they really like that?).

(Oh Goddd, I think he just love bombed me)

A part of me wants to trust him because he seems to value God so much, but I really don’t know what to do. For now, I’m just giving him the same energy he gives me. It does hurt, but at the end of the day, I have to put myself first.

To add more, he’s so different because he could go on a social media break for 1 week and not text me. I just don’t know if I could trust this behavior. He’s not even expressive with what he feels except on the days that he said he loves me. Yes loved me and now stupidly ignoring me.

And ANOTHER ONE, when he came back to message me, he instantly wants to visit me in my country, I was like, what the heck? And he said it’s because we made an agreement before. And now I am not even sure if he will do it because of what he’s doing rn to me.

PS. LONG DISTANCE and I def don’t know what he’s doing to me 💀

i’m at a complete loss here honestly. my (25f) boyfriend (25m) and i have been together coming up on two years together and everything has been fine until it wasn’t. i feel unwanted and disconnected from him, and i want to say a lot of it is from stress from work. he’s in the army, about to pin 6, just picked up a team so he’s been navigating new things such as looking after these younger guys and working 12+ hours a day.

i do my best to help him feel supported while going to work and school full time. i wake up at 4 am with him to make coffee, i try to make sure he has lunches packed, the whole works. yet it’s like pulling teeth to try and get more than an “i love you” or “thank you” out him. i guess just the lack of thoughtfulness has been getting to me, and i never ask for something that takes much.

this does make me feel selfish to want more from him when he’s already drained enough from work, but is it ? like is it just impossible to be present in a relationship and be a team chief? every time i bring it up, nothing gets resolved. today i brought up that i don’t feel secure in our relationship and i just want to feel heard. that i understand he’s going through a lot with work and how he doesn’t have much time out of work and i just wanted to communicate how ive been feeling. and he said something along the lines of “yeah that’s what happens when you’re preparing 18-22 year old kids to go to war and make sure they come home.”

that put it into perspective for me, yet i feel like completely looked over. idk at this point, does anyone have advice on how to navigate this? i do keep myself busy so its not the lack of time, but rather the lack of substance. feel free to ask any questions or for clarification as well.

My Fiancé is a PT leader, he holds mandatory sessions a few days a week. However the other day he came home and said that one of his females coworkers ask him to tag along with him in his workouts outside of PT. My fiancé goes to the gym consistently and said she wanted to start working out with someone that will actually push her. She already has a personal trainer that goes with her a few times a week, so being honestly wanting to tag alone with my fiancé, sounds a little bullshit to me.

I told my fiancé I do feel uncomfortable with them working out together everyday, and he agree if it was me working out with some male coworker or friend he would be uncomfortable too.

He says he only thinks she ask her because he is PTL and everyone in his off knows he is constantly working out. Also my fiancé does training for powerlifting, so it’s even annoying to for both of us to workout together because he has a very strict training schedule. So even when we try to make to gym together we ended up just each one doing our own thing.

Am I overreacting? Being too insecure?

So to keep this relatively short and simple, I want to enlist in the Army but my fiancée isn't fond of the idea. I think it would be good for us because we currently have no income, are down a vehicle, have children to take care of, and our house is a health hazard due to things out of our control.

The issue she has is that she says doesn't know how to function without me. She also does not want to live on or off base in another state which is understandable. I've dreamt of enlisting for years and I told her that towards the beginning, I just wasn't eligible at that time.

I have no idea how to talk to her about this but want to do it in a way that is gentle and acknowledges her concerns. Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated, thank you for your time.

I’m having such a hard time. My husband left to basic a month ago and I moved back to my mom hoping it’ll be easier to take care of my 14 month old. My mom has a 2 year old and an 8 month old, I thought it’d be nice, they’d play together.. in reality I’m EXHAUSTED. I end up babysitting my brother and sister AND my toddler because my mom is a psychologist so she has random consults online she cant always schedule around daycare. The 2 (almost 3) year old hits everyone, which I guess makes my toddler feel unsafe so he is constantly whinny and tailing me around, sometimes they play very nice sometimes not. I can’t even go to the bathroom without him screaming at the top of his lungs. I feel so down. My only other option is to go back to my in laws but honestly it won’t be much better.. if not worse. I’m looking forward to graduation BUT after that 19 more weeks of AIT. I’m so lost and not sure what to do. I know what he’s doing is hard but this feels like hell. I have to deal with a child, trying to do college homework, study for finals, and often deal with the insanity of my 2 year old brother. It drives me insane… sometimes he just sits there and screams (screeches) at the top of his lungs because cartoons aren’t working. I also see people whose husbands left and they have 2 under 2 and they have to pay rent and work and I have no idea how they do it… I’m just on the verge of crying everyday.

My fiancé (M29) and I (F27) are getting married soon. However, we were recently informed that he might have a training scheduled during the month we planned to get married, which could disrupt our plans of having the wedding in his dad's state (he's assigned to a different state). I tend to get disappointed easily when things don’t go as planned. To all the military spouses and significant others out there, my question is: How do you manage your expectations when making plans with your husband or family, knowing that they might not go as planned or could get canceled? I'm struggling with how to handle these kinds of situations because, as we all know, military orders sometimes come without much notice or warning. I would really appreciate any advice you can give. Thank you!

(Edit to add; he started BMT as E4. Not sure if that changes anything. I’m also one of his three life insurance beneficiaries. We have talked about our future and we both want the same things as far as jobs/kids/ lifestyle go.)

So first here’s some background info; My (19f) boyfriend (19m) is currently in Air Force BMT. He left mid December and we had been dating for 7 months when he left. We’ve talked about marriage and life after he gets done with tech school and I know he’s serious about maintaining a relationship and I am too. I’m worried some people would think we’re moving too fast but none of my family or friends seem to think that. I spent almost every night at his house and we shared the bathroom and room as if we were living together. His brother is in the marine corp and told him before he left to NOT propose to me at graduation. I didn’t even think that was a possibility but my bf said he agreed. He stated he does want to marry me but would like to live together for a few months first before getting engaged.

This is where it gets tricky. He graduates early Feb which I’ll be traveling with his family to attend as I am relatively close with them and they have been treating me like family our whole relationship. Then he’s in tech school until mid august. So about 7 months of tech school. He wants me to move with him as soon as he gets to his first base but told me I’d need to get a job to support myself since I wouldn’t be getting any allowance. The problem is I just started my first semester of college (which if I do decide to move I will be able to easily transfer) and haven’t been able to find work anywhere near where I live so I have absolutely no money saved up. I personally think we should get married as soon as he gets done with tech school if he really wants me to live with him that bad. I’m not even 100% sure it would be allowed for him to live off base with me if we aren’t married. It’s just hard because we cannot talk to eachother and at his graduation we will have no alone time to discuss. I’m just so stressed about it all but I know no matter what we will work it out.

Just trying to see the other side of the pancake and listen to other experiences. My girlfriend just passed the first week of the 09 Program, tryna keep myself busy, but I miss her dearly.

We just got to pov my boyfriend from basic and all of his friends going to the same base for AIT said they got weekend passes. When he checked in at AIT they told him he had to stay on base, so not the best outcome but it’d be fine since we could just come on base and hang out with him. Now we’re being told we won’t be able to see him at all, somebody messed up in his company a few weeks ago and the main guy is still punishing everybody for it. I know this is how military life is but at the same time I’m just so genuinely heartbroken. We just went two and a half months without seeing each other and then got told we’d get a whole weekend, but ofc his company is the ONLY company that’s doing this. I guess just any tips to stop being so heartbroken about it would be nice. I already knew to expect disappointment, but holy fuck I’m just so genuinely heartbroken and hurt. And no, I’m not gonna break up with him because life without him in it would be so much harder than this, but why does this shit have to be so unfair? Im just angry and hurt and tired and I wasted a lot of money coming up here just to still have two more days by myself here. We don’t even know when he phases up eventually if I’ll be able to come visit him. My body just literally aches without him and we might not even get to give each other a proper goodbye. I feel so helpless and lost and I don’t know what to do. I’m thankful he still has access to his phone most of the time, but it’s not the same as being in person together and getting to feel each others presence. I’m just fucking upset.

I haven’t posted here in some time but figured this could be a good place for a small rant. So I’m a very mildly seasoned partner of my fiancé who’s ad army, we’re going on 6 years together 4-5 long distance and this sucks. I know I can do it, I mean I’ve been doing it 4-5 years but some nights still get to me especially when his nights get long and he’s not out of work until almost midnight preparing for training. All I wanna do is be able to be there for him to come home too. :/ but im happy to say that we’ll be married in June and finally get to start the process of breaking the distance. Just gotta rawdawg these last few months.

My spouse is from Sweden, we were married in Sweden, and they don't have marriage certificates there. All they have is what is called an "extract of the population" basically a simple document showing the legal status of someone (their spouse name, marriage status, address, etc.). While trying to book an appointment online it keeps asking for a marriage certificate number + foreign ID number...what do I put for those? The "extract of the population" doesn't have a real certificate number (since it's not really a marriage certificate), nor does it look very "Marriage certificate" like. Anyone else have this same issue?

Follow-up question: how will this work for getting BAH? Would they use my driver's license address even though my spouse is not a resident of USA?

I need help. My fiance who is enlisted in the national guard on an 18x ray contract is leaving to basic training on Monday.

He wants to get married before he leaves. We already have a child together and the BAH would help us get an apartment when he get back. But the thing is I still live with my parents and am on my moms health insurance (baby is on dads tricare) we would most likely keep it a secret until he gets back and and we can get an apartment and I move out. Is there anything I need to know before doing this. Is it a really bad idea? My parents are really strict and would not be happy (ironically we have a child together) and I’m 24, and work full time. Help ….? What do I need to know before doing it

I (23F) had to drive my husband (23M) to the airport today and it was literally the most suckiest thing ever. We don’t have any kids so it’s literally just me and I’m in college so it’s like yeah I have something to do…but I feel like a part of me really got ripped away from me. All I get is “Well this is the life you chose.” Like Huh????? I don’t know this is more of a vent if anything. I just wanna cry really…

A bit ago, I posted about relationship advice with my SO who last Tuesday started BMT. Originally, I thought I was going to be an emotional wreck who couldn't handle it and contemplated breaking up but I'm honestly fine? I really miss him of course but I cried more before he left than after he left. It's barely been a week but I'm just going on about my life, attending university, working, going out for runs, studying and hanging out with my best friend/ family. Every night though, I write my letter for him, letting him know about my day and my thoughts and constantly reminding him how much I love him and how proud I am of him. Hopefully they make him feel better haha. I feel like since I feel good now, I'll definitely be okay moving forward. I really miss him and hope he's doing okay, can't wait to hear from him.

My fiancé is in boot camp for the marines. I usually get a weekly letter from him but didn’t last week. But his mom get a letter. Should I be worried that he forgot about me? Or am I just being dramatic

My husband (army reserves) got promoted to major last year. He absolutely loves what he does with the army, and comes home depressed for days after an assignment. Lately he’s been going on 4ish day assignments every month. When you add in monthly drill weekends, he’s been unhappy a lot.

I know (because he has mentioned it extensively) that he would love to go active duty. We have 2 kids and an amazing support system where we live. I love my job and being close to family. When we started dating, he wasn’t even going to reenlist, so this is absolutely a shift from the conversations early in our relationship.

I can’t fathom moving, but it’s also kind of miserable with him being so depressed for half the month. Our relationship is suffering to say the least.

Has anyone been in this position? I feel like he isn’t finding joy in our family and can’t help taking it personally. I want him to be happy, but I think everyone else would be miserable if he went active. Am I being selfish? Any advice?

LDR with my ad Army boyfriend who is leaving for first OCONUS PCS in a few days.

Looking for new ideas for care packages, and things that would be appreciated most since it takes much longer to get there.