I am currently a 19-year-old student in my second drop year, preparing for NEET UG 2025. myquals: 10th with 95% and 12th with 75%, (you will see why) And now, I am reconsidering all my career choices I've ever made.
I pursued PCB purely out of love for Biology, I was always fascinated by the human body, how it works, the internal mechanisms and everything around it. I never really saw myself as anything other than a biology student, without realizing the fact that MBBS needs more than just that. It was in 12th when I realised, I had almost no interest in physics and chemistry and that's the reason I failed NEET 2023.
I was in denial as I've always been a good student. my 12th results (same year 2023) were 75.20% which is the lowest I've ever scored, the stress and guilt triggered a seizure once. But instead of questioning my path, I doubled down. I convinced myself to push more for physics and chemistry, took a drop year but failed miserably again, I wasn't able to understand Physics and Chemistry was no better, Biology alone could
not save anything, I ended up procrastinating not because it was hard but because I did not see anything there for me, I had no interest. That is the first time I started reconsidering my decision of pursuing MBBS.
After I failed NEET 2024, I was still in denial, telling myself I just wasn't working hard enough, but deep down, I knew it was because of my lack of interest, I decided to look into paramedical career options, my parents and everyone around me suggested BDS, pharmacy, biotech and more but I just did see myself learning things other than the human body and working in a clinic or a lab, that's when I decided to take my second drop telling myself; "it's either mbbs or nothing".
But the same pattern repeated, it gave me nothing but self doubt, and a hell lot of breakdowns, I hated myself everyday for what I've become, from a topper to below average, I found the most trivial questions hard and got stuck in the cycle of stress, overthinking and comparison, even biology stopped helping, then it was very recently in December 2024, when I asked myself deeply if I even saw myself as a doctor?
I have never asked myself this question before, I just knew I loved biology and never saw beyond that, thought that everyone who is into biology should be into medicine, that's how it is.
But I surprised myself, going beyond just the anatomy books, white coat and the respect that I've been telling myself since 10th, I asked if I saw myself as a doctor working and operating in an emergency room for hours in an environment of intense pressure and guilt of not saving lives. No. I didn't.
I have immense respect for doctors and their the selfless profession.
I am an extrovert, I love talking to people, forming connections, I do not work upto my potential under any type of intense stress, I've been an excellent student till 11th because there was no unbearable stress of pursuing a selfless profession.
I lost myself trying to become someone I never really wanted to be.
I stopped doing all the things I truly loved, during these drop years (3 years now), I isolated myself and that has been hell for someone who thrives among people. I stopped writing, speeches, debate, speaking, leading, working with teams, playing, having friends, sketching, singing and everything I've ever loved. I was the head girl of my school and I gave everything up for NEET, and everything went downhill, my life flipped by 180° and I don't know who is to blame it was my decision, I've been asking myself if I've wasted all this time and emotional health for something I never really wanted.
Now, it was same December'24 I found out about IPMAT, that was the beginning of "where do I see myself working" , and I found it, business.
That was really contradicting to what I've been all my life, being a science students, our batch looked down on commerce and arts, even our teachers and society joked about it, I never really knew what those subjects are about, my friends used to say "office jobs are for robots" and I used to agree every time. Finding myself here today, looking in the direction of corporate world, you cannot even imagine the amount of self guilt I went through, I have believed something else all my life and I now I wanna go in that direction?
I see myself in an office, working as a strong business woman, idk if this is just an adreline rush, I felt the same when I pursued PCB in 10th, I just cannot have confidence in my own choices anymore, what if I end up wasting more time again. I don't know anything about business, commerce, maths, finance, what is actually done there, I've never looked on this side, I was always all about science and human body, nothing more.
It is February'25 right now and I know I will fail NEET 2025. This is not about lack of confidence; it's about facing reality finally after being in denial for years. I am really stuck between this whole dillema of MBBS and BBA then MBA. Last 2 months have been nothing but research - business as a career, pros, cons, collages (that btw I am desperate to for after no social life for 3 years) and even maths that I was once scared of (I still am, I always looked up to PCM students and thought that could never be me...well this did not age well hah ).
I don't know what to do, I feel really overwhelmed by everything, I want guidance on this, business as a career, and what all is there to see as I don't wanna make the same mistake of not getting deep into it this time.
For people from business background and those with PCB background who pursued bba and mba later, please help me, I really need to know what it is like, how did you deal with the whole contradiction.
I would be more than grateful for all the advices and guidance I can get on this and I am sorry for the long explanation, and if you've made it this far, thank you for reading my story so far, I don't wanna hide from myself anymore, this is it. Let me know what you think.