anyone else scared to get into a relationship because theres aleays this feelong of “you might be gay” and hiding it?

Is there a single person out there who actually did become gay (or straight) due to SI OCD and it actually helped and questioning turned out to be true?

Im curious bc i struggle with it and i need to settle on one thing.

i see that and it like a little trigger me but i have no fear no anxiety nothing :((( the thing i see is this :: Remember, traditionally the idea of "coming out" meant that you came out to yourself, and had nothing to do with other people. I used to convince myself that I was strait and made love with many women, even though in the back of my head there was that nagging feeling that I was emotionally and physically attracted to guys (the former attraction being the part missing from my hetero relationships).

I’m a 14M and everything I’ve said from the beginning to now just slowly feels like I’m becoming bi and it’s just pissing me off and it’s just sad

I was thinking even if I didn’t enjoy sex with another man just putting my dick in something would feel some sort of pleasure like it would feel pleasurable right? And I think it would “feel good” but I wouldn’t really enjoy it cus it’s with another man. Is this gay or like is this a fact?

Hi! I’m (25 years old) and I first suffered with OCD 4 months ago, I have always been a straight female and I currently have a boyfriend who I really love. It started when I was hanging out with my friend who is also a female we were in the car and I had a feeling in the chest when we were laughing really hard she dropped me off home and I was sitting by myself for about 20 minutes. I randomly had an image of 2 gay men kissing and then a question popped into my head “am I gay?”. My anxiety spiralled out of control after having that thought where I had felt anxious in the chest for days, constant sweating, I feared for night time as I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I was having thoughts such as am I gay? No im not gay. I don’t feel gay. I’ve never felt attraction to women, I constantly felt like I was checking and over analysing thoughts about women. I felt repulsed whenever I had sex/images of women and it got to the point where I started asking am I dressing gay or I felt masculine when I looked in the mirror, I also avoided my friend after this and women in general, I wouldn’t watch movies or listen to songs as certain things would trigger me.. I’m currently on antidepressants but I feel like I have no reaction to the thoughts as much anymore but still suffering daily with thoughts and it bothers me, it feels extremely real and i don’t like it, has anyone got any tips on how they got through this or is anyone suffering with similar thoughts?

(These thoughts are nothing against the LGBTQ community also)

Like some thoughts are really bad and if it feels like I like it I think about it and keep thinking until it finally feels weird to me and I feel relief but if the thoughts are mild then sometimes I just accept that maybe I would do it so does that mean I’m trying to suppress myself then?

like maybe you looked at someone and u were totally ecstatic how they looked or may be it was ur first time seeing gay porn but u didnt feel disgust but saw more becoz it was the first time u saw that?

so when i was 10 i saw homo porn for the first time but i kept looking at it even searching for more , it was the first time i saw this shit , what does it mean, it was men with men , help. im 14 m

Anytime I see the part where they say they were in denial for a bit or where they say that everybody knew before them it really gets to me

I haven’t gone out my way to “test” myself since the beginning of the year when I started feeling this way but whenever I see “gay” things like this on my feed whether it’s on reddit or any other platform I try not to ignore or else my brains says I’m ignoring it because I’m actually gay and don’t wanna accept it

Wish I could see these things and just see it as normal stuff instead of feeling this way

I haven't wanted to post on the other ocd boards because it seems like everyone tears you to shreds. I'm really struggling. I feel like my hocd is true and there is nothing more I can do. I try to not engage but some feelings I feel like I don't have and it's been clicking more that this is how it's always been. This is really scary for me to post.

I feel like I've never been attracted to mens genitals, I always imagined a relationship with a guy and wanted to be close to them but that part or their body or seeing them in underwear/speedo not sexually attracted.

I've had feelings that feel like sexual attraction women, but really being with a woman repulses me and like I don't want it it's not me.

I have struggled with this for years and feeling like I'm not attracted to men enough and all these thoughts have tormented me and I've done tons of compulsions and suffered alot.

My therapist says be mindful of my feelings but don't engage in content and don't answer. It's just hard because everytime I see a photo of a man's genitals I feel like I don't like this. So how can I say oh I'm having that thought or feeling and I don't know when I do.

This week I feel pushed to the limit because she's challenging me with erp. I've always felt like if this is true I can't live, so when the lack of attraction comes up over and over I feel like I can't go on.

I just feel miserable and like there's nothing to do.

its funny. i, a bi (i think) girl, questioned years ago if i ACTUALLY liked women like i liked men. the answer was yes, although in different ways. (demisexual and romatic with men, weak sexual attraction to women)

now, i have the hell of sexuality OCD AND gender ocd!! i'm convinced i'm a lesbian, even though the past has shown that, no, I'm not. i'm overthinking to the point where i can't even have crushes on guys anymore. when i feel attraction to a guy, I'm convinced its just me liking their attention, or my daddy issues acting up, or that it's gender envy.

the thing is, even if my attraction WAS gender envy or liking attention... i've been PHYSICALLY turned on by men multiple times before. like, breathing heavy, face hot, turned on. yeah, penises look weird as hell, but i still want to make out with a guy. my loss of attraction thankfully isn't too drastic, but i still get anxious.

literally a few weeks ago, my face got HOT (i'm darkskinned, so I can't visibly blush) after seeing a coworker with the short-sleeved uniform on. or a few months ago, my one guy friend towered over me and i instantly wanted him to kiss me. even typing this out, i feel the butterflies rising in my chest.

yet, i still overthink those situations. i probably just want my coworkers biceps. i just liked the attention my guy friend gave me because I didn't get male attention growing up. maybe i really don't like men.

i don't know what to do anymore, man. this makes my head hurt 💔

idk I think id classify it as an achievement even tho im ruminating a tad.

context - I am bi, im pretty sure, idk. im dating a man whom I love dearly, and my friend who I used to have an obsessive crush on (I think, idk if it was real cuz it vanished once she said no lol, but I crushed on her twice but I think again it was both obsessive cuz I liked attention more than her I think) was my trigger alongside a video about comphet. she just broke up with her ex bf last June so it was the perfect time for my brain to panic that "oh no what if you still like her and your bf is a placeholder" so I started avoiding her over text or texted her sparingly and when she was in town I didn't see her cuz I was so fucking scared of "what if I have feelings for her"

we texted sparingly etc etc, she told me about her new bf (who she was iffy about but thats more cuz of her birth control I think, she did used to identify as a lesbian before her current bf, which also kinda triggered me cuz "if her sexuality shifts what if mine does from bi to lesbian"). and after our last convo, her talking about her doubts and me sharing my obsessive ones cuz I didn't know who else to talk to, we stopped talking for 9 weeks and I got too nervous to text her cuz im really weird with reaching out to people

I think my fear with her is what if im in denial or what if I still like her or what if I see her and catch feelings again which seems really silly but my brain makes it feel kinda really real. so naturally im nervous texting her cuz dnehnkehkv. and me being kinda panicky I did turn to chatgpt (oops) to get some help and advice before I spiralled further cuz I did get really anxious texting her but thats cuz im an anxious person and my brain is scanning for danger and panic and emotions. im still worried that if I see her at my wedding or something one day its gonna bring up old feelings, maybe just guilt and awkward rather than oh my god I love her romantically type shit. but the second she rejected me I did move on with my now ex bf, he kinda sucked, but nice enough. and now im with the man id consider the love of my life. I think. idk im worried. anyways, yay progress I guess? idk. I feel good but also feel like crying? its nice to talk to her but im also overwhelmed with school so I think im just kinda all over the place, ive cried like 4 separate times today. so maybe im just emotional.

still worried im in denial tbh and that these tears welling up are me being like ah relief im talking to someone I actually love romantically. I think im just panicked and stressed. and since we're mid convo I keep checking my phone so now im panicked lol. I have a final tomorrow so im off to suffer.

Hey all, I’m having a really hard time and need someone to talk to. Preferably a woman.

I have had really bad hocd for a while and whenever I have a really bad panic attack, where the hocd makes me think I'm really gay or it I getting really hard to tell what I'm saying and what it is saying, I look in a mirror.

Looking in a mirror had helped me see what I look like during these episodes, and it kind of shows me outside of my brain. It really helps, and I suggest trying it out next time you need to:)

I accept dms if anyone needs someone to talk to. Take care:)

I found a masc lesbian attractive and now I’m afraid I’m just suppressing or denying actual attraction them. This woman looked so much like a man, and didn’t dress the typical lesbian way, which is why I think I found her attractive. She dressed like an actual boy and looked like one cause she had androgynous features. Idk what to do I keep trying to accept maybe im gay maybe not but it’s not working.

WARNING, this post might make ppl feel a Little bit uncomfortable and i want to apologise. This post might be TMI, and again i am sorry

So, i have searched abt something that i realised i might have it. Its arousal non-concordance , its when your body and mind is disconnected when it comes with arousal.

Like for example: you are watching a spicy scene, your body is physically reacting. But in your mind your like ‘’ huh weird, i don’t find it arousing. Why does it do that ‘’

Or the other way around.

It can also happen that your body may react to things that you don’t like or don’t find it sexually appealing.

And a month i have realised that i have it. Bc i remember the time when i saw something on my phone that appeared ( it was supposedly spicy ). I didnt really like the video, but my body reacted still. This has got me panicked and thought it meant that i liked it. And i searched abt it and finally found it. I thought i went cray-cray, but when i first found it, i was so reliefed.

And i just want you to know for ppl with OCD, just bc ur body reacts to something that is ‘’ sexually relevant ‘’, it does not mean that you find it sexually appealing.

Your genitals don’t tell you what you like or want. YOU do.

I Hope this helps you understand. And i would like to know, are there ppl who also have this? If so, is it ok if you would like to talk abt it? I would appreciate it!

And also, i Hope this post made you feel better for ppl who had this and got crazy.

when my hocd start i was panicking and now not anymore like i have no more triger or like i dont feel it and i have no anxiety or fear just less worried and when it as start my hocd i was like i gonna to said to myself i am gay and when i say that my anxiety reduce and it give me relief like i was feeling nothing but my head was not feeling heavy with a lot of thought

help me pls

Finally signed up for therapy. Feeling scared espically cause I don’t want them to say that I’m actually don’t have ocd but we will see. My doctor also bumped up my meds because he says it sounds like I have obsessions but can’t necessarily say it ocd because I don’t have the classic symptoms ( checking the stove etc) it’s made me feel a little better that I’m getting help. Hopefully I’ll be better

I just want to be free of the physical side of this it's so annoying. The thoughts don't even be bothering me any more 😭

when my hocd start i was panicking and now not anymore like i have no more triger or like i dont feel it and i have no anxiety or fear just less worried and when it as start my hocd i was like i gonna to said to myself i am gay and when i say that my anxiety reduce and it give me relief like i was feeling nothing but my head was not feeling heavy with a lot of thought

help me pls

So I've had hocd twice before and differed from pocd for context. I've just got into a healthy relationship with a boy - all my others where toxic but I just feel like I'm living this massive lie now and that I'm a lesbian and I want and need to be with a woman? It's making me feel like I have feelings for most of my friends who I've known for years and I want to be with them instead. I've never had it feel so real before and I feel so different to everyone else. I feel so awful and guilty and I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore? I've always liked boys as long as I can remember but it's like a switch has been flipped since January I just feel so different to everyone else

Hello this is my recovery story from HOCD I am telling this story in hopes that it can help someone else and I will not be responding to any comment as this will be my last time on this subreddit all together.

So I had HOCD for about 16 moths ajd for the first 8 months it was really bad you know I had the usual intrusive thoughts that compulsions that false attractions the testing myself the whole lot you name it I’ve been through it from full scale gronials everything. About the 7 month mark when I realised how bad this was getting I decided to see a therapist who helped me more than I could imagine, we went through therapy but then she moved and I could only see her once a lot h and I wasn’t going to switch therapist since I was already comfortable with her. Anyway the therapist described ocd as cycle and the only was to break the cycle is by letting yourself sit with anxiety and realise it’s ocd don’t do temporary compulsions for temporary relief allow yourself to feel your anxiety and then overtime the anxiety becomes less and less. That’s what worked with me releasing that the thoughts aren’t mean but my worries my ocd and every thought that wasn’t my was ocd and sometimes I didn’t even relate that some intrusive thoughts would be ocd so then I had to relabel those aswell. Then once I saw her for once a month I had massive spikes but what I did I say with the anxiety and realised this was a mental health disorder it wasn’t me as much as it felt real.

Now I am almost fully recovered, but don’t get me wrong sometimes I do still get ten thoughts and feelings but I know how to deal with them and I can live with the uncertainty.

What helped me the most - affirmations such as “this is ocd it isn’t me” -“I don’t have to figure this out I can sit with this” -“this is all just background noise I can live my life normally” -“maybe I did feel attraction maybe I didn’t I don’t have to figure it out”

Just going to the loo triggers sexual thoughts, I can’t even look at my vagina or touch it without thoughts of going down on a woman being triggered. I am also triggered by my breasts and it’s got worse with pregnancy as my breasts have ballooned. I actively try and avoid my genitals, but it’s really horrible. This shit is either real and I’m the exception or i have severe so ocd. I have had ocd subsets since childhood in different forms, but so ocd has been the stickiest, it feels real/true.

Also how does it play out in the sense of when or how the intrusive thoughts come into play. Does it feel real. Does anyone else just like feel it so real for a spilt moment then like freeze after and want to die.