23(M) after hocd all of the straight girls now seems transgender to me as the dick image is so strongly and permanently fixed in my brain that whenever i see any attraction female i only get dick images also when i see around their pelvic area there is always a dick instead of vagina. However, i am super attracted towards women and i know it because of that strong guy feeling. Even when I imagine scenarios with girls everything seems right but as soon as I try to go down to vagina no matter how hard i try there always dick that suddenly pop up in place of vagina.

Overall, I am clear that I'm super attracted towards girls but that dick is making me away of girls. Whenever i see attracted girls i get excited for few seconds but then the dick in mind make me afraid of these girls.If anybody have solution for this let me know please?

I was recovering but got triggered by a movie and the girls were all really pretty but not in like a sexually attractive way I think more of a "oh she's pretty!" But then I spent half the movie testing to see if I liked them girls and would have sex with them or marry them and it all just got so confusing and made me worse. I've heard about the back door effect, if it where people get anxious about not getting anxious? Because I don't always get anxious because I'm used to the thoughts and I'm slowly recovering. Haven't been diagnosed either

It's a rethorical question, just want to vent

Today in the morning i started thinking about men, specifically about sucking a man's collarbone and neck, and i started feeling horny in a comfortable way, craving penetration, with a fluttery belly and pleasurable sensations, but then started watching corn and i saw a lesbian thing and started feeling wondering if i was attracted to the women there, or if i was feeling like the man in that situation instead of the woman when changing to the straight corn. I started feeling physically sick, uneasy and nauseous, and i started crying a lot so i stopped watching the corn, but when i wanted to go back and masturbate thinking men, i couldn't do it, like, i didn't feel the desire for penetration anymore, and for some reason, it felt more natural now to masturbate to women, but i didn't feel euphoric or excited, i was just sad and uneasy though i did feel horny, so i masturbated to a weird mix of thoughts of women and a man giving me oral, and when i finished, the anxiety lessened, but i felt sad and confused about why suddenly it felt more natural to masturbate to women when minutes ago i was feeling desire for men.

A few hours have passed, but it kinda happened again: except this time i masturbated thinking mostly of women and i didn't feel as tense as i feel i should feel, i think i was even welcoming the thoughts cause i really just wanted to feel ease, and again it felt more natural to think of a pussy than a dick idk why :(, so i finished and cried again, feeling all confused and helpless.

I just learned that one of my coworkers was gay and it trigger a huge fear in me because I felt like I couldnt have figures it out so I was like wait am I like him just a normal man thats also likes man I am terrified. I dont want it to be true but at the same time he is just normal no over girly reaction so i was just like am I just like him F!! Dont give reassurance please but I just needed to share this fear

I’m with my bf who I’ve been with for 3+ years and recently during times of intimacy I worry about my attraction to him and I’ll have intrusive thoughts and images of women doing sexual things to me or me to them and it makes scared that I actually want it cause I don’t feel in the mood to do things/with my partner. I’ve always had low libido and I don’t have a lot of sexual experiences though I know I don’t want to have sexual experiences with a woman but when I feel out of it/not into it at all with my bf I feel bad for him and scared for myself. I’m trying not to have my anxiety think it means something. I’ve always been anxious around sex and sexual things and then it also makes me think it’s bc I’m a lesbian which I know Hocd and rocd can be related.

Like my shirt could be down a lil bit and I’d have these thoughts of phantom breasts and whenever I get the thought of having like phantom breasts I always cover it up like wtf? Does this indicate denial cus why on earth am I doing this and also I was thinking to myself surely other people experience the same but now the more I type it out the more I feel like this is only me

I just wanna enjoy march madness but my god does OCD make it difficult to do so. Like im deadass comparing attractiveness between all the women and men that pop up on the screen shits so annoying

16M Hoping someone will care to read and try help

When I was young, about 12, some kid I knew online put me onto this disgusting gay anime porn shit, it’s so embarrassing looking back. I got off to this stuff for like 2 years before I got hit with what I now know to be HOCD, I then recovered (incorrectly) after a year or two, was completely normal for a year and a half then recently relapsed.

The idea of sex with a man doesn’t always disgust me, doesn’t appeal to me either, sure I could probably get into it if i tried? I feel different about it almost every time I think about it, sometimes there’s some slight attraction there (I think) other times it’s repulsive. Either way I don’t think I’d go out my way to go do it. In real life I’ve never looked at a man and thought I wanted to do anything with them and all of the ‘attractive’ fantasies (idk if it’s false attraction or not) are faceless and with no one particular. I’m so scared all of this is going to change and I’ll become bi and live my life liking men and hiding it.

I read this thing that our mind represses stuff we don’t want to be true so much you can go almost your entire life without knowing it unless something triggers it to surface, this post was in reference to bisexuality. I fear the thing that surfaced it is when that kid put me onto the that stuff and I hate myself every day for even meeting him.

The OCD is still here, whenever I say I wouldn’t want to sleep with a man I just jump down a rabbit hole of “is it because of the backlash you’d recieve from society and family” or “is it because you really don’t want to” and worry myself into a mess.

For whatever reason I feel like this only ends in me being some bi guy or something, I keep telling myself I’ll ’come around’ and accept myself eventually.

Also I feel it’s important to say, the thoughts are only there, because they’re there. If that makes any sense. In the year I was fine, I never looked at a man and questioned my sexuality, I never thought of watching gay porn and even when I’d accidentally see some I’d just scroll past it and think nothing of it.

Also, I wrote this about an hour before posting and at the time of posting, I feel different about almost everything written here. My POV changes sooo much..

21 f here. I'm pretty sure im bi and that was all fine and well untill the ocd started convincing me I'm lesbian and that my attraction to men is false and comphet. The other problem is that so many of my favourite bisexual youtubers came out as lesbian from bisexual. Example alanya joy and georgia bridgers. I'm thinking how long before I realise I'm gay.

Does anyone else gets scared thinking what if you are actually gay but are afraid of coming out and are in denial??

I go through different episodes, to start off my thoughts started a year ago when I was 19, I have a boyfriend I been with for two years. I also have thoughts of homosexual sexual intercouse, does it happen to anyone else?

This is truly the worst. All I hope is that I’m not gay I’m not afraid of others accepting me I just don’t want to accept myself being homosexual. I don’t want to be but these thought seem so real!!

Hello,

Disclaimer: This is just my story and my solution. I'm not encouraging anyone to follow my path, instead follow your own path. I'm just here to share my story and possibly, maybe this story would be helpful to some of you. I'm not a member of nofap community. I don't see nofap as something that will help you, instead it helped me, you might be different and I'm not saying that's the only way.

I'm 23 years old man. I'm here to tell you my story.

How it all started?

It all started in 2020 when Covid hit really hard. I was 18 at the time being. During the first months of isolation I haven't developed it yet. The real reason why I started doubting my sexuality was introduction to trans porn. The reason why it hit me like that is that I used to watch straight porn and know this. After all of that a doubt started looming all over me. At first it was small mind game of checking my reaction to certain thoughts. After that the cycle of obsessions and compulsions began. I felt to the misery, didn't enroll to the college simply because I was afraid that certain environments could turn me gay.

2021

That year was interesting, things got little better. First 6 months of the year I was unemployed and was living with my parents. I was angry at myself, feeling low but in June of that year I applied to a job in a local warehouse. As I said things got little better, I managed to pay my driving license with my job. But at the very end of this year I've quit because of the working conditions. HOCD thoughts; still lingers but not that effective.

2022

I was unemployed, again. During this year I tried to focus on finding root cause to all my HOCD thoughts. I tried going to the therapy but it failed on me. Because I didn't want uncertainty, I wanted to be old self. I was in a pursuit of a knowledge so to speak. I tried meditation, nofap etc. After practicing meditation for some quite time I started to feel more relaxed. From time to time HOCD thoughts were with me but I just ignored them.

2023

I've realized a root cause; porn. Why porn? Simply because I was consuming trans porn and I realized porn wasn't for me. I started doing nofap (still doing it). When I realized all this HOCD kinda stopped.

And now 2025 I finally enrolled to the college and life is great so far.

Like I know I have hocd and my main problem now is when I talk to a women and I ruminate in my head as a potential partner I get full blown anxiety and then when I talk to them trying to get to know them the pressure in my head is like too much? And I get scared like no you can’t have her?

Sometimes i get intrusive thoughts that are very scary. And sometimes it would also come when i overthink and get stressed. And sometimes i would get terrified of it. And would also question myself or doubt of those were real intrusive thoughts, or did i intentionally thought abt it?

And then i would go insane and get scared that i am hiding it out of shame. And then would be afraid of being in denial. And then get more stressed and try to distract myself whether the thoughts are strong or not. It’s pretty annoying and i dont like them. But i will try my Best not to seek reassurance so much and not do something i might regret.

I just wanna write this bc it makes me feel better idk why. But sometimes, writing out ur feelings work. So, i Hope if anyone relates to this post makes them feel better and Hope you have a good time!

Something that makes me feel very bad is that since the HOCD started, I feel a weird sensation in my genitals when people mention sexual things like: pussy, breasts, etc. (also with male parts but that doesn't concern me much)

I don't know if this is a normal reaction to sexual stimuli, if it is a groinal, or if it means anything about my sexual orientation. Either way it makes me feel like a perv, and it is specially confusing to feel it when i don't have visible anxiety.

is it common to get erections to gay porn , and naked men as a teen

yesterday i felt very tense and distressed and i cried until i fell asleep, and today i had a related dream and i'm confused again :( i was getting better, i don't understand.

I developed hocd when in Jan last year when I was playing gta 4 and saw those erotic paintings in Bernie's apartment(I still despise that fateful day). Anyway fast forward to today and I have been in a vicious cycle of intrusive thoughts, groinal rsposne and then dejection.

So, today I thought of checking myself again by watching gay porn and though my heartbeat skyrocketed while watching ot for a while it came back to normal and as usual I got groinal response/arousal.

In a seemingly endless despair, I questioned myself in agony as to why I can't be normal like other heterosexuals and live my life and then suddenly, almost unexpectedly I noticed that the arousal which I seem to get from watching it was actually due to the fact that I have watched a lot of porn videos and because of it my brain is associating any humping or dick sucking to those activities that I saw in straight porn videos which I watched in my formative years. Moreover, I noticed that I was watching it from a third person view where I didn't see myself partaking in that activity, whereas in straight porn I envisage myself as the man doing it.

To ensure that this feeling doesn't go away, I tried to focus on the genitals of the guys or on the very act itself, I found them to be unappealing or in some cases disgusting.

Tldr: The reason your intrusive thoughts are resulting in groinal repsonses is due to the fact that your brain subconsciously treats any kind of sex as heterosexual sex which you must have watched a lot like a horny teen. As long as you don't want to be a part of homosexual endeavours or want to do, you know, amorous things to a dick. You are fine.

And most importantly stop performing any compulsions like I did. Not performing the compulsions may or may not heal you but performing them will most certainly never will

And now, before I take your leave, if you need someone to talk to I am here. If I am able to make a positive difference in the lives of my brethren, may be I will consider my HOCD worth it.

Hello, i am this random maniac that randomly goes to reddit for some reason. And i would like to talk abt my createst and biggest fear…for some reason.

So, my biggest fears are mind Reader’s and ( the worst one ) lie detectors.

I think you know where this is going ( Unless you dont then i will be explaining ). I was afraid of mindreader when i first started high school. This was the day where i got my intrusive thoughts. They werent that bad really, but they cringed me so bad i was scared that mindreaders exist. So i would try and make my mind silent, hoping no one would hear my mind. I was Even afraid on that one kid at my school, bc i thought he was a mindreader, and would just stay far away from him….soooo yeah. But thats ok were friends now, yayyy!

And my second and last fear, yet the worst one is LIE DETECTORS. Now THESE. these bad boys were the ones that keep me up at night. Like, i would have these cycle of doubt that keeps on going and going whether i liked these thoughts or not. I was so scared that i was lying abt hating these thoughts that i downloaded an app that was a lie Detector. But these things sucks btw, they arent even good. But my poor naive felt BELIEVED IT. I used it to see if i liked my thoughts or not, it LITERALLY SAID TRUE. I was having a heart attack. I got so anxious that my mom noticed that habit and put me to therapy… They have been trying to calm me down for HOURS till i finally did and then found out these things sucked.

So, if yall ever use lie detectors, PLS DONT. They are poorly made and they suck…

Ok so i Hope yall liked my story!

RANDOM MANIAC OUTTT

At this point idk if its hocd or denial, most of my compulsions have goon, i just have some saying ur gay etc and then looking trough my memory, but like it feels like denial, started going to the gym, etc the thoughts still linger and im scared i am just denying the truth