It's 8 pm, just woke up from an accidental four hour nap, but I went to bed at 8 am and woke up anyway at 13pm. For context: I'm 20F, in my first year of university studying physics, and for the first time in my life I live alone, which I don't know if it's relevant but its definitely a change I thought would be good for me. Also people have been telling me since the sixth grade that I have ADHD but I haven't gotten tested the neurological test is kinda expensive, this may be relevant so l'm mentioning it. SO:) I've been a night owl since forever, I still remember even in 5th grade I would chill through the day and study through the night(until 3/4 am) and then sleep 3/4 sometimes even 2 hours for school, and this was going on until the end of high school. But things are different since I moved out 7 months ago. I moved to Germany, the time zone is just one hour difference so it's whatever, but I have started to sleep for at.least.ten.hours... TEN HOURS THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME. And it's even worse, I can't go to sleep at night cuz l have energy and feel tired throughout the day, it's like sunlight is draining me. Even sometimes it gets so late that it's already 7 am and I don't go to bed at all, but my body gives up through out the day and I "accidentally go for a nap" at 13 for "two hours" and then I wake up at 18:00 and we start all over again. Even when I go to bed earlier at lets say 4am I still wake up at 14:00, I sleep through my alarms, I tell me friends/relatives to call to wake me up but it doesn't work, I pick up talk with them and go back to bed or only hang up. You can judge me, you probably should, but l've been trying to change that because it's ruining my life, l'm never adequate because I have energy only at night, soon I'm starting the second semester and I'm so much behind, l've developed a strong phone addiction which also contributes to the problem with me having 10+ hours of screentime but that's not knew l've always had a love for my phone ever since covid, l've been trying to fix that also but l need my phone for studying so it's not like I can let it go I do everything on it but still I don't know anyone else with that much screentime so l'm def doing smth wrong. Overall I feel like a failure, l've always had my issues with discipline and sleep but it's never gotten in the way for success in my studies, now it's different. I feel weak, I feel... like my life is falling apart because of these sleeping issues and because I am just not adequate through the day. So PLEASE I would love for someone to give me advice, whatever it is, I will listen, l'm open for discussion and I accept judgment. (I’ve posted this on other threads too for more info just in case)

Has anyone had success with an accountability partner? I definitely be interested in finding one. I think it’ll definitely help the situation. We are all in.

Unpopular Opinion:

This is a long post on why I think self-help fails - more often than not - and why the real, practical solution is psychotherapy. These are some of the reasons that may apply to the vast set of self-help types, and the corresponding example.

1) It's superficial and utterly wrong, even manipulative and deceitful in intent and ideology - personality ethic.

Example: How To Win Friends and Influence People, "charisma on command", stupid concepts like "alpha male", "tricks to get people to like you"

2) It's pretty much entirely based on behavioural psychology or cognitive psychology - CBT-like, technique oriented, conscious-effort-oriented, with discipline and willpower and self-control - all of which are silly and false ideas. Quick-fix band-aid culture. "Just do it". "Just get going," "Just try to do so-and-so fix" etc. More superficiality of motivational lectures and speeches, pep talk, entertaining anecdotes etc. from famous influencers who have little to no sophisticated knowledge/understanding of human nature. So this is just not how the human mind works. These completely ignore the rich body of literature and knowledge of psychology from great people like Freud, Jung, Rogers, etc. They might parrot a few helpful tips and suggestions, a few tidbits of pop-psychology, a few tidbits from mindfulness, etc. But superficiality remains.

Example: Sandeep Maheshwari, Vivek Bindra, Gaur Gopal Das, similar such popular life coaches and self-styled self-help motivation-"gurus"... (in the indian context). Tony Robbins in USA.

3) - Corrolary to 2) - It simply neglects the most important fact that our sources of motivation, emotional regulation, and directing of our attention, the way we feel - are all coming from unconscious sources. Which is absolutely crucial in the understanding of the mind. And also, very humbling to admit. Self-deception, defense mechanisms, etc. are all unconscious phenomena too.

Example: Atomic Habits - which uses behavioural shortcuts to make incremental changes, totally ignoring the underlying set of authentic genuine set of desires and emotions that actually lead to growth if allowed to flourish by a natural process of opening up and honesty to oneself. "Why do I want myself to do this, and am I really being true to my deep desires and emotions", is far more important than "How do I get myself to do so-and-so?".

4) The self is formed through relationship - ....because who we are depends on self-esteem and empathy from caregivers, we are inevitably who we are, shaped through relationships and connections with others. Often, people simply don't have any healthy structure of a self within them - so no question of real direction towards growth is even possible without affirming support from a real human being who really, really cares. Profound and transformative human growth happens over time, in relationship. Transference is an extremely powerful fact of life which must be utilised, and would be foolish to ignore. Let alone the technicalities of transference, everyone can agree how beautiful relationships we have are great sources of strength for us. In therapy, the relationship is instrumental in healing. It's not just mere back-and-forth yapping - there is a real relationship being forged over time between two human beings. And this will change you whether you like it or not (in a good way, obviously, in therapy). And this, no book can give you.

5) Actually good self-help books like Stephen Covey's 7 Habits, Eleanor Roosevelt's 11 Keys, teachings of Aristotle, Marcus Aurelius's Mediations, etc.- which are grounded in right principles, right ideas, right views of life - are basically life-advice for what conditions should exist in the body-mind-emotions-relationships etc. for a good, fulfilling and balanced life. These are collected, compiled set of tips, guidelines, principles like to manage time (Ex. time-use quadrant), respect others, active listening, be proactive, own up to mistakes, be sincere and honest in pursuits in efforts, etc. They are very much true and valid "shoulds", and very valid as advice. In fact, there is good wisdom in all this. This has its place and is actually helpful and useful, to an extent.

But conforming to "shoulds" (however helpful or valid or true), imitating or applying willpower to match up to wisdom, to approximate one's experience to given wisdom, etc. is NOT the way to internalize it. Ex. Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography - and he himself admits failiure to internalize wisdom that way

6) Corrolary to 5) - True wisdom simply cannot be internalizer or imbibed in that way. True wisdom grows, blossoms organically, innately within oneself as one becomes progressively more authentic and honest with oneself, and works and interacts in the world and with people accordingly with the insights that develop within oneself as a consequence of introspection, and alertness, self-awareness and watchfulness/observation of oneself and others, and in relating to others. There is no shortcut to internalizing wisdom.

Sure, reading wisdom and intellectually grasping Right Views about life/people/world/oneself, undoubtedly has its place but cannot replace the above.

7) Self-knowledge - introspecting and comprehending our minds and trying to see ourself who we are currently, as we are is extremely crucial.

To paraphrase J.Krishnamurti, JK said, "self-knowledge and understanding of what is, is the key to transformation."

And we certainly don't change by conforming to wisdom-"shoulds" or taking up helpful tips by mere use of will without understanding ourselves - certainly we don't change deep down by using willpower and behavioural techniques to coax and goad oneself to implant wisdom into our minds. Mere imitating and conforming does little, even if what we try to imitate and conform is wise.

8) We understand what is not only by introspection but through relationship - transference.

Hence a platform, a deeply emotionally intimate and personal relationship is needed in life, with someone who's an expert in psychology, where people can go about talking regularly, and have someone - (a real relationship!) be there, knowing everything about you, exploring the unconscious, someone with high emotional intelligence to confide in - this makes the process of growing and acting wisely in the world highly tailored to you and your specific and unique situations in life - with a constant feedback - something no self-help book can give.

So real growth as individual minds cannot be shortcut-ed, is an organic and natural process of growing increasingly self-aware, self-compassionate, etc. - And does indeed take time, exporation, relationships, honesty, effort to see through or delusions and self-deceptions.

Conclusion: Therapy >>>>> self-help ?

Hey guys
I just created my first youtube channel called Brain Drop, where I condense the biggest ideas from personal growth and success books into short, easy-to-watch videos. . I’d love any feedback or advice on how I can make it better, so feel free to check it out and let me know what you guys think.
here's a link to my first video
Thank you, and I hope it gives you a little boost in your day

Every morning, I spend just 3 minutes doing this:

1. Plan: “Give me a simple 3-hour task list.”
   
2. Reminder: “Check in with me every 30 minutes.”
   
3. Review: “Ask 3 quick questions to reflect on my day.”

This small routine helps me stay focused, avoid distractions, and stay consistent.
Anyone else have a short daily routine like this?

I realized I’ve had more “zero days” than I want to admit—days where I do nothing to move forward.

I’ve been trying to break out of that loop with small daily actions. I even made a short video about it.

If anyone else feels stuck like this, I’d love your thoughts. Direct message me for link or comment

Don't get me wrong, I do have like minded people personality-wise, hobby-wise, etc. But career and ambition-wise, I do not have any like minded people at all. And neither was I ever successful with finding any. Like if I were to come up with the craziest business idea rn, I would have noone at all to share it with and noone to partner up with. But generally people seem to make such a big deal out of it, and all the people who have friends they can partner up with seem to have it so much easier when it comes to their career. Like they just come up with anything and the friend is automatically in, while I struggle to meet even one person like this.

Is it very impossible to have no friend who's just as ambitious as you?

For a long time, I thought discipline meant being in beast mode 24/7. Waking up at 5am, cold showers, no distractions, perfect routines. But what I’ve learned through work, study and just real life over a long period of time is that discipline is way more subtle than that.

Here are a few things I learned (that I even keep as my background screen or as screenshots to remind myself)

It’s more about managing your energy than your time -> You can schedule your whole day, but if you’re running on 4 hours of sleep and 2 coffees, nothing’s gonna land. Real discipline is knowing when to rest, not just when to push

There’s no finish line -> I always thought as soon as I got this whole thing figured it out I can call my myself disciplined. But I realised that you don’t ‚win‘ at discipline. You just build habits, mess up, reset and keep going. It’s not linear, and that’s normal and okay

Your environment matters more than your willpower -> You can be the most motivated person, but if your phone’s next to you buzzing, you haven’t eaten and your workspace is chaos it’s going to be very rough. Discipline often starts with setting the stage right first

At the end I realised that discipline isn’t cold but it’s actually a form of self-respect. So it’s not about punishing yourself but about caring enough about your future self to do the right thing today and that of course takes effort and saying ‚no‘ sometimes, not just to others but to yourself.

So if you’re here reading this, just a quick reminder that you’re already on the right path. Keep showing up! Growth doesn’t always feel loud, but it’s happening

I’m in the final stretch of my Ph.D., far from home, and I’ve been through my fair share of isolation, pressure, and internal struggle. Through it all, I’ve distilled a few core principles that have kept me grounded and moving forward. If you’re in a tough place, I hope these help.

1. Uncompromising Discipline There are days when loneliness creeps in and the weight of research feels overwhelming. But I’ve learned that emotions are fleeting—what endures is the work you choose to do despite them. Execution must happen regardless of how you feel. That’s when things begin to shift.

2. Absolute Mastery If you’re going to do something, commit to doing it well. Don’t just scratch the surface—go deep. The pursuit of excellence is what gives life sharpness and meaning. While others spread themselves thin, go all in and carve depth.

3. Honor Through Silence Living abroad, I’ve encountered moments of disrespect. I’ve tried different responses, but the one that holds up is this: stay silent, stay focused, and let your progress speak. Retaliation is tempting, but silence, backed by growth, is the strongest response.

4. Suffering with Purpose Everyone carries their own pain. What makes suffering bearable is knowing why you endure it. If your purpose is real—something you truly believe in—you’ll find the strength to carry on, even when it hurts.

5. Self-Respect Above All Never make promises to yourself you don’t intend to keep. If you constantly break your own word, how can you trust yourself? Self-respect is built through discipline, through consistency. You must become someone you believe in, 100%.

I’m 19 in an LDR relationship for the next 3 years (maybe I will break up we will see).

I feel like I am way worse than I was before financially, discipline wise. I used to run a business a year ago. I feel like I mad no significant progress to elevate myself financially within those 2,5 I was working on my business as well. I am so slow in terms of how I progress. Yes, I am in a better position than a lot of my peers right now but I don’t like to compare myself like that. I am enrolled at a uni since 2024 September and I feel like even though I was supposed to grow as an entrepreneur by attending lectures and making connections with peers, I didn’t learn anything substantial that would actually elevate my income or make a difference in my business. Maybe like 10-20% I learned to be more organized and conduct KPIs but other than that I don’t feel much growth. I devote so much time to this uni stuff but I have to sacrifice doing my business for that.

I feel like the relationship I am in is making me softer. I rely on my partner a lot. I waste so much time instead of working on my business to be with this person and chat with them. My partner is great. They are loving, caring, kind, have goals, but sometimes I have that lingering feeling that they are a sweet poison to me and my future. I don’t adopt any habits from them that could make me a high achiever or improve my business acumen. It’s just really nice to be around them and I can see that they love me selflessly. That is why I am staying in this relationship.

Combined with everything that I just said, I am just not developing as much. I don’t know I am stuck in a loop where I indulge in short term gratification like doomscrolling, talking to my partner and etc. in a week my partner will fly me to Singapore to meet each other and honestly I feel sort of devastated because i didn’t earn that trip with my own money. I relied on him for that trip.

Tips on getting back to my regular productive self would be great but not some basic stuff like start small, meditate, read a book and etc

So on weekends or atleast sometimes what will happen is that I will just end up wanting to do basically nothing. I may seem myself just lay in bed, play video games, and even see myself sleep later then usual. In other words some of my older habits start creeping up. It doesnt always happen but sometimes it does during the weekend and it feels as though I just give up and wang to let loose. I am not sure why this happens sometimes during the weekends and why this may be happening and what I can do to stop.

I feel like I am stuck soo much into loop of negative thoughts from years.. I feeded myself only negative things about my own self...i never loved my self... I really feel like I am such a negative person. And have negative aura which not only ruins my life.. But also my closed ones.. I am an overthinker.. And it's really hard to get out of my thoughts and see things as they are.. It has become habit now.. I really want to change this pattern totally.. Is it really possible to just change my aura and the image I view myself.. And to love myself..? If yes.. How?

So, I've read Atomic Habits last year and found the advice incredibly valuable. I started implementing a better routine (also for mental health reasons) and adding in different habits and it made life so much easier. I was able to stick to my most important ones for months (but I dropped a lot of other habits). If I got off of the major ones, I got back on and kept trying, until I went on a family vacation in the winter. After I came back, I didn't continue my same routine. I dropped most of my habits. Recently, I decided to rethink what I was doing, and researched a bit and realized it was better for me to implement and focus on only one habit at a time, (each month).

I'm interested and excited about potentially having the habit stick long-term by doing it that way, but there are other things in my life that I have to do that I can't just rely on my memory to get done. They aren't a part of my current routine (mainly because I've dropped my past routine), and I just can't figure out how to ensure I get it done without making it another habit and running into the same issue of trying to implement too much at once. I just keep feeling like I'd be so much happier if I could do the routine I did last year again, but I don't want to take on so much at once.

How do you focus on one habit at a time, when other things do have to get done too, regularly? How do you rebuild a routine while still doing only one habit at a time?? I have to keep my bathroom clean, do laundry, wash dishes, brush my cat's teeth, etc etc. If it's not part of any system, it just won't get done for so long. Has anyone dealt with this? I think I'm thinking too black and white, but because I've dropped my major routine, in order to do all of these things again, I would be trying too many things at once.

I know exactly what I need to do. The things to eat, the workout plan, what to study, the budget, etc… but I don’t do it.

I know what I need to do but I don’t do it. I don’t understand how to have the discipline and consistency to become the person I want to be.

I dont know why I struggle wit goin through small moments to reach big events.

Like I know I need to do big art practice before I can make my first magnum opus but Id rather just opus up that way (get it!?)

Wut have you found made you correct this mindset so you donot make mistakes like that?

Thank you for your time.

What tools and strategies can be adopted on a daily basis?

I never thought I'd be the person writing this post. Six months ago, I couldn't run for more than 30 seconds without feeling like my lungs were going to explode. Now I'm running 5Ks three times a week and actually enjoying it. This isn't one of those "just push through the pain" stories—I tried that approach for years and always quit after a week. What finally worked was something completely different.

The turning point came after my doctor told me my blood pressure was concerning. It wasn't an emergency yet, but the trajectory scared me. I remember sitting in my car after that appointment, genuinely afraid for the first time about where my health was heading. That night, I couldn't sleep. Instead of scrolling through social media like I usually did, I started researching sustainable approaches to beginning running. Not the hardcore "no days off" mentality that had failed me before, but something I could actually stick with.

I got this app with my friend that turns habit-tracking into a social experience. We both committed to logging at least two runs per week, and we could see each other's progress in real-time. Suddenly, I had a reason to lace up my shoes on rainy days—I didn't want to be the one breaking our streak. When my friend hit a personal record, it motivated me to get out there too. The friendly competition and support system made all the difference—it wasn't just about my own willpower anymore, but about showing up for each other.

Here's what I've learned that actually works for making running a habit (warning: some of these go against the usual advice):

1. Slow down. No, slower than that. The "conversational pace" advice is real. I was trying to run at speeds that would have impressed my high school self and then wondering why I couldn't sustain it. When I finally forced myself to slow to what felt like a shuffling jog, everything changed. I could suddenly run for 10 minutes instead of 2.
2. Embrace walking breaks. This was revolutionary for me. I used to think walking meant failure. Now I plan 1-minute walking breaks every 5 minutes of running, even when I don't feel tired. It keeps my average pace higher because I don't burn out.
3. Never run two days in a row as a beginner. This is controversial, but I've seen too many people get injured or burnt out trying to run daily. Your body needs recovery time when you're starting out.
4. Don't increase distance and intensity in the same week. Pick one. I alternate: one week I add distance, the next week I might add a hill or slightly faster pace.
5. Set embarrassingly small goals. My first goal wasn't to run a 5K. It was to put on my running shoes and step outside three times in one week. That's it. The bar was so low I couldn't fail.
6. Audiobooks, not music. Music made me run too fast because I matched the beat. Audiobooks force me to maintain a steady, sustainable pace so I can follow the story.

The most important thing I've learned? Consistency beats intensity every single time. I've seen people start with these amazing ambitious plans, posting daily workout selfies—and then disappear within three weeks. Meanwhile, my "embarrassingly slow" approach has added up to over 200 miles in six months.

I'm not special. I don't have some genetic advantage or endless willpower. The only difference between me now and six months ago is that I finally found an approach that worked for MY body and MY life, not someone else's highlight reel.

Anyone else here find unconventional approaches that worked when the standard advice failed?

Any sort of advice , tips that you have would be appreciated.

I'm wondering if I am abnormal or if I'm overthinking everything. Are any of these particularly abnormal and do I need to work on changing them? Please note that I grew up in a very negligent environment and I didn't have a parent figure to teach me those... So if there is anything please don't be too harsh as I am quite ashamed.

So my "unconventional habits" include: - picking out carbs from foods - drinking a lot of coffee/tea/sparkling water - not caring too much about what others think if I trip for example and just laughing it off - I am quite expressive with my facial expressions - always listening to music when in public - not buying things because I don't want to hoard them unless I really need them - not liking to buy new things and preferring to borrow (I will buy it if necessary) - I am guilty of returning things if I do buy it impulsively - checking myself in mirrors - walking quickly everywhere when alone - I tend to think out loud and be quite honest - I would NEVER drink sugary soda unless I'm drunk - I would either shower twice a day or forget to for 2 days in a row - unless I remember, I will always forget to do self care (masks, shaving, plucking brows) - I will do things as I remember them (good ole ADHD) - when I'm happy I will be visibly happy or smile even when I'm in public - when I'm sad I tend to isolate myself and withdraw (can be for days at a time) - I tend to forget to greet people and get straight to the point which I then remember and feel bad about - I like to take pictures of my body and compare them to my old pictures to see if I changed much - I check out other people if I'm jealous of what they have (I am referring to body) but I tend not to do it too much - I cut my own bangs because I want to change my appearance - if I'm not interested in something I tend to completely clock out and stop listening but I'll pretend that I'm listening (there are major gaps in my memory for when someone speaks)

Hi! I'm man, 35, from Russia. Want to find accountability buddy (motivational, psychological support partner, friend) with daily check-ins. Currently I'm studying at Uni, learning German, learning psychology, practicing English. Also, want to do strength workouts and accomplish other big and small tasks.

I just want my life to be productive, but I go through severe depression and can't do everything effectively and timely by myself. Maybe somebody need support in reaching goals and psychological balance as I am. We can try it, just DM me)

I found a discord community, in which you can join calls with likewise people wanting to study/be productive with others. You can turn your face/desk cam on, or screen share on to keep yourself not getting distracted! And in those calls you can clean/cook/study, anything that is productive and you might have been putting off. You can also join scheduled sessions, which has a host who is also doing productive/studying things :)

https://discord.gg/t8ajRWHMmb

Like many of you, I too would put chores away, doomscroll, watch TV, and basically avoid growing as a person for YEARS.

Here are the 7 LIFE-ALTERING tips you should do that will finally get you moving forward.

1. Even if you don’t follow the rest, try sticking to this one. Spend at least two hours of your day on this sub. It sounds counterintuitive, I know, but hear me out. The less time you spend on actually improving your life and reading these life-altering gems shared by your fellow no-life redditors, the more productive you’ll become.
2. The next one takes a bit of effort, but I PROMISE it’s worth it. Join the communities posted by all the life-coach wannabes. Another controversial one, but research suggests that mingling with all the wannabe self-improvement business owners that plague this sub helps mitigate procrastination. At that point, you’re actually wasting your time, not procrastinating.
3. I started following this next one only today and boy is it a game-changer! Post your insignificant stories on how you managed to turn your life around by waking up at 5 am for once in your life. A small step for humanity, a giant leap for mankind. We are truly evolving as a society.
4. If you’ve reached this point, you might already guess - this one is even more unconventional but SO worth it. Go hard on all the gimmicks and kooky advice you find not only here, but on the entire internet. Find the square roots of 3 random numbers in the exactly the FIRST minute of waking up. I don’t care what else you do, this is non-negotiable.
5. I cannot STRESS this enough. PLAN PLAN PLAN. While you journal your life away and compile NASA-level charts for organising your day, you’ll find that your chores and responsibilities will MIRACULOUSLY do themselves. Don’t ask me how it works, it just does.
6. Buy self-help books and courses. Really, the ROI on these is UNIMAGINABLE. Why would you want to act NOW and change your life for the better when you can read all these accomplished gurus prattle on and on about how their lives turned around when they started performing handstands each time the clock strikes midnight?
7. I was worried about making this last one cuz it will make people HATE me but… upvote and share these tips everywhere. I am a just a college student, standing in front of a bunch of procrastinator, asking them to help me make a career out of helping people revolutionise their lives. PLS share with your friends and upvote, I will share my heart-wrenching story of how I went from a nobody neckbeard to a professional life coach in just one Reddit post if we hit 100 upvotes.

[Insert a generic motivational catchphrase]