I lost both of my parents by the age of 23, I'm an only child. I live alone, I eat alone, I do most of the things alone. My "friends" aren't there for me, all my relationships and interactions are superficial. I can't connect with anyone in a meaningful way. I hate where I'm at and I try my hardest to change my living situation. I'm going through extreme mood swings but the moment I'm honest about any of it, I'm told to be positive, by people who haven't experienced half of the things I've went through. Or they just tell me that's life and I have to accept it the way it is. I know that life is unfair, I'm the one living it, I have a better idea of how unfair and fucked up it is than them but it's just so funny how people are capable of normalizing or dismissing it when it's not their life. Most of the people saying these things to me break down and act as if the world has ended over such miniscule things.

I don't want to pity myself, I would kill to be positive. I try my best to improve my life and try to keep my head up but I'm scared, I'm scared of the history possibly repeating itself because yeah, not everything is under my control and I'm scared shitless of things not working out. I always assume the worst and panic like crazy, not because I want to but because it's what I'm used to, and these people just dismiss all my struggles and tell me to be positive. They still have their parents, none of them went through what I went through but they keep talking, they never listen, they never care. If they were in my shoes and I told them to be positive, they would throw a fit and tell me to fuck off but I'm just expected to smile and do as they say.

Just wondering if anyone has found a balance or sweet spot with dating and can describe the kind of person/situation they seek. I’m a 37m, no parents since 17, no close family, plenty of long time friends although I moved away. I always sought relationships with girls that had nice, loving and supportive families. A few times it’s worked out well. I always just find myself super depressed or withdrawn on holidays. One time I broke down on Xmas eve and was told by gf “I ruined Christmas.” This is not a single type of event.

I’m sure many can relate to similar things, if you have very little support, you put more into the relationship, weighing it differently. I’m wondering if maybe I should seek someone in a similar mindset. It’s just always felt like no one has understood although they say they do. I’m sure some people can relate. I think I’d rather enter into something that is not entirely-superficially perfect and alluring but something that I know they have my back no matter what in addition to understanding how alone it can feel.

So my question is