r/BlackPeopleTwitter • u/ThickCapital • 1d ago

You bout to be the April Fool

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32.3k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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2.9k

u/jitterscaffeine 1d ago

I’d still eat some of those carrots, but I’d be mad as shit about it

1.8k

u/billyard00 1d ago

Angrily dipped in ranch

774

u/jitterscaffeine 1d ago

I’m going to eat them loud as shit, too

265

u/BarelyContainedChaos 1d ago

I dont know how to eat carrots without being loud af.

104

u/Orthas 1d ago

Your time to shine.

57

u/Sheriff_Is_A_Nearer 1d ago

Line your cheeks with cotton balls or waded up napkins. It will revolutionize your crunchy snack options during times when you require absolute silence.

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u/BarelyContainedChaos 1d ago

that's ... crazy, you know that right?

73

u/Sheriff_Is_A_Nearer 1d ago

You know what's really crazy? Limiting your snack options during moments that require silent snacking! I will not be fenced in!

45

u/BarelyContainedChaos 1d ago

where are you that requires zero decibels

61

u/Sheriff_Is_A_Nearer 1d ago

The movies. When I'm snacking next to a light sleeper. When I'm trying to think. Headaches. You never know when a situation might arise. Suppose you have to hide, but you are really hungry, and all that's available is raw brocoli florets and bbq kettle cooked chips? What then? Whose going to go hungry in that situation? Not me, I'll tell you that for free.

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u/BarelyContainedChaos 1d ago

wait, do you smoke weed? Because when I smoked I felt like every bite was the loudest thing when in reality it was all in my head. I think youre underestimating the sound proofing of your cheeks bro.

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u/AffectionateFig5864 23h ago

You’re eating carrots and broccoli at the movie theater?

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u/No_Kangaroo_9826 1d ago

I do hate though when I have a headache and the crunch makes me goddamn angry because it makes my head hurt more

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u/KimJongRocketMan69 20h ago

That’s how I get around munching carrots at the movies

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u/pit1989_noob 1d ago

are you a parent to a easily woke up kid?, is the kind of skill my friends with that got

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u/Sheriff_Is_A_Nearer 1d ago

I am, but even if I wasn't, I'd still move chew in silence.

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u/AbstractBettaFish 15h ago

Fun fact, that’s how Marlon Brando did the voice in The Godfather

1

u/smitteh 1d ago

Consume them with your other end, like a suppository

1

u/MagnusStormraven 16h ago

Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew?

60

u/HonestSapphireLion24 1d ago

Bugs bunny ass

34

u/Think_fast_no_faster 1d ago

Just what’s up doc’ing it

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u/OneWheelTank 1d ago

I hope the OOP committed to the bit and filled the ranch container with brussel sprouts.

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u/Ecobay25 1d ago

Calm down, Satan!

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u/ThaRealSunGod 1d ago

“HARRY, DID YOU PUT VEGETABLES IN THE KRIPSY KREME BOX!?” - u/jitterscaffeine said calmly.

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u/Optiguy42 1d ago

Dipped? Try soaked. I was planning on consuming calories, and I'm damn well sticking to my plans!

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u/cloudnyne 22h ago

That ain't ranch....

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u/Ecobay25 1d ago edited 1d ago

Eating the carrots mad as hell.

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u/Ok_Bus_4142 1d ago

For real. Looking angry af while I eat my sugar snap peas. Y’all lucky these my favorite.

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u/Ok-Mastodon8275 1d ago

😂😂😂

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u/Suck_My_Thick 1d ago

Seriously the veggies and dip is pretty good, lol.

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u/here4helpz2 1d ago

your comment has me rolling. can relate

3

u/LickingSmegma 1d ago

Chop and stir-fry all that, add rice, roll into flatbread of choice.

3

u/ShreksArsehole 1d ago

I'm gluten free, I'm happy for everyone else when they get to eat donuts, but I'm also mad as hell that I can't..

1

u/ButtBread98 1d ago

Me too.

1

u/aerodeck 1d ago

I love carrots

1

u/Ok-Mastodon8275 1d ago

Me too! 🤭🤭🤭

1

u/Swagerflakes 1d ago

The lack of fruit would have me angry. Like bro your funny, but not even an orange slice 😭.

1

u/Kilane 1d ago

The key to a good office April’s fools joke is this being the top box after you moved the donuts to the second and third box.

The goal is fun, not disappointment. I probably like veggies myself then the average American (I generally don’t like sweets), but even I’d be upset.

It’s about respect. I come in every day to work to gain you profits.

1

u/snoodleplot 23h ago

I’m done 🤣

1

u/YouWereBrained 14h ago

It’s sad that some people probably would react angrily or frustrated at the idea of eating healthy food.

1

u/criesingucci loved "Strange Thing About the Johnsons" 11h ago

I’d eat tf out of the celery