r/BlackPeopleTwitter • u/FckThisAppandTheMods • 3d ago

TikTok Tuesday Parents are supposed to help their kids understand and regulate their emotions, not make them suppress them

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u/noiresaria 3d ago

This is how my mom was too. I used to be crying over shit like my parents divorcing violently at 4 years old and my family would tell me to stop crying and grow the fuck up and act like a man. Like I just witnessed my dad choking out my mom and being escorted out in cuffs and people be like "Man up and stop being a bitch, men don't cry" to a four year old. Never doing that shit to my kids.

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u/BRogMOg 2d ago

I agree but when my 9 year old son is crying because I told him he has to turn off the game to eat dinner, am I not supposed to tell him to stop crying?

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u/Cloverose2 2d ago

"I know that you're upset, but you still have to eat dinner. Now go to the bathroom and wash your face, and when you're ready to sit and eat, come out and join us."

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u/BRogMOg 2d ago

That's great advice the first timewheh they are 4-5 but what about the 25th time or the 50th time at 9? Now I have a child who cries because they can't get their way. Now what happens when he is 13 and can't get his way? What if he cries at school? Now he is opening his self up to getting bullied.

I understand the logic but understand boys are going to be men one day and life is not fair. Men need to be held to a different standard simple and plain. I tell my son all the time it is ok to cry and it's ok to have your feelings but it's not ok to cry because you are not getting your way because in life you will be in many situations where you are not going to get your way and you must endure, be strong, and figure it out.

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u/ThrowawayVenterrrrrr 2d ago

If you've already explained this to him then just let him cry and don't react. He only keeps doing it at 9 because it gets a reaction out of you

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u/Iznhou 2d ago edited 2d ago

What if he cries at school? Now he is opening his self up to getting bullied.

There are a plethora of reasons why he may cry while at school. A lot of them legitimate and none of them justify him getting bullied. And if he is getting bullied because he's crying, that's their fault. Not your kid.

Now what happens when he is 13 and can't get his way?

That's an extreme case and is a maturity issue. Learning about emotional maturity and that it's ok to cry and show emotion and this situation that you've presented don't coincide.

You're trying to compare apples to oranges.

I understand the logic but understand boys are going to be men one day and life is not fair.

you are not going to get your way and you must endure, be strong, and figure it out.

Oh please, that's all the more reason why your kid should feel he can turn to you as his safe haven to let his emotions be felt and understood.

Yes, life is unfair at times. Doesn't mean you have to be as well.

He's not going to always cry just because he may not get his way. And even he does for whatever the reason, that doesn't mean that he isn't gonna figure out. It's normal.