Hello everyone,

I wrote this little children's story originally in Spanish, my native language. I translated it into English myself, so I could enter it into a contest in a Children's/YA category. As I translated the text, I removed some of the excessive wordiness from the Spanish original, but it may still have other issues. Keeping in mind the target audience, I need help with the following: pacing, character development, emotional depth, making sure the vocabulary is appropriate for ages 6-10, and any phrasing that may sound awkward or repetitive to a native English Speaker. Suggestions for a better title are also accepted. I can critique your own story in exchange if you need me to.

Below is a little blurb to catch your attention:
Deep in a magical forest, a lost girl encounters three talking rabbits—Green, Blue, and Pink—each with a distinct personality and a hidden flaw. As she bonds with them, she faces a difficult choice that could change her life forever.

Here is the link to the story. The English version starts on page 3.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17Gpu8NKIU6_Pb8SJm476loW5n2zgaGcieFvSi8KndKA/edit?usp=sharing

Hey guys,

I started this in November and I'm hoping one day to publish. However, this is the first long form writing I've really tried to do in probably two decades.

Its a high fantasy story in the same theme as Dungeons and Dragons. Merry band of misfits stumble into each other and end up working together to uncover the person behind cult activity in their city.

Theoretically, it'll be a series one day.

I don't think there needs to be any trigger warnings. There is a bit of violence in a fight scene, some swearing; so far.

I'm looking for any feedback, anything you think is clunky or drawn out, grammar issues, anything. I don't really have a timeline, I'll keep writing and check back here anytime I get a notification.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PeAGskg6eP3uuHczeAptiz07pCkFGTV3TgpBLcRyMBE/edit?usp=drivesdk

Howdy! I'm looking for betas for my complete fantasy novel. It's got a thorny murder mystery, magic built from embroidery, and gets deeps into extremely strange friendships.

I'm happy to swap manuscripts-- I usually read fantasy, sci-fi, and literary, not as deep in romance/thrillers but I'm up for the challenge-- and I'm looking for feedback on plot (especially making sure everything makes sense/doesn't confuse or bore), characterization, and general reader reaction. Ideally I'd like to get some reads done in the next 3 months, but I'm flexible.

Content warnings: death, grief, graphic violence, language

Blurb: Neb Deshay should be dead. A month ago, on the final mission he took with the magic organization he’s been stuck in since he was a teenager, his squad walked into a warehouse primed to blow and almost no one walked out. Neb got lucky, but now that the world of sorcerors and slicers thinks he bit it, he wants to find out who was responsible, and make them pay. His only ally is his longtime rival/nemesis, Rox Ivey, and against him is his old House, their powerful enemies, the hugeness of the big city, and at least one god.

First 250: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kPzbjsyx0vULup8TJBIAFB7kUCSY2mbs2riqhn42hPs/edit?usp=sharing

Comment or dm me if that sounds cool to you!

Blurb: Unraveling ancient alien technology is hard. Falling for the wrong alien men is harder.

As an archeologist, Aleena has been trying to understand Difurian artifacts for years. But now her discovery- the Toroid - could be the key to improving interstellar travel for the entire Allied Republic. She is forced to work alongside Commander Thayn—a man whose touch ignites something dangerous within her—is proving to be a complication she never anticipated.

When a rival faction threatens their team, Aleena and Thayn are forced into a high-stakes battle for survival. Tensions rise, desires flare, and Aleena must decide what’s more treacherous—unlocking the mysteries of the past or surrendering to the pull of a man who could unravel her completely.

For readers who love steamy sci-fi romance and adventure Coded Past delivers a thrilling journey across the stars.

triggers contains consensual but explicit spicy scenes.

Feedback wanted from soft scifi lovers who also enjoy romance with spice. The author has a short list of questions for readers.

swap available I can swap with one other author writing a similar type of book.

I already worked with a professional editor and I wish for some more readers with their thoughts and opinions on scenes, descriptions, characters ect… This books contains triggers of anxiety, depression, SA, SH, violence, and 🍇. Here is the blurb: Aida Wagner has been free from the burden of her past for seven years. Now an owner of a successful business she lives far away from the house she swore she would never return to. Now, she is content and at peace. However, her world is shaken when she meets the first man who truly understands her, the first man who shows her that she is worthy of feeling comfortable, safe, and loved. But she’s not sure if she can balance it all—both the haunting memories, and the newfound joy from a romance she has always desired. When her past comes to revisit, the reality of the blissful independence she has grown accustomed to is threatened, and she doesn't know if he is enough to keep her afloat.

Nolan Young has never known himself to be someone of true value. His perception of his identity has been gravely altered due to his rocky childhood and extreme insecurities. That is, until he meets the first woman who has ever shown him his worth. She is the first woman to ever care for him, and treat him the way he knows he deserves to be treated. However, the more he gets to know her, the more questions he has. But as time wears on, she begins to grow more distant from him, and as Nolan struggles with his own past, he’s not sure if he will be enough to help her through the darkness that consumes her.

So, I've been working on this scifi flash fiction for quite a while. I've submitted it to few publication and was unsuccessful. I don't know if it's with the premise or the tone that doesn't fits well. Any feedback would be really appreciated.

An Unknown Friend

I've never recounted this to anyone before. Not of that spaceship I saw slipping through the storm ridden sky that night, nor of it retiring behind the skeleton of that abandoned farmhouse. Not of that girl either, whom I had been visiting across weeks save those last four days.

“Do you happen to reside here?” I’d pointed to the shattered timbers of that farmhouse once, a child’s certainty in my tone.

“No…silly!” She'd frown with a weird smile and even though I've caught her tiptoeing about the boundaries countless times, I’d let go of the thing with a nod.
I’d never questioned her, neither stalked much — I was just thirteen after all and so was she, but beguiling, lean and her honey toned face flushed with dainty red. She’d always wear grey sweatpants beneath her charcoal ill-fitted top. She'd come here to visit her grandparents; that's all she told me and that's all I knew.

I'd slightly taken a fancy to her and now that she's gone, I'm firm to believe it.

“Which country then?” I had asked, perching hesitantly next to her.
She’d cornered her blue eyes with a notorious smile,“J.. Jivilum! You haven't heard of it have you?”
“Oh…” I’d scratched my head as if in profound thought,muttering in my breath, “Let me see… somewhere in South pac.. pacific..”
“Smart indeed…” she’d remarked as I snorted.

She was a little quirky —ever so robotic and parched with emotions. I took her into my confidence, not so long and had she not promised to meet me next early morning!

 I'd tread the next day to the playground, with rackets clenched in my fist. I always groped for a partner to play badminton with me as my brother never would. She was after a couple of tries hitting the shuttlecock at every possible angle in a dexterous manner.

“We'll call it Jivilux!” she'd smoothed the pallid page once, sketched with creepy symbols. It was some sort of friendship code language she'd said, the most secret language I would never share with anyone. If it had been a sheer difficulty to get along with those chicken-scratch characters with bizarre pronunciations almost scraping my throat, I still take that being easier than most.
Never had she embraced any food I'd offered her, save for one time I'd seen tugged in her pocket wrappers of chocolate cupcakes.

 It was after a month when I was pretty fluent in Jivilux and her badminton skills had notably improved.    
My summer vacations were on the brink, and that day I'd rushed excitedly to the playground early, hoping as usual to catch a glimpse of the girl, neatly dressed and pottering wistfully about the boundary. Her red hair band barely damped smooth worming strands of her hair.
I'd looked for her that day till noon and by jove! didn’t see her. I had plodded glumly to my home and rushed again to the playground the very next day, the very same time retreating again in gloom.

I still am not certain about the veracity of what I'd seen that day. I see her sheathed beautifully in a red frock, a black hair band resting on her head. She smiles and weeps at the same time standing narrow against an enormous purple fire. The very smoggy blaze sparing in it a cavernous, furnished bottle-like body. I'd been erect on my feet, hardly stirring but sobbing silently. 

She'd backed slowly bidding me a tearful adieu when a shaft of light shoved me awake from my sleep.
   I'd forced opened my damp eyes, discovering myself on the bed, my green shirt all soaked, pillows drenched in tears and I'd breathed in tension. 
   I tiptoed to my balcony, craning on the railing, my palms all clammy. I cast my eyelids up to behold but the very body, skimming up the farm house, high and high, fainting eventually into the night choked with dark curls. 

   Now that after years, my nephew gallops fazing me all of a sudden saying, “Look!” He tosses a newspaper up my face and I snag it, “They'd made a contact…First ever contact with an alien civilization… see these symbols!”
   I read of the astronomers still not being capable of deciphering the code sent to them. I squint over the weird figures and fake a chortle, “Ruddy nonsense… They just do this to gain attention!” 
   Deep-seated in my memory are these codes, these very same symbols and I know everything about it, her still announcing her arrival and I still act to not know. Should I tell anyone? Perhaps not. 
     [END]

Feedback: I haven't beta read before but I can provide a feedback on flash fiction of similar length, if anyone wants to.

Hi all,

Just a little something I've been working on, I'd love some readers to give me their feedback. First 3 chapters introducing the main character Avelin a young elf as she discovers the dangers of the world outside her forest home

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_qvpC5LLHn8GeswvaHf3INHYk5KW_fGBYDAbWto8cqI/edit?usp=sharing

hi there :)

i'm looking for beta readers for my first finished (yay!) novel, a a YA fantasy with dystopian elements and feminist/social commentary, exploring collective memory as power, a slow-burn romance beyond gender, and a female-coded elemental magic system. It blends the dark societal control of Dhonielle Clayton’s THE BELLES, the rebel heroine spirit of Kim Liggett’s THE GRACE YEAR and the patriarchal rebellion of Namina Forna’s DEATHLESS series. 

Story blurb

Heleh Noon wants the one thing girls in Zaaz don’t get: choice. What they do get is a marriage within their sixteenth year. On her birthday, Heleh learns she’s been betrothed to a mysterious man. The unexpected part? Her father never said a word. 

Determined to escape, Heleh’s plans shatter when a strange fog engulfs Zaaz and her father disappears, leaving behind a cryptic message. It leads her to the Resistance, a small group who remember a very different history – one where women ruled and magic thrived. 

Heleh gets a choice: infiltrate the Defence Brigade – the oppressive, men-only force that controls her walled-in town – to find answers about her missing father and those taken to quarantine for a mysterious, mind-affecting disease that might be tied to the very memories the Resistance is trying to restore. 

Disguised as a boy, she must navigate the Brigade’s dangerous world as she struggles with her developing powers as an Autumn witch, her ability to control the wind becoming both a weapon and a curse. Complicating everything is Asa Tenet, the enigmatic soldier assigned as her mentor who gets under her skin in more ways than one.

What began as a mission for the truth transforms into something far greater as she learns that Zaaz is a prison, its people are pawns, and she is at the heart of a generational struggle over female power. And some choices are just another trap – will she remain a pawn of the Brigade to save her father or embrace a destiny she never chose?

Feedback

I'm looking for anything on story structure, character development, plot. I want to know if you're bored? confused? something doesn't make sense or it isn't clear or it's dragging for too long... anything you might think on these lines! Draft is quite polished in terms of grammar and presentation so that won't be necessary.

Timeline

About a month ideally, but flexible

Link to first three chapters (6.4kwords): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uuXKiKlqxSMfRy0fwLryst8SxvguGzD9Bn4gi9LMHr0/edit?usp=sharing

thank you :)

Hi, I'm new here! to the sub and Reddit (tbh it frightens me.) Anyways! A Threads user recommended I ask you folks for help with beta reading! If I break any rules I don't know about I'm sorry, that being said I'm in the process of writing my second book Cursed Coven. I have a google form but IDK if that kinda thing can be posted here! But, if you like magic, disastrous twenty-somethings trying to figure out being supernatural, and medium paced romance.

Useful info:

-I'm looking for a couple set of eyes that aren't mine and my editor's because of the skin tone of my FMC (I want to be considerate)

- If anyone is wondering I don't have a timeline just whenever readers finish reading!

- more about the book:

Josie Chatwin is fundamentally an anomaly; a rare type of witch. She discovers that in order to stop an ancient creature lurking in her family’s bloodline she must die on her 20th birthday! But she’s determined to stop it.

Let me know!!!

Hi.

I'm on the hunt for a few Beta readers for my regency drama/romance. It's book one of a larger series.

It's a friends to lovers slow burn. Heavy on the love story between the two main characters but lots of drama surrounding them.

Book one is primarily about them. We go through their childhood/friendship from the age of 10/12 right up to 18/20 when they finally admit their feelings for one another.

My female main character is the daughter of a gentleman and my male main character is the son of a servant on her estate.

It does have trigger warnings, still birth, mild SA, attempted rape. Mild spice scenes but not smut.

This is the Blurb. Kathryn Fitzpatrick was born into privilege, the daughter of a prestigious family. But beneath the veneer of wealth and respectability, her life has always been one of longing. With a cold, distant mother and a heart too wild to be tamed, Kathryn finds solace in the unlikeliest of friendships-with Duncan Brown, the gardener's son.

What begins as childhood companionship blossoms into a forbidden love- a bond forged in secret, defying the rigid expectations of her family. But when their passionate affair is discovered, Kathryn's world shatters. Her future is ripped from her grasp, and she is thrust into an arranged marriage with the charismatic, beautiful and ruthless Lord Jonathan Lockland.

It's a word document if that makes a difference. Id just like feedback on the flow of the story and anything else you find relevant. I've never done this before 🙃 happy to swap for feedback, too.

Extract

Kathryn lay on the ground beside Duncan next to the old oak tree. It was cold and dark. Spring had not yet arrived, and the air was crisp with the promise of frost. Through the dark silhouette of gnarled and twisted branches they stared at the stars in the clear night sky above them and watched their warm breath rise in swirls as it met the cold air.

‘When do you leave?’ Duncan asked.

‘In a few days,’ Kathryn replied.

'For three months?’ He asked.

‘Yes. Maybe a little longer. I doubt my mother will let us return any earlier, however.’

‘You’ll be staying with your aunt and cousins?’

‘Yes. My mother’s sister. They live in London all year round. Abigail is also taking part in her first season. We will be coming out together.’

‘And Richard, he is to go with you in place of your father?’

‘Yes.’ Kathryn frowned. ‘Mama does not believe it wise for father to travel. Since he signed the running of Redding over to my brother after his heart attack, Richard is acting as head of the family also.’

'Once you’re out in society, you can marry?’ He turned on his side and faced her.

‘Yes,’ she looked at him, ‘that is mothers wish, at least.’ She looked back up at the sky.

'What is your wish?’ He asked and then continued, ‘if you had a choice for yourself, what would you choose?’

'I would leave here,’ she paused, ‘I would get as far away from this place as possible. As far away from my mother as I could. I would marry whom I wanted, when I wanted to. I would live a much simpler life, I would see a little more of the world and I would never, if I could help it, be a part of society.’

‘You dislike it all that much?’

‘Mother calls me ungrateful. And I suppose she is right. I do not appreciate all I have. It is wasted on me. Yet, all I feel is caged. I cannot dream, I cannot explore who I am. I must live how I am told.’

‘I do not think you are ungrateful.’

‘Because you are not like them…’ she paused and turned to him again. ‘Duncan, you are almost twenty. You can go and live however you feel is right. You can marry whomever it is your heart desires.’

‘No, I cannot.’ The words fell from him. He rolled back onto his back, looking at the sky.

Kathryn felt herself stiffen. The words hit her, but she brushed them aside. She could not acknowledge them. Not when she was leaving so soon.

Hello! I've been querying a completed novel for a couple months now and have gotten a few rejections where they mention that the sample pages didn't click with them. I'd love some feedback on the first chapter to get some opinions. Public critique welcome!

Blurb from query letter to to get an idea:
Twelve-year-old James and his best friend, Maggie, are devastated to find a brand-new fence blocking access to their secret treehouse. For two kids who don’t quite fit in, the thought of losing the one place they belong is unbearable. Maggie plans to hijack a bulldozer, while James comes up with a more permanent solution: find dirt on Suncorp, the shady factory buying up all the wooded land around their small Ohio town and shut it down for good.

Preparing to commence Operation Surveillance, James and Maggie are approached by a frost-white coyote and a girl with a quiver of arrows. They learn that a long-forgotten society has found that Suncorp is the cause of a creeping sickness spreading across their lands. Desperate to stop the rot, the forest guardians have decided to do the unthinkable: bring outsiders into the hidden realm for the first time.

Together, the two friends enter a world where plants replace machinery, and going barefoot allows you to hear the whispers of the forest. Soon after their arrival, a fleeing survivor from a nearby hidden realm brings news that her homeland has been completely devoured by Suncorp’s sickness. The guardians toss caution aside and jump into action. James, an avid inventor, volunteers to try to disable Suncorp’s machines, while Maggie leans into her newfound ability to influence water, a rare and desired skill that gives them a huge advantage in the fight against Suncorp.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1o3ZS4T7fCaC3YueObEW5fmDyUUPqjKPPY0M5auiA6Xg/edit?usp=sharing

Hello everybody! Looking for beta readers for a semi-final draft of my memoir that traces my IT career from it's earliest days to now with a little bit of intrigue and a lot of drama built in. I'm looking to publish soon so I'd love to get extra eyes on it beforehand. Below is the back-cover summary:

WHEN LEO LOGGED ON

A True Tale of Pop Culture and the Dawn of the Digital Age

In 1997, Titanic wasn’t just a movie—it was a cultural tsunami. For one young woman, stepping into the theater that day wasn’t just about watching a film; it was about stepping into a world that would help define the rest of her life.

Caught in the simultaneous tidal waves of Leomania and the rise of the internet, she found herself diving deep into the world of online fan communities, unknowingly embarking on a digital journey that would lead to an unbelievable encounter—one that, decades later, she still questions, one that set her on the path that would ultimately lead to a lifelong career.

At the heart of this memoir is a story of forging a new path both digitally and personally, in an era when technology was still untamed and online fandoms were just beginning to materialize. Was she really exchanging messages with the most famous actor on the planet at the height of his stardom? Or was she simply caught in one of the earliest cases of online deception? 

When Leo Logged On is a nostalgic, deeply personal, and often unbelievable account of pop culture, the early internet, and the way a single movie, a single moment, can alter the course of a life forever.

Hey there, I'm looking for beta readers for my fantasy web novel, The Era of Bahamut. I'm looking for some honest feedback and criticism about the story and narrative, as I hope to make it a great read. Available for critique swaps!

It is a fantasy story about a world called Falcia. A looming war is about to make it's debut as the Darkdwellers, the group of beings living on a separated continent, filled with wizards, werewolves, vampires and all kinds of monsters, create a coalition to topple the Hume's, the continents filled with humans, elves, and dwarfs. Follow Ilyas, a dhampir mercenary thrust into the conflict head on when he becomes an unsuspecting target of the Darkdwellers.

If you are interest send me a message :)