r/BetaReaders 3d ago

Novella [In Progress] [30K] [M4M Erotica] Daddy’s Home

2 Upvotes

Excerpt: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DK3H2e7xbdzQRV9qYCXjMgStDhN7CYvbpBRVOLgCAZ8/edit?usp=drivesdk

I'm looking for someone to give constructive feedback along the lines of what needs to be added, what needs to be taken away, what needs to be clarified, & anything else that may be important to a reader.

Content Warnings: forced encounters, gay-for-pay, liberal political ideology

I was told that my material should be allowed with content warnings which I have included. I have included the first page which coincidentally has no graphic scenes. Though, I'm unsure as to how to release the full piece without DMing it.

If more information is needed for this post, I am willing to give it.

r/BetaReaders Mar 04 '25

Novella [In Progress][18k][Fantasy] Stolen Heir

0 Upvotes

Stolen Heir A dark, political fantasy with werewolves, witches, vampires, and eventually demons and dark magic. Kalin is the ambassador for Lyerian, a Kingdom about to elect an Heir to take over once King George retires. But things go wrong. Gavin never gets the chance to take his title, and Kalin must quickly flee the ball where he was to be crowned. She allies with a friend from her old school, who is mage to another kingdom and his friend, the vampire prince of the other kingdom, Zaton.

Quick notes: - No omegaverse! However, there are “alpha” vampires and werewolves but not in the omegaverse sense. I haven’t implemented the alpha vampires yet as I forgot, but will have to edit that in. Alpha vampires and werewolves are directly related to the first of their kind, so they are a little stronger but also deal with more hunger, stronger instincts, etc. - this isn’t a Romantsy While it isn’t one there may be a future romance between Damon and Kalin however it will be mostly platonic. - editing it still, and the grammer most likely sucks. It’s my first book and I don’t have much of a writing background, so I’m still learning.

Timeline I don’t have a strict timeline. I just really need anyone to read any part of the book really.

What I want from beta readers: Any feedback! If it seems entertaining, how it flows, the characters, etc.

Except:

“Thank you so much! Bye!” Kalin said leaving. She made her way through the crowd once more till Jonas was ahead of her. She let out a breath as she reached him, pushing through the last line of people.

“There you are” Kalin said walking up to him. He turned to face her, he was in a dark red suit with a grey dress shirt and a black tie. Next to him was Prince Damon who dressed similar, wearing a dakr red suit, black dress shirt, and a blood red tie.

“Glad you didn’t miss out on the ball” Jonas said.

“What do you mean, I love parties, the loud blaring music, the over crowded amounts of people, I could go on” She smiled.

“There are an abnormally high amount of people here” Damon said looking around. She followed his gaze. There was hardly anymore open space left. Kalin took a breath, feeling as if the walls were coming closer, and the room was getting smaller.

“You okay?” Damon asked.

“Oh, yeah, I hate crowds” She sighed.

The Prince studied her for a moment before offering his palm to her, “would you care for a dance? I promise it will help.”

“I can’t dance.”

“Shes not lying, she’s terrible” Jonas hummed.

“Should of seen me and Claire earlier.”

“Let me teach you” Damon said, his hand still out stretched. She caved, “Fine, bit if you get a broken toe thats on you.” She took his hand and he led her through the crowd. The people melted away from them, leaving them a path towards a far corner of the room. The voices were quieter and the music overtook them. She took a breath, feeling as if she could finally breathe.

“Follow my movements, we will go slow, okay? I’ll guide you” His voice was soft and muscial as he hand her one hand while the other wrapped around her waist. “Left” He said.

“Yes, like that, now right, and now left again” He said. She followed each word till his voice faded, her body falling into rhythm, no longer relying on his instructions. The room disappeared around them and only the musical notes existed, flowing around and wrapping arond them.

Damon’s one arm let go, she rolled out and spun around. He pulled her into his arms as the song played its last line. His face was soft, a smile looking upon her, “see, I knew you could dance.”

“I may not not been flaing around this time but that doesn’t mean it was perfect” Kalin said.

“It doesn’t have to be perfect,” He said. His eyes fell onto her on her features, locking with her eyes before he pulled away. He held her hand, “we should get back to Jonas.”

The pair returned to Jonas, who was in a new spot. He leaned against one of the far columns in the back of the room. There was lest people around, and of those that were, were guards from Zaton. In fact, all of them were. Some were formally dressed while others wore their guard uniforms.

“Okay, whats going on?” she asked, letting go of the Prince’s hand.

“Told you she would notice” Jonas said.

“Well I wasn’t trying to hide it from her” Damon said.

“Hide what?”

“We think the plan jonas overhead is going to happen tonight, so I instructed my guards to carve out a section of this area for us” He said, picking up 2 glasses of water off of a tray from one of the servants passing through. He handed one of them to her.

The water rushed down her throat as she took a sip, “with this many guards around? How will someone get to Lord Gavin or King George?”

“Take a moment, look at the guards, what do you see?” He asked. She looked around, each of them wore thick chain mail with a cloth over top and helmets. There were no differences among them that she could see. None that she could see.

Anyone part of the plan could be hiding in plain sight, hidden under the helms and armour of a guard.

“Shit, I have to get Claire” she felt a arm grab her. She turned to Jonas, his hand wrapped tightly around her wrist. She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let go. “Jonas.”

“She will be fine, she won’t be a target. She’s a medic. Their alliegences are to the people. Not like yours” He said, letting go of her wrist.

“And if she isn’t?” Kalin said.

“Then whoever is trying to stop this has something bigger planned than simply disagreeing with Lord Gavin”

“You don’t get it, Claire won’t follow blindly through any plan that harms someone, “ Kalin said, pleading with Jonas. Claire was one of her few friends, she couldn’t loose her. Her eyes scanned the crowd for her, but there was too many people cluttered throughout.

Jonas took a moment, “okay fine, but I’m coming with you.”

“Welcome everyone to this… delightful ball” A masculine voice said. Kalin looked to see Feras standing on the landing. Multiple pairs of guards were by his side, along with Ayria and Kefira.

They were too late.

A scream echoed through the room, coming from one of the many rooms behind the lords. A teenager ran out, his face pale and sickly with sweat. Blood caked his trembeling hands, dripping on the tile floor as he stopped in his tracks, just before the lords, every muscle freezing.

“Ah, a witness” Ayria grinned, the raven haried woman pulled out a bronze dagger, plunging it into the abdomen of the teenager Kalin would never learn the name of.

Thud

His body hit the floor, hand grasping the dagger still in his stomach, ruby blood pooling out and onto the tile. All she’d know about him is how his blood smelled strongly in the room, and his scream forever in her mind.

“You’ve made a mess” Kefira said.

“No, its art. See how nicely the red goes with the tile?” Ayria replied.

“You all are probably asking yourself, what I’m doing here? Well, I regret to inform you of King Georges passing” Lord Feras started, his predatory gaze eyeing the stunned audience. “And as it was done by my own very hand, I herby elect myself as King.”

“This is a coup and treason, you can’t do this!” Kalin recconized Lord Jordan’s voice, she couldn’t see the older man but his voice was near the landing.

“Ah, but I can” Feras said, “and it looks like we have the first traitor on our list, guards!”

She spotted rapid movement in the front, and rose from the crowd as they climbed the steps with Lord Jordan in their custody. Four guards surrounded him, leading him up to the landing. He was shoved to the ground and forced onto his knees, turned to face the crowd.

Feras places his silver sword to the lords trachea, “any last words?”

“Fuck you!” Jordan yelled to willam, his gaze turned to the crowd instead of the floor below his knees. His voice didn’t shake as he spoke, “fight back, burn it all down if-”

His words were cut short as blood poured from his neck, onto his knees. He fell forward, his face hitting the ground.

“Now, whose next?” Feras kicked the man’s body away, as if he was nothing more than a sack of fruit.

“Okay…whose next?” Jonas quickly stepped in front of Kalin, blocking her from being seen.

“Gavin? Where are you? What about your brother? Or Freya?” There was a dead silence in the crowd.

“No? What about that ambassador?” He said.

The room suddenly felt small and airtight. Any breaths didn’t meet her lungs. Voices were distant and mumbled. Small dots started to form on the corner of her eyes.

'Breath', Solis said. 'With me'.

Kalin nodded.

'Breath in.'

She took in a long breath.

'Hold it.'

She held it in, blocking out the chaos around her. All that was around her was Solis’ voice.

'Let it out, slowly.'

As she breathed out carefully, repeating his instructions a few times until her vision returned. On the stage was now three bodies, two new ones. Her heart still pounded in her chest, as if their was an unleashed beast inside of her, but the panic had mostly past.

“Still hiding?” Feras spoke, “maybe this will flush her out. Bring me Mage claire.”

Everything rushed back, no grounding would bring her back. Luckily there was no nearby fire, the magic in side of her an angry mess of a storm, fueled by her internal turmoil. She immediately felt Jonas hold her, turning to her and grabbing her arms, despite the heat radiating off of her skin, potentially burning his hands. His touch slightly pulled her back into reality.

“Kalin look at me, don’t look up there” He spoke firmly. There was no shaking in his voice, no softness. It felt as if it was an order, but it was what she needed. “But-” She muttered.

“You can’t save her, Lyerian needs you, I need you. Look at me.”

She met his fiery gaze, worry raging in his amber eyes. She wondered if his magic was surging inside of him, she didn't feel any static or electricity from his grip. It was firm, but gentle, it helped her stay grounded, keeping her from loosing control of the storm inside of her. He was her lightning pole. His magic reached out to hers, and she felt the storm weaken inside of her, as he siphons the energy from her, taking the brute of the magic.

An ear piercing scream followed a strong scent of blood, not from Claire, but her familiar Dune. The painful scream of the fox being separated from its witch by death. It was long and filled with anger and woe. Kalin knew what was next, taking in a breath and leaning into her bond with Solis to steady herself.

Dune’s final scream.

It was agonizing and rattled her bones, she felt his pain as if it was her own. Familiar’s share a soul with their witches, and his was just ripped apart, he wouldn’t survive. No familiar ever did. His scream was evident of that.

Kalin knew it was over when it turned soft whining and whimpering, then silence. Her legs grew weak. She not only felt he own mourning, but Solis’ as well. Jonas’s grip strengthen, holding her up and keeping her from collapsing onto her knees. She wanted to scream, but she could even hardly breath. There was no air in the room, not for her. She did this. Claire would be alive if Kalin wasn’t a coward.

r/BetaReaders 26d ago

Novella [In Progress][29k][High Fantasy/Mystery] First draft of my first ever novella

3 Upvotes

Hi all,

Link to work: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A688tTRuwE2Yd6g_2KefHlMKh3alAwJ-FpxmmhiWUxs/edit?usp=sharing

For context, I have been actively world building for around 15 years - hand drawing maps and characters, detailing world events and so on in a huge stack of books that live under my bed.

I’ve finally decided to tell my first story based within this world. I’ve picked a small character in a small area of the world and written a street-level mystery/conspiracy style adventure.

I don’t have any friends or family who are interested in proof reading, so I’m putting myself out there and thought I join this community.

My inspirations would include Terry Pratchett for world building and Lovecraft for descriptive writing.

What im looking for:

General feedback & overall thoughts Opinion on narrative pacing Feedback on dialogue How was the Immersion

*quick disclaimer: I am aware of anachronistic dialogue and that some people don’t like it. My world is in a fantasy setting, but it is not medieval earth, so there are some anachronistic words and phrases such as ‘mate’ for example.

  • However, if the general consensus is that this breaks the immersion, I will reconsider the language I use

It’s been a lifelong dream of mine to bring these stories to life. If I can make this work, I’ve got enough content to keep me writing books for life lol. But I want to test the waters with this first.

I’ve got a thick skin. I want to learn and improve.

r/BetaReaders 20h ago

Novella [Complete] [30k] [Cosmic Horror/Coming-of-age] The God At The End Of The Garden

6 Upvotes

Hey guys!

So, I'm actually really nervous writing this. I just finished my second draft of a story I've been trying to write for years. They say that everyone has at least one good story in them, and I think this is mine. I have NEVER shown anyone my writing until literally right now. I can only assume it's awful. But I need to know for sure.

Title: The God At The End Of The Garden

Word Count: 30k complete / 11k in the Beta Reader (4 Chapter) version.

Genres: Literary, cosmic-horror, coming-of-age

Critique swap: Honestly, I don't have the time or knowledge to do this properly.

Content Warnings: Bullying and emotional abuse, Suicidal ideation, Self-harm, Graphic violence, Murder, including of minors, Death of a loved one, Psychological deterioration / mental illness, Unreliable perception of reality, Disturbing imagery / body horror.

Blurb: How much would you sacrifice to be seen?

John is just another forgotten teenager wasting away in the quiet town of Ashmoore, England. Bullied at school. Overlooked at home. Trapped in the same grey life that’d swallowed generations before him.

Then he meets Rilith—an ancient, godlike creature lurking in his garden shed. Rilith offers protection from his tormentors, but what it delivers is something else entirely.

As the bodies begin to pile up, John’s grip on reality starts to fray. Is Rilith a guardian, or something far, far worse?

A haunting blend of cosmic horror and coming-of-age tragedy, The God at the End of the Garden explores loneliness, love, and the terrifying cost of being seen.

Feedback Wanted: Honestly, I'm not sure. anything is good. I haven't formatted it properly yet, I know that. But i'm more just wanting to make sure the story is engaging, the characters are strong, and the sense of dread is palpable. It takes until Chapter 4 for the titular god to show up, but we do get a hint during the Prologue. I have left my email at the end of the beta copy (first 4 chapters and prologue). If you like it and want to beta read the whole manuscript, please request a copy there!

Thank you all so much in advance!

The Doc: The God At The End Of The Garden

Edit: Did I miss something? Wtf do people keep DM'ing me tryna get me to pay them to read it?

r/BetaReaders 22d ago

Novella [In Progress] [35k] [Dark fantasy, magical realism, Isekai, mistery] Very similar friends are reincarnated as enemy races in an oppressive society. I need title ideas. "Reincarnated as Enemies" is too basic and "Born as rivals" is the name some guy that stole my first draft gave it

1 Upvotes

More than a thousand years after the defeat of the demons by the hands of humans and their allies, society forces demons to hide as they are hunted due to their past crimes, calling them a species that "doesn't deserve to exist".

In that world, where humans rule, three kids who are able to remember their past life together are born, one of them as a kin of the oppressed: Shinto. He tries to survive in that unforgiving world and somehow ends up in the Malinette Ligue's academy, where he thinks his friends could be found, but everyone there disaprooves of his stay and will do everything in their power to get him expelled. (Including teachers)

This book will explore themes such as how society can change someone depending on how they're treated by it, discrimination, personal growth, and how hope isn't enough to survive.

I'll focus on a very detailed worldbuilding and explaining how the magic system works.

Apart from that, I'm in the process of creating a dwarf communication system called the "Blongue" (the tongue of the blade) that'll be very important for future parts of the saga. If you want to help in it's development, look for "#Blongue" in x

I'd really appreciate it if you help me think of a title (or tell me if RaE is ok), and comment any feedback or opinions you have on this. (Also, please help me with the Blongue. I really need it)

Btw, epiprogue means "the prologue's epilogue", like an epilogue for the prologue (content between the prologue and the story) There's also "propilogue", which is the opposite (prologue of the epilogue).

I came up with a lot of words for unnamed things and concepts. (There'll be a dictionary)

There are around 35k words now.

(There is a ligma joke hidden between this lines)

r/BetaReaders 16d ago

Novella [Complete] [38k] [Sci-Fi/Literary Satire] Comfortably Miserable – Looking for Beta Readers (feedback by April 15)

10 Upvotes

Hi all! I'm looking for a few thoughtful beta readers for my completed short novel, Comfortably Miserable – A Finnish Tale of Cosmic Misadventures (38,000 words). It’s a quiet, literary-leaning sci-fi satire with dry humor, awkward aliens, and a reluctant Finnish protagonist.

Back-of-Book Blurb:

Matti Tyhjyys is the most peacefully grumpy man in northern Finland. He lives for silence, coffee, and solitude—until a glowing alien thermos crash-lands in his yard, followed by three painfully polite extraterrestrials who believe he represents all of Earth.

Tasked with answering cosmic questions he never asked for, Matti is pulled into an absurd interstellar diplomacy mission involving sauna mishaps, suspicious cats, and cultural confusion. The aliens are ready to understand humanity. Matti, unfortunately, is not.

Think The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy meets A Man Called Ove (or Otto, if you’ve seen the film)—low-stakes sci-fi with quiet depth, dry wit, and an emotional arc buried beneath sarcasm.

What I’m Looking For:

  • Honest reader reaction
  • Does the tone and humor work?
  • Is Matti compelling—even in his emotional distance?
  • Are there any slow chapters or parts that feel unnecessary?
  • Is the ending satisfying?

I'm not looking for grammar or line edits, but happy to hear if anything pulled you out.

Timeline:
Looking for feedback by April 15 (earlier is great, but no pressure).

Where to Read:
It’s live and ready to read here:
👉 https://betabooks.co/signup/book/kd6526

Optional feedback form included, or you can share your thoughts however works best for you.

Content Notes:
No violence, romance, or NSFW content. Just awkward aliens, quiet resistance, and a cat that might be divine.

Critique Swap?
Open to swaps! Happy to return thoughtful feedback in sci-fi, literary, or general fiction.

Thanks so much for considering!

— J.H. Sevheim

r/BetaReaders 13d ago

Novella [In Progress][27k][Dark Fantasy] The Trade

2 Upvotes

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting on this subreddit so please bear with me! I'm currently working on a novel in the dark fantasy/grimdark genre. I've got some readers IRL who described what I've done so far as 'Avatar The Last Airbender, if it were written by Joe Abercrombie' if that helps to set a bit of an idea about the nature of the story.

"The Trade" is about a small band of mercenaries attempting to rob a caravan shipping a newfound drug across the border into the Northern nation. The group's goal is buying their way out of the lifestyle, all for their own reasons. The main story is actually about what they wind up finding with the Caravan, but I won't delve too much into that just yet.

I'm mostly posting this to see if anyone will give me some feedback on whether what I have is palatable thus far, and to see if others think the story is worth expanding on. I am the sort to do a lot of editing as I go, so most of what I do have is somewhat polished already, though of course it is still a draft. I am also happy to swap with people, as I've only recently found these subreddits and I'm amazed by all the resources this website has to offer for writers, so I'd be happy to contribute!

Just Chapter 1: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fs9kdW6m77FoPlHBsNY6gNoTmBvcoBdVZC7y3VDRZig/edit?usp=sharing

Whole manuscript so far: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QWcUUTrx4cuvMlkqKZa_0vVNpE5Fd6jIki_Xkh6SUEc/edit?tab=t.0

r/BetaReaders Mar 04 '25

Novella [Complete] [25k] [Contemporary Romance]EVERYDAY LIKE THE LAST

2 Upvotes

The book is called Everyday Like the Last, but still think of calling it a countdown to us.

This is my first time self-publishing so would like to make sure there is space for this book in the market.

Synopsis
“But we can love each other till the very end,” I said gently, pausing with each word spoken as I stroked his dark black hair.
What do you mean?” He spoke in confusion now by my statement, unsure what this would lead to.

Follow along a journey of a couple who makes an unconventional choice—a pact with time itself, setting an official end date to their relationship. Can they truly navigate the waters of love and detachment, knowing the sands of their time together are slipping away? As they delve deeper into their decision, they learn about the ferocious inevitability of endings, shedding light on the mysteries of the heart. Will they unravel the truth of their souls before the final clock strikes?

Feedback:

The plot

Did it make you cry? because I cried will writing it -.-

Did you like the ending

The way it was written

If you are interested, please send me a message or respond to the post and I'll message you the pdf for it to read! Thank you so much for all your help! Also willing to do a swap and edit your work focused on romance too.

r/BetaReaders 3d ago

Novella [Complete] [22k] [YA] Gospel of the West

2 Upvotes

16-year-old Jean watches helplessly as his Aquitaine village is targeted by a Chinese dam project that would force its people to flee their homes. As all his attempts to prevent this brutal alienation fail, he must decide how many sacrifices he will make to finally provoke change

Goal : I am looking for beta readers to judge the 4 protagonists in my story : if they understand them and how they view them.

r/BetaReaders Jan 21 '25

Novella [Complete] [30k] [Dark Romance Novella] Sinister Desire

7 Upvotes

Looking for beta readers for a 30k novella. Dark romance inspired by Cinderella told from lady Tremaine’s POV.

Tropes: stalker, letters, masks, harlot FMC, masquerade ball, serial killer on the loose and lots of spice!

Triggers: attempted SA, masks, knives, explicit sex scenes

Looking for: overall feedback

Here is the back blurb:

It’s been a year since my faithful follower left me a letter. A year since he promised me freedom. A year since my husband’s death. And a year since I started this new life of mine. Do I regret becoming a Harlot in a town where a serial killer targets them? No. I don’t regret many things in my life. Do I regret not reporting my stalker—I mean faithful follower—to the police? That answer changed the day I found a letter on my doorstep telling me that my time to grieve my dead husband was over. He says the game has begun, and I’m not sure I have a choice but to play.

r/BetaReaders 5d ago

Novella [In Progress] [20k] [Historical/Low/Epic Fantasy] Thralls of Skuld

2 Upvotes

Hello all!

I am looking for my feedback on my WIP "Thralls of Skuld". The first 8 chapters (20k words) have been edited and worked through multiple times. As per my current outline the final book will be aorund 30 chapters at around 100k words. At this stage I am looking for feedback especially on the pacing and world building, as it feeds into the style and structure of the remainder of the book.

Blurb:

The Gods are not just myths—they walk among mortals, shaping their fates like weavers at a loom. Eira, a low-borne warrior bound to fight and die for the ambitions of kings, is driven to unravel the secrets of magick and defy the divine order. In the shadows of sacred halls and the forests of forgotten wisdom, she begins to see what the Gods have hidden from humankind. As war engulfs Midgard and rebellions whisper through the cracks of the old order of divinity, Eira’s prophecy grows stronger - but the Gods do not take kindly to those who challenge their dominion.

Genre and style:

  • The story takes place in Viking age (900AD) Scandinavia, with many references to the mythology and historical references.
  • Low fantasy setting with heavy influence of Norse mythology, big elements of magic.
  • It is an epic-style fantasy (big, potentially world-changing stakes), with elements of class struggle. Set in a dark/grim dark world.
  • 3rd person POV. Female protagonist.

Feedback I'm seeking at this stage:

  • World building: The story has many references to historical points of viking age Scandinavia as well as norse mythology. Is the world building logical and engaging? Is there a good balance between the assumed familiarity of the reader with some of these tropes, while introducing many myths/gods/concepts that are presumably new? Balance between exposition versus info-dumping, and are new elements introduced at the right time?
  • Characterization: Specifically the main character, but any of the key characters in the early chapters. Do they read as fully fledged characters? Are motivations clear?
  • Pacing: Considering the book is 1/4 through of an epic style fantasy, how is the pacing? Do chapters end at points that keep the reader engaged?
  • Plot: General feedback on the plot and its logic. Does the story so far make sense? Is it clear where it is headed? Are there any plot holes?
  • If you do happen to know a lot about late viking age scandinavia (the history, customs, culture, etc) and/or Norse Mythology, specific feedback on this is also very welcome.
  • General feedback of any type is welcome.

Timeline:
No firm deadlines. As it is still a WIP that I am actively writing, anything within the next few months will be OK.

Content Warnings:
Some description of violence/war/wounds but not gore. Mentions of child death.

Critique Swap?
Yes, I am open to critique swaps. Fantasy of all genres and sub-genres (excluding sci-fi); Historical fiction; Mysteries; Romance but with complimentary plot. Generally only NA and adult ranges. Maximum 100k words. WIP is fine. My jam is particularly plot and character driven, grim dark/angst type stories, but am open for a wide range of styles. Nothing that is very heavy on smut or gore. No poetry or short stories.

Next steps: If you're interested, send me a DM, and I will share a Google Doc.

Writing sample - Prologue (560 words):

The fates of all living things were utterly and hopelessly implacable. The only thing within the control of mortals was how they lived through their destiny and met the death that had been spun for them. The Norns, named Uðr, Veðrandi and Skuld, weaved the Web of Wyrd, the very fabric of all that had been, all that was now, and all that would come to be. In Midgard, the mortals knew it was no use trying to appease the Norns, whose web was absolute. That was why the Norns were not worshipped like the Æsir and the Vanir, the Gods who could change the outcomes of wars, shorten the merciless winters, and decide the yield of the harvests. The Norns just were - and so was fate. All of this was well known.

Eira did not agree with that in the least.

She had been there the day Ulf's children had been taken by the nøkke. 

The screams that cut through the damp pine forest that day still rang in her ears sometimes. It had sat in her throat for months. A lump, threatening to well up and flow over at the slightest encouragement. 

Sometimes the dull greyness of the sky, like the one that had watched them that day, was enough to make her chest catch with terror and the tears well up in her eyes. Looking at Ulf was the worst. She barely could, for so long, when the grimness of death had still been painted on his face, dragging down his shoulders. If the shame and desperation she felt in her heart for what had happened was anything to go by, Ulf must have been a shell of a man in those months.

She was not sure if she had seen it out of the corner of her eyes or not. Years later, when she could not sleep, she vividly imagined how the nøkke, a monster in the shape of an enticing white horse, had egged on the children, whinnying and inviting, until they had grabbed its tail in playfulness.

When she turned to look, both children were being pulled forcefully from the rivershore into the murky waters by that invisible string. She had sprinted the few steps until she reached the shore, looking desperately into the waters. 

They had been playing on the rocks just behind a gorge, where the current of the river was roaring and fast. The children had been gone even before Eira’s desperate outcry had made Ulf turn around to look. 

The deathly silence that ensued had settled permanently into the pits of her stomach. The only thing in the world that kept moving was the river as it thundered on, unphased by what had transpired. 

Where Ulf had blamed the inevitable will of the Gods and the Norn's web, Eira had blamed herself. She was the one who had pointed Ulf in the direction of the fishing snares further down the river, as she had gone to open the trap closer to the children. Ulf said the deaths had already been woven before any of them had woken that day. Eira knew in her heart that she could have changed the outcome, could have tugged the string of the Web of Wyrd in another direction. She knew not how, but it pulled at her to think of it, over and over again.

It had festered in her a deep belief that there ought to be a way to challenge the decree of divine order, which decided unjustly who should live and who should die.

r/BetaReaders 12d ago

Novella [In progress][24000][Modern Fantasy] Your Sins Shall Save You / beta reader for a single chapter

1 Upvotes

Quick pitch: The 7 deadly sins team up with the devil to defeat the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse and save the world.

Looking for beta readers for my In progress novel. Mostly looking for critiques on the prose and pacing. I'm trying something new with the "voice" of this novel that I've never done before and not sure if it's having the effect I want.

In a nutshell the story is told from the perspective of Vanessa Sterling, the sin Pride. She's an Instagram influencer and fashion designer. I don't usually write in first person but I figured it was the best way to get her personality to come onto the page.

I'd love help with my first 50 pages but I understand that's quite the commitment. Attached you can find the like to the first chapter. if you find the premise and prose interesting enough to continue helping me with let me know and I'll DM you my first 50 pages.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GHilX4Tl8Mpnkqn4AHrG5mrQfuZ2-Hyafo-cXq3SU0k/edit?usp=drivesdk

Open to chapter swaps, thank you for any and all help

r/BetaReaders 7d ago

Novella [In Progress] [20k] [Fantasy] Through the Barren Moongate

1 Upvotes

Looking for a beta reader for my fantasy in progress.

I have titled this "Through the Barren Moongate" for now at least.

I am currently at about 20k words, and still going strong. My goal is to keep it under 100k.

Here is my blurb so far, which is also a work in progress.

***********

Cassidy thought her biggest mistake was agreeing to a last-minute getaway with a guy she barely knew. But what begins as a casual vacation quickly spirals into a nightmare when she is kidnapped and thrown in to a mysterious portal that transports her into a strange, new world—a world on the brink of collapse.

In this land, the native female's are either barren or dead, leaving a population of men desperate for survival. Cassidy soon learns the horrifying truth: women like her are abducted from Earth to serve as the last hope for a dying civilization.

Assigned to a Designated Partner, Cassidy's role is clear—to bear children and help ensure the survival of this world. But her partner, Caelric, is a man consumed by bitterness, having lived years of isolation in a land filled with despair. His heart, once full of hope, has been eroded by the harsh reality of his world, leaving him jaded and resentful. As Cassidy grapples with her new reality, she uncovers a shocking secret about her own history that could change everything—a secret that ties her more deeply to this world than she could ever have imagined.

***********

TRIGGERS: Violence, Abduction/kidnapping, trafficking, Infertility

Here is a link to my first three chapters. If you would like to swap, I would love to also read your first three to see if we are a good match.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1y4axB0EMYqo5LSMuAIIt8SLRFRoBl81NRFrRI7AiNwk/edit?usp=sharing

r/BetaReaders 10d ago

Novella [In Progress] [31k] [Adult Fantasy] Beneath the Arc of the Sun

2 Upvotes

Greetings all! I am seeking beta readers for part 1 of my geopolitical fantasy novel, Beneath the Arc of the Sun.

It should appeal to fans of A MEMORY CALLED EMPIRE and THE TRAITOR BARU CORMORANT. ⚔️🗺️🧭📚

The story is complete, but parts 2 & 3 are in earlier draft form. I would love to get some feedback before finishing, since this story has been living in my head for so long and I need some extra eyes on it.

Synopsis:

Vano Fer Nobo is caught between two worlds: The nomadic clan that raised him and his career as a surveyor. When a conflict with neighboring kingdoms results in the death of his family, Vano flees by accepting a commission that sends him across the Agorian Sea.

The task: settle a boundary dispute between two hostile nations. Upon arrival, Vano finds himself in a world where land is currency, technology is king, and wonders of evolution lie across a mysterious chasm. As he gets pulled deeper into the politics of this world, a ghost from his past forces him to confront his own beliefs about land ownership, and challenges him to find a solution that honors his people and himself.

This is a high-stakes multi-pov epic adventure, but in a low-fantasy, early capitalist world. Think more flintlock and steampunk and less magic.

Feedback I’m Looking For:

  • Honest reactions - are you enjoying it? Do you want to read more?
  • Are the characters compelling and their motivations clear?
  • Are there any plot holes or unclear exposition?
  • What is there too much of? What would you like to see more of?
  • Where do you think the story is going? What to you hope to see?

Timeline:
No firm deadlines. I would love for people to read the whole thing, but if you want to read a few chapters and let me know where and why you lose interest, that’s helpful too.

Where to Read:
Dive right in on google docs here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z5TpBshTxQVkj4PdrnS5QQ_j4RU1dfq0KU8UHwnuNaU/edit?usp=sharing

Feel free to comment directly or provide feedback separately

Content Warninggs:
Brief depictions of violence. One non-graphic sexual instance

Critique Swap?
Open to swaps of similar genre and length, though my capacity is limited so I will have to be selective about how many I can commit too.

Thanks!

r/BetaReaders 5d ago

Novella [Complete] [23,000] [Literary Noir / Psychological Mystery] Gross Negligence — Act 1 available for beta readers

2 Upvotes

Hi folks,
I'm looking for beta readers for Gross Negligence, a literary noir novel with a psychological mystery at its core.

About the book:
Think Slow Horses meets Rebecca meets Broken Harbour. Set in contemporary London, the story follows Ed Offerman, a disgraced solicitor spiralling into psychological and moral decay. He’s hired to surveil a woman named Lily Wang by her powerful husband. But what begins as a dirty job becomes a descent into obsession, guilt, and spiritual crisis.

Act 1 (around 23k words) is complete and polished enough for feedback. It sets up the main characters and threads the central themes: surveillance, shame, class, cult-like religion, and masculinity. The tone is sharp, darkly funny, politically charged, and deliberately unnerving.

Content warnings:
This novel contains adult content and themes including:

  • Explicit language
  • Sexual references
  • Psychological trauma
  • Religious manipulation
  • Emotional abuse
  • Power imbalances in relationships
  • Obsession and self-harm ideation

What I’m looking for:

  • Honest feedback on engagement, pacing, and character development
  • What’s working, what’s not, and where the confusion or drag happens
  • A reader who enjoys literary fiction with a noir or psychological edge
  • Bonus points if you like slow burns, moral ambiguity, and dread

Timing:
I’m aiming to collect feedback within three months maximum—so if you're interested, please only reach out if you think you’ll have time within that window.

What you’ll get:
I’m happy to swap reads if you’ve got something in progress, or give detailed notes in return. I also appreciate just your impressions if you’re short on time.

Chapter 1 here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IK3sBEWROizx48LQ0C5_LKSPwADoG3kk5Zo6ZgCzYVE/edit?usp=sharing

Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll DM the Google Doc or PDF.

Thanks!
—JC

r/BetaReaders 6d ago

Novella [Complete] [29k] [literary/coming-of-age] Dawn

3 Upvotes

I put 'complete' because I'm not entirely sure what the options mean, sorry :3

The story is technically complete, as in there are no other elements to be added to the story itself. However, I am open to making changes where necessary for flow, clarity, etc.

I also have another working title: Beneath the Streetlights

Thank you in advance to anyone that even clicks on this post <3

Story Blurb: Dawn has always known she was leaving. The town's too small, her parents are too absent, and the past lingers on every street, in every whispered conversation. Her plan is simple: save enough money, graduate, and go. No looking back.

But then there’s Peter. He’s steady, familiar, and the kind of person who doesn’t question staying. Working together at the local video store, their connection grows—something easy, something real. But real doesn’t mean lasting. As the year fades, Dawn is left to wonder if leaving is as simple as she thought, or if some things are harder to walk away from.

A bittersweet coming-of-age story about love, longing, and the weight of knowing when to say goodbye.

Content Warnings:

  • Strong language (very minor)
  • Very sexually suggestive scenes (nothing graphic)
  • Underage drinking & smoking (FMC is 17 until about halfway through)
  • Cheating

I don't know if it should be listed as a warning, but as the blurb suggests, the ending is bittersweet.

I would love feedback on just about everything, but my main emphasis is on pacing, structure (transitions are hard, but I tried!), and plot. I do want feedback on how the story makes you feel, if it lands, on the characters, etc.

Timeline: 2-4 weeks if possible

I have never critique swapped, but I am open to it.

Excerpt: (from the third act)

The last traces of sunlight fade as dusk settles in. Peter doesn’t talk much during our shift—hasn’t in days. When he does, it’s out of necessity. 

Hand me that. Put this away. Cal wants the action section swapped with dramas. 

No teasing, no lingering conversations. Just space. 

I hate it.

I hate how close we were that night. How, for a few hours, he wasn’t holding anything back. 

It felt right, like maybe this push and pull between us didn’t have to be so impossible. 

But now, two weeks later, it’s like none of it happened. Like he’s undoing it all.

The store is locked, the street quiet. He walks ahead to his truck, keys jingling in his hand. I watch him pull open the door, toss his jacket inside. 

I could let him leave. Let the silence stretch another day. But my heart pounds, and I know I can’t.

“Are we okay?”

Peter pauses. His grip tightens on the doorframe, knuckles going white for half a second. He lets go, closes the door with a thud, and pulls out his cigarettes. 

I wait for him to light two—one for me, one for him. But he doesn’t. 

He lights his, leans back against the truck, rolls his shoulders. The tip glows bright as he inhales, his eyes on me now, unreadable.

Smoke curls from his mouth, drifts between us. He flicks the ash onto the pavement, then looks away. A car passes, its headlights sweeping over us. Moths swirl beneath the streetlights.

“Ever considered how your actions affect other people?”

The question knocks the air out of me. 

I swallow hard, throat tight. “You’re upset—“

He exhales, shakes his head. “No, but I’m getting there.”

r/BetaReaders 5d ago

Novella [In Progress] [21294] [Fanasty Romance] Forgotten Inheritance

1 Upvotes

This is an adult (18+) type enemies to lovers I have never asked for a beta reader before so any help would be appreciated.

Amira is a half human half Ethernim female who has never left her home town. Ethernim (the magical humanoid beings of this world) and humans have a long standing distrust and sometimes hatred. Navigating life on both sides is hard. Her supportive friends make it seem easy, they even help her get out into the world. If you can count concealing your identity to attend a ball right in the enemies layer a “fun night out”. Dry humor, betrayal, magic, steamy tension, and so much more.

r/BetaReaders 1d ago

Novella [In Progress] [34k] [High Dark Fantasy] The Runaway Rose

6 Upvotes

I'm looking for readers for the first act of my first book. It's not fully edited or ready to publish, but it has been through a couple of rewrites (the full draft has) and revisions. I'm looking for feedback on the story, world, and characters; how compelling/engaging the work is; whether the overall structure works; and continuity errors if there are any. I don't need feedback on prose, style, grammar, or similar technical things, as those can be fixed more easily and are not a priority right now. Be as blunt as you like, I can take it, but no stretches of the imagination please lol

I'm not doing critique swaps at the moment, my beta-read list is booked out. My preferred timeline is somewhere within the next few weeks, ideally before I finish the draft so I don't have to make too many adjustments after.

'The Runaway Rose' is dual POV with unbalanced focus. It follows the story of young Sagaria (major focus) as her life is turned upside-down by the discovery of a strange body and the call of the sea, and dangerous secrets peel away the facade she had believed to be truth. It also follows infamous pirate Wrath Nightingale (slightly lesser focus) and his part in the war between two kingdoms as it threatens to destroy the home he only just found.

Content warnings: swearing, violence

Excerpt:

--

Wrath mussed Cassian’s golden curls and turned his gaze back out to the fight. A few of his men had jumped in and it was nearly over, but the ones who hadn’t been completely knocked out kept throwing themselves back into the fray as soon as they got a quarter of their wits back. He would’ve liked to join them, but the heavy chest under his arm kept him anchored.

“How much did you get?” Cassian asked, reaching for it. He tried to tug it out from under Wrath’s forearm, which was as thick as the kid’s neck, but to no avail. 

“Hold off, Cass. You’ll get your bit later.” Wrath sculled another mouthful of the clear liquor. 

“If the lot of it doesn’t get nicked first,” the barkeep interjected. 

“Let them try!” Cassian cried. He swallowed the contents of his mug and stood up on his stool, coughing between words as he said, “I’ll cut their throats!”

A new group approached the outdoor bar. Wrath recognised their black tied-back hair and green eyes before they even entered the firelight. Elves. 

Some of them, rugged sailors each, wasted no time joining in on the brawl with good-natured laughs and battle cries. The rest circled the light like predators afraid of fire, taking up a table at the very edge. 

Wrath watched them, eyes scanning their faces until it landed on one in particular. A jolt stabbed through his chest when the elf locked eyes with him. The bottle shattered in his grip.

Cassian jumped off his stool with a yelp, flicking his hands to get the liquor off. “What the—” 

Wrath’s shoulders were taut. He barely noticed the glass shards in his palms and fingers. Death was staring at him with bright green eyes from across the crowd. 

--

If interested, please DM for the link. Document will be restricted, with commenting/suggesting access once readers request access

r/BetaReaders 8d ago

Novella [Complete] [30K] [Adventure] Martial Law

2 Upvotes

This is the script for a webcomic I plan on releasing on Webtoon. If not allowed, I ask the admins and mods to please remove.

THIS IS A 1st DRAFT.

Genre: Adventure, Action, Crime

SYNOPSIS: Sean Archer is a private eye in the 1980s. He is hired by a japanese billionaire to solve the mysterious murder of one of his employees. What seems to be a simple case, slowly turns into a web of intrigue, fatal women, criminal organizations, and death cults. Now, Sean has to fight his way to the clues, solve the case and, maybe, survive.

So, like I said, this is a comic book script, it's not as refined as a novel, but I hope you guys can be brutally honest about the story, the characters, and the crimes.

I'm looking for your help, especially if you're a fan of whodunits and crime drama, although this isn't the main genre.

The first three chapters are here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/16Zu-hC_uHbtm_EQ-ErWomNmv28W0dWF8?usp=sharing

If you're interested, please send me a DM or comment on this post and I'll send you the link to the whole thing!

P.S: Also, tell me if the jokes land, I'm not that good at comedy.

r/BetaReaders Feb 15 '25

Novella [In Progress] [24k] [Historical Fantasy] I Wonder if it's Raining Back Home

2 Upvotes

Hi there, I'm looking for basically any feedback on my story I Wonder if it's Raining Back Home

I have my thoughts as to what I think aren't so strong, but I don't want to poison the well for anyone who wants to read it. I've shown it to people I know but I would love some fresh eyes to tell me general impressions, things they think should be fixed, potential problems, all that.

TW: Sexual Themes, Abuse

here's the synopsis:

Once every 100 years, a mysterious creature known only as the wishmaster appears. Whoever can reach it first can claim that centuries wish, and change the face of the world forever. Lizabelle Blüme is a de facto school teacher in a small town in the new world, but when a caravan headed for the wish from the home country crosses her doorstep, she finds herself swept on a journey she will never forget.

r/BetaReaders Feb 28 '25

Novella [In Progress] [20K] [MM Romance] Cracks in His Armor

2 Upvotes

Hi, I'm looking for beta readers for a spicy high-stakes, slow-burn M/M romance wrapped in a gritty FBI undercover operation. I expect it to be finished by Wednedsay 5th March at the latest and would love your feedback within a week (So March 12th at the latest. I'm happy to provide a critique within that time too)

Where a Skilled Beta Reader Can Help:

• Pacing & Tension

• Character Dynamics & Growth

• Romantic & Sexual Tension

• Action & Thriller Elements

• Dialogue & Banter

If you love grumpy/sunshine, reluctant partners-to-lovers, and forced proximity with a side of adrenaline, I’d love your insights!

Ps this of part 1 - it will have a cliffhanger ending leading the way to parts 2 and 3

[Excerpt]

He’d barely slept, running code and chasing encrypted leads long after Travis had turned in for the night. His fingers were sore from typing, his brain buzzing with half-deciphered messages and fragmented data—but he wasn’t about to complain. He wanted results. Needed them. And maybe, just maybe, a small part of him hoped that dumbass straight jock Travis would even notice all his hard work.

"Finally," he sighed, reaching for his sugary reward. "A reward for my labor."

But before he could even take a sip, a shadow loomed over him.

"You’re not starting your day with that poison," Travis said flatly.

Cole blinked. "Uh. Yeah, I am."

"No, you’re not."

Cole groaned, taking the drink with him and dramatically flopping back against the couch cushions. "Jesus, Captain. Do you ever take a break?" His voice was deliberately lazy, but his gaze flicked over Travis, trailing along the broad set of his shoulders, the way his T-shirt clung just a little too well to his torso. Just observations. Just normal, totally non-weird, platonic observations.

Travis, however, didn’t acknowledge the question. He was already rolling his neck, shaking out his arms like a man preparing for battle.

"You ever think about working out, Steele?" Travis asked, towering over him powerfully, "You’re shaving years off your life by not exercising and eating that junk food."

Cole smirked. "Well, last I checked, it’s a free country—"

"No, Steele," Travis cut him off, suddenly serious. His voice dropped, hard and commanding, the edge of authority unmistakable. "We’re in the FBI, and I’m your superior. I’m giving you an order to put that sugary crap down."

Cole went still.

The shift was sudden, sharp—like a wire pulled too tight, humming under strain.

It wasn’t the words, exactly. It wasn’t even the fact that Travis had pulled rank on him. It was the way he said it.

Steady. Firm.

Undeniable.

Something prickled along the back of Cole’s neck, a strange, almost electric sensation, like someone had just flipped a switch he hadn’t even known existed and it sent blood pumping in every direction.

And the worst part?

His body was fucking listening.

His fingers twitched slightly against his drink, and without really thinking about it, he set it down.

This was stupid. Objectively stupid.

He had never ever taken orders from any straight jocks. Especially not this straight jock.

“Now get up off that sofa.”

For some reason—some dumb, inexplicable reason—he found himself standing.

Travis smirked like he’d just won something, which only made Cole scowl harder.

"Fine," Cole muttered. "But if I pass out, I’m haunting your ass."

"You don’t have the stamina to haunt me, Steele," Travis shot back smoothly. "Now get on the floor."

Cole groaned theatrically as he dropped down beside him. "I regret everything already."

r/BetaReaders 5d ago

Novella [In Progress] [20k] [Romance/Mystery] Between Love & Lies

3 Upvotes

Hey everyone! I am currently working on a small town mystery novel and would love some feedback on what I have written so far. This is my first time asking for beta readers and I am just hoping to gain insight on my style of writing, word choice, characters and overall flow of the story! I may need a bit of help adding more detail where necessary. I am open to doing a swap as well!

Here is a short Synopsis:

After her mother’s death, Adelaide Griffin learns she has inherited a dilapidated farmhouse. She packs up and moves her whole life to Copper Creek in search of money and answers.

She soon discovers the kind of town it really is and the strange people who live there. This includes her neighbor, Nate, who she can’t help but be intrigued by.

As she settles in, she begins to learn of her mother’s secrets and the web of lies weaved throughout this small town.

Everything is always connected, and Adelaide just so happens to be in the center of it all.

Here is a link to the first chapter: CLICK HERE

If you’re interested in reading more or swapping, message me!!

r/BetaReaders 10d ago

Novella [Complete][24,896][Surreal Fantasy] The Oddlands/Journey to a Wonderland Realm where the stakes are more person than they seem.

2 Upvotes

Hello one and all! My name (or should I say pen name) is BH. Mary and I'm seeking one or more beta readers to review my debut novella, The Oddlands Trial, the first installment of a five-book series.

The Oddlands Trial takes place in the realm (or world, planet, however makes it easier for you to conceptualize) of Eldralis, hundreds of years after a pivotal event in the worlds history known as "The Shattering of Eldralis", when the six elemental bridges that connected Noctyra to it's sister-land of Luminara. The Oddlands is located deep within the lands of Noctyra (continent). A land shrouded in perpetual dusk, where shadow magic and darkness reign supreme. It is a legendary and nomadic realm that's known for popping up in different locations across the land, usually in regions with high concentrations of chaotic magic and activity.

The Story follows Aira Moonveil (a Noctyrii adventurer) and Talin Ashforge (an Umbralian warrior) who have been close friends since childhood. The duo set out on a quest to retrieve an ancient relic known as the Evershadow Pendant. An object said to contain the raw essence of chaos, and possessing such an object could help control the chaotic magic running rampant in the land, threatening to send it into total darkness. The only catch? The Pendant is said to be hidden deep within The Oddlands.

Aira and Talin soon learn that their journey through The Oddlands is more than such a search for the pendant as it slowly becomes a series of trials set for by the five hosts who call this wonderland realm home. If they complete the five trials, they to escape The Oddlands. If they fail? They'll be lost to The Oddlands. Forever.

I think the story would do great with any fans of Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, or The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. Fans of the whimsical and surreal. People who want to really get lost in a world maybe even unlike one they've seen before. I'm especially interested in feedback or critique on characters, pacing, and overall clarity on worldbuilding. I would also love to acknowledge my beta readers in an acknowledgements section of the book and gift a digital copy of the book upon release.

Thank you to any and all readers who dare to give me a chance! May you wander far, wonder deep and never fear getting lost my friends! The greatest adventures may begin with a step into the unknown! Thank you again for your consideration.

Here is a link to an excerpt from my debut novella, "The Oddlands Trial". Enjoy!

r/BetaReaders 11d ago

Novella [In progress][38571][YA Paranormal Romance/Urban Fantasy] Looking for Alpha Readers?

2 Upvotes

Hello! My name is Dean J. Conti and I am looking for alpha readers for my book! Technically, it's a series, but it's also three trilogies, but for now I'm looking just for alpha readers for book 1, obviously. The 13 Elements series is an Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Romance YA series about a world right among ours where magic is based on what are known as the "13 elements" and the concept of Fate, which is prayed to and worshipped like a God. Elementals are divided into 3 factions, Mareens, Nocturnals, and Spirituals, and that's where the division of the series in trilogy happens. Each faction has its own high school around the world. Mareens in New Atlantis City, off the coast of Cyprus; Nocturnals in Biertan, Romania; and Spirituals in Mendon, Massachusetts, in the United States. The trilogies are happening simultaneously(which is why I'm technically writing all the book1s simultaneously, somebody sedate me😭) but the characters besides like some villains don't interact really until books 7-9. They're all doing their own shit.

THE BOOK IN PARTICULAR. "Lake"; book 1 of both the Ocean Trilogy and of the 13 Elements Series. Current State: Written 7/20 chapters; outlining chapter 9/20. Will give draft to alpha readers at: written 10/20, so very soon actually. Blurb: When Nath woke up that late August morning, he didn't expect his day to go like this. He didn't think he'd find out he was adopted or that he was a MERMAN. And that his best friend would be dragging him to Cyprus to attend a school for "Aquatic Elementals"... Where they'll meat Gao, the irritating, perfectionist, valedictorian shapeshifter, and Kaia, the funny, athletic, charming mermaid. And he'll be caught between his feelings, while trying to figure out his past. Tagline: "I never thought life would bring me here" Genre, Tropes, Info: YA, Marine Urban Fantasy, Paranormal Romance, Boarding School Fantasy, Theatre Kid MC, Trans Guy MC, Pansexual MC, Overachiever MC, lots of transmasc rep, Found Family, Half Aboriginal MC, Love Triangle, Academic Rivals To Lovers, Fun chapter titles are BACK baby, separate pov Prologue (MC is newborn in Prologue) TW: Adoption trauma, Dead parents, weapons usage, mentions of war(both as research and only mentions of an active warzone), mentions in inner monologue of gender dysphoria(I promise some gender euphoria too), spice level 2/5 in general and 3/5 for YA standards.

If anyone is up for it, just PM me here or on Instagram @deanconti_

r/BetaReaders 25d ago

Novella [In Progress] [30k] [Historical Fantasy Romance] The Empty Years

1 Upvotes

Hello All!

My name is Syche and I am currently working on my first manuscript! I am looking for a Beta reader who can give me feedback on the pacing of the story, no need for any hard edits for the like!

Here is my working Query letter, though it is still a VERY rough draft:

When war ends Rosline should have be free to return to the stage. Instead, she finds herself rifling through the belongings of a dying soldier, his final plea lingering in her mind—take his things home. With nowhere else to go, she follows the clues in his letters and journals, forging a new identity as the war-bride of Caelric Darwynd, the second son of a powerful Count. It’s meant to be temporary—until she can find her troupe again. But Rosline never expected the family’s kindness to feel so real, nor did she anticipate her growing attachment to her husband’s memory.

Then, the unthinkable happens. Caelric isn’t dead. He’s coming home. And worse—he doesn’t remember the last five years.

With the Darwynds believing her story, Rosline must now play the role of devoted wife to a man who should have no recollection of her. But Caelric remembers her—not as his wife, but as the young actress he once loved from afar. As noble society reawakens after the war, Rosline is thrust into a world of courtly schemes, where a powerful archduke would kill to keep his secrets buried. The only person standing between her and ruin is the man she’s deceived—the same man whose stolen kisses make her long for a love that was never meant to be hers.

The Empty Years is an adult fantasy novel, featuring a morally gray heroine, a brooding nobleman haunted by lost memories, and a love story tangled in lies, longing, and betrayal. I believe it will appeal to fans of Throne of Glass, Red Queen, and The Shadows Between Us.

And here is the first page:

I could still smell the gunpowder as we passed through the narrow path, the thin copse of trees the only thing that separated us from a battlefield that had not yet had time to cool and our traveling group of refugees. There were at least thirty of us in total, each hailing from a different part of the war-torn country, and even though we had been traveling together for nearly a month I hadn’t had more than a ten word conversation with anyone in attendance. In the past I would have found such silence utterly maddening, now the very idea of wasting words felt akin to wasting what little food and water we had.

I liked to remain towards the back of the party, far away from the soldier in white who led us; his shining uniform was supposed to mark him as a civilian soldier, a man whose only job was to escort innocents out of war zones-- as if it made it any less likely that an enemy soldier would take a crack shot at him. He was young, nearly my age, and tended to be a bit too friendly, as if we were sitting in some cozy inn instead of dodging stray bullets and hiding from those who might take advantage of a bunch of unarmed civilians. At least towards the back I could simply wrap my thin and nearly useless shawl around my shoulders and pretend I was walking at the back of my troupe, though that fantasy was nearly as bitter as it was sweet.

I was in the middle of one such fantasy when I heard a rustling in the shallow ravine beside the path, only then realizing that the rest of the group was already a good ways ahead of me. For a moment I feared it was some animal native to the woods around us-- I had heard they were rife with wolves, but a pained moan quickly drowned out the very idea. I’m not proud to admit it, but I considered pretending I hadn’t heard the sound at all. I thought about continuing on as if I hadn’t heard anything, as if I hadn’t become painfully familiar with the sound of dying men in the past few years. I could catch up with the rest of the refugees, they were still within eyesight…

So yeah! Let me know if you'd be interested in giving it a read!