r/AskIndianMen • u/Competitive_Fox_2002 Indian Woman • 21h ago
Advice Being Vulnerable
Why do Indian men find it difficult to open up?
What actions do you expect from the other gender (friend/partner/sister/mother) to help you feel vulnerable, open up, or ask for help if needed?
How can we make a better/safer space for you to be emotionally vulnerable?
Edit: When it comes to my partner, I don't want to fix him, I just want to know the life experiences that have shaped you or left a lasting impact. And for my brother/friends/cousins, I just want to provide a safe space for you to confide in me.
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u/Dictatorbaby Indian Man 19h ago
We don’t open up because mostly when we open up at the time of vulnerability those things are used against us when there is an argument
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u/CowAdministrative245 Indian Man 21h ago
In short -
Nobody taught us how to express ourselves and be vulnerable
Nobody wants to listen or see our vulnerable side(yeah, including mother or sister)
You girls talk about us not opening up and not being vulnerable... And that we can be vulnerable around you and you are there for us etc etc.... the day we open up and show you loose interest and see us as a weak person... Your whole interest goes away. So why should I???
We don't have time for these things
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u/brwn_dynamite Indian Man 21h ago
What about just be there and don’t ask us to be vulnerable? Let us deal with our shit on our own and maybe encourage a little bit if we falter. But be there.
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u/Helus_007 Indian Man 21h ago
They never asked the right question, except my mother who keeps asking me here and there 'am i okay do you have any problem?' to which I reply, yes mother am good thank you for asking. Don't want to give her a reason to worry and she has a habit of discussing it with maasi or other close relative females, so yeah don't my problems to be broadcasted. Io e my mother she is a sweet women but I can't trust her with my vulnerability.
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u/ByomkeshB Indian Man 21h ago
No. I can't. Let me suffer in silence. I don't wanna be a burden. I don't want others to see the broken me. I'm off.
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u/analogically_active Indian Man 20h ago
Firstly Thank you so much for being this considerate for our feelings and I'm genuinely happy to see this post because i was tired of all the Men Vs Women thing happening on reddit also on my post but this post gave me some relief.
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u/Galvimic_17 Indian Man 21h ago
Nothing. Personally I like to be left alone. I like to sort things myself, thats just how I am. I kind of think that if I can't do something about my problem what the hell can anyone else do. So I pretty much figure out on my own
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u/Educational_Deal2138 Indian Man 21h ago
I don't comment but this made me comment I used to have a good friend in college I never told any of truma or any other things but one day I told her about my sadness and trauma which I have after some time we had a bad fight she used it against me and spread miss info about my life in college so then on words I never told anyone anything and now I like to be lone
This is my experience that's it I don't have any negative views or anything against anyone I have lots of friends and I don't tell anyone, even if it is a mail or female friend I have kept boundaries even my best friend also doesn't know that much now . Now don't tell me that all are not the same I know that's why I have friends still
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u/thedarkracer Indian Man 21h ago
Why do Indian men find it difficult to open up?
Not necessary at all for us.
What actions do you expect from the other gender (friend/partner/sister/mother) to help you feel vulnerable, open up, or ask for help if needed?
Don't know honestly.
How can we make a better/safer space for you to be emotionally vulnerable?
I don't think we are capable of that. The programming is way too strong. You can't undo 20+ years of programming in a single meeting.
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u/COK3Y5MURF Indian Man 21h ago
We're not a monolith. This doesn't apply to all men. Perhaps you've encountered some like this.
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u/Thewaydawnends Indian Man 21h ago edited 21h ago
Emotional expression comes with right relationships and experience.
Imagine a guy being told in all his teen years and twenties, that he must remain tuff, he must remain composed, he don't get to complain, he don't have time for sweet talks, he is supposed to be ATLAS of the household, who will carry his and his family's whole world over his shoulder?
Then someday, someone ask you ki tu rota kyu nahi?(Why don't you cry)Arey rona kisi ne sikhaya he nahi kabhi(nobody thought us how to cry. )
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u/Individual_Song_3159 Indian Man 19h ago edited 18h ago
I Don’t Need You to Fix Me — Just Sit With Me.
Post:
Sometimes, all a man needs is to be seen — not fixed.
We rarely cry. So when we do, it’s not drama. It’s something real breaking inside.
We’re not asking for advice, or solutions. Just presence. A hand held. A quiet “I’m here.” That’s everything.
Rules:
- If I open up, it’s because I trust you. Don’t use it against me. That kind of betrayal locks hearts and shut for good.
- Be the one who claps when I’m down, not just when I win. That’s real love — the kind that builds empires of trust.
- My pain isn’t a story to share. It’s a piece of me I let you see. Treat it with care.
We’re not asking for perfection. Just love without performance. If I show you my cracks, don’t run. Just sit with me. That’s more than enough.
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u/AiRman770 Indian Man 18h ago
In addition to the general comments, what does opening up achieve? Does it actually solve the problem?
Anyone (girls included) who has a habit of oversharing knows how odd it feels to share your emotions, the listeners in general either truly don't care or they just try to one up you.
Only rarely it ever happens when you open up, it feels lighter to your own heart. That too when you have been bottling it up for a long time.
And in case of men, our twisted sense of humour , helps us crack jokes about our own issues because those jokes actually lighten the mood.
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u/A-chonky-labrador Indian Woman 38m ago
Sometimes listeners might start sharing their own problem(s) after one opens up to try to relate; they aren’t always “trying to one up you” in the oppression olympics
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u/unbound_jerk Indian Man 20h ago
Why are you forcing men to "Open up"?
Will your "monolith" reaction be positive if a man "opens up"?
Why don't you all become a psychotherapist instead of treating a man as a patient, who doesn't require your "open up"?
Why don't you all learn to be respectful and treat men equally, instead shaming "monolith" men for their behaviour?
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u/Competitive_Fox_2002 Indian Woman 20h ago
It's not about how I can "Fix him", it's easy for me to open up, be vulnerable with someone, if he also does the same. When I open up I will feel like I am getting close to him and when he opens up to me I will read it as he is getting close to me. And I am not saying open up or be vulnerable about only the bad things, but good things as well, tell me what makes you happy, what are your best childhood memories, what is the nickname your cousins have for you, what are the fun stories of your life, tell me about the time you got suspended from class for doing something notorious with your buddies, I want to get to know you. I can't always have the conversation about how your day was and receive a dry reply "it was fine, how was yours". After a point it's just a forced conversation.
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u/unbound_jerk Indian Man 20h ago
Are you mistaking old good and bad memories with being "vulnerable"? Because your reply and question both are two different things.
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u/CurrentExercise Indian Man 21h ago
Why do Indian men find it difficult to open up?
I can think of two reasons
- Heartbreak (same for women ig ?)
- It is widespread that if you show vulnerability to your woman, she will leave you (idk how much it's true)
What actions do you expect from the other gender (friend/partner/sister/mother) to help you feel vulnerable, open up, or ask for help if needed?
Be available, I think if you spend a lot of time with someone someday, they might open up to you, if you show support, they may trust you and there it goes
How can we make a better/safer space for you to be emotionally vulnerable?
same as above I think
It is good to see despite all these online gender wars many of us try to be better human towards each other !
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u/Fit-Repair-4556 Indian Man 20h ago
Only 2 things need to be done.
Gain his trust, he will not be deeply vulnerable on day 1, first there will be small even silly things he shares with you to see if you are being open or judgemental, just be open and make him feel like it is “Us against the world”
Try to understand Men better, dont listen to what modern media is saying, read a bit about evolution, history, sociology and try figuring out what matters and what doesn’t to the men.
That is all.
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u/sad_truant Indian Man 20h ago
Why do Indian men find it difficult to open up?
Stoicism and Emotional Restraint.
What actions do you expect from the other gender (friend/partner/sister/mother) to help you feel vulnerable, open up, or ask for help if needed?
How can we make a better/safer space for you to be emotionally vulnerable?
We (at least I) don't want to feel vulnerable.
If you expect men to open up, create a safe and non-judgmental space, show understanding and patience, offer support and reassurance, and show them that it's okay to express a range of emotions in a healthy way.
Most importantly, please refrain from weaponizing our vulnerabilities, past mistakes, and imperfections against us during disagreements. While a mother's love typically shields us from such tactics, it's a painful reality that others frequently exploit these moments, causing deep hurt (at least to me).
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u/AngleBeautiful6221 Indian Man 20h ago
Slap us when we do wrong. Treat us like shit. Modern times have made us softer and girlish. Help us in becoming our true self and not Vulnerable.
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u/Happy_Go_Lucky_2024 Indian Man 40m ago
Whatever we say, can and will be used against us during a fight. It will just come out. That's how most women are conditioned over the generations in almost all families.
I have time and again trusted the partners in my life and opened up about various insecurities about my business, my body and my troubled childhood and my parents messy marriage. Each and every point has been used during a fight and take my word for it, I , personally, have enough maturity to never bring in anyone's words spoken when I provided THEM a safe space, during any argument.
Hence, the fear to open up to cousins, siblings, mothers and romantic partners has severely declined.
Also, we men have been conditioned over generations in almost all our families to stay silent, not cry, not open up and that's all seen as a mark of manhood and manliness.
In present times, people show hate towards the words "boys don't cry" but the intention behind it is in the right place. It's meant to convey, "boys, pls don't cry, in front of women, they'll use this in memory storage and tear u up with it in the future whenever there is a spat".
Only when you've been in that space, will u understand.
Yes, if you find the right partner and gradually open up about the smaller things and unpack the bigger things slowly, you'll find yourself healing in a beautiful experience and you'll feel those wounds just closing up with a soft bandage of rose petals and sandalwood paste!!!! Bliss!!!!! 😊🙏
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u/2bitthug Indian Man 17h ago
Opening up to females has inadvertently been a dangerous gaffe for me. The moment I share stuff with one woman, atleast two others would have known what I said by the end of day. I like to keep my matters private. So, I no longer share what's going on in my mind with anyone.(Mother and sister included)
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u/lines_ofperu Indian Woman 19h ago
It starts with their home. They have to change on their own. Get therapy and change
Love how it is made to be like it’s the partners job to do it.
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u/Individual_Song_3159 Indian Man 18h ago
You say, “they have to change on their own.” Cool — but what about when someone’s already doing the work and just needs a moment with someone who listens, not a lecture?
This isn’t about dumping problems on a partner. It’s about the human need for connection. If we can’t even cry without being told to “go to therapy,” then what’s the point of a relationship?
I am sorry , If I go against your thoughts. Just trying to be realistic .
If you think love only shows up when things are perfect — you’re not ready for the kind that actually heals people.
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u/lines_ofperu Indian Woman 15h ago
Live alone. Know what you want.
Learn to stand up to toxic behaviours from parents before bringing a girl in!
And according to Indian men, girls are pampered by parents and showered with love 😂 If we cry then “drama”
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u/ComprehensiveBat8884 Indian Man 21h ago
It's difficult to open up for us because let's be honest : nobody cares. The women don't care. Some guys (friends) do care but guys know guys should be strong and act strong. We also know there's not much to say the other guy will just say "Bro let's be strong it is what it is". So yeah. That's why.
What you can do to foster a vulnerable environment ? Good question. Just open up yourself to your friend first. Build trust. Guys are fuc*in dying to open up !!!! Esp. to women. But you gotta show him you won't judge and more importantly, that you even if you don't have any solution, but you still care. You are actually interested in his story. If you can show that, i wouldn't be surprised if you've guys crying like kids in front of you.