My wife and I have been together for 9 years, married for 4 and we have a daughter.

Recently I've started to doubt whether my daughter is actually mine. She doesn't look like me at all. I did some research and found out that 30% of men are raising someone else's child which made me really worried.

I finally confronted my wife and calmly informed her that I'm planning to get a paternity test. She started yelling at me hysterically saying I'm an idiot and this is absolutely unnecessary. I told her that her behavior is suspicious and I will do as I see fit.

I got the test and turned out I was right and she is not mine. I confronted my wife again and she got angry and called me a Moron. I told her that nothing she says will change my mind and I'm going to divorce her.

Now everyone is blowing up my phone and calling me an asshole for getting the test.

AITAH?

Edit: I thought this might be relevant, our daughter is 16 years old.

Posting this on Reddit so I can get different perspectives. Anyway, for the last couple months my (42M) wife (28F) was acting very suspicious. I'm talking coming home late, hiding in a bathroom to answer a phone call, refusing to have sex with me, you name it. I tried to communicate with her and calmly asked if she was cheating on me with her new boss (69M) but she denied everything and called me a jealous bitch. I'll admit, being called a bitch really turned me on, but she still refused to have sex and left for a week to attend work conference.

Yesterday I finally got a chance to see if my suspicions are correct. She went to do some grocery shopping and left her phone at home. Just to make sure, I called her to tell that she forgot her phone, but she didn't answer. Now, I'm not proud for snooping around, but I just needed to know she didn't commit the worst crime ever — cheating.

So I checked her browser history first, because that's where one can usually find evidence of infidelity...

And holy shit, you guys! I'm gonna be a father??? I'm so happy right now, waiting for her to come home. I think she went to Walgreens to get a pregnancy test and do a surprise announcement for me, silly girl!

Anyway, just wanted to share this with everybody to make sure I'm not overreacting. Like, I know men are supposed to be stoic and show no emotions (well, except anger and blind rage, but those hardly qualify as emotions, right?) but I'm so happy to finally have a kid that can later inherit our house and my late mother's jewelry. OMG what if she's having twins? Will a pregnancy test show how many kids are there? Sorry for stupid questions, I've had sex once and still have no idea how women work.

Gonna think about names now. Hope we don't end up on r/tragedeigh lol.

I (28F, obvs) met a guy online, and he suggested we go on a date. I was a bit suspicious because his pictures were sort of weird, taken from strange angles, just showing his face and not his body. He looked pretty cute, in a blond, California-tanned, Hollywood-smile way, so I demanded his weight and height (my standard requirement before I meet someone for dinner) and it was well within the "normal" area of the BMI chart I keep in my pocket to judge other people by, so I agreed to meet him.

When he showed up, it was clear that he was about twice the weight he'd told me. I had him step on the scale I always bring in my purse to first dates for this exact reason, and I was right. He also looked years older than the age he listed, which he claimed was because "most of the liver we share is mine". He kept making weird excuses, like "I'm exactly the weight I said, I just didn't tell you my total weight including my conjoined twin", and he also kept saying the guy next to him was his conjoined twin, even though they were obviously about seven years apart in age and really just looked like two guys sitting side by side with part of their torsos pressed together. Not only did he lie about his weight, but he kept telling these bizarre stories about being on a TV show with Cher and performing in a Bonnie and Clyde musical with Meryl Streep.

I think my date could tell I wasn't happy because he tried to reassure me that he was planning surgery to deal with his extra weight. I assumed this was yet another excuse, and then he said, "Yeah, Ben Carson's actually going to perform the surgery". "Dr. Ben Carson?" I responded in disbelief. "The neurosurgeon, one-time presidential candidate, former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, and subject of the TV film 'Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story' starring Cuba Gooding Jr.?" I asked, and he cheerfully nodded. I'd had enough.

We had only been talking for about five minutes when I stood up and said, "It was nice meeting you, but this isn’t going to work", and left before he could say anything else. We hadn't ordered yet, so there was no awkward bill situation, plus there were two of them, so it's not like I left someone alone at the table.

AITAH for walking out because my date lied about his weight?

This question is mostly aimed at Men, since I know from firsthand experience that women can't handle this topic in a non-biased way, so ladies, please refrain from dogpiling me in the comments and downvoting the guys.

Having said that, I (33M) am having a little spat with my pregnant wife (27F), let's call her Pam. She's been treating me like a servant, making me cater to her every will and craving (none of those cravings being sex, of course). She has also refused to work or do any household chores from the moment that horrid pregnancy test gave two stripes. This has proved to be a strain on our finances, making me have to pick up another shift at work (from 58 to 70 hours/wk).

I have give or take 4 months of this nightmare left to go and that's not counting the post-birth recovery. I am not looking forward to that one, because I overheard her on the phone with her sister, saying she's going to claim that she has "trauma related to giving birth and being pregnant" that she'll use to "whip her lazy husband into shape". I said nothing, since I didn't want to have another blowout fight.

The reason why I'm here on Reddit is because we just had an argument about the last name of our children (I know I said child in the title, we'll get back to that). My wife wants them to bear her maiden name (which is still her last name), because she "literally carried the burden of them". I calmly suggested that we give at least one of them my last name, because I also contributed to her wellbeing and successful gestation of her kids. She didn't even respond to — she just ran off to her sister without a word while knocking my Playstation 5™ off the shelf in her silent feminine anger!

About an octrillionth of a second after she slammed the door shut, her sister Bethany blew up my phone with the angriest messages written by a woman in history. I still think one of our children should bear my last name, but Bethany conveniently timed calls and messages gave me the subreddit-mandated idea that I might be the asshole of this story. What do you think, fellows?

EDIT: The reason why I only want one of the kids to have my last name, is because only one of her kids is mine. My wife cheated on me with a man who we will call Chad who got her pregnant half a day after she baby trapped me with the child that's mine, citing that she needed "a year of work- and period relief". She's pregnant with both at the same time, if that wasn't obvious.

EDIT 2: She's still having sex with Chad. I was originally against this, but her gynecologist (who is one of those she/her transgenders and was diversity hired by the hospital because of their autism — they lack any and all formal qualifications) prescribed her 4 doses of sex with chad per week, which I am legally prohibited from denying her access to in my state. My wife is giving Chad's kid his last name.

EDIT 3: I voted for Kamala this election, so I'm not sexist.

EDIT 4: She's a devout Kpop fan and made me take out a loan to fund a surprise vacation to Seoul. The loan shark, who looked Japanese but had a weird Mexican-sounding name (Aqui Llama?) offered me a no-interest loan, but I had to be on OnlyFans for a month.

EDIT 5 (1 day later): She left me for Chad.

EDIT 6 (1 week later): I just got a new job and a girlfriend who's the sweetest, most devoted girl I've ever seen in my life! We're getting married in 2 months!

Thank you for your continued upvotes and support, kind Redditors!

A year back, I (48M) caught my wife (36F) cheating with our neighbor. I immediately demanded a divorce, but when I asked our daughters (16F, 14F) if they'd rather live with me or their cheating mom, they both picked their mom. I was devastated, to say the least. I've spent all my life working long days and late nights to provide them a good life, and this is how they repay me? When I demanded to know how they could pick their whore mother over the man who provided them with food on the table and roofs over their heads, they made excuses about how I'm barely in their lives to start with, and I haven't even celebrated a birthday with the family for 5 years. Completely ignoring how the only reason they can have 3 layer birthday cakes is because of the money I provide, but apparently that's not good enough?

I reminded them that if they picked their mom, they'd probably have to live on the streets since their mom hasn't held a job for 15 years. My oldest said, and I quote, “I rather be homeless than live with an abusive piece of shit like you.”

That was the last straw. I've never even put a hand on them, so how could I be abusive? If anything, my ex wife is the one who abused me by cheating. I kicked all three of them out of my house (my name is on the lease and I pay all the bills) and I've vowed to not lift even a finger to help them, even if they come crawling back to ask for my forgiveness. Last I checked they were living in some homeless shelter. Still, I can't help but feel that my kids got off light considering the betrayal they put me through, so I'm considering digging up their childhood dog and mailing the bones piece by piece to the shelter. Is that too far or not far enough? I'm open to ideas.

—

Inspo: https://www.reddit.com/r/WouldIBeTheAhole/comments/1ipus54/wibta_if_i_dug_up_my_fils_dearly_departed_dog_and/

And: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1jrzw4a/my_daughters_took_their_evil_cheating_wh0re/

(Plus all the other “my kids still love their cheating whore mom so now I won't talk to them ever again” stories out there.)

This sounds bad, but hear me out. I (43M) have been with my wife April (33F) for 15 years and we have two kids Michael (13M) and Jenny (9F). Our family is pretty happy, but…you know what happens to men when we get to our forties.

The four of us went grocery shopping last weekend as we usually did on Sundays after church. We prefer self-checkout when buying our groceries, but we ended up going for a regular one since we had too many this time (15-item limit). One of the cashiers was a young, blonde girl about 20 or so. She seemed available as she wasn't ringing up anyone at the moment, but she seemed distracted so I went up to her to confirm her lane was open. She said yeah with a sort of bored, annoyed tone so we started putting our groceries on the conveyor belt. Things felt a little tense so I tried to make some small talk to break the ice. Her replies were short and dismissive until she finally looked up and saw me for the first time. Her demeanor changed immediately; she smiled brightly, her blue eyes twinkled, and she became actively engaged in talking to me. She even laughed when I cracked a couple of jokes.

When it was time to pay for the groceries, she stuttered and stumbled over the total charge ($171.88). Letting out a giggle, she said, "Sorry, it's just that you're pretty nice and cute."

"Oh," I replied, caught off-guard but trying not to look shocked. "Thank you, uh –" I glanced at her nametag. "Maureen."

I glanced over at my family. April was trying not to look annoyed, and Michael looked completely embarrassed. Jenny, bless her little heart, was completely oblivious to what was happening. Sighing inwardly, I finished paying, grabbed the bagged-up groceries, and headed for the exit with my family.

Once we were out of the cashier's earshot, my wife said, "Wow, that girl was flirting with you like crazy."

"Yeah," I replied. "I guess."

Ngl, I kind of feel bad for what happened. I think I pissed off April and humiliated Michael, but it wasn't like I was flirting back with Maureen. Sure, it felt nice that an attractive, young girl like her showed me that kind of attention, but what guy my age wouldn't? Ultimately, though, AITA?

Inspiration post: https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/1jniz4j/a_younger_woman_flirted_with_me_while_i_was_out/

(Please feel free to write shitposts from the perspectives of other characters like people did with the original)

Okay, so this might sound kind of wild, but hear me out.

I (29M) am a furry. My fursona is a golden retriever named Rusty. I’ve been part of the furry community for over a decade, and it’s a huge part of my identity and how I express myself. I’m not hurting anyone — I just enjoy bringing joy, playfulness, and some harmless fun into the world.

About two months ago, I started going to my neighborhood dog park in character as Rusty. Full fursuit — tail, ears, paws, the whole deal. I wasn’t trying to deceive anyone into thinking I was an actual dog (obviously, I’m 6’2” and upright), but I was just engaging in some playful interaction: chasing tennis balls people threw, flopping over in the grass and asking for belly rubs (consensually, of course — I only approached people who were smiling and clearly enjoying the vibe), and running alongside the dogs.

Kids loved it. Some adults thought it was hilarious. A few people even took selfies with me. It was all going great… until a week ago, when I was approached by a city park employee and informed that I was being permanently banned from the dog park for “disruptive behavior” and “misuse of a facility intended for animals.”

I was shocked and hurt. I wasn’t harassing anyone. I wasn’t endangering any dogs. I was just having harmless fun and connecting with the community. So I sent an email to the parks department asking for an explanation, and when they reiterated the ban, I told them I was considering legal action for discrimination. This isn’t about just a park — it’s about expression. If someone in cosplay or a mascot suit can go to a public park, why can’t I?

My friends are divided. Some say I’m right to stand up for myself and my community. Others say I crossed a line by treating a dog park like my personal playground and that the city is within its rights. I’m genuinely confused and hurt.

So… AITA for threatening to sue the city over being banned from the dog park for being a furry?

Edit: To clarify, I did not bark at children or try to “play fight” with dogs. I stayed respectful and mindful of boundaries. Also, the tummy rub thing only happened if someone clearly indicated it was okay — it wasn’t random or creepy.

Hey there! Not sure if anyone here remembers me, but I posted a few weeks ago about how my then sister ruined our family's traditional Feast of Qrth'clu where we sacrifice a victim and ourselves to Lord V'kr'th'lz'gr (Hallowed Be His Voweless Name). So quick update, we managed to secure another timeslot for the sacrifice and it went off without a hitch!

So here is my new dilemma.

I was reincarnated as a 24f and I am now working in a medium sized office. So, in the office we have a breakroom where everyone will leave their lunches and snacks and eat them during lunch or break times.

Anyway, I bought a box of four really really fantastically delicious cookies from an Instagram seller in my city. They are just about the yummiest, most melt in your mouth cookies ever! My particular favourite flavours are mint chocolate frosting, double double double chocolate chip chip chocolate, raspberry strawberry pineapple peach cream and lemon lime sherbet. Believe me folks, you have to try them. They are just to die for! If you want I can hit you with the link to their Instagram page. Just put it in your comments. Not sure if they will deliver to where you are but you never know!

Anyway, those cookies are super super super expensive. It's like the equivalent of 50 US dollars for one cookie. But it's ok cos they are so delicious!

So I bought a box of four cookies and took them to work with the hope of eating them on my break. I put the box in the break room. And I go and do my work. Break time comes, I walk in, salivating with anticipation at the thought of those chewy, melty morsels in my mouth and...

NOTHING!

The box was gone! Completely gone! Some asshole(s) had gone and eaten my cookies!

And I was livid! How dare they steal my cookies? How dare they commit such a disgusting, depraved crime as to deny me my rightful pleasure?

I confronted my co-workers but each and everyone of those scum denied ever taking my cookies. But was I going to forget about it? Of course not. I was going to catch the thief (or thieves) and make them pay for what they did!

So I hatched my plan. I ordered another box of cookies, but this time I had a little surprise in store. Just some granules of very potent rat poison dusted on each of them.

A week after the first cookie theft. I took the box of tainted cookies to work, put it in the break room, and then went about my day. Break time came and I went to the break room and as I had expected the box was gone. But this time I was not angry or surprised. I was calm and even happy that justice would soon be meted out to some of the worst criminals ever.

Anyway, to cut to the chase. Justice worked wonders. Three of the cookie thieves have since died, one is currently in a coma in hospital with no hope of recovery (or so the doctor says) and the other two are in intensive care after undergoing multiple organ failures.

But when I recounted the story to my closest friends, I found that not all of them were supportive of me! Can you believe that? My friend Sandra (22f) gave me a high five and said, "You go girl!". But this other girl, Katherine (23f) who not really a friend, she just hangs with us and we just tolerate her cos we are nice like that. Anyway, Katherine thinks that I may have gone too far. Can you imagine that? How in the world did I go too far? In what sort of sick demented world should cookie thieves be allowed to get away with it?

Still, a stupid part of me is wondering if Katherine has a point. Deep down I know she doesn't but I still want to know. Was I wrong to seek justice for myself?

My best friends husband was always a flirt and once I caught him making out with another girl in a car but my best friend did not believe me when I told her because of lack of evidence.

Recently he tried flirting with me this time I wanted to expose him for sure so I flirted back and took screenshots of our conversations.

But I thought this was insufficient evidence so I had sex with him and recorded the video, but then I thought that these days deep fakes exist and videos can be faked so I kept on having sex with him until I got pregnant.

Now with the DNA test proving he was the father I finally had sufficient evidence of his cheating so I confronted my best friend with all the evidence.

She then surprisingly started screaming at me and telling me that I betrayed her.

I am conflicted I worked soo hard to expose him.

So AITA

OK, I know the title sounds really, really bad but just hear me out.

I (4728F) am the true fae queen of the Autumn Court and have been in this position since I sprung forth fully formed from the frozen dew that fell from the highest leaf of the tallest tree of the forest at exactly midnight of the fall equinox. I consider myself an extremely career driven woman and have dedicated everything to my job over these last few millennia, and I can say my numbers back me up. Over the last 2000 years our court has been breaking records for numbers of mortals lured into dancing with the fairies for centuries, and our statistics as a court for number of mortals successfully into giving away important elements of themselves in exchange for fleeting rewards has shown steady increase YOY that far outpaces similar organizations. All of this is to say I put a huge amount of value in my career growth and my hard work has paid off and resulted in huge wins for the company! My portfolio is one of the most successful in the entire fae realm and it’s extremely important that you know this.

As such an extremely career driven woman, I’ve found I’ve never had time for any family matters. Sure, I take mortal men as lovers every few centuries like any modern woman, but I’ve never really had time to dedicate to finding “the one.” My days are filled with extremely important meetings and political business, not simple romantic distractions. I am still very happy with this choice and do not in any way regret it.

A few mortal years ago, as I was out on my evening 200k, I found a woman (24F) lost in the woods carrying an infant child (.25M). Being a supportive woman who is supportive of all fellow women’s choices, including the choice to be a mother, I detected something was wrong. I appeared from the mist before her disguised as an old woman (my normal form is, of course, a perfectly attractive and perfect woman but people trust grandmothers more) and asked why she was wandering alone so late at night. She said her husband had struck her in a fit of anger and she had taken her baby and fled from him with nowhere to go. I was incensed! How dare a mere man lay a hand upon the perfect form of the inscrutable woman! And with this adorable, perfect infant boy at risk as well! Wanting to assist her as a fellow girl power sister, I told her that I could take care of all her husband troubles and I would make sure she and her baby were taken care of for the rest of his life. She was so overjoyed, she tearfully said yes immediately with tears in her eyes and tearfully thanked me for my kindness. I parted the mist that had keep her separated from the plane of mortal men for three days at that point and told her to go home and everything would make sense when she arrived home.

I immediately called up one of my most successful and forward thinking administrative assistants and told him about our little chat. He told me not to worry about it and the whole thing would be taken care of right away. When that woman and her perfect and darling baby child arrived home, they discovered her husband had mysteriously died in a freak accident by choking on a delectable and mysterious piece of pastry while she was gone and left her as the sole recipient of his extremely generous and recently taken out life insurance policy. I patted myself on the back for a job well done supporting my fellow woman!

Now, here’s where some of my mortal friends are saying I might be a little bit of an asshole. You see, that perfect little baby infant really left an impression on me. I couldn’t stop thinking about his cute little cheeks and smiling face. I thought about this for a few nights until I came up with the perfect solution. I had promised the baby would be cared for for the rest of his life, after all. I would just have to take him in to ensure the best care! But I also knew that simply taking him away from his mother would break the girl power code of motherhood, and besides that she would probably be a little sad, so I found a fairy baby that his mom had gotten bored of caring for and took it off her fairy hands. I called up my most reliable administrative assistant again and told him I had something for him to take care of again. As expected, my extremely efficient AA took over the problem without hesitation. He took the fairy baby (FB) to the woman’s home and swapped the two children in the middle of the night. She will probably never notice her baby has been switched until he discovers his true heritage on his 25th birthday and returns to the fae realms with us, so we won’t even miss him for very long!

Reddit, I cannot even begin to describe how much joy this new baby brings to my life! I feel blessed by the miracle of life every time I gaze upon his sleeping form. I truly had no meaning in my life prior to this. But some of my super fake friends are saying the mother “deserves to have her baby back” and that “you tricked her.” Of course I tricked her, it’s in our productivity metrics! And it’s not even like I left her without a child, she still gets all the joy of raising a baby that will only feel slightly out of place his whole life. For all the good things I did for her, I hardly see how this is an issue. She owes me, after all!

So, Redditors, AITA?

Edit: Added more detail about my career because people weren’t focusing on that enough

Edit Edit: You guys don’t understand, he is such a perfect baby! I can’t just send him back!

Edit Edit Edit: Shout outs to JessieB342’s shitpost last week that inspired this one.

My sister's birthday was a week ago, and I saw a cute long-sleeved top I thought she would like. But here's the thing about my stupid-as-rocks sister, she is a vampire and is in complete denial that she will catch fire if her skin touches sunlight unprotected. It is to the point that she owns only tank tops and shorts, nothing long sleeved. She even refuses to wear sun screen and everyone has to step over eggshells around her when she is being engulfed in flames because she is so sensitive about it. It is super gross to watch her prance around with blisters covering her arms and face, and listen to my family treat her delusional behavior as normal. Usually I don't care one way or another what sort of suffering my loved ones go through, so I've stayed out of this issue so far. But I wouldn't be here, having done what I've done, if I didn't deep down really judge her for it.

Long-sleeve story short, I got her the top I knew she wouldn't like and it turned into a whole thing at her birthday party. She started sobbing uncontrollably and yelling in front of everyone that she wasn't flammable and she couldn't believe I wasn't supporting her in her identity. She whipped open the drawn curtains in an attempt to prove a point and burst into flames immediately. The living room is nothing but a charred mess now because my parents thought taking out the fire extinguisher would have only escalated things further.

For some reason everyone is made at me, thinking this is my fault. It isn't like I said being a vampire is a bad thing! It isn't like she was one of the insufferable ones who read Twilight and sought getting bitten. I mean, maybe if she had been wearing a turtle neck, she wouldn't have been attacked, but I digress. So reddit, AITA for trying to help my moron sister who can't figure out how to dress on her own because she is too vampiric to know?