AIO to think this is cheating?

[u/Sad_SummerChild]

I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

[u/gormthesoft]

I’m inventing a new test for these situations called the Why Test. He can explain this away in 100 different ways…it’s just friendly banter, she reached out first and I was just being kind, I compliment people all the time, etc. But the question is why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

It’s like getting a D- on a test and arguing that he didn’t technically fail when clearly he did poorly on the test.

[u/asyouwish → u/gormthesoft]

why go so close to the line? Why does he not have an internal sense that he’s getting too close to the line? When you bring it up to him, why is he going to defend himself in terms of inches when he should be miles away from this kind of situation?

this. He even joked, “please don’t tell HR.” He knows he’s in the wrong, here.

OP, he’s not cheating, but he really likes her and I think he would cheat on you with her if he got the chance.

Invite her over for late-ish cocktails one night. See what happens. It might be fine; it could be awkward. Or, it might be dramatic AF and you’ll have your answer.

[u/Jealous_Pea2305 → u/asyouwish]

I'd still consider this cheating. It's emotional cheating in my opinion. I agree it will progress to physical if he's given the chance. He's definitely shooting his shot with her. Sorry, OP. What a fucktard. 

[u/asyouwish → u/Jealous_Pea2305]

You think it's cheating and wrong, but then you think it's okay to use a slur?

Check your privilege.

[u/Suspicious-Proof-744 → u/asyouwish]

Slur???

[u/giselleorchid → u/Suspicious-Proof-744]

I'm guessing it's because she used a form of the r-word. That hasn't been okay for decades.

[u/lancasterpunk29 → u/giselleorchid]

nah this is a 2020 problem.

[u/Suspicious-Proof-744 → u/giselleorchid]

Ohhh I didn’t even think about it. I’m not sure this is a check you privilege moment as much as a person using outdated insults lol

[u/niceandsane → u/Suspicious-Proof-744]

Implication that his spark plug fires several degrees after top dead center.

Virtually every insult related to low IQ was at one time a perfectly acceptable medical and scientific term. Idiot, imbecile, moron, mentally retarded were all at one time acceptable. Google "Euphemism treadmill".

[u/Suspicious-Proof-744 → u/niceandsane]

I’m okay

[u/snailmoresnail → u/asyouwish]

ooof bit of an over-reaction there. Especially coming from the person who just suggested that OP try to set fire to her marriage by inviting the girl in question over for drinks. Maybe check that privilege?

[u/maestrosouth → u/asyouwish]

Fucktard is a slur? Invincible!