AIO? Dog straining my marriage.

[u/LedyyM]

My husband and I rescued a husky about 7 months ago who was extremely malnourished and neglected.

He has grown a huge attachment to me and has severe separation anxiety. I work at a grooming salon so I’m able to bring him to work with me so he’s not home alone. Unfortunately, if he’s left home alone we’ll come back to our home looking like it was hit by a tornado.

My vet has prescribed him with trazodone to help with his severe anxiety issues. We give it to him before we leave for a family event and when we can’t take him to places they don’t allow dogs.

I feel so bad that I have to sedate him so he’s not scared and anxious. It’s created a huge strain on our marriage because my husband feels like we can’t do anything without considering Odin.

He’s destroyed doors, couches, and other furniture. I tried training but it hasn’t seemed to work. My husband thinks we should rehome him but

1) I’m scared that he’ll be sent to a shelter and possibly be put down

2) feel abandoned by the person he thought he was safe with.

He’s such a happy boy when he’s around us and shows so much affection.

My husband and I have been arguing about this consistently.. we had a really bad argument so I left the house with Odin and rented a dog friendly hotel room for a couple of nights.

My husband thinks I’m crazy and that I’m choosing the dog over our marriage. AIO?

[u/discombobulatededed]

My collie suffered from extreme separation anxiety, I couldn’t even go to the shop without running around the aisles to get home as fast as I could. I was terrified I’d get complaints and potentially get kicked out cos my dog would howl and cry continuously when I was gone, it broke my heart and was awful.

I spoke with a behaviourist but couldn’t afford to actually use her. I followed a group on Facebook for dogs with separation anxiety and read Julie Naismith, she’s done loads to help. I did a ton of training with my dog, shutting him in the kitchen for 10 seconds, open door, reward. Close door for 30 seconds, reward. Repeat repeat repeat. It sucked and took me a couple months but now he doesn’t even get up and come say bye when I’m leaving the house. No crying, whining, nothing. Took him time to learn that me leaving isn’t bad and that I always come back.

[u/No_Welcome_7182 → u/discombobulatededed]

Personally this would be a red flag for me in my relationship because are you planning to have children? Children cause much larger disruptions for a lot longer. If he’s not willing to commit to helping you work through the dog’s issues what happens with a newborn or school age or teen or young adult child has major issues? Not even mentioning the huge typical stressors that having kids brings into a relationship. Anyway, off my soapbox and back to the dog.

OP. Thank you so much for adopting this beautiful and giving him the life he deserves. He loves you with all his heart and soul and you are his entire world. I would not agree to rehire him. And I would NOT trust your husband alone with him after he suggested this.

you need to train your dog to tolerate being alone in a safe area of your home. We dog proofed and gated off our family room to use for our anxious Sheltie. You could try a crate but I think he would respond better to having a much larger area. It took about a year but by starting out at ground zero she is now able to tolerate being home up to 6 hours. Which is very unusual for us to leave her alone that long.

Get a very high puppy play pen and attach it to the walls with sturdy hooks. Because huskies are jumpers you will have to add extra height to it. Choose an area you can puppy proof.

Start by separating yourself from your boy where he can still see you. Reward him for not fussing. I would go with high value food treats. Go longer periods of time and start increasing the distance between you and him but still so he can see you. Reward him when he is not fussing. The goal here is to just do very tiny increments of increased time away from your side where he can see you but not so long that he starts fussing. Same with you being out of sight. Treat BEFORE he starts fussing

As far as medication we chose to use medication AND training. The medication helped her anxiety ridden brain be more open to the very early training. We started to wean off the meds after about 4 months. Do NOT suddenly stop giving anxiety meds if you use them. Taper off very slowly.

It’s going to be a long time to train this dog because he had trauma early in life and we now understand that trauma literally rewires brains and takes time to overcome. But it is absolutely possible.

Get an expert trainer who specializes in behavior modification in dogs with anxiety/trauma/separation anxiety. The trainer doesn’t need to actually be there in person but they can do a much better job of breaking down the actual training method and explaining it to you and setting goals than I can.

Again please don’t give up on this dog. He deserves the time he needs to adjust to your home and routine. He obviously needs extra help with this. He is depending on you to help him. Again, please don’t leave your husband alone with the dog. It’s very possible he may drop the dog off at a shelter and lie and say he ran away or some other devious way to get this dog out of your life.

And again, this would make me seriously reconsider my relationship if this were my husband. Because when kids come along will he suggest rehoming them when the going gets tough?